Seeking Advice About 4 1/2 Yo Quitting Activities

You need to calm down, she is only 4, she isn't supposed to have great commitment to things at 4. Besides this is the time when you can change around the different activities she is doing to see what things she likes. If you think she does want to do gymnastics find a different program for the summer and see if one of her good friends wants to sign up for the class too. One of my neighbors pushed their daughter to do ice skating all the time and by the time she was 10 she hated it and wanted nothing to do with it. You could take a break this summer from the gymnastics and she will miss it if she really loves it. Really, I think you should offer her some different activities and let her try lots of different things. Try to find a good friend of hers to attend the classes with her...that makes things so much easier. Good luck, remember she is only 4.

Personally, I would trust what she is requesting. Just let her have the experience of quitting and what it feels like not to have gymnastics for awhile.

Both my girls pulled the same stunt at the same time of year the last 2 years...it is the weather. They wanted to stay and play outside or with their friends so suddenly they "hated" gymnastics, "hated" soccer, "hated" swimming. I told them that I know they want to play, it's hard when it gets nice out, but tough noogies--they made a committment and need to finish it out. Tell her she made a decision to do this thing, you are not letting her stay home or go home, she can choose to sit on the sidelines and cry and be miserable or suck it up and have fun. If she insists on going home tell her you'll take her but she will spend the time at home in her room sleeping because she obviously must be tired or else she wouldn't be this cranky. Don't try to reason with her or convince her--she's 4 it doesn't work. Just tell her this is how it is going to be. As soon as the session is over she won't need to go anymore.
It's a phase...I nutz out the first time my older daughter did it too. She was trying to manipulate me and so is your little athlete. Good luck!

She's four years old! I think your expectations of her are very inappropriate for her age. She has plenty of time to learn the old "finish what you start" routine. Kids need more free time to just live and not so much pressure to be in structured activities and team sports. What harm is it if she takes a break? Aren't these activities supposed to be fun? The fact that you are making such a big deal about it makes me wonder what investment you have in her doing these activities. Go join gymnastics yourself! (just kidding but you know what I'm getting at..)

it may be a phase, or it may be that she's just suddenly overwhelmed with doing all of it and the expectations. i agree with you-need-to-start-what-you-finish, but not at 4-5. this is an age where if we push them too hard they'll really just learn to hate anything we ask them to do, especially if the child is generally compliant. it sounds like your duaghter is really trying to tell you something - generally totally compliant, and suddenly won't do any of the things she used to "love" - and that you're trying to push her back into the things she's trying to talk to you about. why not stop going for a few weeks and wait for her to ask about going again (soccer and gymnastics, anyway)? what is it really going to hurt? spend some time with her at home instead. if she really has some natural talent for gymnastics, taking a few weeks or a year off isn't going to hurt her, just make her want it more.

I would first rule out physical problems and perhaps any issues with other teammates, teacher, etc. As someone who grew up as a ballet dancer, the physical demands and strict (sometimes mean) teachers were a lot to handle at a very early age. I did stick with it and danced until my mid 20's but it is not for everyone and can be mentally tough to take. Gymnastics is like this as well - takes a lot of discipline.

I think if she truly loves it she will choose to go back to it if she really wants to. If it is forced upon her she may never go back.

Ask her if she would like to take a break for now and try it again later in a few months. You can also try to ask her what she likes and doesn't like about soccer and gymnastics and if there's anything else you can do to help her.

Encouragement and a little pushing do help to keep her at it - but forcing does not.

Good Luck!!

You are in a tough spot. Let me just put in my two cents as an early childhood education teacher and mom of a child much like yours. Although we always want our kids to finish what they start, sometimes they are too young to realize how long that will take. I am not a proponent of pushing and forcing young ones to compete. Sometimes it simply isn't in their make-up, or isn't yet at least. If this is a short-term dilemna, I'd say pep talk her through a few more practices and see if she gets through it. If not, she's 4. She has her entire school life to be forced to do things she sometimes may not want to do. If the fight gets to be too much, let her have the summer off. I think our society has forgotten that sometimes kids just need to do nothing but run through sprinklers and catch fireflies all summer.

Good luck with your decision. Only you know your child, so go with your gut.

A.

Why not let her take the summer off? She's 4 1/2. I'd also rule out any physical problems. Maybe she sprained something and doesn't know how to tell you. There's obviously something going on with her, you'll figure it out eventually. I bet her biggest fear is disappointing you.

My 5 yr old is also in gymnastics twice a week. We know she loves it very much, but it is very physical and demanding. She wants to take the summer off so we're letting her. I don't see what the big deal is.

Maybe your kid just wants to relax and have fun without the pressure to perform. Kids need vacations too.

First I would find out if she has an injury anywhere or if at one of the activities a coach forced her to do something she wasn't ready for or if she is with kids that are older than her, she may be missing her peer group. Did something changed that no longer makes it fun?
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My daughter started hating gymnastics when a coach wanted her to do a full split and pressed on her head until she was there. My other was advanced to the older kids class and just wanted to be with her friends and be where they did the parachute at the end of class.

Make sure no has hurt her. She is not going through a growth spurt. Also sounds like a smart cooking knowing Dad can't be there and asking for him. So talk to her, find out why she doesn't want to do this anymore...pain/wants to do something else/peer issue. If there is not a good "excuse" my kids would have to finish the sessions out and then could quit. My rule is I don't care what sport they are in, they just have to be in one. I don't care what type of music they participate in they just have to choose something.

Barbara

This exact same thing happened to my friend's 5.5 year old about 6 months ago. She had been in gymastics (and very good at it) since she was 3. One day she starting crying and refusing to stay at the gym. My friend and her husband spoke to the staff at the gym but were told that no issues had arisen. Of course, they didn't force their daughter to go, but gave her a break for a few weeks and then introduced her to a new gym she had never been to before. She now loves gymnastics again. Perhaps a change is in order ...

Best of luck!

Hi! My name is C. Gary and i'm a pround wife/parent of three 15,13, and 10. I've went through the same thing with my kids. First of all you talk to her just to make sure everything is alright. With kids being so mean today someone could have said something to upsat her. As for the activities don't push her let her decide if that something she wants to do. However, never stop incouranging her. She will be alright kids go through thing like adult we just don't understand sometimes. Never force anything on your child.

She is so young. Let her quit for now, she sounds so overloaded, she probably does have a tummy ache from stress and making her go will not help. I would just let her find her way, she's too young to be dedicated to any one sport at this age. you can encourage her to choose things she likes to do, but I think that the preschool years should be just left for having fun, not organized activities, you have 14 more years to get her involved in those! i completely agree w/Angie when she said "I think our society has forgotten that sometimes kids just need to do nothing but run through sprinklers and catch fireflies all summer." Get her to do fun things at home as a family this summer, cherish that time w/her, too soon she'll want to be doing other group activities and then stuff w/o you around.

Something may have happened at one of these activities that hurt her deeply and therefore so it will not happen again does not want to do anything. Although she is only 4 1/2 years old try sitting down with her and in a none confrontational way talk to her about these events and why the change. If she does not seem to respond, if you have another relative that she is close with ask them to spend sometime with her and they could nonchalantly bring it up in a conversation. Sometimes if you sit and draw/color with your child and ask them do draw a picture of gymnastics or a time a preschool that opens the door to a conversation of something that may have happened. But again sometimes it children open up to a relative that they are not always around better that parent. I don't know why but they do.

S.

I am a mother of 6 children ages 10-21yrs.old. I will be brief, ask your daughter what's bothering her. Look closer into the situation. There may be more there than what meets the eye. Is she afraid of someone at these places? Has she been somewhere where she could have been miss handled in any way? Touched in a way that was not appropriate? Threatened in any way? I do not want to scare you just make you aware. I hope that she will be back to her normal self soon. From, wife of a state police officer. If you should need any advice you can reach me at www. ____@____.com.

I remember when I was in gymnastics at a VERY young age. I LOVED it, I was doing it anywhere I could. Then, they moved me up a level because I was not being challenged. Well, I attended two classes after the change and refused to come back. Well, what was happening in my mind was...I was at the top of my class before, being the helper and always being the person they would go to perform examples. When they moved me up, I was at the bottom, no longer the "star". I regret my refusal to go, but at the time, it was my ego that was hurt. I think that my mom taking me out was the right thing to do, but I wish she would have asked me if I wanted to go in later years. Maybe if she figured out why I was acting the way I was and was able to talk to me about it...I would have went back. In later years, when I was 20, I became an instuctor for awhile to reconnect with it.

Hmmm...I'll give my idea, but it's not out of experiece (although I do have a 4 1/2 yo daughter). I'd say follow her cues and let her take a break. There is so much value in free play (unstructured). If she's still uninterested when the next season comes around, let it go. If she does show interest, perhaps reiterate to her that these activities cost money and you expect her to stick with it at least for the duration of the season. Good luck!

Too often we don't really listen to our kids because we don't know how to read the body language, the little changes in mood, little ways of acting out that weren't there before, changes in sleep patterns, etc. I'm wondering if the speedy advancement in gymnastics levels took the joy out of the activity. It's now work! 4 years old is too young for that level of commitment for a child to stay well-rounded. It's one area of special skill, but she may have others that will be lost if one is insisted on now. If it is her passion she will return to it. If if is forced her passion may be lost and she will only be doing it to please others. Then we risk her believing she is always to give up self and only please others...a scary place to be for anyone. I agree with some others on checking if someone did or said something hurtful....a coach, team member, brother, grandparent. Children at this age can hear an encouraging comment and misinterpret it into something totally different so that could be possible too. If there truly were no warning signs, I'd look for this possibility. Sometimes having her draw pictures of playing soccer or doing gymnastics can give you insight as she then describes the pictures. Listen from your heart.

Dear K.,
your daughter sounds like a wonderful child .and i sense that you love her very much.my feeling is that she is under too much pressure to exsel and she really wants to please you...becaause you want her to do all these activities????? Is it really wwhat she wants and enjoys
or is it just too much for a 4 1/2 year old to handle at this young age??? Let her relax a little and just be a kid for a while and let her know you love her just because she is your daughter...
God bless you and your family
from granny of 5 and 1/2 grandaughters
ages 15 down to 3 yrs. And one on the

It sounds like she does not have any time to just be a kid. She is very young to be in all this stuff, especially accelerated programs. Let her quit. It's HER life, not yours, and she will go back to it when and if she wants to, especially if you make it clear that she can do that. Why does she have to learn to finish what she starts? Anyone, even an adult, should be able to try out an interest, quit, go back to it, etc. indefinitely. There's plenty of time for her to learn that in connection with important things like school or friendship. Let it go. It'll come back, or not, but a crying child with a stomach ache should not be pushed to do anything that isn't necessary. Her pain is real and should be respected.

I don't think this is a phase and I don't think it is that common, but your other responses might tell you more on that score. What I do think is that something might have happened to her such as a name calling or bullying incident since it came on so suddenly and she is mild tempered. To prevent the bullying from happening, always sign her up with a friend who will be seen as her ally, since bullying almost always happens to kids who are seen as alone. Also, she is very young to be teaching her that she's part of a team and should finish what she starts, these are abstract concepts that her mind cannot get around yet.
I read the other responses and think that going to a higher level is a very possible answer to her reluctance. Also, lots of little girls do this gymnastic thing at this age at home all the time but it rarely means great abilities, it is just the phase of their large motor development. You got a lot of good advice and I don't think you should push her to continue. My 33 year old daughter now tells me that she knew if she cried enough she would not have to continue with her pre-school, and she was probably 4 or so at the time. She turned out to be an excellent student so her lack of pre-school (which I worried about for years) turned out to be not important at all, and it was important for her to feel in control of her world and activities.

I would also first rule out any phyiscal things. But then I'll bet she has been wanting to quit for some time now and just didn't know how to tell you and didn't want to disappoint you. So this is her way of quitting -- suddenly and with tears. Because she doesn't know any other way yet. I'd let her take the summer off. Summer is a good time to relax and think about what you want to do. This fall maybe she'll want to get back into something again.