I feel for you!!
1. It sounds like she's getting overtired, then wired, and stays up with adrenaline. Don't make her cry it out. Try setting up a routine, starting AS SOON as you notice any signs of being tired (slowing her play, lying down, asking for bottle, glazed eyes, rubbing eyes/face, yawning, etc.). Try napping with her! At least for a little while. Learn great nap/bed-time tips from Dr. Sears' Nighttime Parenting or Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution. Close shades/shut out light, use some soothing music (same music, every nap-time and bed-time) and some simple routine like a story or two, then back rub, then tuck in or whatever.
2. this doesn't sound related, but will work wonders: try actually just letting her focus on whatever she wants to focus on, without directing her attention towards anything (like, "let's read a story!" or "do you want to play with this toy?") for a period of time every day. Just give her some toys to play with and your attention. Let her look at and play with whatever at that time (as long as she's not hurting anything, of course). Don't "interrupt" when she's examining something or playing with, just gently get involved in a way that joins your attention with hers ("you really like that ball. It bounces high!" - the goal is to comment on things and try to guess what she's thinking, giving voice and words to that.)
Just being able to relax within her own mental space does wonders for helping her focus throughout the day. It actually *expands* her focus. This is calming, and empowering, and obviously has an organizing effect - which, in turn, organizes behavior to some extent.
3. Get the Dr. Sears Discipline Book or Becky Baily's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. You won't be disappointed!
Of course, once you get her sleeping more, some of her behavior issues will settle down immediately, but getting your hands on a good discipline book will make your life so much easier, too.
Good luck with everything, and hope your husband can come home soon!
L.