My 3 1/2 year old daughter has done a great job of sleeping in her own bed. Until recently. The thunderstorms we have had lately have really shaken her up. She is afraid of the thunder, lightning, and rain at night. Now, even if it isn't raining at bedtime, she either wants one of us to sleep with her or to sleep on our floor. What steps should I take to get her back to going to sleep by herself. Any advice on working through this would be greatly appreciated!
Lie down with her as she falls asleep. This will comfort her until she is into her deep sleep. Once there she will, most likely, sleep through the night.
Also, sing lullaby's to her, and read calming stories - chapter books - about friends she can dream about: Francis, Little Bear, Winnie the Pooh. When she has someone else to think about as she falls asleep, it will calm her mind and ease her fears.
N. - my advice will probably be much different than you'll receive from anyone else. First, I recall as a 10 or 12 year old hearing about the dangers of house fires. i was so scared that I recall shaking uncontrollably during the salesperson's presentation. It resulted me no longer able sleep in my own room and spent many nights on my parent's bedroom floor. But the fear subsided after weeks of sleeping somewhere else but my own bed and there was no fire in our house and I was able to sleep thru the night. My parent's never required me to stay in my bed. Instead they allowed me time to feel safe and comfortable. Fast forward many years and I'm now a parent. My youngest child spent many nights in our bed, always in the middle between my husband and myself. Some of it was because he couldn't sleep and some of it was because he wet the bed at night. he would walk in our bedroom with wet pj's and wake me up. We both worked in the corporate world at the time and sleep was precious. I would strip off his wet clothes and throw him into the middle of the bed. Soon he didn't have any bed wetting issues and he slept thru the night. He's now 15 years old, taller than my husband and every now and then he comes into our room, jumps into our bed and claims "his space." He still remembers being very loved and comforted being in the middle of the bed. He even remembers and makes fun of how he would walk into our room in the middle of the night with wet pj's. So my advice, love her and comfort her until she is ready to be on her own again. Give her time - soon she'll graduate from high school and be off to college. Home will always be a place of warmth and comfort.
I suggest you drop the issue with her for a couple weeks (in other words, let her sleep where she wants), and then tell her that you will take her to Wal-Mart and buy her a 'bed buddy' aka stuffed animal so she can start sleeping in her own bed at night now that the storms are all done for the season. The gentler and more supportive you are with her now, the less chance there is for her to have storm terrors in the future.
My advice is similar to what you've already heard but it doesn't hurt to hear that it's worked for so many.
The recent storms have been tough, my son is almost three. We talk about the rain being good and helping our grass and the garden grow. (He helped plant some of the flowers so he likes to know they are growing). He seems more afraid of thunder than lightening and I just continue to tell him that thunder can't hurt him and it's just a noise. I ask if he can see it and when he says no then I ask in a silly voice 'well how can something be scary if you can't even see it?'
We often talk about each of his grandparents (3 who he never got to meet :( )who are already in heaven and say that the thunder is them playing.
Good luck!
We are having the same problem. We got hit pretty bad with hail and it broke five of our windows including my daughters. We were all home when it happened- and she doesn't want to be anywhere without one of us. We have told her that God was bowling and he is watering the flowers and grass. We have been very patient with her and just have been very positive with her. We try to distract her and keep her on tract with other things. She keeps asking when the guy is coming to fix her window. I think as soon as our house gets fixed( hopefully soon) she will be not as afraid. But its hard when she sees all the damage to our house. Last night was the first night she slept in her own bed again. SO hopefully things will turn around.
Good luck- and you are not alone.
Sorry to hear your little one is so scared now. Since 3.5 year olds can understand things fairly well, how about asking what would help her other than co-sleeping? a nightlamp, music at night, keeping the door open with a hall light on? a favorite animal/doll? You can offer to check on her every 10 minutes to make sure she's safe until she falls asleep. Maybe you could offer that on really stormy nights, she could come in bed with a flashlight and you can show her you are all ok. Also making sure she is really tired, (aka lots of play time) helps them get to sleep quicker and keep their mind off the possibility. You could also read books about storms and how the water helps the Earth grow or explain what lightening and thunder are etc.... With my daughter, the more she knows, the safer and more confident she feels. I hope this helps. If not, I'd consult with a physchologist to see what they say may help.
Best of luck
L.
Hi!
Like all kids mine were afraid of the thunder from the lightning, at first. When they expressed their fears we sat down and watched the lightning together and I would say things like 'Wow look at that! Isn't it pretty?' and 'Oh, did you see that one! Wasn't that great!' I, also, told them that the thunder is just the sound that the lightning makes and is sometimes a surprise, but will not hurt them in any way. It only took one sitting and they love thunderstorms now and can't wait to watch them. The biggest problem I had was a few times that they came and woke me up to watch one! Otherwise, they might wake up and go to the window and watch for awhile themselves and then go back to sleep.
Hope this helps! J.
My recommendation is to tell her it is ok to be afraid, (Because it is), and when scary things happen it is ok to come and see Mom and Dad during the night. But as a big girl "you" need to sleep in your own bed. You know that mommy and daddy love you and are right down the hall.
You want to establish that her feelings are ok. Remind her that she can come when a scary storm goes on, but the general rule is that we all sleep in our own beds. Then just be firm about it. She knows that you love her!!
N.,
We have the same situation.
With the storms, and we have had a lot of severe weather lately, we stay really calm or say something positive when the thunder crashes, like wow, that was a good one! We also count the seconds between lightning and thunder and talk about how far away it is. The girls (we have 2) then think of it as not scary but something to listen for and learn about. So much of how you react affects how they view a situation. Talk about how the rain makes the flowers grow, or the thunder is angels bowling, lightning is God's fireworks display etc.
As far as sleeping, our 4 year old often slips into our bed. I don't seem to mind, actually I love it, as I know she will be in her own bed and growing up and out of our home in no time. This too shall pass, as my mother would say. Sometimes parenting is a matter of adjusting our perspective and not the child. It seems that as soon as we as parents have something "figured out", they change, have a growth spurt, change their minds, start something new, etc.
She (our 4 year old) often falls asleep in our bed and I carry her to her bed after I have read for a bit and enjoyed snuggle time.
Does she have a twin bed or toddler bed? Our oldest (age 6) did really well as soon as we got her a big bed. The other nice thing about a twin or even a double, you can read to your child more comfortably in a big bed than a toddler bed. The nighttime ritual is important to our family and we really enjoy the reading and talk time before they go to sleep.
Our 6 year old has a double bed and sometimes we put both girls together. When in doubt about bed size, bigger is usually better.
Also, what about her sleeping on the floor in your room? We have let the girls have sleeping bags on the floor sometimes. This would still give you the space in your bed for a good rest, and let her be near by, especially if she is anxious about the weather and wants the comfort of her parents close.
The best advice would be to read Dr. Sears "Night Time Parenting". He will not steer you wrong and he saved us when we were really having a tough time.
Hope you find a way that is just right for your family. In the meantime enjoy this time, as they grow up in a heartbeat!
Best wishes,
J.
My son just turned 3 and the thunderstorms were a problem with us as well until he stayed with a friend of mine during a storm. She told him that the thunder was just the sound of the clouds crashing together. Since then, he has told me how much he likes to listen to the "clouds crash." As for the lightening - I am a picture-holic. I have taken pictures of him since the day he was born. So, I just told him that the lightening is God taking his picture. Last night he slept right through the storm that came through here. I would just say that the more that you talk with your daughter about it and put her mind at ease the easier it may be for her. Nightlights (and a backup one with batteries) are also a God-send :o). Good Luck!
Give lots of love, lay with her initially as part of the bedtime routhine (reading, talking, putting the stuffed animals to bed, etc.) and be patient. If there is no bad weather to upset her at bedtime, do the regular stuff -encouraging words, prayers, night light and soft music - and be gentle but firm that her bed is for her. If the weather is questionable or bad, or if she was privy to info about our serious weather lately that might have frightened her (Was your home damaged? Did you have relatives hit by the storms?) I'd spend more time snuggling in a chair before bed, lay with her a little longer at bedtime or even let her stay with me until a certain time of night ("You can lay in my bed until 8:15p, then it's time to go to your bed.") as she may need to "ramp down" from a bad scare. If you watch the evening news regularly she may be getting frightened repeatedly without you realizing it, and this could cause her to be afraid to sleep alone. Analyze how you let info into your home, how you respond when you hear about bad weather and its consequences, especially in the presence of your child, and make changes accordingly to recreate the safety she originally felt. Be patient - it could take some time.
SAHM of seven
