Seeking Advice for Hard to Get to Sleep Twins

There's a book out there called the no-cry sleep solution, i'm using ideas from it for my one-year old, it takes some time and effort but i think it will be worth it. Good luck!

I don't have twins... but have 2 children 5 yrs. old and 24 months old.

What we do sometimes, if needed, is to reverse the "enticements." ie: pre-bed, we turn off all the lights except for one dim lamp... we turn off the t.v, we "put away" our own adult activities etc. Then we start the routine of getting them ready... brush teeth, change into jammies, wind them down etc.
We verbally forewarn them that "in 15 minutes it's time for bed..." etc. If they ask for anything or delay the routine... we say "at this time nothing is on/working/available/the kitchen is closed and food doesn't come out at this time... it's not play-time... sleep time." After keeping consistent... it does work.

The main thing is a routine, the same everyday, no wavering... and consistency... with no negotiating.

In bed, give them a flashlight or something to hold onto in bed... and favorite stuffed animals. You may need to separate them to sleep better and prevent them from interfering with each other- not all kids sleep well with another child cohabiting the same room, and the other kid will suffer for it since they will not be able to sleep nor have good sleep habits themselves due to the peskier child in the room.

If one of them calls for you...go in, don't interact, repeat it's bedtime.. .and walk out. By no means let them decide that they can play.

If they want you to sleep with them.. perhaps, take them to the store... let them choose their own "special" sleeping buddy... (ie: a stuffed animal etc), and explain that instead of MOmmy & Daddy, they will sleep with this.

At other times, me & Hubby would just say "WE" are going to bed... and then we do! Everything is turned off, the rooms are dark, and we tell them that the kitchen and TV are "closed." Thus, nothing for them to get sidetracked with.

At other times, use incentives... a sticker chart etc.
But this is also a phase... but you have to get it regulated... or it will be harder later. :)

All the best,
Susan

I am the mom of two boys, ages 3 1/2 and 2 (15 months apart). Bedtime recently started getting a lot more hectic as the younger one has become more rambunctious and the older one is a little more demanding. The key for us is that Mom and Dad are in charge of the bedtime routine. No more requests or "demands" once we begin getting ready for bed, and we follow the same routine every night.

We try to have them drink a sufficient amount with dinner so there are no more liquids after dinner (for the nighttime potty training considerations). Before we go upstairs to get ready for bed, I offer each of them a sip of water if they need it (and I warn them that there will be no more after that) and they can choose one or two toys that they would like to have with them in their beds (we allow them a few toys in bed and my oldest began asking for different toys when we were trying to say goodnight, so this has put an end to that). We brush teeth, read a book (usually only one, but they know before we sit down to read what we are reading), then we pray, sing, and give hugs and kisses all around before climbing into bed/crib. If your daughter wants to get in other beds, I don't see that as a problem, as long as you allow time for it so it doesn't get later and later before they finally get to bed, and you decide how long she is allowed to be in the other beds and when she must get in her own (my baby also loves to climb into his big brother's toddler bed and I allow time for that in the morning and after naptime).

My husband and I both participate in the bedtime routine when my husband is home (he's a Marine so it is not rare for him to be gone), but if you want it to be only Daddy, say goodnight and give hugs and kisses before they go off with Daddy to get ready for bed. I have also found that talking to the little ones in advance about the expectations is very helpful. Let them know that you are saying goodnight right now and they are not to call for you later. They can get a drink and/or a toy now, if you want to allow that, but none later. Then stick to it. When they are in bed and it's time to say goodnight, that is it. I don't let them ask for anything else. Bedtime has become a lot more peaceful since we found these solutions to the various issues. I don't want to be an unreasonable parent, so we have adjusted things as the need arose and addressed the issues when they came up, but always within the context that ultimately Mom and Dad are in charge.

My youngest went through a phase just before he turned 2 and he would scream in his crib when it was bedtime. It took us about a month to figure out how to deal with it, but we did eventually resolve that. It seems to me that the issue with your little ones is just that they want to "call the shots" and they like delaying bedtime (I still tend to fight bedtime as an adult!) and I think that clear guidelines and follow-through will likely put an end to this in very little time.

I hope this helps!

Hi V.,

I'm a single mom of now 8.5 yr old twin boys and a 10 yr old girl.
Twins are fabulous! and fabulous at communicating non-verbally to get what they want. I had the same trouble around 2 years.
Here's what I did:
1. Bedtime Ritual: water, Bath, jammies, story, hugs, kisses, prayers - lights out with a night light on.
2. Played soft music - more for me not to hear them than for them, but it did work.
3. Said ok nighty night I'll see you in the morning.
4. When someone asks for something say no its bedtime goodnight
5. When that someone got out of bed to ask again, I'd lead them back to bed and say good night.
6. When the third time.. I would say you already had blah blah or you may have blah blah when you wake up.
7. Ignore everything they say do bug etc as long as they are in their beds. This was really hard at first, but I've got it down to a science now.

AT 8.5 they still try for things after bed. Now I just say no its bed time and then ignore them. They fall asleep pretty good after 30 minutes. So bed time is 30 minutes before I expect them to fall asleep.

It's hard you need them to go to sleep so you can have time with hubby and time to relax. But its up to you to make sure that you get that time.

Hope this helps.
L.

Hi V.,
I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you about how to get them to sleep, but I'm laughing because I AM a twin, and I remember so well how we would always wreck havoc at bedtime (and every other time!). We used to remove each others' diapers as toddlers, even with the pins! One good thing is, at this age they will play with each other so much it should give you extra time during the day where you can get stuff done, but it's hard as a twin because you always want to play (or talk as you grow up) all night long. My mom would always say "double trouble!"
I know someone will have some good advice for you here!
M. :)

Hi V. -- I'm referring you to a couple articles on this written by members of my twins club. Whatever technique you decide to try -- you have to stick to it. You'll think it isn't going to work, but don't give in! They are totally working you! If you let them manipulate you on this, you'll find they start trying in other areas as well.

http://www.orgsites.com/ca/svmottc/_pgg8.php3

It sounds like your kids are pushing your limits. Many children/teenagers like to see how much they can get away with their parents. I would suggest not responding to them after you do your bedtime ritual. i.e. change them, give them water and then say a prayer or "I love you good night", then do not respond to them. The first night will be horrible, you may give them consequences as well. I have heard of children throwing up even to get the parents' attention. Just do not react and try to stay calm as you calmly, but firmly tell the children it is time to go to bed and trying to separate them might be helpful. Like I said the first few times may be horrible. I hope this helps.

A little about me: I am a working mom (a mental health counselor) and I have four children (8,6,4,and a newborn.)

If every night they are asking for these things, you or somebody is giving in to their requests? Or engaging them in conversation, arguments, etc., otherwise they wouldn't keep asking. Set up a firm and pleasant bedtime routine. Bath, jammies, brush teeth, read a book of two. Tuck them in with kisses, prayers, whatever your routine. Leave a nightlight on for them. When they come out, take them by the hand with very few words (this is SO important--don't engage them), such as "it's bedtime, back to bed you go" and put them in bed. Have your husband help you since there are two of them. Make sure you both are on the same page so you do it exactly the same. Print this out for him. Be prepared to do this for a couple hours or as long as it takes. (Start on a Friday night?) The next time out, say absolutely nothing, lead them by the hand to bed and put them in. No more kisses, hugs, no conversation at all. Your talking to them is reinforcement of getting up again. Talking, kisses, etc. at this point in time will ruin any previous efforts on your part. They will probably cry, scream for you, etc., but you and your hubby are NOT to speak to them. It might take a night or three :), but I promise you that it will work. You are re-training them to go to sleep without all the shenanigans you have put up with for so long. Good luck. I hope you both have the patience and fortitude to do this---it works wonders and you will have some wondnerful nights not too far away in the future. P.S. You might let your 6 year old sleep in the guestroom until this is resolved.

My twins had a hard time getting to sleep at that age and it drove me NUTS! I think part of it was my daughter didn't need a nap as much and so she wasn't that tired at bedtime. We also lived in a tiny house so the kids could hear everything we were doing and they wanted to be a part of it. By about 3.5 though they got a bit better. . .

I think room separation is a good idea. We didn't have that option but I def. would have tried it. She knows at this point if she causes enough of a stink you will respond--you need to break this cycle. Only let your husband go in for a few nights. It is not going to be easy. . .it never is when it comes to sleep. Consider also whether one or both is ready to give up napping. I know the idea of this is probably nauseating but it might help on the nighttime end if they are more tired.

i don't have any advice as i have not had sleeping issues with my twins. i do however belong to a great yahoo group. everyone in it are parents of twins and the group is over 500 strong with parents from just about every country. sleep issues are a big topic on the site. with so many parents of mutiples you can always find someone who has been through what you are facing. we have preggo moms to moms who's twins are now married and expecting(the group owner). e-mail me if you'd like an invite. i am a moderator of this group. we have managed to remain spam free despite our large numbers. T.

What worked for us was to make sure they were really tired - park play!!! races!!! lots of outdoor activities!!! Then a regular routine - dinner, bath, books, bed. And I would sit with them until they fell asleep, but no talking. Then any getting out of bed is met with Super Nanny techniques, putting them into bed with no talking, no comments, no eye contact. Sometimes my husband would take turns with me, and he woud lie on the floor. Hope some of this helps - it sounds like they are having such a happy, good time they don't want the day to end!

I have boy/girl twins too that are 7 now. While I was pregnant someone gave me the book Babywise. I've heard it's controversial, but honestly, with tons of love and affection applied, the concepts about sleep I learned about in the book helped our family's sanity tremendously. For example, when they are babies, feed them when they wake from a nap, and let them fall asleep on their own, without any sleep aids. At 2 1/2, I would start bedtime routines an hour before you really want to be done, make sure they've had some water (if you want), had a bedtime story, brushed their teeth, etc. anything that they've been asking for. This way, they have no excuses for wanting anything else when it's time for you to say goodnight. You choose which bed they will sleep in, and don't change it, even if they cry. A confident & consistent mom & dad will show them they can't win, even when they double-team you!

V.,
go to www.handinhandparenting.org the articles on sleep saved us.
J. (mother of 5 yr old b/g twins)

Hi V., Simple salution stop responding, that's the only reason the kids keep acting up at bed time, casue mom will give in and give us what we want, you have to realize that when you give the water, milk you are rewarding disobedience, 31 months is 2 1/2 years old, that way old enought to understand, bed time is bed time, and if they don't obey then there needs to be consinquiences for their behavor, not a drink of water, or milk, bed time is bed time, and you have to let your kids know that you are in charge and their not, right now it souinds like they are in charge, Take back your house and teach your kids respect and obedience. J. L.

It sounds as if you need to institute some strict rules, and stick to them. The kids are not the cause of this, you are! And I think you realize that. Since your twins ask for these things night after night, someone must be giving in to them. Not good! They have you trained! Make the rules and stick to them. At bedtime, the book has been read. No more books. Mommy should be there if she is home. Toys are done with for the day. TV is over for the day. As for water, we always put a sippy cup of water in the corner of the crib, or on the night stand, when the kids were this age. It is not a matter of them being lonely, because they have each other.

Are they still napping during the day? Perhaps naptime needs to be adjusted or done away with. What about a family walk after dinner to get some of the excess energy out?

Since you have a guest room, why not make it the 6 year old's room if he is open to having his own room? He may appreciate the privacy, and the twins will not interfere with his sleep should they choose to sleep in the same bed with each other. Good luck!

Hi V.-
You poor thing! Sounds like your twins in in their terrible 2's. Have you ever watched Supernanny or Nanny 911? I used to get tips from there however they are correcting bad habits over a long period of time. I watched it while I was pregnant with my twins. Anyway, I tried to nip it in the bud before things got out of hand. Ever since my boys were babies, I played a lullabye CD to help them relax and fall asleep easily. We have a nighttime routine now. Read books to relax and watch a little of non-stimulating TV then off to bed. They are in full relax mode. Kids need to wind down just like adults. That seemed to do the trick. They have always been easy to put to bed. My twins are now 4 yrs old. I was worried they would get out once they got their big boy beds but they never do. As far as your twins asking for things before bed........I have always given them one chance then that's it. They do need one warning. I say "Last time!" and they accept it. As hard as the desire is to go back in their room, DON'T DO IT! Let them cry it out. They will eventually exhaust themselves by crying themselves to sleep. Don't give them a chance to manipulate you. They belong in their own bed and no one else's. I'm not sure how your house is set up but maybe you can designate a play area for the kids in the day and the bedroom is just for sleepiing so they won't have distractions falling alseep. That's how our house is set up. Your twins just need boundaries. Once they know them, they should't challenge you anymore. Since your twins are keeping your 6 yr old up, maybe you should relocate him instead. Hope this is helpful. Good luck!

Hi V.,
I have twins too, but mine are now 21. Lol. I had the same problem, as you. It was one of the toughest things to do put them to bed. It became a game, until 10 pm when I started to get angry. This too shall pass, but here are all the things I tried to do to change this habit. I tried to talk to them about how they need their sleep so they can grow up to be strong. When they listened the night before I would tell them how proud I was of them, and that they are going to grow and be strong like they are supposed to. (mine twins are boys) But for your daughter you can tell her how pretty she looks because she does not look tired. I used to sing them each a special personalized lullaby and pet their head, they liked that. I also read them all a story. My suggestion would be to buy a book on amazon called stress strategies for parents, it really covers the art of using encouragement in stressful situations. My daughter was two when my twins were born and it is very difficult to get the right advice because many couples do not have that many children at that close of an age bracket. This was one of the most difficult things I had to do, in my life. I also have a college degree, but this was far more difficult but also my proudest accomplishment. Also you can tell them because they stayed up late and did not go to sleep when told, they have to stay in bed later in the morning. Oh they hated that! They did not like missing out, especially when they heard people talking and having fun. lol Good luck Hugs M.