L.Y.
Hi S.,
I have a 17 yo son. 14 is a hard age: exposure to drugs, alcohol and bad behavior are concerns for EVERY teen. The best way to combat that is to require and support them in pursuing outside activities they enjoy (art, sports, music, etc) and by having zero tolerance and harsh consequences concerning drugs & alcohol.
This letter seems a bit suspect to me though. I would want to know if this type of behavior is happening in other classes. If you haven't gotten calls or letters from other teachers the first thing I would do is to approach them to get a better perspective on his overall behavior in school. Just ask them how he's doing, most teachers will point out his strengths and weaknesses.
Also, how are his grades? Have they remained consistent from previous semesters and years? If his grades haven't changed, and other teachers don't have an issue with him, I would avoid bringing the issue up with him, and request a meeting with the teacher and principal together.
Walking down the hall with girls loudly is VERY normal behavior at this age. (Sheesh... hormones are bouncing off the walls!)
This teacher sounds like she's lax on rules, (is SHE trying to show the students how cool SHE is?) he may have gotten the message that rules are not important for THAT teacher and even that she may only enforce them on kids she doesn't like and bend them on the ones she does. This is completely normal, and indicative of higher intelligence, not necessarily going down the wrong path. If she wants him to follow the rules she needs to enforce them consistently.
Her expectation that he follow rules that she doesn't enforce in completely unrealistic.
The rest of the letter is her opinion of him with no supporting facts that may not be accurate. What kid doesn't test how far they can go... especially at 14? What 14 year old isn't trying to be cool amongst their peers? That is a normal developmental process we all go through.
Ask him why he left the class. I find it interesting that he hung out near the office. At 14 they are exploring new independence which can be a bit overwelming so they still need the security of authority - doesn't sound like this teacher provides much security for him.
If he has a crowd of girls following him around, this probably strokes his ego (that type of attention feels good to people of all ages) and it may be going to his head and making him a bit cocky - or he may just be learning how to handle all that attention. If his other friends are truly getting tired of it and he takes it too far, no worries, they will reality check him eventually - much more effectively than any adult would ever be able to. If and when that happens, be a compassionate ear and maybe brainstorm with him about how HE can reconnect with his friends.
And that glazed-over look... why do you think the teachers in the Snoopy cartoons only say Wah wa wah wah wahhh? Normal.
Sorry, but it sounds to me like she has poor classroom management skills and is trying to pass the buck onto you. I would want to have a face to face conversation with her AND the principal, and I'd bring the letter.
If her perception is accurate, talk to the school counselor about things you can do. He's in the process of discovering who he is in the world, this could just be a phase he's going through. The best thing for him is to experience the natural consequences of his behavior and assist him in learning how to self correct. Remember, we all learn our greatest lessons through our mistakes.
P.S. --- a good quote from the '60's: "Question Authority!"