Seeking Advice on How to End Sibling Rivalry

You know what, I don't think that ever ends with some people. Let me explain: My brother and I (even at ages 36 and 38) still have jealousy and competetive issues to work through, mostly on my part, but my whole life I've always felt like he's the better of us two. After MANY arguements, discussions, etc, I still seem to harbor some ill feelings towards him, however...would still defend him or help him if he EVER needed it, just as siblings would. I don't hate him, he's my brother and I love him, but...it's something that I've had to learn to overcome and am still learning. It's also made me the person I am. Even our mom agrees that for our whole lives, my brother and I have had some sort of wall between us, even if we hung out as friends for many years and through our highschool/college years, etc. I'd suggest that it may help if you begin teaching her the differences between she and him, and what she can do to blow off those announcances, instead of hanging onto them. She'll have to learn over time how to NOT be jealous. For instance: I learned that my jealousy is mostly about the material items he has in his life. I also learned that my brother is very shallow and materialistic, a less desired ideal, (or fault rather) in which I'm proud to say that I don't share with him, so the jealousy isn't as prevolent anymore.

Hope this helps a little.

The first born has a special place of honor, having been the only baby in the family, and the most transformative baby in the lives of mom and dad. With the honor should come responsibility toward the younger siblings. Remind your daughter of how her brother looks up to her, remind her of the honor and responsibility of being the first born.

I don't know if I have much advice to offer, but I can tell you that you aren't alone. My two girls (ages 8 and 3) fight constantly and it is turning my hair grey. It does seem to help temporarily when I spend time alone with each of them, but a day later here we go again. I have been working on creating separate playing spaces for each girl. My oldest has an arts and crafts box out of the youngest reach with her own activities; and the youngest has a short cupboard of her own activites. It seems to help - they each have a sense of their own stuff and have started sharing a little better with their other toys.

The good news is that it might go away next year when your little guy is in school full-time.

Remind your daughter that she had you all to herself for 3 years. Her brother has to share you for the rest of his life.

Role play with her that she is the mother. I did that with my girls, it was a lot of fun and eye opening. You can play this game for an hour or a whole day.

Write down some things with her that are her frustrations with her younger brother. Trying working on them one at a time.

Sometimes kids are just looking for focused attention, and physical touch. Love for a child is spelled...T I M E together.

Hi R.,

OMG! You just described my same issue! My daughter is 8 in 3rd grade and my son is 4 in pre-K. I am always told I love him so much more and treat him so much better...blah, blah, blah! Like you...I try to have "girl time" as well so it's just the two of us. I think that's the best we can do and continue to reiterate how much we love both of them equally!

E.

Hi R.
I would recommend reading the five love languages
of children by Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell. It is a wonderful book. It sounds as though she is needing something else from you and you don't know what it is. This book helps you to understand her primary love language. this book helped end the sibling rivalry in our house. Good Luck :) T.

R., hey sibling rivalry has been around, since cain and abel, we all have it in our house, but bad actions are not to be allowed, do what you can do to stop her being negative, and sounds like you have the reinforcement down, maybe she needs to more involved in his doings, instead of being separated, but wow i have 3 boys and still have some fights going on, but we are there, to say hey dont call names, and no hitting, and learn to communicate, we are their buffers, so keep up the good work, and have fun, D. s

Maybe you could try bribery, I dont mean this in a bad way, but maybe pick up some flowers or a nice toy and give it to your daughter and say it is from your son,
Have you tried playing games together with the both of them?
I hope this helps.

R.,

If you can manage the time over the weekends play a game with only her and tell your son that this is your daughters time and when your finished you will talk to him. Be firm it will show your daughter right away that you value your time together. I have three boys, 7 yrs, 4 yrs, and 13 months and I run a home daycare business. I had to do this with the 4 yr old, most of the naughty behavior we were having did correct it self and we have more family harmony now.

Good luck!