My two year old is one of the sweetest little boys ever...until he has one of his meltdowns. Here's an example: He wants milk. When I go to get milk out of the refrigerator, he begins yelling that he doesn't want milk. I tell him that's fine, I pour some milk in a cup and tell him it's on the table whenever he decides he wants it. He then begins to scream that he wants the milk. I remind him it's on the table and then he starts screaming that he doesn't want the milk. Has anyone ever experienced this before? If so, do you have any good suggestions?
Thanks,
K.
Ignore the behavior as much as possible. I have a one and a three year old -- both do the same. If he's really out of hand, tell him that he needs a time out to help him control himself -- and give him the time out (1 minute per year of age).
LOL! I had to laugh because we went through the same thing with my son. He's a little more than 2 1/2 now and it doesn't happen as frequently these days, but we do revisit this "toddler schizophrenia" as I have called it.
You basically need to have a plan for what YOU will do in this situation because nothing will stop the meltdown from happening once he's headed that way. You have to have a plan for your own actions. For example, set a limit on how many times you will allow him to change his mind. When he asks for milk, you get it, then he says he doesn't want it, so you put the milk away. That's it. He'll then say (rather, scream) how he wants the milk, but you can't go back. No milk. If you've already poured it in a cup, put the cup in the fridge.
Next you decide whether or not you want to witness the next 5 to 20 minutes of tantruming. You can walk away while he flails around the kitchen, screaming, etc., or you could designate his bedroom as the place to throw a fit. You won't be able to dictate that the fit end, and you can't talk him down...you can only dictate where it happens (I believe Love & Logic says "if you can't change the behavior, change its location). Put him in his room/crib/playpen until the fit is over. This is essentially "time out." What we've learned about time out though, is that time out doesn't START until the child is calm. The goal is for the kid to have 2 minutes (one minute per year of age) of quiet time. So you tell him "I will start the timer when you're calm." Our son isn't in a crib any more and he can open his bedroom door, so we have had to be a little more forceful on keeping him in his room during these rampages. We would stand in the hall holding the door shut until he chills out. After about a week of that procedure he quit trying to come out when we sent him in there, and he gets quiet pretty quickly now. When you have a quiet kid (this could take half an hour, so be sure you bring along a book or plan to write out your grocery list, etc.), tell him thank you for getting calm and let him know that he can come out of his room when the timer beeps (we have a small portable kitchen timer that we use for this). When you get the two minutes of quiet, let him out of time out and tell him you're glad to see him again.
He'll likely ask for milk again pretty soon. Say, "Sure! I have your milk right here."
He'll either take it, or he'll restart the whole tantrum process again :-)
ALso, you might get into the habit of offering some simple choices. If he feels like he has some (appropriate) control over a situation, he'll be less likely to throw a fit (of course, you must know that you're in for some awesome tantrums over the next year, regardless). Also, if his mind is occupied with making a choice, it will be less likely to consider launching into a tantrum. 2 yr old tantrums are almost entirely due to their lack of control over their lives, so any time he can get in on the decision making process, he'll be more content with a situation. For this same reason, you should get into the practice of prep talks about your day. If you are going to Walmart after breakfast, tell him about your plans before they happen (when he wakes up in the morning, tell him, "good morning! We're going to have a fun day! After you get a fresh diaper, we'll have a yummy breakfast, then go to Walmart." Just be sure you don't end your proclamation with a question (like "how's that sound?" or "ok?". You're not asking him permission to go to Walmart, you're telling him that you're going.
...back to the cup of milk...
So, if he asks for milk, perhaps you could set out two cups and ask him, "Which cup would you like me to put it in?" You could say "would you like the blue cup or the yellow one" but that could put you into another "schizophrenic" tantrum as he changes his mind on which color, then throws himself and his cup in the floor because you've inevitably poured the milk in the "wrong" one. Thus, you'll be more likely to actually give him a glass of milk if you set two identical cups on the counter and ask him to pick one.
You could also ask "Would you like your milk right now, or after we read a book?" Just be sure that you're ready and willing to follow through with either of the two choices you offer.
I know this is a long answer, but I hope it helps.
So glad to hear that other parents go through this too- my daughter is only 19 months and she does this too. It's terribly frustrating but I have also started just walking away or even taking her in her room ( I stay with her) until she can finish her fit.
Good luck!
I'm sorry but I can't help but laugh out loud after reading your post. Welcome to the next level of parenting!
Yikes, this is probably the hardest part to me and drives me nuts! I have tried to comply with his demands, walking away and explaining that what he is doing makes no sense! None of it worked. Since my son has turned 3 1/2 I now make him owe up to his decision. I am teaching him that I take him at his word. His no means no and yes means yes! It is slow and ugly process but he is learning. After the melt down, he now comes to me and says sorry for saying no when he meant yes and that next time he'll tell me the truth. Could I be making some progress??? :)
Hang in there,
C.
My daughter will be 2 at the end of this month and she does something similar. She will scream that she wants milk and when I get it for her (it's sitting in front of her on the table), she will still scream that she wants the milk. So, I tell her fine...then drink it, and it just doesn't get any better. I have learned not to go down that road with her. I just ignore her when she acts like that and, as another poster mentioned, the sun always seems to come back out pretty quickly. It's an attention getter and it's outrageously frustrating, but just ignore it and hopefully it will get better for you.
Welcome to the terrible 2's I suppose!
my 2yo daughter does the exact same thing! i agree that just walking away is your best bet. when i do this with sofia she gives up, pulls herself together, picks up her cup (or whatever) and is happy as a clam. i think it's just a phase. i don't remember my 4yo son doing this but she is in many ways a more dramatic child than he was. i just ignore it and wait for the sun to come out again. it always does!
My 2 year old sometimes does the same thing. I do what you do, put the milk (or whatever) out and walk away. He can choose what to do from there. Ignoring these fits usually works for us, but not always. I have four kids and this one is the first to be so challenging at 2, instead of 3. Good luck.
yes and I cant tell you any reason for it other than they really dont know what the heck they want.. Both of my children did it and still do it.
It mayb part of learning the ablity to make decisions and the cause and effect of them. And then getting to have a fit because the glass should have been green and not blue. It does get better...
