Seeking Input from Other Moms

K.,
It's very easy to balance dating with raising a child. I did it but I never brought my dates to the house when my children were home. I always made sure they were already at the sitter's when he came to pick me up, I kept that part of my life separate from my child. When I did finally bring somebody home to meet my children it was after a year of exclusive dating and I was sure we were ready to take our relationship to another level. My dates knew I had children and respected me for keeping my life with them private from him.

It can be difficult to balance single motherhood and relationships, but if you remember the key word: BALANCE, it can work. I started dating seriously about a year ago (my daughter is almost 5 now and I waited until I thought she'd be ready, too)and what I've learned is that people (especially men) without children don't know what it's like and really do need to be told. If they are open to having a child in their lives, it definitely helps. I didn't introduce my daughter to the man I was seeing until the relationship had been established, as I feel it can be damaging to have people in and out of a child's life. The best advice I can give is: single moms need love, too. It's ok to meet people and have your own needs met since as single mothers we're constantly taking care of our children with few breaks. You are your child's protector and ally and you have to make sure "ground rules" are clear to the person you are dating right away. You need the person to accept and support, not to raise your child. The relationship is for you, but must be comfortable for your child as well. It is a balancing act and there have been times where I've had to say: this is OUR time or I need time for just me and my child. It does take more work. I thought not being alone anymore would be the answer to all of my problems, but you do have to be ready to put the effort and energy any relationship takes into it. Watch for working harder than you feel you should, that's usually a red flag. Good luck, it can be done! Please keep in touch if you want more advice. I may not be perfect at it, but I have been living what you are describing for over a year. I've got stories!!

I was in that same boat before i met my Husband. I felt guilty trying to get out and have some fun and leaving my baby at home. My mother also have the same situation on her hands back when I was young too. So what my mom and myself ended up doing was making these "dates" more like after work dinners. (Of course I had a baby sitter willing to work with me) I would make plans for that nights I woul dget off work around five and try to be home at or before 9. I then would figure out one Saturday a month that my mom would take my son over night and go dancing or whatever. It worked out. I really didn't find any suitable guys though, just fun. I finally accpetable an invite from a man that work for the saem company that I worked at and we hit it off, it was nice because we had the same schedule and we kept in contact though the company so it worked out that way for me. But of course you will havbe to decide if this is soemthing you can juggle in you already hectic schedule. Good luck!

Being an adult child of a single mom (my parents divorced when I was 4), I would have to say that the best thing my mother did was to keep her boyfriends away from me unless she was pretty serious about them. When I was younger, she probably only introduced me to one boyfriend. WHenever she'd go on dates, she always meet her dates wherever they were going rather than having them pick her up at our house. She didn't want to confuse me and now that I'm old enough to understand, I give her so much credit. Best of luck!

I agree with the other mom's I am a 26 year old single mom. my son is 5 and i started dateing when my son was 3 going on 4 or so. but granted i knew my now current boyfrined for 6 years. the best thing i can say. thake things slow. and kind to see where things go. do oa couple of just you and him dates then you might di dates with you, him and your daughter.. hope everything works out for you

Your needs are just as important as hers. I was a single mom of 3 and found myself in the dating world again. I don't reccommend introducing little one and any new dates/boyfriends right away, unless it is in a very platonic, brief, "this is mommy's friend - we're going to go out for a little while while you stay with Grandma" or something. It can give kids the wrong idea about adult relationships with a "revolving door", and can cause undue heartbreak if they do develop a connection with a beau and then for whatever reason it doesn't work out between you. You will find you have even more to give, and will be able to give it in a healthier way, when you feel loved, fulfilled, and supported yourself. Plus, you'll have the oppertunity to model a loving relationship, so your daughter will know what to look for later on! It can be a difficult balance, I hope you find a wonderful, fulfilling, and long lasting relationship that will be a blessing for you both!

Hi K.,
I too am a single parent of 2 boys (ages 3 & 4); however, I share custody with my soon to be ex, so I parent part-time. I recently began seeing someone new, who is incredibly wonderful and family oriented. I only see him when I do not have my boys, and they do not know about him. I do not plan on introducing him to my boys until we decide we are serious and ready to do so. We moms need to take care of ourselves as well as our kids, so I'd say have fun and date. I just wouldn't bring your date home to meet your daughter unless the relationship is serious.

Where is the Dad? Consider not dating right now.
L.

Always put your child's needs first. If the guys you are dating do not understand that, don't date them. Always be upfront with your dates by letting them know you have a child. After all, your daughter is your number one love and priority of your life and you and her are a package deal. I wouldn't introduce my child to a date unless I've gone out with the guy several times (possible relationship with him in the works), and I feel that my daughter and he need to meet. I've done the single parent dating thing for many years. After I really got to know the guy (I married one), I made sure that I brought my daughter on many dates with him like a picnic, kids movie, or the Zoo just to break the ice and create a bond; and I also had just me and my guy dates without my daughter.

MC

K.,
I did the dating/single thing for the first 3 years of my sons life and I totally agree with MC's comments. There were only 2 guys that I dated that my son meet. One was a best friend of a friend (so he meet him that way) and the second guy I am married to. I just think kids should not see adult relationships as a revolving door, so I only dated when my son was with his dad, and that was only 8 days a month or lunch dates. I was not easy to date but my husband loved and respected that about me so he put up with me. When we got around to the introduction I found they were buddy's right off the bat and 6 years later our family is as strong as ever.
Good luck - R.

K.-
Personally, I quit dating because most men I had found want to be the #1, and that's not how.my list of priorities began. But if you remember your priorities and get an accountability partner to help you stay on track you should be fine!
Hope this helps some