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I went through this with a dear friend who had 3 children in that age group, both boys and girls. She gave each of them a Midol when they started acting like that. I know Midol is mostly Tylenol but it does have other medications in it to help with hormonal changes they are going through. It was horrid after school but within 30 minutes they were back to their loving, happy selves. I hope it is nothing more that this.

If the behavior is universal, it happens even on school breaks and summer vacations, then you have something that may not be school related.

Gina

Hey A., I've got a 10 year old boy too and an 8 year old boy and we've been having the same problems. I've noticed if my son doesn't get enough sleep he is extremely hard to deal with the next afternoon. I've also started to reduce his caffeine intake to help with this as well. I've started to notice a difference. Let me know if this helps.

I had the same problem with my son when he was in the 6th grade. now he is 14 and much better. With my son he was getting a lot of negative comments from a male teacher and a few classmates, and taking it out on me and his sister. Once i found out what was going on and confronted the teacher, and principal everything got better.

Is there a teacher, coach, or counselor at school that he may feel comfortable talking to? There may be something that he is stressed about, and if you can find out what it is you could help him through it. Find someone that he might open up to, and ask them to spend some time with him to see if he will talk. But I wouldn't tell your son why you are sending him to talk to this person. If he knows you are just trying to get it out of him, he might not be willing to talk.

Good luck, and let us know what happens!

It could be hypoglycemia.

Dear A.,
Please don't be too hard on him.....It sounds like hormones. and the bi-polar path is not what HE would want,(if he was mature enough to choose) I've done much research on that and experienced it with 2 of my 5 children... NOw a days children start puberty earlier than a decade ago!! I've raised 4 boys, alone, and believe me, it was a challenge! Just remember that this too will pass!! It's just a fase. I would get him involved with a sport...or activity that he pics out so he can enjoy it.....I did seven yrs. of soccer with my 4 boys!!! It's hard but worth it 100x over!! They need organized activities to pull in the reins of puberty.....and to build their self esteem...they are soooo aware of their bodies and awkwardness of that age!! ONce you've helped him to focuss on an activity, he should get over it....when he treats you harsh just don't respond at all!!! Any response and especially a punishment no longer works when they've reached this conscienceness!! Hormones are strong and very active and sometimes overwhelming for them!! Now every child is unique and so feedback (which is how he sees it)will be different for each. It'a a new role for you that has to be acquired through time.....that's what I've known to work for many mothers. above all let him know you love him and want to help him get through this part of his life..not with synthetic drugs but change in eating habits. It's also a time to educate about taking responsibility for preventive health...through herbs and plants, they're so easy to grow!...and his brother Deklyn will be much easier because he's watching what you're doing......parenting is very hard work (and easy to hand over to others for care!) but perseverence and communication is the key.....always worth the outcome....blessings to you and yours
F. Souverville C.C.E./midwife

I had a friend who was going through this as well.
Her daughter was only 7. They started seeing a family counselor, were sent on to a doctor, and in the long run they ended up diagnosing her with a mood disorder. I would start with the school counselor or a family counselor and see what they have to say. Don't let this get you down as a Mom.
I know that anytime anything seems wrong I start in with the Mommy guilt. Sometimes these things are out of our control. Just do your best. That is all any of us can do.

How is his social situation at school? Is he well liked or made fun of? Are there any subjects or curriculum giving him particular trouble? My first thought reading your request was that maybe there is something going on at school that's difficult for him and he's taking it out on you when he gets home. Maybe he's embarrassed and doesn't want to tell you about it. He may benefit from some counseling, I think all of us at times find it easier to talk to a completely objective person. It's very hard at ten years old to work through your own problems, a councilor may be able to help him if he won't let you.

It sounds like he's going through a growth spurt of emotions..

I have three boys and that happened to me with my youngest son. I did a surprise visit to his school one day and could hear his teacher screaming at the class from down the hall. I reported it to the principle and the my son was moved to another class. In my son's case; he felt belittled and humiliated. It was tough going there for awhile. Sound as if someone maybe giving your child a hard time at school and he feels helpless as what to do. I started visiting the school more since then. I hope this helps some.

A.
From what you wrote it sounds like there might be something going on at school. Have you talked to his teacher to see how he acts at school or in class or to the other children that he comes in contact with. If that is okay talk to the school counselor and see if they can help you out or maybe they can talk to your son, sometimes outsiders can get more than the parents can out of their children. If his anger is only at home you might consider some counseling or talk to your Pastor at your church. Our Nephew had some anger troubles at school last year that his counselor help out with and also he see at counselor outside of school. His parents divorce when he was about 3 and at about 5 we found out the he is ADHD which I had tried to get his parents to test him for. I am a Pre-K Teacher so I had seen the signs before. The anger is something that comes along with this. The ADHD is under control with medicine and the anger he has had counseling for and he is learning to control it with help.
Hope this might help.

It could be any of the things listed in the responses below. It could also be something as simple as low blood sugar. You might take him in to see his doctor for a check up to rule out anything physical. I know many people who get absolutely mean when their blood sugar drops.

Hi! A., maybe he is already going through first signs of puberty! little girl,s and boys, are starting much younger. I don't think it,s fair but it is happening. then with it, peer pressure. and feeling like he has to compete.

This is just one possibility and I only bring it up because I was watching "The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet" this morning and one segment talked about children being diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Check out this website for more information: www.bipolarchild.com/authors.html . Dr. Papolos was on the show and is the author of the book The Bipolar Child. I truly hope that this is not the case with your son, but if it were me, I would want to know all the possibilities and options.

A.,

How are things at his school? Is he having problems with bullies or others picking on him? I would talk with his teachers and see if he exhibits any of these behaviors at school. Good luck and I hope everything works out for ya'll.

M.

There may be something going on at school that's exaggerating the issue, or it may be a cry for attention. If it were my toddler I'd say he needed a longer nap.

Yhis can also be signs of low blood sugar, and the times would be right, Does his behavior improve after he eats something? Wouldn't hurt to have it checked out.

A., you need to have your son understand that being disrespectful to you is totally unacceptable. When he yells at you, send him to his room (without gameboys, tv, computer or any other games or toys, and tell him he can come out only when he can speak in a normal tone of voice and respectfully. If he can't do that, I would start taking things away from him, the thing he likes the most, first. After you've taken away all those things that are important to him, he may start getting the picture. If that doesn't help, he may need some kind of therapy. Remember, at this age, you are a parent first. You can be his friend, but he has to understand about limits and that you are the parent first and foremost.

Good luck.

N.

A.,
You poor woman! I have a 7 month old its nice when they cant
talk back! I was raised around mostly boys. Isn't he around
the age of puberty. Could this be the reason, I know when I
hit puberty it was rough on me and my parents. Maybe, you
could do something with him just or he might need alone time
with dad. Perhaps go to a sporting event or something he
would enjoy. I would also talk to his teachers at school.
Im sure you can remember how other kids can be cruel. There
is no telling what he might be going through.
Good Luck! Hope you and your family have a blessed Easter.
R. H.

With the timing you describe it sounds like he is hungry and having low blood sugar. Make sure he has snacks throughout the day, especially those with protein, like peanut butter crackers, cheese, yogurt or boiled eggs. First thing when you get him from school stick a snack in his hand and see if things don't get better.

Make sure he understands that you won't tolerate rudeness, and that you want to help him to be a nicer member of your family. Talk out with him how he physically feels and help him to realize his low blood sugar signs. Make sure he keeps away from sugar / high carb foods, unless he is having protein with them.

I have always had blood sugar issues, but because I have kept them under control and learned to understnad what my body is telling me I haven't actually progressed to diabetes. If you don't have these issues yourself, a good analogy might be the way you feel when you have PMS. You have to know your signs, no one else really understands, and you have learned how to operate in the face of these overwhelming physical feelings.

You do need to be above the fray and be the voice of reason, speaking calmy to him. he is the one having issues dealing with things and you need to model the correct response for when things go out of control. It is scary to him to be out of control, and even scarier to him when you are angry with him when he can't help it.

All the blood sugar talk aside, he needs to understand that he is still not allowed to be rude to his family or anyone else, that hunger is not an excuse.

Good luck!

A.

Hope I can help you some. I am a mother of 4 boys and a grandmother. First, remember...he is a little boy. My first concern is what is going on at school. Is he being bullied? He won't tell you for fear of what you will do. Is his teacher causing the problem? I've learned over the years that the school can be full of good teachers, but there is always one that doesn't have any business being around children and that creates a downward spin for the children in her class. Take your son on a day out. Just you and him, or just dad and him. Don't pressure him to talk. Go somewhere so that you can walk, relax, eat at a special place. Don't have a time schedule that you have to cut this short. Let him have all the time in the world to get the courage to talk to you. Somewhere so that he can collect his thoughts and feel safe and peaceful. Tell him that you know something is really bothering him, and that you are his safety net. Tell him of things you experienced in school. He might not talk, he might ask questions of what you did to handle it. That will be your clue. Remember, what they are going thru in elementary is what you went thru in junior high. The pressure on kids to grow up starts earlier now than when you were in school. Peer pressure is awful, and sometimes teachers are just as bad. Some teachers think that they have a license to humiliate kids in front of the class. When a kids' spirit is attacked in any way they fight the easiest target and you and dad are probably it. If he can't open up for fear of what you will say or possibly go to school and do, reassure him that you are only in it for what is best for him, and that under no circumstances will you judge him or do anything that will embarass him at school, but that you will defend him at all cost because that is your utmost priority. He could possibly be abused by an older child. If an abuser is around, they will find a way to get to their target. Don't tell your son what you suspect, lead him into telling you. Children have a way of feeling responsible for anything bad in their life and he will want to protect you. This will not be a one day cure all. If he doesn't open up on the first day, make sure you create times so that you have him to yourself often, and just nudge him into the conversation of what is going on at school, or somewhere else in his life, of what is bothering him. Tell him that if he can't say it to you face to face, he can write you a letter and you will go alone into a room so that you can read it. Keep telling him over and over that you love him and you want to help and that the 2 of you can fix it if he will trust you. Whatever he tells you, don't react without processing what he is saying. No matter how bad, or how small the situation is to you, he has to see that you are in control and he can find safety in your arms. And if he has a best friend whose parents are known to you, ask the parents if something is going on with their child. If not, ask if they will keep their ears open for any clues. Watch how your son reacts when it is time for him to go somewhere, he will clue you in on to where the problem is by how he acts before he leaves you. By no means should you ever force him to go somewhere without you when he says he doesn't want to go. But if something is going on at school, he has to tell you because you both will be violating the law. Don't push him away from you, hold him close. If school is it, don't send him to the school counselor, find him outside help. If he has reassurance daily that all can be fixed no matter what it is, he might open up soon, but don't make this into a drama. He wants it to be low key, so take your actions according to how he is doing. If you can't get him to open up, tell him that you are going to find someone for him to talk to because you love him too much to watch him hurt. Good luck, and remember, if the worst of the worst is not going on, all children go thru moods, you just have to let him know that it is not acceptable behavior and there are consquences for bad behavior. You and dad are his role models, so give him the skills to handle everything life throws his way.

A. I would see my family physician and see if there is a medical problem and let him help you follow through the steps and trying to get to the bottom of this issue. If left alone it will only get worse with age. Also pray a lot.

Your 10 yr old sounds like he needs some loving one on one attention ...But he also sounds like he needs some medical help. I'd advise to take him to a dr. and tell them what has been going on , and you as a mom needs to know if he's on drugs , they can take a blood test for that and in a day or so you should know, if its not that , find out if someone is molesting him physically and dig into it until you feel comfy that its not that , if those are all ruled out , then by all means do a one on one and spend time with him with your focus on him alone , not everyday , but give him some of your time ..... I'd also suggest if you are a praying mom , then when he gets so uptight , take him , sit him by you , talk softly and ask him what is making him feel this way pray with him ,...the most important thing is to get into his little heart now . If he gets into these fits , take time to sit him on your lap, or make him sit beside you and talk with him ..... he may resent that at first , but keep on trying as it sounds like there is definately something going on in his life that shouldn't be ..... I'm anxious to know what the outcome is ...... a concerned gramma

I feel for you........
How has his grades been? Does he eat good at meal time? Seem to have some nice friends?
It is really hard to say as there is so much peer pressure with kids these days, and you think it is more in junior high and high school but realy the grade schools are full of it as well. But diffently sounds as if something is going on to change his attitude and also upset him.
I would make an appt. for him to the doctor for blood work to rule out any thing like diabetis (as this can cause irritable moods if the sugar gets to low and will hopefully also show if any drugs are involved. You might want to talk to the doctor before hand let him know whats going on so he is more aware of what you are looking for.
You might set some time to take him alone out for a ice cream and just have a talk and let him know you are concerned and love him very much and want him to know that you want him to feel he can come to you and talk about anything that is bothering him no matter what it is about. You are there for him.
I'm praying that what ever the problem that it will get better soon.
God Bless you and your family,
KayD

A.,

I know what you are going through. Our son who is only 5 is doing that to us. I have cut just about all sugar out of his diet and I have started to notice a change in his behavior. He is only allowed a controlled amout of sugar daily now. No more sodas or candy or 'junk'. I have even started to buy fresh veggies from the market every two to three days because of the amount of hidden sugar in the canned veggies.

You might want to talk to his doctor and see what he/she tells you to. But if all possible don't put him on any drugs.

A.:

If you can, get your son to a Counselor, or a Doctor. Zion needs to be able to talk with someone, and right now it's not going to be you or your husband. Check his bedroom, for signs of drug use. I don't believe it's drugs. Maybe he is being teased at school. Don't give up until you can get an answer. Keep the doors of communication open for him to talk to you. He has to trust that you and your husband are not going to blame him or make matters worst.

Hi A.,

I'd have your son evaluated by a general practitioner or psychiatrist. I have a 15 year old son who is bi-polar and ADHD and it sounds exactly like him when he is rapid cycling (very high to comparitively low or 'normal' in comparrison). It can be a scary thing until you get him diagnosed, and if this is what it is (I'm not a professional...just a mother with an opinion) once you know more about it and he gets treatment. At the very least I suggest you take him to a therapist to uncover where all that anger is coming from. You need a professional opinion not from someone who isn't trained in a diagnostic method (like me). Please remember, if he does have ADHD or is Bi-polar taking medication is not a bad thing...you would be treating a disorder the same as you would if he was diabetic or had another treatable illness or disorder.

I hate to recommend another group to you on Mamasourse, but I belong to support groups on CafeMom.com that are very helpful for this very subject. You could also google Bipolar or even ADHD and read articles about each so you could be somewhat informed before you take him to a professional. Try keeping a diary of his typical day so you don't have to rely on your memory alone. Include foods or drinks he has consumed (write the time down on everything) and his outbursts or 'normal' periods. Take your diary with you to your appointment.

Feel free to contact me.

Good luck and God bless,

W. Q

Hi A.,

How are you doing? In response to your son and the screaming, my first reaction was, what? But the very next thing that came to me was have you asked him if anyone has been bullying him at school? Maybe you could have a phone conference with his teachers to see of they have an explanation for this sudden change in his behavior. As for marrying your husband twice, sounds like you both deserved a second chance at love. Enjoy it, its a blessing everyone doesn't get that chance. :)

He may have a bully at school or he may not be getting enough sleep at night. Either way it sounds like he's stressed out for some reason. Whatever the case you should never let him get away with being disrespectful to his family. Punish him then give him a little time to himself then try to talk with him. If he has another male figure other than his Dad he looks up to maybe this other male figure could talk to him while he is having fun doing something like playing basketball or fishing that might get him to say what is bothering him.

Are you feeling hopeless because you do not know what is going on with your child who was not like this before. Are you afraid this will become worse as he gets older? Are you wanting a closer connection with him, and needing more peaceful ways to communicate in your home? Would you be willing to try reading the main book on Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg? It may be able to help you and him to communicate better, if you can work at this type of relating to others. You can find out about this book at www.cnvc.org .

S.

I suggest taking him to the Dr. to have him checked out. It is possible he has some blood sugar issues or some health issues. Maybe not, but better to rule it out. Could be a bully at school, could be problems fitting in. Maybe a few visits to a family therapist could help draw it out and give him some tools to deal with frustration. But good to rule out medical issues first. Blood sugar can really affect kids in a weird way. They can start off the day feeling good after breakfast and by lunch time, really cranky, then okay, then by dinner time, really cranky again. If he drinks sodas, that can make it worse. It will raise his blood sugar pretty quick then drop it rapidly. Not saying this is it, but good to have an overall checkup, just to make sure. I would really watch what he eats and make sure you minimize the sugar. Also, maybe consider martial arts or something physical he might like to channel his energy. Martial arts is a good one because they teach self control, respect and discipline and the kids are part of something positive that helps with their self esteem and confidence. That affects every area of their life. It will also exhaust him and he will sleep really well. It's good for him to find a niche right now to really have a positive focus for the next few years. Also, a good time to work on a lengthy project with his Dad. Maybe Dad would do the martial arts with him. Or get up early one day a week before work and school and go to breakfast together. It will give your son time to talk to Dad and get out what is frustrating him and both time to really build a strong relationship. (Not saying they don't already have one), Of course, Dad will also have to make some time for the other one, but maybe through this rough patch, Dad can help the older one with some Father-Son bonding and help get him interested in something. Just an idea. Good luck.

A.,
First let me tell you, you are not alone. My oldest son ( now 16) went threw a time like this. He was being teased at school, really, really bad. In the morning before school he was awful, right after school he was awful. After a few hours of being home he would change. It took me for ever to figure out what was going on. Not only was it other kids but also his teacher. Now he tells me he was blaming me for not doing anything to stop it. Even though he would'nt tell me what it was. lol. we got threw it and now he laughs at how I was just suppost to know something was wrong. So check at school and see whats going on. I had other moms that were helping out at school watching with me, thats how we found out. They never bothered him on my days to help. Hope this helps.

P.
____@____.com

Like so many of the situations on this site, this family is in need of a professional. Your son does not have the maturity nor the "tools" to cope with the changes in his world caused mainly by the adults he loves. Who is the adult in this family? the child or the parents??? Please, for everyone's benefit, seek a professional to help you pass thru this difficult time with your son, whom you love and want the best for!Please do not just ride thru this time the best you can without some serious guidance.....

Dear A.,
I just read your request and was remembering back to when my own son was 10. Seems like that is when puberty first began with him. There could be many different reasons why your son is acting out, so I wouldn't get stuck on any one reason, unless of course, you have specific clues that it is just one thing. During this time in a boy's life they are beginning to go through emotional/hormonal changes as well as physical changes. They seem to bounce between being a little boy to being a young man. This in itself could be it. Or there could be problems at school with a bully, or him not fitting in with his usual group of friends. It could also be family problems or even drugs. Kids have such access to so many things these days. You said that he comes in like that so I'm assuming he is coming home from school with a bad attitude. My advice would be to explore all the things that impact your son; his own changes, his school, his friends and your home, before you zero in on any one thing. Stay open to be able to see the things that could have an impact on him, keep the lines of communication open so that he knows he can talk to you about anything. Remember, kids often lash out at the people who are closest to them. Many times they are crying out for help and the only way they know how to is by their behavior. I wish you the best and I hope this has been helpful.

There is something going wrong at school. Most boys will not admit that they are being bullied. They will try to solve the problem on their own. I would take him to a counselor and also talk to a dr. about depression or anxiety. Both of those can cause problems like you describe. We went through this with our older son and also with our younger son. So keep a really good eye on it. IT is a serious issue.
K.

Hi A., first i would check around to see EXACTLY what's going on in his world...talk to friends, parents of friends, teachers, etc...see if there is anything going on like one of the other ladies had found or if he has a "new friend" that may not be a good influence....if there's nothing going on then you tighten down at home....anything from washing his mouth out with soap (yes, it still works) to taking away privledges, etc. If there is nothign going on and he's doing this at 10...if you don't get a handle on it now....teen years are going to become a nightmare...good luck...R.

My son was in middle school, 6th or 7th grade, when he would get mad at us and scream so that his face would get beat red. I could never figure out what was wrong as he wouldn't talk about it. We moved to another state the summer after his 7th grade year and he was much better. It all went away. I asked him if he liked our new home or our old home and he said our new one. He told me then that he got picked on a lot in school since going into middle school. He and his old friends went in different directions and he couldn't fit in. That must have been it because he his happy now at almost 16. Just have that teenage attitude to deal with now but much more pleasant. Check with his school and the teachers and snoop around talking with other kids. I find out a lot of what is going on by eating lunch with my 11 year who is in 4th grade. I sit and talk with the kids around us about what has been going on. They tell you more than you think and they don't even know it.
Good luck. Maybe he can talk to the counselor at school.

There is definitely something specific going on with your son and it sounds like it could be relatively serious. I don't mean to be an alarmist, but don't stop until you get some answers.

Enlist the help from a professional if you need to...his doctor, a school counselor, a teacher he likes...somebody that he likes and trusts. I'm not trying to say he doesn't feel that way about you, but sometimes a professional has a way of getting things out of kids that we just can't get to becuase we are to emotionally involved.

It could be something as simple as bullys at school or something like that, but you have to find out.

Good luck.

I have to agree with one of the other posts. Have his glucose levels (blood sugar) checked out by a doctor. I'm diabetic, so is my oldest sister and so was my mom. When my levels drop low I get REAL irritable, and sometimes that's putting it nicely. You said it was in the morning and late afternoons, that sounds real familiar to me.