Seeking Moms Help

Wow, you are a VERY young mom to have a 12 year old. And five kids? You've got your hands full. All I can say is you need to find consequences that she REALLY cares about and implement them. Set clear, realistic goals for her to reach so she can earn your trust back. If my child did that I'd start by cleaning out her room. She's not respecting other people's property so why should she have any property of her own. Let her earn her possessions back. Also, what about having her do some community service? I believe you have to be strict and show you really mean business. I know it's easier said than done.

I have all boys, but as a young girl I did the samething and when my mom found out what I did she took my to the school with a bucket of bleach and made me clean off everything I wrote and whatever else was on the wall. That cured me of it quick especialy since she did it while school was going on. Yes I was totally embarressed but eventually I lived it down and never did it again. That may seem harsh but it's worth a try.

I don't have a child that old yet, my daughter is only almost 4, but I remember being that age and having some inappropriate friends that you used to get me to do things that I wouldn't normally do because I was a follower. Anyways, she might need tough back. Like an awakening kind of a thing, maybe not as drastic as Oprah's boot camp, but maybe a trip to tour a juvenile hall or to talk to someone who had a rough childhood or went through tough times when they were younger. She might get worse if something doesn't happen, because it is as early as junior high that sex and drugs and drinking come into play. Good luck.

First off M.--major props to you for handling 5 children!!! About your 12 year old: I sure hope the school made her scrub the walls clean. You could also try that at home. Tell her since she likes to mess things up so much, you're going to help her by giving her more "fun chores". Scrubbing the windows, shower, whatever. You could even do some graffiti on your own about what your daughter did and how hard it will be to clean off (try using a pastel crayon). Or check her drawers and if they're jammed packed with a mess (which I'm sure they are since she's 12) I'd dump every drawer she has in the middle of the room and she will have to refold and organize them. This sounds pretty harsh, I know, but friend - 12 is nothing - just wait for 15!! If you can get her to have some respect now, maybe it won't escalate into anything more serious.

I'd also take her to the students' home (that she was saying mean things about) and have her apologize to the girl with her parents present. This will make her accountable for her actions. Good luck to you M. and pat yourself on the back every day. Buy yourself treats often because you deserve it!

V.

Dear M.,

Try to find out what your daughter loves to do, then help her find a way to spend time doing it. Art? Dance? Take her to plays and concerts, tell her to chose a friend to go with you two. Sit with her when she is doing homework and ask her about it and the class, and how the teacher is , just be interested in her and what SHE thinks and enjoys, or hates, be a Mom/friend. She is hurting and probably those girls were mean and cold or snotty to her. Maybe? Who knows, but for sure, she is scared and sad.

Good Luck, C. N.

M.,
I have a son who just turned 12 last week and when he was 10 or 11 he started to not care about the consequences of things,and did things to make his dad and I sooo mad. Like not wearing a helmet when he rides his bike, or yes writing obsenities on the walls. So one day I packed him up and took him to the local police department. I told him that my son thought he was too cool to not wear a helmet and didn't think he needed one. So they straightened him up real quick and I have never seen him so scared in my life like that day. Sometimes you need to let them know that there are still rules that not only them but we as adults that we have to follow. So for your daughter by her writing stuff in the bathroom is graffiti and if she did that outside of school she would be fined ect.... Just an idea!