Seeking Moms Who Have Child with ADHD and Aspergers

Updated on October 02, 2010
D.H. asks from Newark, DE
8 answers

I have an 11 year old son with both of those things. They affect how he behaves socially on a lot of manners, including in public. I also have an 8 year old son. Both goof around a lot in public. Any input out there about when to tell the older one about puberty and the birds and bees? The older one is not really showing any signs of puberty yet. I have answered any questions that have come up over the years, but not much has come up. Socially he's a little backward because of the Aspergers, so I don't see the need to tell him just yet about the sex part. In fact, I'm afraid should I tell him more than he should ask about he will tell younger brother, and thus add more fuel to their often obnoxious goofing around in public. The public school plans to tell kids his age about some things (too much, I feel), so I'm intervening a little. I don't want to feel pushed into telling him more than I think he is ready for--which is how I feel the school is starting to do. (this is a small continuation to below-couldn't get it in below): despite what hubby says, I still don't want the school to do any "for me', and don't know WHEN to do it. I also know how little boys can act about it!! Advice?
Have any of you come to this point yet with your "special needs" children? Have you decided WHEN to have any "talks"? My husband thinks I'm worrying too much about it, but I deal with the kids more at times--and they have more nerve around me than around him.

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B.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Welcome to my world!! Our 13yo son is autistic with adhd who entered puberty over a year ago. Our school district has decided to introduce conception and exactly how that is acheived the day after the 'puberty talk' in 5th grade. We feel that's way too much info at too young an age especially for kids who have impulse control issues and an inability or difficulty understanding social boundaries/cues, etc. We've taken this part of his education very seriously and answer any and all questions the kids come to us with. My husband reads the books we have regarding puberty with our son instead of leaving him to do it on his own. As much as this was working at first, he's beginning to need more in depth information and we're at a loss as to what the best way to do that is. Through discussions with his pediatrician we have been able to find a counselor who specializes in this. He has training in introducing puberty and all that goes with it to kids on the spectrum. As you know, kids on the spectrum learn differently than 'typical' peers and can't just be lumped in with the rest of them.

Fortunately my husband and I are on the same page as to how and when the information is being introduced. We feel that as parents it's our job, not the school's, to make sure our kids have the best information introduced in the way that goes along with the way we've decided to raise our kids. We make sure we answer any and all questions they have but only volunteer the information they need and not confusing them with too much. Basically, you'll have to talk to your son to find out what he knows and what he's ready to learn at this point. For kids on the spectrum, too much information can be overwhelming, confusing and scary. Start with the basics about the changes he will soon be going through, what they may mean for him and in the meantime try to find someone in your area who might be able to help you navigate these confusing, sometimes difficult times.

Best of luck to you!

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J.F.

answers from Philadelphia on

I have a 7 year old with Autism and ADHD. I wanted to say that a lot of kids with Autism their behavior can change with puberty, I would explain things now and keep talking to him and watch out for any behavior changes. BTW he is a kid first and siblings goof around I know my 3 do and it can get crazy taking them out.

Joanna
mom to 3 girls ages 9,7,and 6

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

hi -
I don't have any kids with aspergers/adhd but i do work with kids with these diagnoses. A great resource for books on a variety of topics for children/adults with aspergers/social skill issues is :
http://thegraycenter.org/
you can search the bookstore (top right link) - when i did a search for "Puberty" the following book came up "Boys' Guide to Becoming a Teen" -
Description:
"Becoming a teen is an important milestone in every boy’s life. It’s even more important to get answers and advice to the most common health issues boys face from a trusted source. The American Medical Association Boy’s Guide to Becoming a Teen is filled with invaluable advice to get you ready for the changes you will experience during puberty. Learn about these important topics and more:
* Puberty and what kinds of physical and emotional changes you can expect—from your developing body to your feelings about girls
* The importance of eating the right foods and taking care of your body
* Pimples, acne, and how to properly care for your skin
* Your reproductive system—inside and out
* Thinking about relationships and dealing with new feelings "

There is also a book that you might enjoy reading "Asperger Syndrome in Adolescence"
http://thegraycenter.org/index.php?page=shop.product_deta...


you would need to look through the book(s) and decide what you wanted to share with him (maybe copy parts of the book for him? or just read and then verbally share the info)

good luck! :)

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C.P.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am currently dealing with this with my two sons age 12 & 10 today! My 10 yo has Aspergers and my 12 year old is starting to show more signs as he gets older, but has not been diagnosed. We have had issues with my sons being inappropriate and we also have a 6 yo daughter to complicate matters. My 12 year old did learn at school and was grossed out by it, and my 10 year old (who has more issues than the older one) probably picks up more sexual (bathroom) talk from movies...His favorite is Kung Fu Panda "tenders." So I do feel the school talk will be less of an issue than you are concerned about. It is definately something to discuss with them and let them understand (as best they can) that it is not appropriate to talk about in public. Also, the fact that their peers are all learning about it at the same time, you want to make sure that they are not left out in left field, but again my feelings are that they are so embarrased about it they didn't talk about it with their friends too much. Best of luck to you as it is always a challenge with special needs children and 2 boys complicates it, but remember this too shall pass.

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P.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

I have a 13 yo son with ADHD...so I KNOW about impulse control. My husband took him out of town for a "guys weekend" about 2 years ago. They spent the weekend in a hotel...watched movies on tv...took in some baseball games and in between...discussed adolescence...body changes...sex...etc. That way, he covered a lot in a weekend without overwhelming him in one setting. He knew they were out of earshot of me and his younger sister, so he felt more free to ask questions. It is not the school's job to teach your kids about this stuff, but if you don't, the will!

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi Donna,
Since your son is 11 he will most likely start to hear his peers talking about this stuff. Therefore, I would probably want to be the one to tell him. There are some really good books, written for children, on the subject. Perhaps presenting it more in a clinical / biological way focusing on the human body versus the sexual (kissing) way would cut down on the silliness. Although I would still share with him your personal beliefs. (i.e. this is some thing special that happens between a husband and wife who love one another).
Best of luck.

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T.S.

answers from Dallas on

I know that this answer is a little late. I do have a son who has ADHD and Aspergers. He is 14. My husband had the "Talk" with him at 13. Aspergers boys are typically very immature so you can wait a little longer. I am collecting a list of other mothers who have sons with this dual diagnosis so that we can trade information. It would be great to know which Doctors you are using and what has and has not worked with your boys. I am in the middle of a great deal of research trying to find treatments that work. I am focusing of a cure, not just management. Let me know if you want to stay in touch.

T.

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi, D.:

What I was wondering about is: How come you and your husband haven't come up with a solution to this question?

Just want to know.
D.

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