This is related to my last question about my husband and I having to leave my 13 month old daughter for 2.5 weeks. Many people tell me that one reason not to leave her will be for the anxiety issue. What is the worst that could happen, she goes into a crying fit, for how long? Could it get to an uncontrollable point that's dangerous? Could it be damaging long term? And thanks to all those who answered my last question!
I can't see any child going into an uncontrollable, extended, dangerous crying fit. She will cry at first, and then she will be distracted by something, and she'll be fine.
I think you should go, and not worry. She will be fine.
Okay, so I read your previous post. I am so sorry to hear about your father! I don't think I would take her. Baby's really have no concept of time, so as long as she is in loving care, she will be okay. Is there any way you can Skype with her while you're gone? If not, I would make some videos of you and your husband talking to her! Tell her you love her, read her favorite story, play peekaboo with the camera... This will not scar her! She probably won't even remember once you're back. You may want to schedule time when you get back to be with her a few days before going back to work. Good Luck!
My husband and I have moved 13 times in the last 10 years. We have three kids; a four year old boy, a two year old boy, and a four month old daughter. We have had my parents and/or my husbands parents watch our kids for a week or so at a time, and we were all okay. Yes, I missed my kids. But it made it all that much sweeter when we were able to be together again.
If I remember correctly, you will be going to a place where you feel your daughter could catch something and/or you will not be able to spend as much time with your father as you would like to. Go, and don't worry about it. Your daughter will be fine. Just make sure that you check in as often as you need to with the people who are caring for her. Yes, she will miss you. But it will be that much sweeter when you come and get her.
She will be fine! You are leaving her with people she knows and is used to spending time with. Yes you will miss her and she will miss you but there will be no "long term damage". It sounds like it would be better for her to stay home with the health exposure concerns that you have. Leave her a photo book with pictures of you and your husband that she can look at. Call her or Skype her if possible.
She will be fine. They really don't have a sense of time at that age. When my husband and I traveled and called home frequently, it actually caused more issues. My Mom asked me not to call every day or even every other day b/c it was harder to console the boy/boys and they got distressed every time.
And don't let people make you feel guilty. Of course they've bonded with you, and they will continue to remain bonded with you. Go and don't feel guilty. The child might exhibit anger (not for long at all) when you return, or might ignore you a bit, but that's normal too. Just have the caretaker keep them on schedule as much as they can. Everyone will be fine!
Is it absolutely necessary that you leave your daughter for so long? Can one of you just go so one of you can stay home? My son is 13 months old and there's no way I would leave him for that long. At this age your child is bonded to you. This makes me very sad for your child. Is there any reason why you can't bring her with you?
You want to have a picture of yourself and your husband. Maybe even make up a little mommy & daddy themed album.
You can call her and she will hear your voice.
Since your in-laws have been with her a lot I wouldn't worry. She is to young to have such a meltdown over it.
I just answered your other question and then saw this one.... please don't let people put silly thoughts into your head - she is 13 months old.. she will be fine. Go.
I will say that given my personal experience (husband travels and when I would watch children for friends when they were away, etc) I TOTALLY agree with the poster who said that it causes MORE anxiety when you check in frequently. IMO you'd be better off checking in when she's asleep and she if she's doing OK and then if needed do a live call/ Skype.
In my experience babies that young don't have a broad time concept.... but they do know/want (!!) what is right before them....hence it causing issues for the caregiver when you check in frequently. Just my experience.
At 13 months if she has never been away from you before, she may have problems sleeping, crying and wanting mommy. If she is staying at Grandma's I am sure she will be enjoying her time and having a good time but will probably still miss mommy around bedtime and when she gets worn out. If you let whoever watching her know your schedule it would be helpful. Long term problems would be unlikely but if she would have them it would be clinginess to you when you get home, fear of being left at the care takers again and could be she will have bad dreams. That could last just a few days or for a while, but usually they won't have those. My granddaughter wasn't much older then your daughter when my son and his wife spent a month in another town while my daughter in laws father was dying from cancer. My granddaughter was use to being at my house since she spent the night quite often and I babysat her while her mom worked since she was born. She did great and had no problems at all. Remember time flies when you are having fun... I am sure she will be having fun!
In Walmart there is a storybook that you record that is called "when you're away" or something like that, it is Elmo. I bought one for my granddaughter when she had to move to another town and was missing me a lot. I recorded it with her, she told the story she thought it was then I read the words. At the end I sang her a little song that I have always sang to her when she was a baby. Might want to give her something like that so she can hear you read her a story whenever she misses you.
So sorry about your father! It is important for you to go and be with him at this time - you will be glad you did!
The other suggestions are great, especially videotaping you and your hubby reading/talking to her! It would be great if she could settle down with a video of you before bedtime. I would only add that it may also be helpful to create a calendar that she and grandma can cross off the days until you return, unless the return date is not set in stone. You will all benefit greatly if you can arrange to talk to her at least once a day, via skype or phone.
But I think it will ultimately be more difficult for her to travel to a foreign country. Jet-lag is hard on adults - can't even imagine what it would do to a one-year-old! Since she is already comfortable with your in-laws, and able to remain in her routine, etc, it will be better in the long-run. Best of luck and safe travels!
I read both your posts also. I too am sorry about your father. I wouldn't take her, and I don't think you need to worry about her well-being while you're gone. I left my daughter with my parents when she was about that age for a similar length of time, and she survived and thrived! She's close to my parents, and I think that's good.
:)
