Separation Anxiety and Sleeping

I had the same problem a couple months ago when my son was the same age. We left him with his grandparents at their house only to return later that night, but he was too upset to sleep and that is when the seperation started. I had a week of him crying when I left the room to put him to bed and such. I finally just told him that "Mommy will be here when you wake up in the morning" and that worked just fine. I also got him a teddy bear to sleep with and he has his blankie. Now he would wake up once in the night and I would go in there an hold him for about 5 minutes and then tell him the same thing and put him back in bed and within a few nights he was back to normal???

Hi, I am a 49 year old mother of five children 15, 20, 22, 29, and 31. I have a little different view of this sleeping in your crib thing. I always started mine out in their crib at night. Sometimes this meant I rocked them to sleep or I patted them gently in their crib until they fell asleep. However once they awoke in the middle of the night I tucked them into my bed with me. I slept, they slept and there were no night time wars. As they grew older this happened less and less. Eventually they were back in their rooms all night. You of course will hear from people that tell you that this is wrong and you should never do it. Most of them are Americans. In other countries family sleeping is the excepted norm. I have five independent strong willed children who have grown up normally and survived their "family bed time" and we were all much better rested.

I think you need to get him back in his bed, and reteach him how to fall aseep on his own. Maybe he's associated his bed with pain since his ear infection. Try giving him something to "stop the hurt"--a boo-boo bunny (washcloth bunny, no ice cube!) or maybe hanging a "healthy fairy" doll in a corner. Have a ritual in his room to "chase out all the hurties". Whatever it takes to make him feel like his room is a safe, comfortable place again, and he doesn't need to get all his comfort from you.

Set up a regular bedtime routine again: bath, snack, toothbrush, story, start some calming music before you leave the room was ours. And I love those glow-in-the-dark stars you stick on the ceiling. My sister has those up in her guest room (used to be son's room) They give me something to look at after lights out, and I can never stay awake until they fade!

Yes, this too shall pass! Right now he's at the height of the age for separation anxiety and I'm sure the illness didn't help, as it got him away from his routine. Give it some time and it will get better. Generally, kids don't cry for 5 hours unless they are really emotionally upset, so cuddle him and he'll be fine.

Yes, this too shall pass. But, I also advocate co-sleeping. I just don't see anything wrong with it. I also disagree with nay-sayers who say that then you'll "never" get them out of your bed. Well, never is a pretty long time. Also, we are working on transitioning our 18 month old. She is getting better. She will sleep 4-5 days out of 7 in her own bed. When we started, it was only 1-2. So, it does get better. I also have to say that I hate CIO. I just don't think that anyone can get a GOOD nights sleep that way. But, as he learned, sleeping with mommy is great. Again, this too shall pass. Good luck.

You know, just when you think you know the rules to the game, everything changes! I have always felt this was almost a mantra during my child rearing years.

My 2 boys, now ages 27 and 17, hated their cribs. The oldest shook his apart! The youngest just cried, like you said, for hours and hours. Of course that benefited nobody, so I would take him out and rock him until we both fell asleep. And woke in the morning in the rocking chair, again not so good.

My daughter, age 8 now, would NOT sleep with me. I wanted her to as I was breast feeding and she was eating alot and often! So I would put her in her crib, and she would sleep for her 2 hours, then wake for another feeding. Again, and again ,and again....:)

I truly think that once kids get a taste of an interrupted sleep cycle, and they are old enough to get it, they really latch onto it. I think it's a control issue, partly. Also, wouldn't you rather snuggle up with someone that you know is just around the corner rather than sleep alone, at least sometimes?

So here is how we dealt with it. And I should tell you first that eventually, our daughter found out that she DID like to sleep with mom and dad after all...We let them sleep with us. Oh my, the people that we told were mostly horrified. We were spoiling them horribly, we were messing them up for life. They would never be able to separate from us......

Facts: All 3 kids are very well adjusted, stable, and independent souls. Yes, we had nights that we did want some alone time that we just didn't get. And for awhile there you would have thought the bathroom was our bedroom. But you know what? They are only little once. They needed and wanted us and we were there. And they still know that we are, although we have our bed back! And once in awhile the youngest (8), will crawl in bed for a few minutes, but then she goes back to her bed, usually quite quickly. She just wants reassurance now and then.

I say do what works for you. There isn't a right or wrong answer. We didn't get manuals when our kids were born, thank God. If it feels right, it probably is. And if you don't want them in your bed, that's ok too. You will just have to work out a plan.

I know someone that did the blow up mattress deal. She put the mattress next to her and her husbands bed and told her child he could sleep next to them, but had to stay on the mattress. Then they moved in closer to his room however often. Until it was in his room. And then he eventually got into his bed. This seems arduous to me, but hey, if it worked for them, it worked for them.

I just don't believe in letting them cry for hours. I think 20 minutes is enough, even more than enough. Personally, I love that my child loves me so much that she wants to be with me. I also love knowing that my kids grew up secure and confident, and really cool people.

Have fun and remember, the most important thing is that everyone is getting enough sleep! PS. My 27 and 17 year olds don't sleep with us anymore! (hehe)

R.

I would encourage you to get him back in his own bed. He's old enough to understand that,"We sleep in our own beds." It may be rough for a few days, but hang in there. You may want to consider a reward for sleeping in his own bed. You need to be in charge on this one.

Yes, this to shall pass, however:
He is associating the pain and discomfort with being alone in his own bed and is craving the comfort and warmth of being with someone else to ward off the pain and discomfort.
Ear pain is so intense I can't believe it. Never realized how bad it was until at 27 I developed my first ear ache after being caught in the undertow and hitting the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. I spent the two days after that experience in the most horrible pain I could imagine. Labor pain doesn't even come close, although looking back the pain from my gall bladder came close.
One of the things that helps eliminate ear pain, for reasons I don't phantom is heat. It is always comforting for someone to wrap you in their arms and cuddle you when you don't feel well. In his mind he associates freedom from the pain with being held, cuddled, kept warm, and your scent.
I suggest you get him back into his own bed quickly. Try one of those neat things you heat in the microwave (day of the hot water bottle being over, sigh) and put it in the bed with him, music, a nightlight (only if absolutely necessary) and bedtime story (only as long as he will lay down to hear it and no story if he won't lay down), a special item to cuddle with (my daughter (now 28) had a receiving blanket she took to bed with her every night. My oldest son had a brown bear (which we still have for him to use with his own children when they come along) and my 10 year old has "puppy" which he keeps in his room and uses once in awhile even yet) while they are falling asleep.
You need to remain in control of the situation or you will lose much more important battles in the future.
P. R.