Separation Anxiety in a 16 Month Old

I agree with Missy F. He's this way because he hasn't learned how to be with just himself. Sounds like veryone makes sure that they're with him so he won't cry. The focus now needs to be on helping him learn that it's OK to be by himself.

When you leave the room, tell him you're going to the kitchen and will be right back. Keep talking to him as you leave but don't give in to his demand to stay there. Let him follow you if he wants to do so. If he follows you, ignore his tears.

Be sympathetic while continuing to encourage him to be by himself. Perhaps set him up with a toy or two before leaving the room.Tell him that he's OK and quickly leave.

At first make your leaving short. Go back in with him in 5 minutes or so and gradually lengthen the time you're gone. He will eventually be able to be by himself for longer periods of time.

Do not hold him when he's crying. By doing so you're giving him attention for doing something you don't want him to do. Hold him when he's quiet. You could start out holding him before you're going to leave the room while telling him you're going to leave in a sympathetic tone of voice. Make it quick. Leave quickly. Return in 5 minutes and tell him you're back but don't pick him up or hold him. Be matter of fact. Tell him in a matter of fact voice that he's OK.

After you've held him before leaving a couple of times, don't hold him anymore before leaving. Advance to telling him you're leaving and that he'll be ok. Then advance to just leaving.

It will take time and consistency. It is hard to not respond to those tears. Remember, tho, that by trying to calm him you're also giving him the message that he's not OK. Your goal is to teach him that he is OK. It's OK to cry but don't reward the crying. Teach him how to handle his anxiety.

yay Marda P! Great answer!

It's not a stage... it's a learned behavior. Time to teach (and reinforce) a new one! Look at it that way and think of it as teaching him how to entertain himself. This will make everyone's lives happier in the long run.

Don't give in! Some kids go through this, but if you do what he wants to keep him from crying, it only reinforces the behavior. Talk to him when he's upset that you're away from him, reassure him with words that he's fine and you're still right there. Let him sit next to you, but not on you constantly, and encourage him to go play. Don't entertain him non-stop, in fact make it boring to be right near you while the exciting toys are on the other side of the room. If you stop giving in to him, he will get over it eventually. I've had many kids suddenly start this behavior, but I just go about business as usual, don't just carry them around or let them follow me everywhere or hold them on my lap, and they develop the security needed to know that they are safe and fine, even if I'm out of sight for a minute.
Good luck!

Sounds to me that he's never left alone so it really upsets him when he is. I would ask the parents help in getting him through this.

I think you can help him overcome it by showing him that people DO come back. So go ahead and walk out of the room; stay away maybe 30 seconds and come back. Do this several times. Then gradually start increasing the time that you are away. Eventually he will come to realize that you DO come back and he should calm down a bit when you leave.

Now, just getting him over this now is good, but keep in mind that ALL of my kids and grandkids went through separation anxiety at age 3 when they had been fine before. For some reason, at least with my kids/grandkids, age 3 brought it back again.

Ditto Marda. It is SO hard to not react to crying, but he needs to learn he's OK. You have an opportunity to teach him a very important life lesson!

Sounds like he's either left alone (which you say isn't true) or never left alone (which seems untrue if parents have you babysit). I can't say what's up at home but at the surface, maybe parents should try leaving for short periods of time. They should say goodbye, be sweet and leave from the front door happy. Not sure if they are the "sneaking out the back" type of people but that just makes the kid feel like their parents disappeared. If they leave upset, he thinks something must be wrong with them going. If they come back in about 30 minutes or an hour then he will learn that they will always be back for him.

Well, unless you have a child like this, it is hard to understand how difficult a child like this can be. 2 of my 4 have been like this so far (and #4 is still a baby so I'm not sure if he will be like this as well). I do agree that you need to practice with him and it is hard work. I am impressed already that he will at least go to you without his parents around - my kids wouldn't even do baby-sitters and that's been a huge struggle for me. But, my kids are getting there. My second child snapped out of it when my third child (surprise pregnancy) was almost 2 years old. It happened to be when my baby was about 3 months old. Now that baby #4 is about 3 months old, my child #3 is finally snapping out of it at 2 years 7 months. We worked with him for a year to go to our nursery at church (leaving him, letting him cry, staying with him, telling him we're leaving and we will come back....etc)....we just barely started having success a month ago and now he's excited to go.

It may be a phase and some kids will just snap out of it a lot faster than others BUT there are some children that just need to be with someone and it may take some more time. Be as patient as you can because that time will come. It just may not be until another sibling is mixed into the family (like it happened for us) or it may just take some time until they grow out of it. I would say that it may have been my parenting styles if all my children were that way, but they weren't. Good luck and do your best. The time will come and it will feel like "freedom at last."