Severe Seperation Anxiety in Three Yr Old at Night.

I think Daddy needs to be the one putting him to bed and spending a little more time with him in the evenings.....I know that is going to be tough on his schedule, but he needs to make the effort........He also needs to explain his job to him a bit and why he works, and how much he loves him.

It's probably a stage and soon it will be YOU he wants.......kids go through this......
Stick to your guns though about the sleep thing.....don't give in......I know it's hard, but you are right if you give in, it's going to be a mess later......

Try to get your husband to start a going to bed routine.....maybe read a book, make up a story to be continued.....talk about Daddy's day at work, anything to spend time and relate to your son, and why he needs his sleep as does Daddy........tuck him in, sit with him for a few minutes, etc.....

Good Luck and take care.....and congrats on you doing great.....sounds like things went well.....

Maybe he is picking up on all the stress that there has been in the house and is needing more reassurance to compensate. I don't think that he will do it forever. Look at it from his point of view - he wants his parents around to feel safe.

Maybe spend other times of the day really focusing attention on him & see if that helps at night. Try playing with his toys and have the "kid" go to sleep by himself and the "parents" sleep in another room and let him work through different scenarios. It's not to teach him that kids need to stay in their beds, but rather to help him work through his worries and problems with the idea. So, don't correct, but encourage it all to come out.

I think it's 'Sleepless in America' that teaches a gradual change. First, be with him, then next to the bed, then in the middle of the room, and so forth. But I'm not sure how this will help in the middle of the night. I used to pull my little one into my bed and fall back asleep. I didn't want to lose any more sleep than I had to.

I am so sorry for you little boy, and you too. But as a child I had extreme separation anxiety. I was about 5 when it started, so i remember it so clearly. I though i was going to die . All I could do was scream, until someone came to help me. am sure your little guy is feeling worried about you, that is very scary what you are going through. He is old enough to pick up on the stress and worry that you and your husband are having.
That said I am sure you need sleep.
I believe that cosleeping is a good thing, but it doesn't work for everyone.
I recommend letting him sleep in your bed until he is able to sleep calmly again, then buying him a really cool new sleeping bad or pillow that he gets to use on your floor near your bed, once that is going well buy him some new sheets to entice him back to his own bed. I believe doing this will give him the confidence, and security that everything is ok.
just remember that anxiety is not rational, and it feels awful for him. I would let him come to your bed, where HE knows he is safe.
Good luck, I am glad you are making it through your cancer, my heart goes out to you and your family. It is a phase and it will pass.

I didn't read the other answers, and I saw that you had already responded, but saw also that you had said keep the responses coming. So I'm putting my two cents in that I think vacay week is a GREAT time to implement new strategies. It may not seem so, but this is a time that noone is on a time constraint, and is available to be flexible with bedtime/waketime routines. These were the times that my hubby and I did the big changes - sleeping in own crib, swap to big girl bed, new bedtime etc. It's so helpful to have someone "on your side" who is just as determined and just as flexible as us being the "stay-at-work mom"

-Good Luck girl! and wish you the very best on a thorough recovery!!

Hi there.

First of all, thank goodness YOU are ok. I am sure you have had an enormous amount of stress on your plate. About you son....

I have been going through a very similar thing with my almost 3 year old son. It has been an absolute nightmare. Its been going on since April and prior to that, he was a great sleeper. It started one night when my husband and I went out to dinner and we had a sitter he hadn't seen in a while. All the separation anxiety started that night.... literally.

For months, we have gone in his room to cover him with his blankie 3-5 times a night when he calls out for us. One night in August we tried to let him "cry it out" and it went on for over 1.5 hours before I thought my heart was going to stop from the stress of it all. Then it was back to covering him with his blanket 3-5 times a night.

I, too, don't want him sleeping in our bed and I don't want us to wind up sleeping in his room. So I consulted a sleep trainer through St. Jude's Medical Center. We had a phone consult and she emailed me a plan specific to him.

There has been some degree of crying involved, but there has also been a lot of reassurance along the way. I feel that when I child is feeling anxious or scared, it is our job as parents to comfort them and help them feel secure. At the same time, we can do it in a way that encourages them to become more self-reliant. So each night we have been waiting longer and longer to go in and comfort him. For the past two nights, he is actually going back to sleep on his own after calling for us for a short time. No more crying at this point.

I still can't believe the drama and trauma is "over" because it is too good to be true, but I STRONGLY suggest you and your husband figure out your own plan that involved comforting him and meeting his needs so he knows he isn't alone while slowly trying to get him to become less reliant on you.

So when he cries at night for your husband, mom (not dad) should go in, tell him you are here for him, and you love him and that you will be back to check on him in a little bit (5 minutes, 20 minutes.... whatever you are comfortable with). And then after the amount of time you told him, you have to be sure to go back and check on him ONLY if he is still crying and calling for you. So then go back in and tell him you love him, etc (be very brief, only a minute and say the same exact thing each time), and tell him you'll be back in X amount of time to check on him. And that is how the process goes.

Good luck!!!!!!

I agree with Denise. you dont want to start bad habbits. maybe daddy can give him a bath, get him ready for bed, and spend some time with him..... my mom said i went through the same thing but i didnt have a dad to be with... and maybe if its nice weather daddy and ur son could go to the park and pay so that he gets some daddy time...
I know its rough but keep your head up high and dont start bad habbits

So sorry to hear about your cancer...I hope you are feeling well! (Our son would cry like that from birth through 2 years and still tries to get into bed with us sometimes and he is seven now!) Maybe your little guy is having a hard time dealing with your illness. It had to be confusing to see Mommy sick and Daddy home taking care of him and doing all the things you would normally do. He might be scared of not having you and clinging to Daddy?
It's heart breaking to hear that he is so sad at bedtime. Maybe a new self soothing strategy? You and Daddy can read a nice happy book with him. Reassure him that he is okay and try to get him to settle down that way. We had trouble with our son because he started out as a really fussy baby and we got into bad habits with how we soothed him. Since this is a new thing and he was so good about sleeping in the past I would think he is overwhelmed with something else and this is the only way he knows how to deal with it. I agree with you though that he needs to be able to sleep without Daddy sleeping with him. Vacation might be a blessing. This way you and your husband can take the time to get him to settle down without having to resort to sleeping with him out of exhaustion and hopefully be able to nap the next day! Good luck to you Momma....best wishes to you and your family :)

We went through something very similar when my oldest was three. This could have to do with stress felt within the family with your scary diagnosis and surgery. We did not have anything scary or stressful happening at the time, so keeping that in mind, here is what we did.

She was having HORRIBLE tantrums in the middle of the night, crying for daddy, waking up the whole house for hours, etc. At one point she told me that she didn't want me to sleep in the same bed as daddy anymore...?? This totally freaked me out so we went to the pediatrician who explained that she's just going through a phase and is trying to assert her "power" over us. She said that she was on a major power trip and we needed to nip it in the bud. She told us to tell her that when she starts screaming and crying at night that we're going to close the door and lock it and we won't come back until she settles down.

This sounded extremely barbaric, but we were at our wits end, so we tried it. The first night I sat outside her door and held the door shut so she couldn't get out. She screamed for over an hour, and I reminded her a couple of times (yelling through the door) that I would not come in until she was quiet. She was finally quiet and I went in and gave her a drink of water and tucked her in. She went right to sleep. The second night was about 45 minutes, the next was 40 mins, etc. It took about five days and she completely stopped. The screaming did wake up our 6 month old, but she was being woken up anyway from her tantrums, so it was worth it for us to continue with it.

I know this solution isn't for everyone, and with the stressful situation in your family this might not be the best idea for you guys, but it worked for us. It was so hard on us to hold the door shut and listen to her scream, but it did the job. She was back to her old sleeping-through-the-night self in no time!