Sex Drive - Byron Center,MI

It is totally normal. My trick of getting around it is that I just start and once we get going then my libido usually catches up to me. Sometimes it doesn't, but usually it does. I definately go through peaks and valleys with my sex drive. My son is 18 months. Good luck!

Hello D.,

Please don't feel embarrassed asking about this. It is natural to have reduced sex drive after having children. You are much busier then before and probably get less rest then before. Thing is with time in any marriage romantic encounters tend to be less often due to many factors. Jobs, children, our lives become busy and it is just not there like before. That is normal and there are things you can do. I am 42 yrs old with 2 teen boys and I run a daycare. By 6pm at night I am so exhausted all I want to do is chill. I am not in the mood for anything. But I am married and if my hubby is home we try to make time for us. We snuggle and have foreplay usually ,even when I am not in the mood by the time we are done I am.Three years ago I had a partial hysterectomy and my drive plumeted. A womens body is constently changing. Talk to your husband on what is going on and plan a time when you both can get together alone. Light some candles put on something that makes you feel good and go from there. Another thing you can do is have a Pure Romance party. Our marriage was so filled with stress that it was in trouble this summer. That is when we realized we needed to get our focus back on us. I just had a pure romance party with all my girlfriends. The consultant will help you find ways to enhance your love life. We all had a blast and our hubbys, boyfriends are happy to because we now have things to bring some spice into your relationship. Communication with your spouse is the biggy here.

All the advice from the women so far has been great, but I wanted to add one thing that wasn't mentioned. Breastfeeding can act as a sexual experience for you, i know it sounds kind of wierd and creepy, but it's not, I have a book that talks about it if you're interested. Obviously for most women when your husband plays with your breasts, it turns you on. Breastfeeding may have "gotten you in the mood" without you realizing it. You might want to suggest to your husband that now that you are no longer leaking milk all over the place, your breasts can begin to be an erogenous zone again. Foreplay is really important for any postpartum mom, you just need to find ways to get turned on again. I agree that if you feel like you need a doctor's advice don't hesitate to ask for it, but by simply communicating to your husband that your desires are a little different now and that what worked before doesn't now, the problem may resolve itself. ( my husband was afraid to touch my breasts again until I told him it was okay and I liked it) sorry if that got a little gross!
good luck~

I breast fed my daughter until she was 9 months. As we all learn that breast feeding can drain you and I think that once you breast feed for a while and then you stop you HAVE to get on some vitamin to get your body normal again. It may take a couple months or so but I think it will help. I know for me it took me getting back wto work and exercising for me to feel normal and now things are ok, but I know how you are feeling.

I know that the wal mart brand one a day pills for diet and energy are good.

~~~E.

First off this is nothing to be embarassed about. It happens to women who have babies. It happened to me with my first child. There really isn't anything you can do. All you can do is hope that you are in the mood when he is. You should talk to him about this and tell him what is going on. He will understand. Talking to your doctor about it may not be a bad idea. Maybe they can tell you something that will give you your sex drive back. Sometimes after a baby you lose your sex drive, but as the time goes on from when you had the baby it will come back. It could have gone away from stress. If you are stressed out try to relax. After my first child I lost my sex drive. Well it took over a year for it to come back. I should have talked to my doctor about it, but I didn't. After my second child I couldn't get enough and my boyfriend turned me down a few times. Now with my third I feel fine I am equal. I want it, but not obsessed with it or thinking about it all the time. Things even themselves out. But yes talk to your doctor don't worry I am sure the doctor has heard this question before and won't think it is stupid or anything. There are drugs out there to get women in the mood. I am not sure if they work or what they do exactly but maybe discuss that with your doctor also. I wish you good luck with this and like I said tell your husband and he will understand.

I had no sex drive when I was nursing - I suggest you see your doc and discuss it with him/her. Could be low hormones and maybe they have a solution. Mine told me that nursing can lower your hormone levels.

Its ok. This is normal. U have to look at the fact that u r a new mom & u have this child who is taking alot of time & energy from u. I know where u r coming from. My hubby would have to turn me down too. LOL. But the thing is, is sometimes u have to do it even if u dont feel like it. I know w/ me i may not have wanted to but once i got into it then I was good. My hubby & I have 2 kids. We have been together almost 9yrs married for 4 on the 5th of this month. We had down times too when i had my 2nd one. It took me some time to get back into the groove of things. but it will be ok. If u feel like u need to talk to your dr then talk to your dr. im sure your dr has heard much worse & why be embarassed that u enjoy sex w/ your hubby & u want to feel the enjoyment again. i hope this helps u out. good luck to u.

You have a 15 month old and no desire for sex???? (VBG ;)
Could it be that the activity level differences are also different enough where you are more tired now than you were before? Even though you have had the baby, your body is still busy trying to rebuild and store up all the necessary things that you were sharing before. Not to mention your hormones are still all over the place. I am thinking it is probably normal with everything you have going on right now. Do you work as well as care for your child?
I would definately share this with your Dr. They may give you supplements to help with your energy, you could also be suffering a mild case of postpartum depression or even have a tyroid problem (I think I read that 10% of women who give childbirth also develop thyroid issues-I know because my went dormant after I had my baby). Low Iron could also make you tired and less frisky.
Bottom line, I'm not a Dr or expert but I would see your Dr and have it checked out.
C. L.

Well D., I can relate.. When me and my hubby first got togeather 12 years ago, we used to have sex alot, then after our first son was born, wich was 11 year's ago. My sex drive went down, and now our fourth son later, who is now 16 months, MY sex drive is obsolete... I was so Confused, Im only 29???? I wondered my self was something wrong with me.. Then last week on either a dateline nbc or a 20/20 was on, and they did some research with women and the libido, and they said afterchild birth a womans brain goes into mommy mode and the first concern is her child and house hold.. They also relatedto me when they said women multi task so much that its hard forus to stay focused for that length of time. Ourbrain starts to wonder and figure out everyday things like the light billfor ex.. during sex.. lol.. I was like :I can relate to that, I have done that".. Killed my husbands moodcause silly me said my thoughts out loud. Ha Ha.. Anyways for a lot of women it is really normal for your libido to disappear.. You can go see a doctor or You can just talk to Your husband about being a lil more romantic with you and move a lil slower with the for play.. it takes alot for us older women with childeren, like me with 4 over the top boys..

I am so relieved to have read your request. The exact same thing happened to me. I even asked my Dr about and she was not muh help. She said I could try changin birth control methods but I am on the patch and really dont want to switch to a pill. I am at least glad to know I am not alone.

Hi D.! I experience a similar situation after the birth of my daughter. Here's a personal question for you--did you go on the pill after you finished breast feeding? I did--and my doc mentioned that sometimes the pill can cause a decrease in libido. I didn't have this symptom before childbirth, but our bodies change so much with pregnancy and labor! Just a thought. I went off the pill, and WOW what a difference!

Hi D.,
Boy did you find the right mom to ask for advice! I do romance parties for women and deal with this issue on a regular basis so I know I can help.
First, as I'm sure you know, the day your son was born, your entire life changed. Your every day revolves around your new baby boy, and by the time you go to bed, you are exhausted. It is really hard to feel up to sex when you are tired so it's understandable. Make sure you are taking vitamins and are sleeping when the baby sleeps so you don't wear out. You'll find yourself much more into your husband when you're not tired.
Second, most moms find it difficult to do the things for themselves that they did before children, especially the things that made us feel sexy such as pedicures, bubble baths, and so forth. Make sure that at least once a day you do something for yourself whether it be slapping some paint on your toe nails or actually spending time primping.
Third, the center of your world is now your child, that doesn't always leave time for affection and closeness in a relationship. Where before you had all the time on earth to talk, and bond, you now have to work on it. Date night is the best answer for this... pick a night out of the week when you can get a babysitter then spend time with your husband. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, it could be going for ice cream or window shopping. Just make it something that gives you time to talk and reconnect. This is important because sex is so mental for women. If you don't feel close to each other, sex is going to be the farthest thing from your mind.
Lastly, childbirth does some pretty radical things to a woman's body. Hormones levels fluctuate, and your body changes. In some cases, women lose sensitivity in their clitoris after childbirth, which can cause them to lose the urge to have sex. I recommend a good enhancement gel to bring sensation to it's peak, and remind you why sex is so great. Believe it or not, once you get the ball rolling, it will get easier. Having orgasms increases intimacy because the “cuddling hormone,” also known as oxytocin, is released in the brain and increases feelings of closeness and bonding.
Hope this helps a bit!