My sex drive has decreased more and more over the past 8 years. I am 33 with 2 young kids, ages 2 and 4. Since my second child it is now at it's ultimate low. I literally do not want sex or anything to do with it. The only reason I care is because my husband wants it so I feel like I need to do something about it. It is basically a chore for me to check off my list. Videos or self pleasure do not help. My husband is pretty good about helping around the house but we are both pretty busy. Any ideas and will this ever change (because it doesn't even seem possible any more).
Been there, Still there but... what ya gonna do... Take one for the team. You know AFTER you'll feel so relaxed and probably say. "That was so nice, why don't we do that more often" Seriously just say YES. I'm kinda diggin that new KY Intense, also use a toy in combination with him doing his thing.
mine did not really come back until my son was closer to 3 ... ask your hubbie to give you a little longer and if things do not change then I would start talking to your doctor. Just make sure he knows you love him and still find him attractive and try to give him a massage or something like that every so often.
Have you had your thyroid checked? Hypothyroidism can cause low libido.
When my kiddos were still nursing I wasn't really interested in sex but I chalked that up to hormones.
You'll laugh, but check, out Horny Goat Weed. It totally works! Just research it first (to make sure it's right for you) and get a good brand. I use Now Brand. ;)
Hi--
You're not alone--I was there, too. For me it was a hormonal imbalance (not unusual after a couple of kids). I chose to treat it naturally with nutritional supplements and herbs. Now my husband is a little over-whelmed by my new interest :-) We live in Castle Rock--If you'd like the name of the doc that helped me let me know.
J.
It took me about 3 years after my last child to get my sex drive back. She will be 11 this year and it comes and goes. It does feel like a chore but its one I feel has to be done. So I do it. Normally once it starts I am ok but the last few times its just been blah. I know for me its hormonal.
excellent book - The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michelle Weiner-Davis
It could be hormonal. Also, if you are taking any medications, check the side effects. I just had to switch anxiety medication for that very reason. There was a dramatic difference in my sex drive on that certain medication. When I was breastfeeding, it was exactly the same. My husband would get mad and think it was him, but I told him that sex didn't even occur to me. I didn't think about it at all. If nothing else, talk to your doctor. Good luck!
i'm 27 with a 16 month old and i feel just like you. In fact i go to bed really late when my husband is snoring just to avoid the whole romance in the bedroom. Since i gave birth my body changed, not just the weight, which i lost immediately then gained it back, but a lot of changes in my body that i wasn't prepared for. Nobody told me this, so now i don't even feel sexy at all. Maybe that's why i have a low sex drive. When i started going to the gym, getting my energy back, i wanted it three times a night, I TIRED HIM OUT, instead of vice versa. Anyway, maybe a little energy boost?? I know its hard, been there, still there... tomorrow i go back to the gym, this time i signed up for three months hopefully i get my labido back, energy, and confidence back. U gotta find urs
This was me a few years ago. For our 10 year anniversary my husband planned a long weekend away for us...it was the best thing he did for our marriage. I kept saying it we couldn't afford it, blah blah blah, but you make a way to do it...or think of the alternative and paying for counseling :( It was incredibly tough to leave the kids (they were young too), but we totally acted like we were dating again. We took walks, held hands, TALKED, slept in and believe it or not we had FUN sex again. Just getting away from the norm and actually feeling like a woman again is so invigorating. Think of your kids, they learn by example and if you are not being loveable with your husband, then where are they going to learn that??
You and your husband need time alone. Do you have someone who can watch the children for the morning so the two of you can go to breakfast out and take a walk.
Do you and your husband take time to talk to one another? Sex is just one form of communication. You need to incorporate other kinds so you feel the spark between you again.
This happened to me a few years ago as well and when I went to my dr. about it all she had to say was that it was normal to feel this way as my hubby and I had been together for many years. Well considering I was in my early 20's I didnt take this as a viable answer and I did my own research. Turns out that birth control was the cause of my NO libido. I was the same way as you, not wanting anything to do with sex. My DD is 14 months old and I went back on the pill after she was born and then I went off it a few months back and boom my libido shot thru the roof again. Not sure if you are on the pill but if you are you might want to try an alternative to see if that may be the cause of your issue.
Good Luck
See a doctor, this is a medical problem, possibly a hormone imbalence. Also, the way that your brain chemistry works is that you change it by your actions, so even when you are not in the mood if you act like you are then it can change and you can start to feel aroused by your actions. Good luck to you, and remember that sex is VERY important to men. It's kind of like how talking and cuddling are important to women; so ask yourself how you would feel if all of a sudden your husband was just never in the mood to talk to you or cuddle with you, you'd be devestated!
