Not Wanting Sex Anyone Else Have This Problem?

OMG I am sooooo the same way!!!!!!!! We (my husband & I) have had sex probably max 5 times in 4 yrs. FOR REAL I don't know how and why he hasn't divorced me. I have had some really bad health issues and chalked it all up to that and the meds I have to take but know deep down inside that isn't the problem at all I swear I don't even have a libido anymore! I am sooo glad to know I'm not the only woman in this world going through this. I would love to talk more please contact me if you feel comfortable.
A little about me:
I am a 28 yr old SAHM with a 6 yr old girl and 4 yr old boy. Married for 9 yrs on June 5th and I also love my husband and children and they mean everything to me and that means keeping my family together and this is NOT going to help!

Hi D.,
I know you have gotten a ton of responses, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone! I DO NOT have something medically wrong. I have not had a hysterectomy. My doctor ran some tests and everything is fine. HOWEVER - I still don't want to have sex. My friends feel the same way. So much so that we joke about it all the time. So just know you are not alone!!!
Hang in there!
D.

I have the same issues. It is in someway comforting to know I'm not alone. Yet I have found no soulution to this problem. Sorry.

Okay, so you definitely know that you aren't alone. I know that there are some underlying health concerns, but the best advice that I'd ever been given from my Dr. is... do it anyway. If you aren't intimate with your husband it changes your whole relationship. It becomes a pattern and those feelings of not wanting to be sexual with him will only get worse. Every woman is self consious of her body in one way or the other, but you can ask almost any husband out there, and they don't even notice or care how your body looks. To a husband (as crazy as it sounds to women) sex is what makes them feel loved and important. Every time I think I don't want to have sex but do it anyway, I always am glad I did. And once you get back to having a better pattern, you will both be happier. Don't forget who you are!!!

I am so sorry to hear your problem... But it sounds like a normal situation and I am sure more women go thru it and they just don't talk about it... BUT I think your fixable!!!

First.... busy with two toddlers, cleaning, etc... can make a person tired.

Second... your extra lbs are pulling on both your physical being and your mental being.

Third... the "partial" could be playing on your hormones.

So... the first thing you need to do is go see a female doctor.. I know one who treats just females. She is fabulous and covered under insurance. Let her know all your areas of concern... She is compassionate, understanding, and most importantly she specializes in treating women. She will spend the time with you and help you through your difficult times. She will recommend things for you to do, maybe prescribe some medication your body is needing.... She will give you hope and incouragement.

I promise she can help you.

Dr. Cindy Rosek
###-###-####

She is located on Bell Rd X 59th.

Dear D., Yup. Exhausted sure takes the passion out. I found this product a few years ago and it ended up straightening my weight and my hormones out as well as giving me the energy to cope with my two little ones, a job, and an "adoring" husband.
You can use my Account# ###-###-#### rather than sign up, if you want to. The supplements last a long time and are just the best there is. It's sort of an all-purpose renewal. I call them my happy pills, because my attitude is so much better when I take them... maybe just because I can keep up with a demanding schedule. I tried a lot of other stuff, but this one helps me with everything, so it's all I take now.
The kids don't get sick anymore, either. All the bugs they brought home from school don't get passed around like they used to.
Hope this does the trick. My sex life sure got better. That alone was worth it, but feeling and looking more like my old self sure helped. My email is in here so feel free to write.
L.
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Boy do I know where your coming from. After my 2nd child and after I stopped nursing then went back on the pill the thought of my husband even kissing me made me ant to puke. I wish though I knew then what i know now ant that is hormones play a huge part in your sexuality and also your weightloss. I'm not going to go into a huge explaination, but many times after having children our hormone levels have been so high that in most cases they come down as they should however, many time Estrogen will remain high causing Estrogen Dominence which can be the culprit for many symptoms like not being able to lose weight, libido, irriatableness etc.

There is a very useful website called http://www.Profilehealth.com they may be able to answer some of these questions for you and help you to understand it is not all in your head. Jennifer is in the billing department ###-###-####) and is wonderful for helping you find out what your insurance will cover. You can go into a office, but for me having them mail the saliva test, which test at the cellular level not blood levels to my home was so much easier. Once they get your results back they schedule a Dr. to call you and go ove the results, then make their suggestions. The best part is it is completely natural. Should you have any questions please feel free to call me at ###-###-####. I wish you the best, just don't give up it can and will get better. D.

Hi D.,
I used to be the same way. I have a 1 and 3 year and I also had a hysterectomy. I am also a SAHM.I am only 29 and it is hard to have little ones ,gain weight and have a major surgery.I have lost 85 lbs in the last year and I found that working out has helped me in all those areas. There is a video that I do,it is called Turbo Jam. You can find it a beachbody.com. It is so much fun and I LOVE IT. Anyways they say the more you workout the more you get your sex drive back.It has worked for me. HOPE THAT HELPS..........C.

D.
This is funny because I have the same problem, and a 5 yo Boy and 3 yo Girl. I unfortunately work 3 nights a week at the hospital. Anyway I was watching a show on Friday that said this is a common problem but if the husband works next to the wife during chores such as dinner, clean-up, and bedtime stuff that she is more willing to have sex. Maybe because it shows he still supports us. Another thing is that during the day you should take breaks from cleaning to just sit and relax, or go take a walk with the kids in the sun. Get some sun for 10-15 mins without sunblock, it's good for you. You could also check out Flylady.net for household routines.

I am having a similar experience here. I have a 2 1/2 and 5 1/2 year old. I talked to my Dr. and have yet to try it, but she said there is a cream that The Apothecary shop(Dobson Rd, north of Elliott) makes, I don't know if it is by prescription only or if you can just go in and buy it(my guess from the way it sounded is that it was by prescription). It might be worth asking your Dr. about. I certainly need to go back to ask mine about it. I know I felt uncomfortable talking about it with my Dr., but she did put me at ease about it and let me know that I am not alone and many women complain of similar experiences. Hope that best for you! Have a great day!

Hi D.,

I can sympathize with you, as I've been there myself. Many things can contribute to lack of desire, including all of the things you mentioned. Because several things could be affecting your libido, you should tackle each one separately. I do health and nutritional consulting if you're interested in help with this. I also have a myriad of resources on my website (www.healthyhabitswellnesscenter.com).

Best wishes to you...I hope you're able to work things out.

Warm Regards,
G. Van Luven

I agree...youaren't alone. I am 36 mother of 7 (blended family ) and we have a 4 month old grandchild in the house. I agree with whomever mentioned fatigue and medications as both have caused this problem for me as well. Communication is helpful but when it gets down to it...they are physical and we are emotional. Remind him of that also. My husband and I have a weekly date night (even if it's only for coffee after the ids go to bed or a walk in the neighborhood) And we have a once a month weekend get away... We are lucky to have friends and our older children are old enough to watch the younger ones for this time. Get a motel room.....one night is not enough..the first night is about sleep real sleep...the next day is about relaxing and telling each other how much you love them and WHY...that will spark the notion in your head that you are still beautiful and intelligent and get you out of what I call "Mommy Mood" You can't feel attractive and sexy while the kids banging on the door that they have a boogie....Come on now :) But damn if the men don't still have the gall to try :) Just get away for at least 2 days...3 is better once a month It works for us

Hi D.,
You are not alone. I have 2 children ages 2 1/2 and 3 months. I am not into sex at all. I don't even want my husband to kiss me because it might lead him to believe I want sex and I don't. I used to be the type of girl that loved sex and thought I would want it everyday of my life . And now I feel like I never need it again. I don't want ot cuddle with him because I don't want to start 'anything'. I don't know if it is hormones or tiredness. I have thought about asking my doctor for that pill that helps with libido. I know that my weight also has a great deal to do with it. I am 25 pounds more than i was when we got married and he says it isn't a big deal but it is to me. I feel gross but on the other hand so unmotivated to do anything right now. I feel that if I felt better about my appearence that would help my sex drive but who knows. I also know that I have been very irritable towards him for the past year with this pregnancy and his job change, etc etc.......and that has played a big part as well. I hope you get some great advice because I will be reading them for myself as well.

Oh D., You are not alone, I used to feel the same way! Until I had my hormones balanced!! Then when I used the progesterone cream, I got my life back!

Check out Dr John Lee's website re women...he specializes in hormone therapy and check it out and see if you can relate.
www.drjohnleemd.com
I sure learned quite a bit on Estrogene Dominance. and there is only 1 things that balances it out! Progestrone Cream. Make sure that it is bioidentical. The synthectic creams do more harm that good.

Have you ever heard of Arbonne? We have a Progestrone Cream...my husband calls it my 'Magic Cream' because I am excited about sex again!!!

I would be happy to tell you more,
T.
www.tesabartell.myarbonne.com

Hi D.

boy I bet you'll either get a thousand response or not to many on this subject! It's an important one though and should be talked about! It sounds to me like you arlready know why you feel this way - which for me is half the battle. So now solutions. I bet if you look back on the time when that part of your relationship was so good you'll probly see you had more time for YOUR relationship. I know for me I love it when we can just get a way just us two and not worry about feeding someone or feeling "pecked" at all the time. So maybe you could leave the kids with a family member or nieghbor for a overnight get away. Also have you thought about discussing this with your husband? Let him know how you are feeling and don't want to be like this and want to find solutions, maybe he can help you find them (which can also help you feel closer to him). Let him know you might need some help with the kids and SAH stuff so you could have more energy! It sounds like you are already trying on the wieght thing - I know when I feel ucky about my body image I am not at all interested in sex - but when I see progress it helps. Sex is such an important part of the relationship for the man especially and can be for you. Hey when all else fails say a little prayer - hopefully it will all turn out!
Marsee

some thoughts to ponder:
1.the partial hysterectomy has a lot to do with it.
2. so does tiredness
3. hidden resentment towards hubby since you do it all at home?
4. body issues are understandable, but you shouldn't deny your husband based on how you feel about your body, or when is he going to be able to have sex?.

they say men have sex to feel good, women have sex *when they feel* good. sex is so important to men that really you should be aware that this has the potential to do some serious damage to your relationship if it becomes habitual. make a date in advance with him and look forward to it, plan and put the kids to bed early, get prettied up for him~even if you're still not having as much sex as he'd like (most men complain about this) you are not shutting him out all the time based on how you feel about your body. save the "not tonight, dear" when you are genuinely sick or really tired. IMO>
he is approaching the "midlife crisis age" and you need to be there physically for him and telling him how great he is.

don't get me wrong, i understand your situation and although i have no hysterectomy i have had those tired feelings and i'd rather sleep than have sex sometimes, but you can't make a habit of it, too many women out there trying to get someone else's good man, and the biggest hook they have is fun/no strings attached sex and telling them how wonderful they are.

Dear D.: Been there done that--or should I say didn't want to do that. After my 2nd child was born I was in the same boat, but working a full time job. First thing you have to do is realize your husband loves you and probably doesn't care about the weight thing as much as you do!! Second you need to sit him down and tell him that you are worn out!! And if he wants to ever have sex again in his adult life he needs to HELP OUT!! Bathe the kids while you take a bubble bath to "prep" for evening activities. You have to make time for yourself, which in turn means he needs to make sure you get that time! Ask him to bring home dinner sometime, do the dishes, ANYTHING!! Once I explained to my husband what I was feeling and what I needed from him, it was game on from there. Over time the sex drive came back and TA DA!! The family has to work as a team otherwise it just doesn't work!! Then you get resentment and nothing good comes from that!! Good Luck and Great SEX!! Shelley V.

I think all mothers with young children know where your at right now...dont stress too much as the kids older you'll have more engery. In regards to your medical procedure - ask your doctor for advice. I'm sure he'll know what to do. My kids are now 21 and 14 and beleive me i felt like i never slept enough, but now that they are older i now have time for me...you will too! hang in there and tell your husband what's going on, so he understands and tell him it will get better with time! It really does get easier! :)

Hi D., I have been struggling with my body image post having children. I have found that wearing something sexy that covers up the extra stuff helps me not feel so self conscience and helps me get in the mood. A few things about lack of sex drive, you have a few complications let's start with stay at home Mom with 2 young children...rest, sleep retreat are natural feelings after giving, giving, giving, all day..don't be harsh on yourself. Talk with your partner about it letting him know how you feel and that it isn't that you aren't attracted to him, and remind him that you used to really enjoy sex with him and that your goal is to return to a better sex life then you have now but that it may never be as it once was. Also you should get your testosterone levels checked. If your levels are low you will have a low sex drive. The remedy is easy a topical prescription testoserone cream..it helps!!! Also there is something to if you don't use it you lose it. I am surprized how many times I've been reluctant to have sex but really enjoy it once it gets going. I also notice that the more often we have sex the more often I feel like having sex.The last bit of advise is to keep in mind that you have young children and it is hard, it really does get easier (my kids are 8, and 11) the past 1-2 years I have had more time and interest in revamping my relationship with my spouse because I haven't had so much energy going out to my kids...okay one last bit and I'll shut up...get some exercise, make time for yourself.
Hope that helps.
S.

D.,

I totally understand! I love my hubby, he is the greatest - but with small children at home I get 'touched' all day long and feel like no one respects my personal space. It's almost like I am over stimulated! My hubby does understand that and understands that I am very tired - as is he - because of being busy with life. I've also kept on some baby weight which makes me feel less desirable. So I totally get where you are coming from. Life changes and we adjust to those changes. What I try to do is get some 'me' time and then I feel better about 'us' time.

I hope that helps and lets you know you aren't alone!

I am in the same boat. I have been married my wonderful husband for 8 years. I went to the doctor last week, but then my not wanting to have sex has been going on for quite a while. My doctor is running tests on hormone levels and thyroid. So depending on how long this has been going on, I would suggest finding out if there is a physical problem. Hope all works out. D.

Don't worry about it. Wait till you go through your change of life...then you really won't want sex. I am a 56 your old teacher and sex is the last thing on my mind. I do not miss it or crave it. It was enjoyable when my husband and I were getting along and when I was in love with him. That is not so now. The in love ended because of several reasons...drinking problems and staying our with friends at bars. Sex is not everything. I would rather have com panionship than sex. I am usually along and would rather be alone. Any suggestions? I would rather watch TV and sleep alone...which we have been for the last 5 years. He snores and i need my "beauty sleep" and he needs his...Ha!
Sometimes I think about jumping in the sack with him, but it never pans out because he is either reading or napping and snoring. Oh well, such is life. You are young and you need to satify your husband sex craving...Fake it if you have to...

Have you had your thyroid checked? An "off" thyroid can do all kinds of weird things to your body. Ask your doc.

Unfortunately this is a common problem. I had a hysterectomy at age 29, my husband has been very understanding. We communicate my feelings of this, such as vaginal dryness to lack of desire. He has been amazing. do speak to your family
physician OR OBGYN this could be an estrogen imbalance issue. further more, do something for you. I really started putting some time into myself and I started getting pedicures waxing that area and doing my hair, makes me feel sexier and I enjoy the response. Do speak to your spouse and keep the line of communication open.

I want to start off by saying that you are quite NORMAL! Take a deep breath and EXHALE!
Your FEELINGS are quite common. Notice, I didn't say normal.

First, I would like to share a little about my background that may validate my advice for you.
I have been happily married for over 20 years and I have three sons (22 years, 17 years and 15 years).
I have been a SAHM for the majority of my marriage.
I am the oldest of eight children (five girls first and then three brothers).
I serve as a co-pastor with my husband, mommy, pastor's wife, wife, friend, ministry coordinator, and entreprenuer.

Needless to say, that my life is full! I struggle with tiredness and I sleep alot. I use to weigh 125lbs when I married my husband but after three children, I weighed close to 200lbs.

I know that having a partial hysterectomy will accelerate menopause and/or cause your hormones levels to flexuate. Also, your stress level is on the rise with being a SAHM and your weight is an issue for your self-esteem in the bedroom.

Yes, all of these situations play a vital part in your emotional and physical statue. The reason that I stated earlier that your feelings are common but not normal, is because you have a choice to determine your mindset. I wouldn't suggest that it is normal to be depressed but I would say that it is would be common for most women to experience some sort of depression.

Through my experience and listening to others, it boils down to CHOICES. You must choose to purposely balance your day as a SAHM. You must include downtime for you. This meant that my husband and myself agreed upon alone time for myself when he arrived home from work. We also scheduled "a date night" to nurture our marriage. This did not have to include sex but romance on a shoestring budget. LOL.

You must choose my dear to not accept your weight to be an issue for your husband to find you attractive. If he desires you then he accepts and deeply loves you. Choose not to allow your own desires to supercede his desires. Yes, keep working to lose the weight but know that he loves you unconditionally. I struggled with this issue for quite some time. Then, one day he shared with me that he didn't see my weight issue as a problem until I made it an issue. In other words, he didn't see me the way that I saw myself until I began to point out my flaws and complain to him about it.

I don't normally respond to advice columns, however, you're situation really touched my heart. You reminded me of my early years of marriage when I felt helpless and hopeless. So, I want to encourage you to make healthy choices about how you choose to perceive your situation. Be positive, continue to work on balancing your daily lifestyle (include your spouse in this process) and love yourself as you continue on this wonderful journey called LIFE. When you love yourself unconditionally (weight and all), it is easy for others to love you unconditionally. I hope this helped. I'll be praying for you....marriage & family is a job - we got to continually work on it!

Pastor Mommy

Hi D., NO YOUR ALONE! I bet as you read all of your responses you'll realize that too. I went thru it too, ew all do so much. And I guess people (husbands) think that just because we are sahm's that we don't get tired,etc. Mine even suggested I "get something at the dr's to help me". I've tried the women's pills at walmart, they didn't do anything, don't waste your money. I did find out that I had a hypothyroid, and it wasn't until I started on meds for that did I get some energy back. Don't be hard on yourself. When your not feeling preasure than you won't resent him "bugging" you. Take care of yourself first

Have you ever thought of texting? My husband and I recently started texting each other throughout the day and it has drastically improved our sex life!!! I was pretty much in the same boat as you and then he started texting me. I don't think I need to go into detail here, but give it a try. He comes home from work much happier and I have a much better day, too! Then when the kids are down for the night, it makes it so much more fun, not as much of a "CHORE."

You are NOT alone. I am B. a 31 yr old mother of my 1st baby. The baby is now 10 and a half months,gets up once a night and I too do all of the baby care and house work. I am fortunate to only work a few days a week so my husband takes care of our baby at that time. I think about sex but do not initiate it. Either I am tired (and find T.V. easier)or would really like my husband to show he would like to touch me. Then again when he kisses me good-night most nights I can't even stand that. I have recently stopped breast feeding and have my figure back mostly,but maybe my husband is thinking the same thing. We have been together for 13 years now and I wonder is the baby really why we have a slower/halted/not existent sex life but then I remember our sex life was healthy before the baby. Eventually things will spark up again.
A friend recently told me just do it and it will feel good,probably won't take much time and both I and my husband will be happier. I should take their advice.
You should of course try to become who you want to be with your weight, but remember it takes time! Mean while get your hair done or do something more immediate to make you feel good and sexy.
As far as the partial hysterectomy it depends on what anatomy was removed. Some female anatomy has to do with hormones and obviously hormones impact sexual desire. You will have to ask your MD for specifics. (I am a nurse so I know somethings related to this)

MY MY.....You just wrote my story :) I am 41, I have 3 kids, 7, 9, and 21. The 2 younger ones are boys and my daughter who is 21 moved to Denver in January. I had a partial hysterecomy after my 7 year old and they left my ovaries. When he was 3 I have one of my ovaries removed so I am left with one. My sex life used to be GREAT! Even after my 7 year old. The busier they got, the less I wanted to be touched. As you, I love my husband more than anything...he is a great father and husband. I feel bad because I dont think it is fair to him but I just dont want to have sex. We do but I just kind of do it. We are both busy and tired so he doesnt ask for much. I am not sure what it is but I just get in bed and ahhhhhh, the day is over, it is now my time to just sit there and no one will bother me. I think it is normal because I have a few friends that are the same. Actually a lot of friends. I think that we all need to make time for just us, husband and wife. We need date night, short vacations and time alone. We worry so much about our family time that we forget about "US" that is so important and I think if we try that a little more often everything will fall into place. Just like exercise, you have to do it, you have to make the time. Wish you luck, your not alone! L.

I am only 23 and have the same issue, so don't feel bad. Some times lack of libido can come from medication, have you been on medication lately? Any way regardless of the reson you are not into it right now, there are things that you can do. There is something called zestra that is suppose to help arousal, here is the web site http://zestra.com/ I think you can buy it almost anywhere including walgreens and walmart. It might be worth a try.

Hi D., I completely understand how you feel. My sex life has drastically decreased. I have a 2 and 3 1/2 year old. And I too have gained a bit of weight. I bet that if we both focused on loosing some weight... we will start feeling sexy again and have a little bit more energy. That means we can direct our energy into our sweet hubbies. They really need us. So, often moms forget about our husbands cause we get so consumed with our mommy duties etc. But, when a man gets refused sex - he feels unloved. Even if it's a quicky... we need to show them that they are still wanted and desired. Hope this helps a little. First off all I need to lay off the junk food, loose a few pounds and start feeling sexy again. I know thats hard when your in mommy mode. But, we are will young enough to be hotties!!! =)

Hi D.,

No you are not alone by any means. I am only 23 but with 2 kids 4 and almost 1, I am dealing with the same thing. I keep thinking geez I'm only freaking 23 and where the hell is my libido. My hubby just got a vasectomy so once that heals I am hoping that the spontenaity (sp?) will come back. No more looking for condoms and all that. Another thing I read and heard was that the more you do it the more you will want to do it. So even though it seems like a drag maybe if initiate more and just keep doing it the drive will come back. That's my plan anyways and geez I sure hope it works. LOL Good luck.
K.

Get a double jogger stroller, strap the kids in, and get out of the house and moving every day. Love your body for what it does.
Next, go to the public library and check out a few exercise videos. Prioritize 15 minutes to do one portion of a video. Do this early in the day before you're too tired to do anything else. The kids can do it with you, or set up little chairs and they're your audience (make sure they applaud).
Be sure to tell your husband you love and adore him, that you also want your sex life to become great again, and that you are actively working towards making it better. Just talking with him will make you both feel better.
I know what you mean when you say your children are everything to you. But it's also important that you have a life and that there are some portions of your life that have nothing to do with being a mom or being a wife. Where's D.? Who's D.? Have a little love affair with yourself. WIshing you a happy journey to health, B.

I just barely had my first child so I am probably not much help but knowing I was getting close to being able to have sex again 6 weeks after birth I would talk about the weeks and days counting down with my husband as if I was excited, to help me actually get excited. I think it helped me want to have sex again.
I would also suggest asking your husband to help with morning and evening routines with the children if he is home from work at those times. When my husband does, I feel like so much weight it lifted with his support. It shows his love for me which increases my love for him.
I wish you success. Hang in there.
-A.

me too-I have 3 kids 4, 2 & 4 mo, sahm & I could care less about it-what's wrong with us?

This is a very common situation. Being depressed about your self esteem, stress of the children and just everyday life can definately play a role in your lack of libito. I have also experienced these same feelings. I have two children and have been married almost 17 years. I too am still in love with my husband. I did seek some help from my OB/GYN. They performed a simple blood test to check to see if my testosterone levels were low, and they were. First step, talk with your husband about this and secondly seek professional help in your health community, ie your OB/GYN. Good luck!

Hi D.,
First, I admire your strength for sharing this. My wife and I only have 1 child, but we have also gone through stressful times in our sex life. I bet all couple do.
I think you need to be more patient with yourself. The more pressure you put on yourself, the less harder it will be. Also, as a SAHM, do you get out much. My wife and I take turns each week or every other week having our own night out - separately. Having a regular time when you can go out even for a couple of hours helps deal with the stress of daily life.
good luck.
M.

I had a hysterectomy when I was 38. THey took the ovaries, so they gave me replacement hormones... and I had the same problem - did not want sex, took me longer, dryer, etc. I talked to my doctor and he changed my hormones to include testosterone. I now take Estratest - estrogen with testosterone. Apparently, the testosterone in our ovaries is what helps us to enjoy/ want sex, and the surgery can take that away. I was immediately back to normal - no more guilt.

Sometimes i feel the same way....i think it is partly due to being tired at the end of the day because we do so much. my husband comes home and watches tv or does his hobby (builds rc airplanes)in the garage, leaving my girls and i in the rest of the house. I have 2 girls..15 and 10, but i do childcare at home with 5 kids. sometimes i think it is also resentment that makes me "not in the mood". I do still enjoy sex when we do get around to it (lately 1-2 per month). I do love my husband and he loves me, mostly he understands and accepts the situation

D., I use to have a high sex drive and now I hardly have any. It has to do with being married for awhile, having children and getting older. As we get older, most people lose their sex drive a bit. Also, as women get pre-menopausal or have menopause, this also lowers the sex drive. You are not the only one. What helps for us is making sure we go out for "date night" about once per month (more if you can afford it) and doing things for each other like running a bubble bath with romantic music and candles, or leaving little notes aroundj sometimes to let one another know that you still love eachother. These little things help set a loving mood and bring you back to those romantice days before kids!

I have the same problem! When we were first together we had sex every night for years (until kids!) Now I hate sex. I force myself to do it about twice a week to keep him happy, but I grit my teeth the whole time. I wish drs would spend as much time figuring out how to help us as they did figuring out pills to make men more hard!

I had this problem after the birth of our 3rd child. I just never wanted to resume after I was given the green light from my doctor. I don't remember how long this lasted but I remember the first time that we were together again. I started out feeling like "Let's get this over with, " but then all those hormones and feelings for my husband kicked in and I was surprised to feel them so strongly again. It just took actually going thru with it for me to feel the desire again. I hope you are able to find a way to feel this way again. Good luck!

You are not alone!! With 2 toddlers, I rarely feel sexy! The thing is, for women, it's all mental. If wer're not feeling it, then it's not going to happen or it's going to feel like a chore and that's just not fair to your darling hubby. As a Rmonace Enhancement Specialist, I have some advice: put the kids to bed, take a hot bubble bath, light some candles, and just start talking to him (in bed). DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE KIDS, THE FINANCES, THE JOB, etc! Talk about why you love him; a time when you had a super steamy encounter with him; you get the idea, right?! That should start your engine running. Then move to a nice easy massage and soon you'll be, at least, a little bit in the mood! Hope this helps!

Woman can be so negative about themselves. I have too gained weight after I had my first child but not due to the pregnancy. My gall bladder was removed when my son was 6 months old. It ruined my digestive system and I could no longer breastfeed my son. After that happened, my period never came back for 4 months and when it did it lasted a long time. I went to the doctor for that reason and because my hair was falling out, I was tired all the time, broke out with acne cysts on my face. The topping of the cake was I gained 23 pds in a matter of a month and a half. I found out that I had polystic ovarian syndrome which caused the insulin resistance(weight gain) and my hormonal imbalance. I tried everything to lose weight. I felt so UNATTRACTIVE!!! My husband is a good-looking guy and all these pretty thin girls would stare at him. I would beat up on myself because of the weight gain and wonder WHY does he want me? It took me a long time to realize I was beautiful in his eyes and that is all that should matter. It's hard because before you get used to the attention of guys taking that second look at you, holding the door open for you, offering to buy you a drink and so on. I used to tell myself I would never be like those ladies that let themselves go and here I am overweight, too. My solution was seeking the alternative medicine route. I drank coconut oil, fish oil, digestive enzymes and probiotics. I was able to lose weight and get my period back. I had so much energy and felt ATTRACTIVE again. My husband noticed it, too which was a good thing for him. All the woman that have responded to your request are all right. Woman have more hormones to deal with than men and being at SAHM makes it even more rough because we don't have to make ourselves presentable with our hair done and makeup. My advice to you is take some female hormonal balancing herbs and put on that mascara and lipstick even though it's only for you 5 and 3 year old. I think your husband will see that lift in your persona and want you even more and hopefully in turn you will want to jump in bed with him. Also, remember this it's not sex it's making love.
Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you and your husband. You can always email me if you want to chat.
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I have been having a similar problem. I too am a SAHM of 2 kids (mine are 2 and almost 1). I have a weight issue that makes me feel unsexy too. I can also relate to a lot of stress. While I have not had a partial hysterectomy, I am pregnant again... My husband is a wonderful man who helps me a lot so I feel guilty not giving it too him on top of everything. I can also see how it affects him to be rejected although he tries very hard to be understanding of my lack of drive in that area. I have found several things that work for me... sometimes better than other times. Over all I find that if I give in to him as it goes a long I usually am glad I did, but even I realize this one is not the best method because it doesn't always work and you just want to get it over with. What I have found works probably the best for me and makes my husband happier because then he gets at least some action is telling him when he makes advances that I need some help getting into the mood if he wants it. Gets me a little more foreplay than a late night encounter might otherwise have, and gets me at least a little more into the mood if not a lot more. It also makes a difference if we try and do it earlier when the kids are in bed but before we are so tired that we are headed to bed. I also find that if I at anytime find myself the slightest in the mood it is a time to follow that urge right away because it doesn't usually last long and it makes my husband extra happy when I initiate it after so long of him always doing it. Sometimes putting on a little something sexy helps too... turns him on and makes you feel good that you still can turn him on even though you may not feel as sexy as you once did. Sometimes if you can focus more on him it helps you feel better too... but talking with your husband about it might help save both of you from a lot of added stress from this subject and it may help you both to understand the other person's side, a very vital thing in this kind of situation. I'm sorry I wrote a novel but it is something I have currently been dealing with too so I have been trying different things myself. I have had plenty of times that I have downright felt defective because no matter what my husband seems to try I have not felt turned on much at all... I think though that it's just a normal thing... We women all have times like this, the good thing is that the desire to fix it is a good sign in of itself. Oh and one more thing I found is if my husband does something for me that is usually "my job" particularly if it is something I don't like doing it helps me get into the mood more too lol. Particularly if he does it without my asking him to. Well I hope that some of this helps some how. Thanks for posting and making me feel like I could possibly help someone.

I'm right there with you! My children are 3 and 2 months. I think it is a combination of all three. I know my problem is I'm too tired and would much rather go to sleep since you never know how much your gonna get before a child is up. Also the extra weight is a big factor for me any way, even though my husband can tell me I look great a thousand times I still don't feel comfortable in this new body. I have began working out again and it is starting to help me feel better. You need to take some time to yourself once your husband is home or before he leaves to just go for a walk or roller blade and you'll have more energy and start losing some weight which hopefully will make you feel sexy again! Good luck

I am 37, married 8 yrs June and my marriage just keeps getting better and better. You've definatly have had a lot of changes with your body, kids stress and the surgery. It isn't uncommon for you to go through this. I did., what my problem even though I wouldn't admit it, was that I was just unhappy with myself. I gained weight and focused on everyone all the time, I wasnt' doing anything for myself. Well I lost some weight so that automatically boosts your self-esteem and I informed everyone I am going to do something for me once a week. Whether it was getting a massage, dinner with a friend or just walking in the park that was my time. Add in exercise, your energy levels will encrease and you'll feel good. The thing is us as mommy's and a wife, we tend to make sure everyone else is happy and the house is clean and ALWAYS forget about the most important person., us! I still need to lose more weight, but I found a hobby, (scrapbooking) that is MY hobby. I go walking occasionally and definatly a dinner once in a while with a girlfriend. And I went back to work. I think that was the BEST thing for me...I feel successful, imporatant and sexy when I dress up. Hope this helps.

I feel the same way sometimes. My husband and I will have a 2-3 month dry spell, and then it will be every weekend for a month, and then again more of the same. You can start with the little things, taking your youngest into the gym with you (find one that has a great kids club and you like the people watching them) in the mornings...before you get too busy...and that will start to help with your energy level and make you feel better about your self esteem. Maybe your next step is to get your hormone counts checked (since it happened to my sister and she was at about 1/3 of her estrogen AND testosterone...and it really wiped her out for a few months). And throw in this exhaustion issue to your husband...like "do the baths and bedtime while I catch up on other things...and eventually I will be this sex goddess you want me to be"...if he wants it too he'll get on board...quickly! Hopefully this might help.

Well, first of all dont' be so hard on yourself. Caring for a family is very taxing. Not to mention having a partial hysterectomy.

You do have to like yourself and believe that your husband loves you and your body still! Perhaps turn down the lights just to put you at ease. drink a glass of wine beforehand hee hee!

Can you ask for a little more help with your day to day chores! Getting more rest will definetly help! Can your children start to help out more. (teach a child to fish....)

can you get one day where you buy yourself a new outfit get your hair done? Maybe make plans to join a health club once a week, for your benefit.

I've had the same problem since the birth of our second son, and that was 10 years ago! I still enjoy sex, but could care a less if we even have sex once a month. Its so unfair to my husband, and I try to act like I want it more often to please him, but I would so much rather just go to sleep.

I'm not on any medication, so it can't be that. I haven't had the hysterectomy, and doctors say my hormones are good, too. So, what's wrong with us? I'm supposed to be in my sexual prime, and if that's the case, I'm sunk.

I lost 19 pounds, hoping my weight was part of my issue and it helped for a few months, and now I kep the weight off, one year later, and could care a less about sex again. I've tried slowing down, taking care of myself, taking baths, getting pedicures, all to take care of myself, feel good about myself, and hopefully get a sex drive back, with NO luck.

Please share if anyone had any solutions for you.

D.,

That is a tough area for Moms I think..... when I've had that diffucilty in the past I would think of ways I could be romantic that night to try to surprise my hubby. Thinking about our intimate time made me anticipate it more. My cousin & her hubby started scheduling in intimate time. I know that sounds silly, but if you can communicate w/ your hubby that you really want to enjoy each other, but you need some help before the fact w/ bed time or cleaning up from dinner or whatever, then maybe it will help alleviate some of your stress of getting things done. Tell him how proud you are to be his wife & how you want to work on this area..... hope this helps. :) Blessings, C.

Totally normal esp. because of the things you listed also if your on any rx's they may lower your sex drive ask your doc.