Ok, I need suggestions. Last night my kids moved into their bunk-beds. They were thrilled all day about it, and there was no fighting over who slept where. We were relieved. In general, it was a success and I love my choice in bunk-beds.
But here is the rub, my son (just turned 3) likes to sleep in the dark, my daughter (5 in March) wants two nightlights and the door wide open with the hall light on. My daughter has also been fighting going to sleep for the past two months. We finally got her on a schedule where we say good-night, and then let her read for 30 minutes.
Usually my son goes to bed about 60 minutes before my daughter. I was hoping that we could do our usual routine: we all read two books together, I put him to bed, and instead of reading to my daughter in her bed, we read her a book or two in the living room. This would give my son a chance to sleep, and then my daughter could read quietly in their room.
This of course didn't work last night, and I am doubtful my son is going to willing go into their shared room without her! But he can't stay up as late as her! Poor thing went to bed close to 10 last night, when he is usually sound asleep by 7:45. Did I mention that he also likes to tell himself a big story before falling asleep? (5-10 minutes). Because of this, and my daughter's reading, I do think it's best to keep them on different schedules if I can do it. I'm not really sure what else to do.
I do plan on rewarding them for going to bed easily, rewards being breakfast food of their choice. But this doesn't really work with the almost 5 year old. She does what she does and doesn't care about consequences.
Suggestions?
My kids have to share a room because we have a 3 bedroom house and baby number 3 is due in about 2 months. We are planning on building or buying a new home in roughly 2-3 years time, and at that point we will have the luxury of the kids not sharing a room. Until then, I cannot put the baby in with either of the two other kids, so they need to share a room. I also do not co-sleep, baby usually leaves my room by 7-10 weeks, so having baby sleep with me isn't an option. I get very depressed if I don't sleep, so having a baby with all their little noises in my room just won't work.
Update:
My son has adjusted brilliantly (fingers crossed). The last two nights he has been in bed at 7:30, and sound asleep by 7:45. My daughter is still giving us a hard time about going to sleep, but since her brother is waking her up earlier in the morning, I am hoping her bedtime will move earlier. We got her a reading light, and it seems to be working fine for now. I'm sure there will be bumps in the road, but at least for now they seem adjusted!
Ikea has cute wall mounted night lights. You can mount one on the wall next to her bunk, and it shouldn't bother her brother.
You can put your son on the bottom bunk and make a fabric curtain with ties that are big enough to tie around the bottom rail of the top bunk. It can make a big difference in the darkness of that bottom bunk and is a fun "tent" during the day. My mom made one in the shape of a rocket with metallic fabric sewn on top of an old sheet. There are 3 holes that look like windows so it lets some light in and allows some visibility, but the bunk is definitely darker when the rocket is on the bed.
Well first off, I agree that it's perfectly fine that they have to share and you shouldn't have to feel so defensive about not keeping the baby in the room...:) We weren't for that either, so no judgments here! Haha!
Anyway, I think the suggestion of a reading light that clips to her bed is a good one. This way the room can be dark (except for at least one night light of course) and she can keep her light on. It shouldn't really affect the little one too much since I assume he's the one on the bottom bunk and hopefully the light won't seep down there too much. Plus, if he's telling himself a story for 5-10 minutes during the beginning of her reading time I don't think that is a big deal.
If you want to keep them on different schedules then you're just going to have to tell your son that he has to go to bed earlier. Of course he's not going to like it, but it is what it is and if that's the routine then make it the routine. You may have a few nights of him crying when he has to go to bed without her, but he'll get over it if you stay consistent. Maybe you could even have her go in with you to tuck him in and give him a hug and a kiss too.
Also, think about getting your daughter a Dream Light if she doesn't have one already. My daughter loves hers! My daughter goes through phases of being afraid of the dark and we had a very close family member die in August and since then she has been a little timid about going to sleep. The Dream Light is a life saver! They are cute, aren't too bright and you can set them to turn off after 20 minutes. Plus, with the addition of this light so close to her maybe you can eliminate of your other night time light requirements.
I truly don't think you even need to reward them with anything. I think you just need to have a free flowing discussion of your new expectations and their new set up. Talk about it morning, noon, and night and tell them what you expect it to look like at bed time. They will adjust, it's only been one night, just come up with a plan and stick to it.
At almost five years old your daughter is plenty old enough to understand about being quiet. My kids also had bunk beds at that age and they each had a little clip on reading light by their heads which they were allowed to have on as long as they were reading or looking at books quietly.
If your daughter does what she does without caring about consequences you have a much bigger problem. I suggest you take a look at how you are guiding and disciplining her. By no means should she be doing whatever she wants, YOU need to be in charge. That doesn't mean spanking or hitting that means knowing who the parent is and being respectful to ALL members of the family, including her little brother.
A new room & different beds can be a big change. Give it a little time. Help each child to become a little flexible. My two youngest STILL share a room & they're 19 & 20. As young ones, the older liked it quiet & dark when she was trying to sleep; the younger liked soft music & a nightlight. Yes, there were arguments but we worked through them and they learned how to take turns.
I still think sharing a room with a sibling is the first opportunity we each have to learn compromise, negotiation, flexibility & tolerance -- all skills necessary to become successful, caring adults. How well they learn these things will very much be determined by how their parents help guide them.
You CAN do this! Give it time & be patient.
This is all new. With time you will be able to work out a plan that works for both children. I suggest that you at first continue with your present routine. Be consistent and continue for 2-3 weeks thus giving the children the chance to adjust. Then, if it doesn't work, gradually try a different plan, staying with it for 2-3 weeks so that they can adjust.
put your little guy to bed first with the lights out and door closed and let him sleep. your older one is old enough to make no noise when she goes to the room. she can climb up to the top and turn on a small booklight which you can attach to her headboard. it won't wake little guy up especially if you have their heads at opposite ends of the bed. her at one end him at the other. that way any small bits of light which might shine over the edge won't wake him. as for 2 night lights she can get used to only having the one at the top of her bed. she will be fine. and once you explain to her that it is either she gets to stay up later quietly or she goes to bed with the little one she will work it out lol.
My kids are reversed...my almost 8 year old goes to bed at 8, but my poor toddler thinks her bedtime is midnight. On the rare (and beautiful) occasions that my toddler goes to bed around 7 or 8, I just let her sleep for at least 10 minutes and then send my older daughter to bed quietly. She's in the top bunk and is allowed to read with a good flashlight, which doesn't wake up the toddler.
My kids are the same age and share a room. They go to bed at the same time. Is your daughter on the top or bottom? You could give her a book light and allow her to read - I would ASSUME it should not bother your son. As far as two night lights and a hall light on, I would let her choose one or the other or get her a Dream Lites pillow - my kids love those! Good luck!!
There is nothing wrong with them sharing a room!
I would try to push his bedtime back and move hers forward. It'll be much easier if they lay down at the same time. Buy her a DreamLite stuffed animal. It's not bright enough to bother him, but it will comfort her.
sharing rooms is common in most cultures and necessary in many. there's nothing wrong with children sharing rooms.
it does take time to work it out. and with their different light preferences and ages, i think it's important to keep their bedtimes distinct. i like your original plan, and while it didn't work right away (what does?), i'd stick with it.
and the best way to sleep train a 3 year old is patient consistency. your first hurdle to overcome is his reluctance to go to his room without his sister. she must not be turned into his crutch. keep your routine, putting him back in bed consistently until he falls asleep. your daughter can read on the couch or in your bed while you work it out with him.
it'll be frustrating at first, but it will certainly pay off.
i'd look for a reward other than food though.
this'll be fine, mama! just gird your loins for a few bumpy nights. in a couple of months you'll have forgotten there was ever an issue.
:) khairete
S.
I can tell you what we do. Our 3 and 6-year-old boys share a room. They both go to bed at 7:30 to 8. I do not read to my kids before bed. It's too hard!! I read to them a LOT in the day, on the couch.
Their room is very dark at night. Any light at night can cause cancer, and I tell that to them (they no longer ask or care to complain). Basically the body needs to produce melatonin at night, which wards off cancer. So add even a small beam of light, and the body can't do that effectively. Hence, risk of cancer goes up, and the person does not sleep as well either.
Bed routine is quick. Brush teeth, tuck in, and done. Simple and sweet. Often I have to be firm. (I also have to put the 4-year-old, 1-year-old and newborn to bed!).
I don't have the idyllic, peaceful bedtime in postcards. It needs to be short for us, and at the same exact time for those who share a room. (The babies can stay up a bit). And yes, the boys often talk. I know they are BOTH not always tired at 7:30pm, but it does not matter. They must be in bed and stay there. They can fall asleep when they are ready. The bad part is, one always wakes the other in the morning. But we don't have another bedroom for each kid to have his own room.
I know every kid is different, but putting a 3 year old to bed at 7:45 and letting a 4 (almost 5) year old stay up until 9:00 (or 10:00 as you said for last night) sound like a big time difference. Maybe consider giving them closer bedtimes. I would personally put them both to bed together at 8:00. Read them stories, sing a lullabye, give kisses and hugs, and then lights out. You could then give the almost 5 year old a little clip on light, as suggested so she can stay up reading for 30 minutes. But I wouldn't let her dictate staying up longer just because she doesn't want to go to bed and I wouldn't reward going to bed either. It's just something we do. (Although there should be unpleasant consequences for NOT listening and going to bed.) And if she refuses, you simply take her back when she leaves - and take away the reading privilege, for being disobedient. You can also take away deserts, make her go to bed earlier the next night, take away toys, television.....anything she values. It may be rough, but it's best to deal with this now.
Also I know they are fun and space savers, but if there is a way to take apart the bunk beds and fit them both in room (even if it is tight) it would be best at their age. Bunk beds aren't meant for kids until they are at least 6. There's a high risk for accidents in younger kids. (I personally know of two families we're close with who had little ones with serious injuries in two different cases involving bunk beds.) Here are some real statistics:
An estimated 572,580 children were treated for non-fatal injuries over the 16-year period, on average 35,690 individuals per year.
Children under the age of six suffered the majority of the bunk bed injuries and were at the highest risk for death resulting from head entrapment and collapsing mattresses.
Lacerations were the most common type of injury (about 30%), followed by contusions and abrasions (24%) and fractures (about 20%).
The body parts most frequently injured were the head and neck.
Falls were the most common mechanism of injury (about 73%). However, while playing or sleeping children sustain injuries resulting from falls, jumps, bunk bed ladders, bed malfunctions, and striking the bed.
Why on earth would you even consider having two kids with such different nighttime routines and preferences share a bedroom? Those two need their own rooms.
