Sharing a Room-is It Really That Bad?

I think it would work much better to have the boys share a bedroom (the smaller room) and use the big room for toys now, and as they get older for "media and homework." They should not have computers etc. in their bedrooms, and having them in one room that is nobody's bedroom will make it easier to monitor what they are doing.

Making a kid's room into a combination playroom/bedroom is unfair to the child who would live in it. There would be all kinds of issues about who gets to use what when and privacy and who cleans up what.

A desk in the master bedroom would give me nightmares. Bills and all that junk belong elsewhere. Does the house have a dining room? That is possibly a wasted space. Get a rolltop desk that you could roll down over everything in the event you need to entertain in it?

I always shared a room with my siblings growing up. We loved it! The closeness that came with the nighttime chatting and such was great and I'm still really close to my sisters. Besides, if they are sharing a room, then you can put all the toys in the playroom and their bedroom won't be so hard to keep up with. And who says that they can't learn to be responsible together? It'll teach them teamwork to clean their room together!

I never had my own room until I went to college. There were 6 kids in my family and sometimes 3 of them had to be in one room. I actually liked sharing a room (we had big bedrooms in an old farmhouse), but I am an extrovert, so didn't need to have as much alone time I guess. I actually hated it when my sister went on a trip and I had to sleep alone in the room. So I guess that would be one downside, not being as independent. But I don't think the responsibility thing was a problem. We had to learn to work together to clean a room, but we still had to be responsible to do it. And there were plenty of other chores we were each responsible for.

I'm one of 5 and didn't get my own room til I was like 10 and that is only because we moved away and my parents bought a bigger house. My 2 younger sisters still shared. I don't really remember it being a problem at all. I think your 2 boys should share also. Who wants a desk that is prone to clutter in their personal getaway (master bedroom)? I know I wouldn't! I need that space as my own (and my husbands) without the constant reminder of things to do staring at me! Hopefully you can convince your husband!!!

In my peronal opinion, there is nothing wrong with two siblings sharing a room, as long as it's not a boy and girl past the age of about 6 (unless they're twins). I shared a room with my older sister for a long time and then when she got her own room, I shared with my little sister. Nothing wrong with that. We grew up responsible. I actually think sharing might be a benefit if you're looking for responsibility because then your child is responsible to another person for keeping their space clean with direct consequences (discordant living environment) if they don't. This is a more true reflection of adult life than having their own space that they can just NOT care about keeping clean. Maybe put it to your hubby in that way.

We bought a 4 bedroom house last fall. Our boys STILL share a room (they'd shared since they were little). It works great for them. They play elsewhere at that point (basement, den, etc.) so keeping it clean is not an issue. Pretty much all they do is sleep in there, and I really think it HELPS with bedtime to have them together. They are 5 and 3 right now and have shared since #2 was 7 months. I've been tempted to move my daughter in there sometimes!

Right now our 4th bedroom is the guest room.

Good luck!

I have conflicting advice, I do think the kids should have their own rooms, but I shared one on and off with my sister and it was not the end of the world. My biggest opinion is more on the idea of having a work space/desk in the bedroom...we had a computer desk in our bedroom early on in our relationship and it was nearly always a battle ground, I would be mad because it was messy, I would be irritated because I was trying to sleep and he was on the computer, I would get peeved because everyone was having "family" time and he would be holed up in the bedroom...the issues were not resolved until the computer left the bedroom! Whatever you decide you are not married to it, try it one way and if there are problems change it = ) Just don't agree that one child should have to share a room w/ the toy room, that never works out well! Good Luck!

If it were me I would use the bonus room for another bedroom only and make sure that everyone truly has their own room. I wouldn't attach the playroom/bedroom circumstance. My husband bought a very nice desk that matched the decor in our family room and we have it in there. Maybe you have room to do that also. This also enables our children to use the desktop computer where it's visible to all of us. Our older child has laptop that he can use in his room if he wants.

To me, I guess the answer would lie in whether or not the boys in question get along with each other. I ask because my girls shared a room for about 3 months and it was hell for all involved. I moved them to their separate rooms and all has been peaceful in our house since then. They just seem to need their own space to retreat to sometimes (they don't get along all that well - very different personalities).

But - it doesn't really seem fair to have a playroom in one child's room, either. That child will be left cleaning up everyone's mess all the time.

Ideally if your boys are excited to share a room, then you could set up the bonus room as a playroom and the kids can all share in the cleanup of that room. If the boys aren't so excited about it, let them have their own rooms with their own toys.

I say give the girl the bonus room and the boys the 2 rooms close together. I don't like for different sex children to share a room but 2 boys who are very similar in age would be just fine. If everyone is using the bonus room as a playroom it's not really someones bedroom, it's just where they get to sleep.

The whole family can enjoy the bonus room and do lots of family activites there. But if your husband is determined to have it his way then why argue about it....

I think sharing a room would benefit them but I will make a suggestion. Growing up my sister and I shared until we were 10 and 13-at 13 my sister was really ready for her own room-we moved to a new town and our parents promised her she could get her own room. We bought at 3 bedroom house (I have a younger brother as well), this house had a bonus room, my sister and I shared while my dad built a wall and closet in the bonus room and added a door so my sister could have her own bedroom. If the bonus room is large enough you can make 2 rooms out of it-and if one was an office type space it wouldn't need to be that big. So you might try to have the boys share a room for awhile (my kids both mess up both their rooms so they both clean up both rooms anyway) they may love sharing a room, if that doesn't work out you can make changes.

I shared a room with my sister until I moved out of home. We had our share of "squabbles" and "this is MY SIDE of the room .... STAY ON YOURS!!!!" (my sister and I are 4yrs apart in age). My "baby" brother (12 years younger than me) also had to share with us for a while after my parents divorced & we had to move into a smaller place). My children actually PREFER to share a room most of the time, even though they each have their own room. I agree that the kids should share & the other room should be the "office"! Having their own room will in NO WAY help them with responsibility & keeping it tidy!! Good luck with your decision!! :)

Most people I know as well as myself shared a room. If anything, it teaches one how to be more organized and responsible and how to share spaces.

Besides they will most likely be in the bonus room more after all. It would be perfect to have the computer and desk as well as make it the game room as well.

Teaching responsibility comes whether a room is shared or not. Helping with chores, with mowing the lawn, making their bed, brushing their teeth, sorting laundry, keeping their clothes put away, doing homework, making dinner, keeping the bonus room clean... all contributing factors to teaching responsibility.

If it were me, I would have the boys share the room and have the other room as the study/game room.

There is no reason your boys can't share a room and be responsible for keeping it clean. Your bedroom should be for sleeping only - don't put a desk in it.

I shared a room with my sister and then my brother for years, and it sucked sometimes, but it was fine. I don't think my husband ever had his own room, and he's extremely clean and responsible, so I don't understand your husband's reasoning on how they'll be more responsible with their own rooms...

As far as the desk goes, we have ours in our living room, and I love it b/c I can be on the computer and still be with my family. We had it in a bedroom once, and I really hated it. I felt secluded.

I shared a room with my older brother for five years until he went into junior high and they figured he needed more privacy as a teenager. But, up until that point, sharing was not an issue even though we were boy/girl and three years apart in age. Each of your boys will have their own toys/things and their own beds, so they still have personal space and items they are individually responsible for within the shared space as far as cleaning up goes. I would tell your husband your decision is to start out with the boys sharing a bedroom, and only if it doesn't work out will you consider giving up your home office to seperate them!

I have 2 boys and a girl, ages 13,11,6. We have had this same issue with our older 2. I am not sure the ages of your boys, but when mine were younger I saw no problem in making them share a bedroom and using the other as a playroom, but now that they are older, I feel that their own space is needed. We are a homeschooling family and that especially makes me feel like they need their own space as much as they are together!! Good luck.

We have four kids. The boys are 11 and 3, not ideal ages for sharing a room. The girls are 8 and 5, much more ideal. We have four bedrooms, and yes, the girls share. Is it ideal? Maybe not sometimes. They do get on each other's nerves. But I do think it is good for them. And they are both responsible for cleaning it. I can usually tell what belongs to who, though a lot of times I send them in together to clean it up. I kind of think in the long run, they will learn more of life's skills than the boys who don't have to share...

I do not think responsibilty comes from having your own room. It can be taught in other ways. Todays family's are so different from long ago. My grandma had 11 brothers and sisters. There is no way they had their own rooms. Was it really so hard for them to share? I don't think so. I shared a room with my sister till I left home. My other sister had to share with my brother until I left home. You didn't mention how old your kids are. I do understand that teens "think" they need their space and privacy, but these days how much of that do you want them to have. Anyone can find time to themselves somewhere in a corner or the backyard and let everyone else know they just need some alone time. Besides learning to concentrate on your own thing while there are distractions can come in very useful in life. I read an article about a family that sold their big house and moved to a smaller one to donate the difference to charity. Turned out they gained something they never thought about. The family reconnected emotionally and verbally to each other by living in closer quarters. They hadn't realized how much "space" had come between them.

i shared a room, first with my brother, then sister, then roommates in college, then a husband. I had my own room for 1 year, the year before I went to college. I dont think I missed out on anything.

You hubby is being dumb, but i never win, my own self so i have no advice on how to convince him. I think you could always make that room into a bedroom later if you HAD to but why should you. ESpecially because they are boys, boys don't care about decorating.

For me, it would depend on the ages of the boys and how much they have in common. I shared a room with my sister (with whom I have little in common beyond the gene pool) from the day she was born until the day I moved out of my parents' house. I NEVER had any space to call my own, never had any real privacy. By the time kids get to be middle school age, they definitely need their own space. I don't think that using the extra room for a kid's bedroom would be "wasting" it.

Having one kid's bedroom double as a playroom for all the kids is not fair. That leaves two kids with their own space, and one kid with no space to call hizzer own.

So where is the girl going to be?
you said that house has 3 bedrooms... I assume one for you/Hubby, and 2 others? Plus that bonus room?

I would let each child have their own room.

As the previous poster said, I would NOT make one of the boy's room a combo of it being a bedroom/play room for them all. That is NOT fair. NOT fair at all.

Also, as the kids grow up, once in elementary school, they should all ideally have a desk in their rooms to study etc., and thereby learning independence and responsibility too. AND, you/Hubby have our own desk where you want.

I grew up, with my own room and so did my siblings. At one point we did share, and it was NOT FUN AT ALL. Also, at a certain age, a kid just needs "privacy" and "autonomy" in their rooms... and to decorate it themselves and have their own tastes and color choices. I think, that is all part of growing up... AND being allowed to have your own tastes and learning how to discern that.

If you REALLY want an "office"... then why can't you/Hubby make an addition to the house? Or convert a part of the garage??? many people do that.

This isn't about "winning" over your Husband. But thinking about what would be best, for your kids. What if when you grew up, sharing a room even if you wanted your own privacy, and having your own room WAS possible given your home's layout... but it was denied to you because it was your parent(s) that did not want you to have your own room, because they wanted to 'win' about the extra room being an office. Though nice to have... a growing kid... can outgrow a room that is "shared." Then what? An "office" if you want it that bad... can be had... but by doing an addition, or converting the garage or converting a closet space... or building in a "closet" space somewhere else in the house. Try finding an area/wall that you can "claim" to make an office and put a desk etc. Or get an Armoire... and convert that.

all the best,
Susan

we have a 3 bedroom house and 4 kids, 3 boys and a girl. ages are 18 months, 3, 5 and 6. the girl is the oldest, the 3 year old is high on the autism spectrum and can't be trusted to share a room with the 18 month old. So our 6 year old daughter and 18 month old son share a room and our 3 and 5 year old share a room. we have found that the room mates have a special bond. we know someday the little one will have to move in w the other boys but rite now my daughter still likes him in w her and we don't see a problem with it. when i was young i didnt share a room and was very glad for the privacy but i only had a brother. i don't see a problem with siblings sharing rooms. i think it promotes a special bond.