Should Host of Parent/child Get-together Inform Guests That Child Has a Cold?

Kind of gross, but if the child just has a runny nose that is clear, I don't worry, could be allergies or a light cold, and in winter, that's life. Any coloration, and I would have wished that I had been told bc I would have stayed away.

Just do you and her a favor and call the morning of the playdate and ask. It's okay to do it. Then you can decide.

Dawn

Never a big deal for me (& I'm asthmatic, with an asthmatic child). Nothing to "handle". I guess you could call the morning of & ask how everyone is?

If you're really concerned, always pack hand sanitizer!

Here is my situation, your child's cold is my child's CROUPE! He gets it enough from every day life (3 times this winter) I do not need to give it to him knowingly. EVERY time he has to get steroids and is out for a week! If I were to arrive for a play date at your house and your child had a cold but you did not tell me I would say thanks but no thanks & then ask for a health report each time I come over until you get the hint.

Just because someone has a runny nose, this doesn't mean they are contagious. My rule is I keep the kids away from others for 3-5 days, and then we are back out in the world. I follow preschool/school rules and approaches to illness.

But I hang with a group of women that have decided that it isn't that big of a deal. When the kids are first sick, yes, we keep the kids away from each other, but if we only got together when no one was showing any symptoms, we wouldn't see each other for months at a time.This doesn't work when you have a weekly playgroup. So we risk it, share some germs, and get on with life. In fact, a friend recently got me sick. I'm super pregnant, it didn't bother me at all. It isn't about purposely getting anyone sick, it's about acknowledging that cold/flu season in Chicago is a very long season (Oct-April), and if everyone stayed home until they weren't sick, no one would ever leave their house.

We aren't ones to be fussed. In fact, we've come to terms with the fact that our DS will likely be getting sick, be sick, or be getting over some kind of cough or cold from Oct -March.

I've come to learn though, that as the hostess (and because the mamapedia parents helped me understand this bit or parent ettiquette) it is your obligation to notify all attendees at a kids event if your child is sick, or if someone in attendance is sick, or becomes sick after the fact.

It isn't about pinpointing or shaming the source of contagion, rather its about providing information so other parents/ caregivers can make informed decisions.

i.e. you host a playdate. Johnny's mom calls after the fact to say Johnny was sick and complaining of a belly ache. You call Charlie's mom, and Sandy's mom and alert them. Now if Charlie complains of a belly ache at bathime. Charlie's mom might take it more seriously, because she knows there might be something going around, it's not just that Charlie doesn't want to take a bath.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Yes this really is a pet peeve of mine. Espically when my little ones were very little I would just say I will come back another time. Occasionally we would go to a birthday party far away and the child would be sick. Those are oh well moments. But for in the same city we text or call the other person and let them know we have to cancell.

So so disrespectful to you and your child. A girlfriend does this often and as such I no longer have play dates at her house. If we meet somewhere I have found I can leave easier. My child had the worst illness thus far because of her Childs pneumonia. Yes, we all get sick but if people stayed at home until well then we would all be sick LESS often.

Depends on the cold. If it is a minor cold, I'm not bothered by it. Everyone has something in the winter. If you are bothered by it and one host in particular seems to host without informing you that her child has a cold, just ask her to please let you know if Junior is sick. For me, I'm more annoyed when the kid is hacking and sneezing a lot and is miserable him/herself and the parents took them out to play anyway. I do cancel if DD has a tummy bug - that's not fun for anybody. Someone else said they go by school rules - and that sounds about right. DD could go to daycare or school with a little sniffle but not a fever. And sometimes it's not a cold but an allergy. You'd have to ask the host.

Each group of moms seems to develop their own etiquette about this. Some think a cold is no biggie and some hardly meet up in the winter for fear of passing a cold. If you want to be informed of every sniffle then I'd blame it on myself when talking to the other moms. Explain that you're a bit of a germaphobe and you would appreciate knowing ahead of time if their child has any signs of illness.

I disagree with Mom2KCK who says she wouldn't warn others about a cold. That's assuming it IS a cold and assuming that it's OK to put others' kids at risk. A "cold" can turn out the next day to be the flu or strep. I don't do the "Oh, well, they'll be exposed anyway just by going out the door" thing either, because a play date for toddlers means kids sharing toys, toys going into mouths, hands going into mouths, etc. Packing the hand sanitizer isnt' going to help because the little ones are going to be smooching each other/touching stuff/sticking a finger up their noses faster than you can get to their little mitts with hand gel. A toddler play date is just a higher risk for transferring that so-called cold than just going out into the world.

If my kid were exhibiting symptoms at that age I'd have called guests and said, no play date, she's got a cold. I know that if she spread it other kids, the cold would eventually make the rounds and get right back to us. We were in a playgroup with the same set of moms and kids for several years between the time the kids were about three months old and the time they were about four, and everyone was good about just not coming if a kid was at all sick or seemed "low." And the hostesses would either cancel or call around and say, "here's how my kid seems, you make the call." It is not the end of the world to cancel a play date, or to choose not to attend one if your own child seems off that day. I think sometimes moms forge ahead with these things because they want to interact with the other moms.

I will add the caveat that sometimes a kid seems to have a cold and it's allergies. My daughter's friend (they're 11, not toddlers!) constantly seems to cough just a little, and I am pretty sure she has allergies that I think her family just doesn't acknowledge. If a kid in a playgroup that you see regularly seems to cough or sneeze a lot, I'd ask the mom nicely if Sally or Sam has allergies. The parent really should tell you if that's the case, so the other parents aren't on edge wondering.

Yes because you never know for sure if that cold is really masking something else like flu or strep during this time of year. I always inform guests if anyone is sick in our house before they come over. It's just common courtesy, and I would never be offended if someone declined because of it.

Yes, you can get the common cold anywhere, but if you can KNOWINGLY avoid it, why not?

I would want to be informed of any other illness, but a cold I don't care.

I guess it depends on if it is just a runny nose vs a full blow cold with coughing, fever, etc. The stomach bug is a whole other story and would never think of letting anyone in our home for atleast a week or two after we get better. I would atleast let the other parents know there was a runny nose/cold in the house. Children are going to get sick from one another, that is how they build immune systems which is important.

YES! I think it is completely rude to not notify the parents that your child is sick. It isn't up to that parent to decide what the other' parents are comfortable/not comfortable risking with their own child. Everyone has different thoughts on it. Its up to the parent to decide if they want to do a playdate with a child who has a cold. Parents should be told.

The way I try and avoid this is :

Let my friends know if my kids are feeling sick or runny nose etc.

Ask before we do a playdate if anyone has been sick or is currently sick in the home. It helps. :)

Absolutely YES they should tell you. It is your decision to make whether to expose your child, not theirs. As to Mom2KCK response that a cold is just a cold, tell that to my then 24 month old who spent a week in the ICU at Children's hospital with viral pneumonia caused by the common cold. And no, she has no underlying conditions that predisposed her to having the cold progress to pneumonia. Frankly such cavalierness with someone else health pisses me off! Anytime my daughter gets a cold now she has to go on medication as a precaution. So yeah, please have the common courtesy to let parents make their own decisions about their child's health.

Absolutely you should be told. There are definitely chances of catching things when out in about, but if you see a runny nosed kid at the library, you can steer your child in a different direction. You can go grocery shopping during non peak times and steer clear of hacking shoppers. You can get lots of fresh air without going in crowds by taking walks, visiting the park, etc. Then of course you wash your baby's hands well. Sure you still have chances of getting sick. But at 18 months, going to a play date with another sick child is almost guaranteeing your child will be sick. They do not keep their germs to themselves at that age. They are probably still putting toys in their mouths. Why purposefully expose your child to illness? And a cold could be masking so many other things and could be so much worse for one child than another. Your child could have a mild cold and when another child is exposed they could end up with bronchitis. So it is only common sense good etiquette to call and inform, regardless of your personal belief system about exposing your baby to illness.

Saturday I stopped at my cousin's house to drop off clothes and shoes for her little one. She asked if I needed help bringing it in and I said no, it wasn't that much.

I got in and her nasally husband said he couldn't get too close and then the baby was in a diaper and she told me she was trying to break a fever.

I backed out of there very quickly, but guess who is sick?!

This should not even need to be asked, IMO!! Seems like common sense and courtesy are dying concepts, though. Unfortunately, some moms are so bent on getting a break for themselves and getting their kids of their hair that they'd rather just ignore the fact that their kids are sick. it's total a$$hole behavior. Ugh.

I always "warn" my friends with kids about my child's illness. I give them the symptoms and I leave it up to them whether they want to get together. There are times though where one of my kids will have an allergy issue so they'll have a runny nose and/or sneeze, but I don't warn of that because allergies aren't contagious.

I think you could set the example for the other moms. Sometimes people get so tired of missing out on so many things when they have back to back sicknesses that they give up on keeping their sicknesses to themselves. Or they figure, everyone is always sick this time of year, we'll just share it. But those people need to be educated on proper sick etiquette and will probably follow the group. So I would look for opportunities to casually mention your practices of not sharing sicknesses and hopefully she will think about how it applies to her.

The mom should notify you in advance and let you decide if this is a risk you are willing to take. I had a friend who's child had a ringworm skin infecation and she was upset that I did not want him (or her other two children) to attend my daughter's b-day party because of it. I was not willing to risk it and felt that she should have not wanted to risk it either.

Honestly - if a parent hosts an event with an ill child and doesn't let parents know - that's the last time we visit there. It's more of a principle / mindset thing. It's just the right thing to do - you tell parents so they have a choice. If having good attendance at a party is more important than allowing parents to reduce their kids exposure to illness....is that a parent you want your kid around?

I always tell and i always want to be told. if i am not told and i realize someone is sick AND one of my kids ends up being sick, you bet i will not hang out with you anymore, and i make that clear. a cold to someone is just that, for my kids, it is always a sinus infection and an ear infection.

YES YES YES!!! I once drove 3 hours to go to a birthday party for my friend's daughter and we get there and she tells me that her husband and son are in bed sick with the stomach bug and that her daughter (bday girl) was up vomiting all night. Our entire house was sick within 48 hours. Definitely need to share that info.

I tell everyone!

Look, people have different feelings about the importance of this. If you think it is important then you need to speak up for yourself and let people know.

"Hey, please tell me if anyone in your house has a fresh cold. We'd rather get together next week if that is the case."

Yes, they should tell you. If you find that it's not happening, though, and the hostess is repeatedly not telling you then call the morning of the play date and ask if Speshyl Snow'flayck has been sick "since your own little Sam/antha just got over a cold a few days ago and you'd hate to have her get sick again so soon." You can blame it on being "an overly cautious first time parent" and being paranoid and then laugh it off, but then get serious with, "but seriously, has he been sick? If he's sick I'd rather postpone the play date a couple of days."

I am the master of this trick. It works.

EDIT: By the way, if I show up some place and the host's children are sick or the host is sick and it's very obvious, then I've been known to leave. Immediately. I don't care how it looks or if they think it's rude... it was MORE rude of them not to reschedule. "Oh my goodness, I didn't realize you/Sally was so sick! I'm sorry we just showed up instead of calling to confirm the play date. I'll go home and we can reschedule" usually soothes the hurt feelings.

I figure EVERYONE has something this time of the year. SO what I do is call the morning of and get the details of what they have; that way I can make my decision. I do believe it's best not to hold back on outings for every minor symptom, kids need to build up their systems.

Umm, do you not take your toddler out of the house period? Really, if you walk outside you can get a cold. No, I would not warn people that my kids have colds if they were coming over. Strep, flu, etc? Absolutely. Even think it's more serious than a cold? Yep! But a cold? No.

I realize everyone is different and every situation is different, but a cold is a cold. Your child will get sick from going to the grocery store, the gas station, out to dinner, Target, Wal-Mart, etc...wherever you go.

We just came back from vacation and were all 5 healthy. On the second day of school, I had to go pick up my 5 year old with a 102.7 fever. I can't keep them home from school all year because other kids might have a cold. The school has rules, but a cold isn't something that typically keeps people home from work or school.

Also, how do you know FOR SURE that your child got a cold from that one child they were around? Other kids may have had a cold and less symptoms, have you been anywhere else in public (or your husband bringing the germs home from work, etc) lately?