Should I Be Upset? - Saint Charles,IL

I actually don't like those directories. I wouldn't want my daughters phone number listed for everyone to see!

By itself it wouldn't bug me too much. But with the other problems you mentioned it would be another straw on the camels back, as it were.
I had a friend in the 4th grade (Jane) who would ignore the teacher if the teacher called her 'Janie'. The teacher called her parents and her parents said she'll respond just fine if you call her by her name. The teacher dropped the nickname and it was never a problem again.
The bus problem I would have taken up with the principal.

Our schools have directories published by the PTA. ONLY members of PTA are in the book and we all must sign a form ok'ing this.

If you did not sign a form, they can't put your child in there because then, we'd be seeing the question on mamapedia that "my child's name is in the directory and I didn't ok it"

Sounds like you got off to a shaky start. Hang in there and try to make the year end on a positive note.

Mistakes (especially my own :-) irritate me sometiomes too, but this was probably an oversight. At our school this is put together by the PTA Volunteers. They are all very capable but there is a lot to do and some things fall through the cracks. Also, I filled out the form incorrectly and accidentally checked the box that says to omit our names and info from the directory. It was caught because I run one of the fundraising campaigns and my name needs to be in the directory ;-) Anyway, the point of all this is many things can go wrong by well meaning people.

And about the name thing... I was actually going to answer your post and remember it. I have problems with names, I didn't used to. My Mom did and I SWORE up and down I would not be that way. Here I am late 40s calling every poor girl in our Brownie troop by the wrong name one especially trying tired day. UGH I was so upset with MYSELF and was literally crying about it later. What I try to do to get myself out of this funk when it happens is to make a joke about it (I can be pretty hammy so the girls know I'm doing it) That seems to help my poor old brain. If your daughter, or you, could lighten the situation for the poor Music teacher (and anyone), they might be able to remember and have fun doing it. The pressure and habit of messing up over and over has probably solidified her saying the wrong name.

I don't know about the Bus incident but my advice would be to choose your battles and teach your daughter to deal with most of life's misadventures in a fun way. As others have said, not being in the directory might have some advantages. As long as the people who need it have it, School, teacher and friends, you are probably better off. I can get pretty dramatic and dour but I do know that if I look at things positively and with humor the tend not to bother me as much and possibly provide entertainment.

I can see your daughter having a lot of "special, maybe even secret" names among friends, inside jokes as you will. Always an added fun thing in a day.

Anyway, what is the saying? Half glass full instead of half empty? Great lesson for me today! Take care!

My daughter's school requires us to sign a form allowing the information to be in the directory. Do you recall if you had to sign something like that? I understand why you would be irritated since this is not the first thing that has happened to bother you but it's so minor compared to what could be happening. I honestly probably get frustrated w/ something that happens at my daughter's school at least once a week.

BTW- I was curious to know what your daughter's name was so I looked at your previous posts. It's an unique name. Surely you thought that could happen when you chose names (I love the name by the way). It's probably going to happen to her all through school so try shrug it off.

The secretary should have been more polite, but mistakes happen. I think your daughter is going to suffer more from your attitude about these minor slights than from these little inconveniences.

Teach your daughter to blow off the small stuff. Life will be full of much bigger problems than these, and she needs to learn to be positive and resilient.

Yes, I'd be irritated. It was probably an honest mistake, but the school secretary should have been more sympathetic. Yes, they should circulate an additions/corrections sheet to the directory. I would ask that the principal do this.

I would be frustrated and surprised that they didn't suggest that they send a sticker home with each child to add to their directories. I belong to groups that do this all the time. You may even be able to suggest this. But I wouldn't let it ruin my day.

I'd be irritated that this isn't the 1st instant that they 'forgot' my child... Or about them or their name... I lump all that in with forgetting them.

No it would not be a problem for me. I would not let something like that hurt my feelings.

I don't like directories and our school does not have one it goes against their privacy policy but if they did I would be thrilled that they forgot to put my child in it.

As for the art and music teacher messing up her name they see every student in the school and usually only once a week so it is easy for them to get confused. My high school calculus teacher called my allison my entire senior year and I saw every day twice a day did I let it bother me....no...I just would remind her that my name was Rachel.

And as for the bus company they can't do much about a student slapping your daughter that is the school. You call the principal up and complain about it. The bus driver can correct the student, talk to the student, etc but they cannot discipline that is up to the school what type of punishment the student gets (detention, suspended from the bus, no reccess, etc)

edited: from a previous post it sounds like they aren't calling her the wrong name just mispronouncing it. I think you need to cut the art and music teachers a little slack there. Once they are in school you can't let every little thing bother you. I would probably only be upset about the hitting on the bus but you have to take that up with the school not the bus company and in our school it is a violation of privacy policy to discuss other students' punishments so even if it does not seem like anything was done something could have been they just can't tell you much.

Hi A.
To be totally honest this would upset me. As you know anythng that effects our babies effect us as mothers at a very deep protective level.
I would ask for a meeting with the school principal and make it known that you have a problem with all of the above you have told us.
Just to let them know that you are a voice for your daughter otherwise you might start feeling resentful toward the school
Best of luck
B.

I'm sure it was just a mistake. But the secritary should have been more polite.

My daughter came home with a school directory and I opened it up to find our full address and phone number. Talk about irritated! I never signed a consent for that. It was before caller id and those directories sparked a lot of prank calls and harassment in our school. They finally did away with them. So, not being in that would not bother me.
The fact that they treat her as invisible would bother me. But be careful that you aren't creating drama where there is none. I wouldn't be more mad about it than she is. If she is a quiet polite girl that doesn't get into trouble, she may be just fine with anonymity. She might just like it that way. It's ok to be a wallflower.
If you feel that she has no voice, maybe you could join the PTA or start volunteering around the school. Everyone knows the room moms kid. I know your schedule may not permit that, but it's an idea. You can also help her get more attention by keeping in constant contact with her teachers. Try emailing them to introduce yourself and periodically through the year. Let her teachers know your concern that she is getting passed over and they may have some suggestions.

Was there a form to fill out? At my son's school I had to fill out a form to be included in the directory. I actually hesitated to fill it out, it seems weird that they share all that information with the entire class/school. But, I did.

I don't think I'd let it bother me. There is nothing they can do about it now.

J.

I would be irritated, but honestly, it happens. I would ask if your information could be sent home to her classmates. I'm not sure what you expected the secretary to do about it after it was printed. Her answer was honest and she's right.

See if you can find a way to get the info out (and make sure that you sent in whatever form may have been required). Do it in a light-hearted manner... little note in all the folders saying "Ooops! Somehow ____'s information didn't make it on the list. Here's where you can find her: ".

If your daughter has an unusual name or one that is similar to a more common name, help her find ways to correct people. I have been called Kristen pretty much daily for my whole life (pretty name, just not mine). I have to correct people every day, all day... even people who I have known for years.... thanks Mom and Dad!