I live in a village here in the UK, so its pretty tight knit. Everyone knows everyone here. And everyone gossips.
My 6 year old daughter, asked if she could go to the local sweet shop. I said yes and gave her 2 pounds, you can get allot for in this shop. Any way, I was expecting for her to have enough to share with her 4 year old brother, maybe even her 8 year old sister. But she came back with a normal bag of sweets, but only a quarter, if that, filled. I asked to see the recite, she showed it to me and it was ALLOT more purchased than what was in the bag. So I asked her what happened.
She was walking back when she saw one of the mums walking back with her son. The son saw the sweet bag and asked if he cold have them. My daughter told him that she wanted to give them to all her brothers and sisters. And there is not enough for him as well. Which would of been hard of her to do, since she is a push over. But then the mum told her that she was being selfish and should learn to share out side of our family. She started telling her how horrible she was being. Then she told her to give her some of the sweets. So my daughter did hold out the sweet bag for her to take SOME. But she took almost all of them and put them in her hand bag for her son.
I know this mum. She knows that my daughter is very shy and that it would of been hard for her to say no to her son, so there was no chance she'd stick up for herself while being intimidated by an adult. This is a very rare treat for them and usually if there is enough they share it with the older children to (the older ones aren't fussed on sweets but will have if offerd)
So what should I do? Confront her?
I had to have a zip code and that's what it said when I signed up. I know this is an American site but it's quicker then netmums.co.uk.
Hell yes I'd confront her. What nerve!! I'd just do the talking and let her know not to address my daughter again.
Yes, by all means confront the woman, just be prepared to look like a fool.
Adults don't demand candy from children.
But children certainly make up stories when caught eating more candy than they should.
Are you really so thick?
There's kind of a saying with elementary school teachers - "I'll believe half of what your child tells me about you, if you promise to belief half of what your child says about school."
It's not be cause kids are dishonest, exactly. It's because young children don't always see the complete picture and will honestly leave out information that an adult would know is very relevant. Also, it's common for young children to exaggerate or mislead if they fear they will disappoint you or let you down.
I would absolutely NOT "confront" the mother. However, it might be a good idea to approach her and ask her about it. Be very non-threatening. Just let her know that you were surprised your daughter came back with such a small amount of candy and were wondering if she knew what happened.
It's very possible that it did not happen the way your daughter described it to you.
ETA - just to let our posters know, overseas members can't put overseas countries on here. You have to either use an APO address or choose one in the states...
Original:
I think that if you decide to confront, you need to start out by asking what happened to your daugher and her bag of sweets. See what the woman says. Go from there.
From now on, don't send her to the store with so much money.
Have you told your daughter you are thinking about confronting the mother? That will give her a chance to confess the truth.
I'm sorry but I have a REALLY hard time believing a grown woman would bully a little girl out of her candy, especially in such a "tight knit" community.
If you do confront the woman, do it in person, take your daughter with you, and make sure her son's there as well. You should get all three sides of what happened.
Okay, moving past the cultural difference of allowing a 6yr old to go to a sweet shop solo, I would talk to this parent. However, expect a confrontation, and expect it to go poorly. It may not go poorly, but that is most likely. In the future I would be sure to send your child with an older person or go with her yourself. This is an awful person by the way, simply awful.
I would speak with the mom and find out what happened.
I would take the receipt and explain that you instructed her to bring home ALL of the candy.
So if this mom felt it was your daughter being rude, she was mistaken.
And instead you would appreciate her to never do this again to your child. Also let her know you think she took advantage by taking so MUCH.
We teach our children to take only 1 or 2 pieces when someone is sharing. Not whole bags, not even half..
This makes me so mad.. She would have messed with the wrong child, if she had done this to any child I know..
That mother was WAY out of line. But don't "confront". Have a word with her. Let her know that you appreciate that sharing is important, BUT sharing is giving that child A PIECE of candy, and taking the rest home like she was supposed to. Let her know that she made your daughter very uncomfortable and that you would appreciate it if she did not reprimand her daughter or touch her things again.
Absolutely say something. If you want your daughter to be more assertive, you have to model it. You could say,
Hello, my daughter says she saw you in the sweet shop the other day. Can you tell me about it?
Listen. If the little boy is with her ask him first. He will be more honest.
Say, my other children were very disappointed that someone else had taken most of the candy when DD got back. Do you know anything about that?
When I send my DD out to get candy, I don't mind if she shares a piece but I do care if she feels threatened to do so. I don't tolerate it very well.
There is a possibility that your Dear Daughter ate more than her share on the way home! Don't burn your bridges but make your point if you need to.
So now instead of HER having 1 sad kid, YOU have 3 sad kids. That Mom is a bully. She was out of line to treat your daughter that way. I would definitely say something to her. Your kids were at home waiting for their treats and she literally stole them from your kids.
As for your daughter's response, it is hard for kids to say no to adults, as we teach them to respect their elders and do as they are told. However, when she is running errands that she should respond with. 'My
Mom said that I was to come straight home. See you later.' and then walk away.
YES, confront her. She was a bully and teaching her son to be a bully. The only way to deal with a bully is to confront them. Not only will it tell her that she has NO right to demand something from your child, it will also teach your daughter how to deal with bullies. Bully kids are bad enough, but when the adults do it, there is no excuse.
Ugh, I'm sorry. I think you should confront her. This way all the moms will learn you are not a pushover and won't let things slide. Of course the downside is if this woman is unethical, she will slam you (make you look like a nut) to all the neighbors. So be it.
If they like to gossip, they might ask you for your side. You can give it if you want. Be strong. What this woman did was horrible. Taking advantage of a small child - grrrrr.
You really believed that story? I'm sorry, I really am, but I honestly believe that your daughter thought she'd get into trouble with you if she told you that she ate all of that candy on the way home.
I wouldn't confront the "other mother" because I think she would have no idea what you're talking about.
Yes, I would have a polite conversation & try to find out the other Mother's side of the story.
You need to teach your daughter the power of NO. This is a good chance to help her learn to set boundaries.
No, you shouldn't confront that mother. Because the fact is, we cannot control everyone else in the world. We can only control ourselves. Your daughter cannot control a mean, pushy, bullying kid or other kid's parent, but she can control herself.
Teach her to say NO, to set boundaries for herself. She was already going to be sharing her sweets with her family, and family DOES come first. Teach her that it's okay to say no to people who want what she has. They could have walked their happy bums down to the sweet shop themselves if they wanted.
Couldn't help but notice that you are new
And that this is your first post
You say you are from UK
yet you have Sparks,Nevada as your 'from' place.
Umm... am I missing something here?
Sounds like 1) the mother is mentally ill or 2) Your daughter is fibbing.
I would NOT go on the attack until I was absolutely sure this is what happened. Because I don't know ANY adult who would demand and steal a child's candy.
What a bully!
I can't say that I'd let my child go to the store by themselves. I'd make a comment of how much it hurt the other kids feelings when your girl brought home a half empty sack.
She needs to know your daughter told and next time take precautions to not allow this to happen again. Either send more kids with her or go with her yourself. This way you can know what happened. And it won't happen again.
I know you posted your question a while back, but I came across it and I just had to respond. How upsetting! I would be furious if this happened to my daughter. However, I would not confront the mother. I see no point. Obviously, the other mom is not decent enough to know that what she did was very wrong. There's usually no point in discussing anything with unreasonable people. It would just be a waste of your time. I would instead teach my daughter to be better at standing her ground and not be a pushover. It's upsetting, but this is a good teaching moment.
Yes I'd tell that mother off as well as demand payment for the candy her son pilfered.
She's harassing and bullying and basically robbing your daughter blind.
When it comes to sharing, how much does this Mom give to your daughter?
Not only should your daughter learn to say no, but she should say "Hell No!" and raise a public ruckus and don't be embarrassed by it.
If someone says she's being selfish she can say "Yeah. So What? Deal with it.".
I normally don't like smart answers back from kids but this woman is really asking for it.
