Should I Draw the Line with My Daughter Showing off Her Belly Ring in Public?

I'm just waiting for the what happened next part to pop up with links pointing me to where I can buy dangly belly rings.

3 things
1 - It's weird, I can go to the mall, grocery store, fair, ANYWHERE....and I NEVER see belly button rings. They are SO 1990's. lol
2 - It is against the rules/dress code in this area for girls to wear middriff shirts. No bellies are allowed to show or the child's parents are called to pick them up and change their clothes.
3 - I would HATE IT if my daughter was trying to "entice boys." I would be pretty worried about being a grandma early.

No you shouldn't. Let her get some tattoos and other body art and wear whatever she wants. I mean, she's 16 and all. And that's all "in" now so she should go for it! YES!!!!

I'm confused.

You 'support' your girls getting navel piercings, yet you expect them to keep them under wraps at all times? That's like telling your kid that you'll let them get their ears pierced, but then want them to wear earmuffs all the time.

Sometimes, being the cool mom and letting your kids do what they should reasonably wait until they are of age to do does backfire. Surely you had conversations before this about some levels of propriety because, like you said, you see this all the time, right?

What did you expect? (smh)

ETA: ditto Southern Yankee. I had my bellybutton pierced back in 93. NEVER wore it out, exposed. Had to take it out because the waistbands of my favorite clothes rubbed on it. NOT worth it.

Well, I don't really know. Girls in our district with exposed midriffs, cleavage, butt cheeks, etc, get sent home from school, so (luckily) we can't actually SEE where other parents "draw the line". And I'm down with that.

:)

Belly rings are not a part of main stream fashion these days. And I think you might be a little naive if you think the "most trouble she causes is enticing boys to look at her midriff". Sure - we all see some girls at the mall showing off their midrift and belly button ring - but I am certain that you'll find that waaaaaay more girls are not showing the world their tummy. Perhaps they're the girls that don't hang out at the mall?

And when did we get to the place where our kids' school grades beccame the only thing that mattered? I know students who really struggle but are great human beings and go on to have wonderful and successful lives. On the other hand, being an A student means she has God-given intelligence. - it isn't a measure of her character. If she manages to fly under the radar to avoid detection by you of any mischief she's really getting into she might be an A student - but she may also be a liar - and who knows what else. Teenage kids have an uncanny way of lying to our faces and we believe them - almost every time. I'm in the process of trying to figure out when my 15 yr old son is lying - because I've discovered many times when he has lied - and I would have never believed it!

My daughter is a college freshman - so I've been there - and we talked about a belly button ring, a nose ring, various types of ear peircings and tattoos. My daughter knows our family rules. While she is under our financial support (including college, auto insurance, cell phone, etc.) she's expected to keep those rules. I'm super flexible about hair - who cares - it grows back. We have a "no" for belly button and any facial peircing and any tattoos - but a maybe for certain ear peircing. SO my daughter has two holes in each earlobe. The second one she got in her first week away at school and had already asked our permission so we weren't surprised.

We said no to the belly button becuase the only intent is to draw eyes to the young woman's bare belly. There's no purpose to wear it under clothes - why bother? Since teenage girls are attractice enough to teenage boys, and our culture is already so obsessed with sexuality there's really no nead to further advance the agenda. The same guidelines apply to cleavage. There will be times when a shirt shifts and cleavage shows - but there's no reason to hanging it all out there on a regular basis. When young women come in my office and their boobs are spilling out I wonder how the men deal with it if I find it distracting.

As for your daughter - I think the belly ring in and of itself isn't the issue -it's part of the whole picture of your 16 year old walking around with her tummy hanging out and attracting the opposite gender using her sex appeal. The problem is that most 16 yr old girls know that their sexuality is attracitve to guys - but they don't understand fully how powerful it is.

When we established modesty guidelines around our house when my daughter hit about 14 I explained a few things to her - 1) When you're fishing, realize that different bait attracts different kinds of fish. If you want a guy to respect you then don't use a belly ring as bait. No, I'm not "blaming the girl" - what I'm saying is the nice guys won't be the ones interested in your daughter. The creepy guys will though. is that the kind of guy you want dating your daughter? 2) you can't control who will look at you. teenage girls can dress suggestively hoping to allure some 16 yr old clueless boys - but the creepy old dude in his old truck at the stop light will leer at your daughter just as much as the 16 yr old boy, your son's soccer coach and her social studies teacher...

My daughter was convinced when at a stop light we watched a hot little teenager in skimpy attire walk across the street in front of us and my daughter say a guy in the truck next to us nearly salivate. She was so grossed out by the guy's reaction that it turned her off from dressing that way.

Finally, there was a study done at Princeton a few years ago - they were studying the brain and perception. Certain parts of the brain light up when we think of certain things. So when we have to repair something, or make a meal we think about the tools we need to use to get something done - and a certain part of the brain lights up. When we think about people we love, our spouse, our parents, a sibling, a photo of a puppy or a cute little kid a very different part of our brain lights up. When we think about God , or our future or our job very different, and very distinct parts of our brains light up. So these people wired the brains of the people they were studying, then they showed them photos of all kind of things - mountains, people, food, a hammer, skantily dressed women, sweet babies, modestly dressed women, etc. Whenever a skantilly dressed woman showed up the part of the brain for tools light up. The same part of the brain that lit up for the hammer! But when normally dressed women showed up the part of the brain controlling emotions and relationships showed up. This was remarkably consistent from man to man to man. Old, young, rich, poor - it didn't matter. So when men see a skantilly clad woman they don't see her as a person - they see her as something to be used, like a tool, to meet a need. So consdier - is that how you want men to look at your daughter?

As for the workplace - I can imagine that your coworkers were stealing glances at eachother. They were probably trying to see if anyone else thought the belly ring was outlandish on a 16 year old.

They grow up way too fast as it is. One minute they'er a little girl in an adorable outfit. you blink your eyes and they're these sexy little chippies trying out their sexuality & power on the dopey boys who don't know any better - and nither do these young women. As parents it's our job to protect them from themselves. SEstting modest guidelines is one way to do it.

Belly rings are NOT part of mainstream fashion, nor are they typical of 16 year old girls. You are reacting because deep down you know they are trashy and far too mature for a 16 year old child. But for some reason, to be the cool mom or your daughter's best friend, you allowed it. You recognize the dangers of enticing boys in the deal, but for some reason, you think you're supposed to allow it because "everyone does it." Where the hell is your integrity? Whatever. It is trashy and you should be listening to that little voice inside your head.

ETA: Because I fully expect a flouncy withdrawal or edit of this post, here's the original:
"Should I draw the line with my daughter showing off her belly ring in public?
I don't mind my daughters having their belly buttons pierced. In fact, I completely support it. My daughter Hadley stopped by my office after school yesterday to have me sign a form for cheerleading. She was dressed in a crop top with a dangly, chandelier belly button ring. I had never seen her wear such a gaudy piece before, with countless jewels and silver catching the light. It looked way too heavy to be comfortable. The looks she got from my co-workers would've been enough to make most other girls toss on a hoodie. But, I remember what it's like to be 16; revealing skin in the name of fashion.

Ideally, I prefer that showing off the belly rings be confined to places like the beach/pool, concerts, fairs and such. A couple of weeks ago I texted Hadley to come downstairs as we were leaving for dinner. She replied back that she just had to switch out her belly ring to a dangly one, and she'd be right down. Once again, her tummy was on full display, accompanied by a piece of elaborate jewelry.

Hadley is a straight-A student. If the most trouble she causes is enticing boys to look at her midriff, I will be OK. Not to mention that I can't go to the mall, grocery store, etc. without seeing dozens of other girls' belly piercings prominently on display, too. I think my "mom instincts" flare up because I was raised to dress more modestly. However, I can't deny that belly rings are a part of mainstream fashion now."

ETA: Damn, Wild Woman. You go, girl. Usually so diplomatic, I love when you get real.

ETA: B had the same idea. *high fives*

Hadley, if your mom wants you to tone it down with your belly ring, then do it. Coming into her office with your belly showing is disrespectful. You could hurt her reputation if she has a conservative boss. And while that might not be fair at all, it does happen.

You can act like "everyone's doing it" all you want, but the REAL truth is that the majority of girls do not have belly rings.

Also, majority of girls don't walk around with their midriffs showing. To do that in your mother's office, ring or not, is disrespectful.

Whatever your mother asks you to do, you should do. You should consider that she allowed you to have one. Stop taking advantage of her.

And yes, I understand that you've acted like you're the mother here. But I know you're not...

Btw, you should read what NYMetro mom wrote - read it carefully. THAT'S what you need to hear...

Are you for real?? I have a feeling that I am talking to Hadley instead of Hadley's mom.

Straight A's??? Seriously??? Good grades give a young women license to dress inappropriately?

Straight A's should not be a justification for objectifying your body!!!

Your daughter is flaunting her body for others to gawk at and is decorating private areas with accessories and you are ok with it. If you didn't want her showing off her accessories then you shouldn't allow the piercings. A person that decorates their private parts is usually doing it so they can show off their private parts. Sooo, mom, you brought on this behavior. Way to go!

Belly button rings are not common fashion. They are actually viewed as trashy where I live. Schools have a dress code. It is so sad that the school has stronger dress code restrictions than your own home. Your school cares more about your daughters education, social and emotional well being than you do.

You and her father should feel stronger about your daughter flaunting her body to get attention from boys.

You mentioned your parents taught you to be modest. Your parents taught you to be modest for a reason and it wasn't to inhibit your sexuality. They taught you to respect yourself and to demand respect from others.

My husband and I are teaching both our sons and daughter to be modest in dress,language and behavior. So far so good...they are not even trying to push the rules. We find very stylish swimsuits,clothes and formal wear. Kids can still find clothes and formal clothes that are modest yet don't compromise their morals and standards. They can still be popular without flaunting their bodies, grades,giftedness and talents.

There are many life lessons that children learn by being modest in their dress,grooming, language etc. Your daughter has learned to flaunt what she's got. That is a very bad quality to have. Good things do not come from that kind of behavior or mindset.

Yes you should tell your daughter she shouldn't show her midriff. But then it makes you look foolish. You let her get it in the first place and why else would you get a piercing if it wasn't for showing it off. Seriously..mom...take some parenting classes. Be the parent...not her friend.

And, if I am talking to Hadley. Please take out the piercing, let it close up. Then open up your textbooks and focus on your studies. Go to college and achieve your educational dreams.

As soon as a poster gives the daughter's name, and her name is Hadley, it's typically a troll.

If you're a troll, your English is better than most. Particularly your vocabulary. If you're Hadley, I can tell you're a straight A student, with your use of words like gaudy, prominently, accompanied, enticing, etc. So focus on your schoolwork instead of your belly button.

If you're mom, there's no harm in teaching your daughter that there's a time and place for everything.

If you're a random troll, go do something useful with your writing talent.

Huh?
Label me a prude if you want, but I don't get any of this. A belly ring? She's in high school. If you are fine with piercings, then be fine with them AFTER she is an adult and out of high school. To endorse them while she is still a high schooler seems odd to me.
If you didn't want her showing it, seems to me you wouldn't want her to have it.. I mean.. haven't you ever heard, "if you've got it, flaunt it"? That's pretty much how teens think. I don't get why you are surprised or think she should be more modest. Modesty would have been not getting it (at least in high school), in my book.
But I'm sure I must be a prude. Or something.

Troll question.

"with countless jewels and silver catching the light"

lol

Hmmm...you're kind of closing the barn door after the horses have run out. This wouldn't be an issue in my house because a) there are no body piercings for kids under 18 and b) there are no crop tops either. Call me prude but in my house, bellies are covered unless one is wearing a swimsuit, at the pool or the beach. When swimming is over, clothing is donned. And I have a daughter who is almost 17, and in awesome shape, but she knows what is and isn't allowed in her wardrobe and cropped tops aren't in the OK list. Neither are booty shorts, cami tops that aren't layered or are too loose, etc. skirts that are too short, yoga pants worn outside of the house, etc.

So...I think that you can - and should - enforce some guidelines about when it is or is not OK to show body parts and piercings. Hopefully she didn't go to school dressed this way. If she did, you need to enforce a dress code even if your school doesn't. Then set guidelines for other places as well. Sounds like in her case, you need to make a list of the limited places/events where it is OK to show off the belly ring because the default mode should be that it's covered. Which of course brings up the point of why have a body piercing if you're not going to show it off and get attention for it...that's what it's for, right?

I can tell you that I spend a lot of time among teenagers - I have two, I teach test prep to high schoolers, I live a block from school and have kids walking past my house every day - and no, belly rings being worn publicly are not mainstream fashion, at least where I live. They are definitely worn to be noticed. Sounds like your daughter is getting the attention she wants...you need to figure out if you're OK with that kind of attention and if you really are (it sounds like you are, which is fine) then figure out where you find in inappropriate and communicate that to her.

There are definitely things and standards that I think are common sense that do need to be spelled out to our kids, even older teens. My daughter got her first job this summer and I had to bluntly tell her that she needed to wear longer shorts to work, just like I've had to veto outfits for church and family gatherings that are just too casual, short, clingy, etc.

It seems that contemplating your belly button (omphaloskepsis) has sunk to a whole new level.
If she doesn't feel dressed without wearing belly jewelry, then maybe that's all she ever needs to wear.
You'll save tons of $ never having to buy clothing or doing laundry for said clothing.
Granted she might be a bit chilly in winter or stick to seats in summer but hey - I'm sure it's worth it for fashion's sake.

You can buy that stuff just about anywhere - you hardly need a link.
(Google 'Painful Pleasures' for one)
But really - where's the creativity?
When I was in college the (then new) punk crowd was making earrings out of typewriter keys.
How difficult is it to string a few colorful paperclips together and hang it through your navel piercing(s)?
Oh oh oh!
Great idea!
She can string her key ring through it!
Since she'll be essentially naked with no pockets - she'll have a way to keep from losing her keys!

Sometimes you've just got to take an idea to it's illogical extreme and see where it takes you!

Original Question:
Should I draw the line with my daughter showing off her belly ring in public?

I don't mind my daughters having their belly buttons pierced. In fact, I completely support it. My daughter Hadley stopped by my office after school yesterday to have me sign a form for cheerleading. She was dressed in a crop top with a dangly, chandelier belly button ring. I had never seen her wear such a gaudy piece before, with countless jewels and silver catching the light. It looked way too heavy to be comfortable. The looks she got from my co-workers would've been enough to make most other girls toss on a hoodie. But, I remember what it's like to be 16; revealing skin in the name of fashion.

Ideally, I prefer that showing off the belly rings be confined to places like the beach/pool, concerts, fairs and such. A couple of weeks ago I texted Hadley to come downstairs as we were leaving for dinner. She replied back that she just had to switch out her belly ring to a dangly one, and she'd be right down. Once again, her tummy was on full display, accompanied by a piece of elaborate jewelry.

Hadley is a straight-A student. If the most trouble she causes is enticing boys to look at her midriff, I will be OK. Not to mention that I can't go to the mall, grocery store, etc. without seeing dozens of other girls' belly piercings prominently on display, too. I think my "mom instincts" flare up because I was raised to dress more modestly. However, I can't deny that belly rings are a part of mainstream fashion now.

You were raised to dress modestly, but your teen out running around with her belly showing and dangly rings poking out of it "enticing boys to look at her midriff"-you said it not me- is sort of OK? Hmm.

Self expression and trendsetting are one thing. Copying the pierced belly button (no, it's always been for one little element of people, not the mainstream), skimpy look is another.

Skimpy clothes have always been in fashion with certain types of people in our lifetimes and always will be. And you know what types of people those are. The types that like attention from wearing skimpy clothes. It's fine for adults with jobs who feel it really suits them to dress that way. But teens? Meh. It just looks like their parents allow it for whatever reason.

If Hadley was my straight A daughter and she walked in my office like that. Boom. I might find ways to disrespect her feelings right back.

You can always tell who the trolls are because they include names in their posts.... Hadley? Whatever.

There could be a few "rules" to go along with the new addition since she's only 16. A little modesty isn't a bad thing. Plus it's getting cold, it's just stupid not to cover up. She can wear what she likes on "her" time. Family time and school time, she needs to put it away.

Daniella,

It is about your standards. Number 1: How come you let her
get a belly piercing?
Now, with your failure to set standards of common decency, you have
written us for support for something that could have been avoided
when she requested a belly piercing.

There is one word that parents are failing to use:
"NO."
I was raised in a world of absolutes. There are no longer
absolutes. Do what feels good and who cares about affecting
anyone else's sensibilities.

Let me tell you, in our schools in Portsmouth, the amount of sexual
activity including sex is off the charts. My concern is the lack of
parental guidance on the small things that develop into full scale
flaunting of human flesh.

We are spiritual beings made in the image of our creator.
I am affected by the degradation of our society.
This is why the terrorist hate us. They think we are the infidels.
We have to wake up.
The family is the first government.
Just saying.
Good luck.
D.

If you're going to allow her to wear crop tops then you have condoned showing the belly ring in public.

You let her get a belly ring. You had to know that the only purpose of this is to show it off. You are comfortable with her displaying her midriff at the beach, concerts and especially at public fairs. But you draw the line at your office, but also in the privacy of her own home at the family dinner table?? She can show her midriff to thousands, but not in her own home to a few people? That makes no sense to me. It sounds like it's okay if she shows it to anonymous strangers, but not to you or people you know.

You let her get the ring. You had to know she was going to be obsessed with it, spend money on various rings, and be involved in constantly changing them, right? Your "mom instincts" are flaring up way too late to do anything about this - you're trying to close the barn door after the horse has escaped. It doesn't sound like you set any ground rules whatsoever with her before this was done - you didn't tell her where & when she could bare her belly, you just let her do it and are now dealing with her displays? She cannot do it at school, so what's left? Home and public, right?

Your only options at this point are to make sure she earns the money for these rings and that you aren't paying for them. If she's old enough to display her midriff, in your view, she's old enough to pay for it. If she doesn't come to dinner because she's too busy fussing with her body, then she doesn't eat. She gets her own plate when she shows up, and if it's cold, then she warms it up herself. No waiting on her.

You can ban her from your office I think, but you're stuck on the "it's not acceptable" angle everywhere else because you already allowed her to do this.

And no, belly rings are not part of mainstream fashion. You see the belly rings on those who have been allowed to get them, but you aren't noticing the many girls who are covered up and have not done this. Those girls are just blending in.

Moreover, you haven't addressed with your daughter the entire issue of using her body to entice boys. What does that say about her and her insecurities? What does it say about what she has that is of the greatest value? If she needs boys to admire her body for her to feel accomplished, that's the problem.

If she's getting good grades and fulfilling her other responsibilities, you don't have a lot of leverage. If she's earning money to pay for her piercings and her jewelry, and you have no other requirements for putting money into savings or anything else that she is not fulfilling, maybe she's on track. If she's coming home when she's supposed to, if she's letting you know where she is and with whom, she's probably in okay shape. That's all you can (and should) focus on at this point. But I'd draw the line at new piercings and tattoos. You didn't say "no" the last time, but you might want to stop here.

This is why my kids are not allowed to do any body modification (dyed hair and earrings are ok) until they are 18. We avoid all this by making them wait until they are legal adults and can legally consent on their own.

I used to go to my mother's work in full Punk Regalia: mohawk, chains, boots, black clothes/hair... fashion is temporary. In your shoes I wouldn't be concerned with what your coworkers think.

So she dresses okay to go to school? Then when she came home she put on a short top and came by to get your signature on cheer stuff? or did she wear a crop top to school?

I can remember my mom making rules about what I could or could not wear to school.

It didn't work.

My bff would bring extra clothes that we her sisters and we'd change into them in the bathroom. I am talking low low hip huggers and super tight body shirts that showed off every curve and boobage.

We'd also put on a little bit of mascara and lip gloss too. We felt like we fit in then.

Since your daughter is 16 and you approve of the rings then you are surely in a position.

If the school dress code allows her to do this then you're sort of stuck. No matter what you say she can simply stick a different top in her friends back pack then the next morning put the other top on at school and then change back before leaving for home. It's not that hard to get away with changing at school and parents never finding out.

IF the school dress code doesn't allow her to wear this stuff and she's doing it and not getting chastised you need to tell the school they should be enforcing the dress code. You can tell her she can't wear that because it's against the dress code but if the school is allowing kids to wear this stuff and not enforce it then again, you're stuck with her wearing it.

If you really don't want her wearing this stuff in a public place then you need to sit down with her and visit with her about it.

I got a navel piercing to celebrate my 45th birthday, and a year of pilates, which left me with a nice 6 pack. I display my jewelry still when I wear a bikini or running bra. I'm 53 now. So, if my daughter wants to do this at 16 (she's 12 now), I'd be a hypocrite to have a problem with it.

She is 16. If she was 12 I would be not be okay with it, but at 16 it is normal for kids to start wanting to express their own style, including in body modification and decoration. Unless her cloths are more street walker then older teen, I would let her be.

If you're letting your daughter put jewelry in her belly button, why are you not letting her show it off? What was the point? (I say this as someone who thinks teens showing off so much skin is gross and I didn't do it myself.)