Should I Feel Bad Because I Let My 10 Month Old Son Explore His Toys?

No, you shouldn't feel bad.

As long as the area is baby proofed then it's good to let him play and entertain himself. I always did this with my daughter and I always managed to get most things done around the house. I had a hexagon shaped gate that she would play inside of, like a portable playpen (the room was also baby proofed).

She still does well doing things on her own and has never had any issues with sharing her stuff when other kids are over.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. I intentionally let my 12 month old play on his own (while keeping an eye on him) because kids need to learn to play independently. It's an important skill. I did the same with my now 3 year old when she was around that age. She plays so well by herself now when she needs to! You don't want to end up with a 3 year old who needs to be entertained constantly.

I suggest you are overthinking this. Of course it's OK to let him play alone. In fact, constantly being aware of him and whether or not you're doing the "right" thing is damaging to both of yours sense of well being. There is rarely a "right" way to do anything. It's right to provide food, a dry diaper, sufficient sleep, warm cuddles, toys (home made and/or purchased) and learning opportunities. How you do this is not so important. I suggest it's most important to be confident so that your baby feels secure. Relax, knowing that there is not one right way to do anything. Know about child development so that what you do compliments each development stage. He needs to learn how to play by himself if he's at an age where he can move around, reach for and play with toys. How old is he?

If you've made the area safe, you do not need to constantly have your eyes on him. You cannot make his world perfect. You cannot prevent all accidents or provide everything he needs. He will learn how to provide for himself if you allow him to learn based on his developmental stages.

You are an individual as well as a mom. It's your responsibility to take care of yourself as well as your baby. I suggest that if you try to remain this intensely involved with him, you will crash and burn and he will be unable to play by himself, become totally dependent on you as a child, unable to think for himself, make friends, be successful. Yes, he's totally dependent on you now. You can provide what he needs while remaining independent for yourself.

I urge you to take parenting classes so you learn how to balance his needs and yours.

Constantly focusing on him can mess him up, perhaps for eternity but only if you aren't willing to learn and grow with him. Asking this question is a good start in learning what you both need together and apart. You won't mess him up for eternity. Every parent "messes" up their child in some way because there are no perfect parents or perfect kids.

Stop feeling badly! You are doing exactly the right thing! He's safe and I assume the apartment is childproofed, right? Outlet and cabinets are secured, venetian blind cords are up high, and so on?

Children LEARN through playing and exploring on their own. So constantly entertaining them is actually damaging. If moms (or dads) are with their kids every second, the kids never learn to be independent, they never manage to go to school and separate from parents, they never develop a sense of self. They also become very demanding! They absolutely MUST learn that you are a person, that the world does not revolve around them, that other people matter. You can (and should) clean the kitchen,fold laundry, go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and go on the computer. You can hear him playing, so you know that he's not hurt or unconscious! So he's fine.

And don't feel that toys are the only things he must have. Let him play with pots and pans, tupperware, funnels, wooden spoons, and so on. Put a plastic colander and a pitcher in the bathtub, let him stack tupperware containers, let him pick up leaves or pine cones (not the super sticky ones, for your own sake!), maybe put a little bird feeder on the outside of the window (the kind with suction cups), give him the cardboard roll left after paper towels or toilet paper are gone (show him how to make sounds by talking into it), put stuff in an empty carton, and so on. There are all kinds of things that can be fun - textures, colors, shapes! It's about the variety of experiences, not the sheer quantity. Also, put some of his toys in a box or bin and put it in the closet - rotate those toys out periodically and put others in their place. Everything seems new when it's been gone for a week!

I do think taking a parenting class or getting into a mothers' group would be great for you. I found a weekly play group through our local Newcomers' Club, but the library often has something connected with a story hour, sometimes the Y or a church or a synagogue has something, and more. Get connected with resources in your area. You'll make friends, you'll get support and handy tips, and you'll learn ways to deal with different personality traits and phases.

There's a wide range of what it means to be a good parent - and there are stages of child development that are easy to learn without you feeling that you have to be a child psychologist. But remember that lots of people have different opinions, and they aren't all right - or they may be right for THEIR life and THEIR child, but not yours. We all parent based on how we were raised (keeping the good, getting rid of the bad), and we all see things in others' kids that we either admire or abhor. The point is not to work in extremes, and not to be so hard on ourselves. Your child, and mine, didn't come with a manual!

And remember that every child gets hurt, many children break a bone, and most parents lose their tempers or feel stressed. These are not measures of good parenting.

if i'm understanding you correctly (and if you're really a blogger i hope you're able to communicate a little more clearly than this) you let your baby play by himself in a safe place where you can observe him even when you're not directly interacting with him.
and you're feeling guilty because someone (probably the internet you're 'scoping') is telling you that you should be down on the floor involved with and stage directing your infant's every move.
no, you shouldn't feel bad.
yes, it's okay for babies to play both with their parents and alone.
how 'demanding' can he be? he's not even 1. he's still utterly dependent. doesn't mean he can't play alone in a safe space, but i'm not seeing how a tiny tiny boy can be 'demanding' in a pejorative sense.
what exactly about this scenario makes you leap to the dramatic 'messing him up for eternity'?
khairete
S.

Don't feel bad. Playing alone is important too. Make a huge effort to give him a routine. They really need that. I remember having my boys in the grocery store talking about colors, shapes, textures of the fruit etc. They were SO ready for that nap when we got home. They also enjoyed "story time" at the local library at that age. So much fun letting them explore the world! Those days are precious. Enjoy!

You are not messing him up for eternity. He will explore and find out where things are in his little world that you have set up. Just make sure all plugs are secured, cords can not be pulled down or lamps tipped over. He will crawl and have floor time to strengthen his muscles and soon begin to walk. That is when the fun begins.

Let him see you in the kitchen. He knows you are nearby and that is all that matters right now. Try to keep your internet visits at times when he is asleep so that you can hear him. Do you have a gate for him so that he cannot get out and go into a place not set up for him? Do get one or a good old fashioned playpen for him. Later when he is older you can have a designated spot in the kitchen away from the stove and any doors that would hurt little fingers so that he can "pretend" cooking with you. Include a few wooden spoons and plastic bowls. They make sure fun toys and they are cheap. I had a bottom cupboard for my daughter and she would play in there for hours. My son took over my canned goods so I used Sharpie on them to know what was in the can should the label come off. My cookware survived him and the cans.

He will become independent and play independently if you give him a place of his own to be in that is safe. He will still want you near but be satisfied with his surroundings. Do schedule time outside in the fresh air daily for both of you in the morning or early afternoon and then a nap.

the other S.

PS You should not have to entertain your child all day long.

Are you serious? I hope not!
Messing your child up for eternity? No.
But your irrational level of guilt about it might! :)
Really, though, kids need time to make their own sense of their world. If you are leaving him in a safe place you can see, have eyes on him, great.

If you are leaving him with a bunch of toys that talk, remove those. You can talk to him all on your own and they are scientifically proven not to teach anything. Safe blocks, containers, soft toys.... those are fine.

Please, use your common sense on this. We all need a bit of a break. We need to get housework done. Sometime in recent history people forgot that we used to do all sorts of time-consuming jobs while our kids kept themselves busy and the kids were FINE!

you should feel great that you are letting your child explore. let them play alone and let them have fun. if you have an eye on him and you can see he is fine then don't feel bad about it. if he is screaming for you the entire time then you should investigate the screaming. but if hes happy then let him play and enjoy a moment to clean your kitchen or browse the internet.

You're definitely not messing him up. This is his first lesson in independence. While other moms will have 3 year olds crying at the bathroom door, yours will be happily playing while you take care of business. He's learning to be independent; learning that he can count on you when he needs you; learning that he is okay if you are not right beside him. All GREAT things for a child to learn. Keep up the good work!

being able to play independently is one of the best characteristics of children that have school success - you are creating a strong, independent child which is honestly the best way to do it
i'm assuming you interact when you feed him, change his diapers, do his bath, etc. --- those are the times that he needs your attention, not when he is exploring his world. if you created a safe environment then you are fine just letting him discover it

Parents use to let kids play in play pens - it's a safe place for them.
When our son was 10 months old I spent a majority of my time with him on the floor.
He went through some pretty bad separation anxiety where he'd cry like his heart was breaking if he lost sight of me - even if it was just a few minutes for me to use the bathroom!
Some kids learn to play on their own sooner than others.
Our son wanted me to play with him all the time - and I enjoyed it.

Housework be darned! I had one baby and I loved playing with him!

Updated: I should say, I was there too with my baby and kids (when I took time for myself). I'd just open the laptop or read a book while baby was entertained by the chaos of our world :)

Well, babies aren't demanding as in personalities :) babies are just demanding by the very nature that they are babies and we have to attend to their every need. So yes, that part is true for all moms, and yes, it does become tiring and somewhat tiresome at times. With my first I felt kind of chained to him and I didn't particularly enjoy babyhood as much as I did with my other children. I was far too hard on myself. Once I had more than one child, I realized so long as your baby was totally safe, they were fine if you had to go chase your toddler. I mean, you just don't have the choice. You do not have time to dote on them 24/7. So I would set them up to be safe, and plunk them in the middle of my other kids, and sit and read a magazine or have a cup of coffee or watch a show. A happy mom is kind of imperative to being a good mom. You have to take time for yourself. It's crucial.
I had chairs for babies in every room so that as I moved around the house, we could transport babe with us. That way life wasn't revolving around baby so much as baby was entertained by the constant change of scenery and activity. It's very normal to feel as you do with being a first time mom. It wasn't until my eldest was a teen and he said "You didn't screw me up mom, I turned out just fine" that I finally exhaled and realized I did ok :)
Good luck and glad you feel better from the responses!

Good, job, momma! It is OK to let kids become comfortable playing alone at times. It's good for them. My first was EXTREMELY clingy because I was with her non-stop doing stuff. My younger two were more independent because I had less time for them (and they had each other I guess). It's OK. He's fine!

V.,

Welcome to mamapedia!

Your son is 10 months old, not 10 weeks. Playing on his own is good for him.

You're not leaving him there to go to the grocery store - you have him in a safe place and attended.

It's okay to second guess yourself and question what you are doing - it's a gut check. Don't try to be super mom and don't try to be everything. Be yourself. Be a good role model for your son. Let him explore and learn self-soothing (not sure that's the right word, but you understand, right?)

You've got this. You aren't messing him up!! You are giving him a chance to be independent and learn trust as he knows you will be there when he needs you.

Congrats mom!!

No way! As long as you sometimes play with him and he is not always by himself. But what you are doing is GREAT...don't feel guilty! Being able to entertain yourself is a wonderful skill that many kids struggle with. My first born was super needy and always needed me next to him or holding him. He always wanted me to play with him and lead him in play. I was very thankful when my second child was like yours...she was happy to play on her own for periods of time. She could entertain herself. She started pretending very young...it was so cute. I felt proud that she learned this skill so quickly. So, as long as you keep an eye on him it sounds to me like you have nothing to feel bad about.

No, you're not messing up for eternity.

Get down on your hands and knees and look at everything in that room. Is there anything in there that could hurt him? Have you child-proofed? Go online and read about childproofing so that you are sure that you know what could be a potential problem.

Play music for him so that he gets exposure to it. Sing to him while you clean the kitchen. Talk to him while you're on the net. You could just be reading out loud in a sweet mommy voice, and that's just fine.

You're doing fine, mama. Don't question yourself too much - it'll drive you nuts!

Kids need to be kept safe and have their needs met.
If he is? You're fine.

Here's the thing. If you were constantly paying attention to him, playing with him, interacting with him, then he'd be seriously behind in Independence. If he is active and moving and trying to achieve the next level of development then he's fine.

I do caution you to make sure every single thing he has access to is child proof and age appropriate and not a choke hazard.

For instance, shelves, book cases, racks, etc...should all have L brackets on top screwed into the top of the item then screwed into the boards inside the wall. This prevents the shelves from falling over on him if he chooses to pull up on them. Each shelf should be securely attached to the walls and back of the item. This way if he pulls down or out on one of them they won't collapse and hurt him.

Each toy needs to be examined for breakage. For smaller parts that come off if he bites them or snaps it accidentally. Hot Wheels cars seem innocent, right? The doors, tires, wheels, trunk and hood pieces will all come off pretty easy if they're stepped on or bent backwards. The kiddo puts them in their mouth because that is their nature. They can choke or swallow sharp harmful things.

Make sure he is never eating unless he is right next to you and you are watching him. They can choke in an instant then it's too late. I never ever ever allow the kids to get up from the table while food is in their mouth and they never walk around with it in their hand. I have help way too many babies and toddlers and preschoolers upside down and banging on their back to get food dislodged. Never lost one yet because I am dogmatic about this. I am the adult and the child is a child. They do not get what they want by crying. I know they could lose their lives if I take my eyes off of them while they are eating. So make sure any food is eaten at the table and that his food is always cut up in 1/4 inch pieces or smaller.

I know he's eating baby food at this stage but as he gets older he will want to get up and move with food. It can't happen at all.

Google choke hazard food. There are so many that parents give their kids and don't know any better. I friend shared a story/blog written by the daughter of her best friend. Her child was born and had a real struggle to be alive. He lived. When he was 2 or 3 they were having a snack and he choked to death on a gummy.

Marshmallows, grapes, gummies, and more are choke hazards. Google can give you much more detailed lists.

Letting your little one have independence is awesome, you're doing a good job. As long as you are supervising him and interacting with him during the day it's okay.

I can remember feeling the same way 30 years ago! Somehow two sons survived me and grew up to become men. The truth is, we all have to learn how to self soothe, occupy ourselves and keep ourselves happy. It worked for me so well he lives on the other side of the country! HAHA, (He is married and her family lives there)> At any rate, it sounds like you love (not smother) care (checked in with us) and also realize you have your own life (internet). We all grow up and if you are loving him, and feeding him and keeping him safe you are doing very well. so don't feel guilty