Should I Have My Son Tested for ADHD, Etc.?

I had my son tested that early and regretted it. He was misdiagnosed because many children act this way at 4. As his pediatrician told me "if I ever wanted to give my child away it was when he was 4." That is one of the hardest ages. I bought and used the book "the strong willed child" by Dr. James Dobston(sp?) and it was wonderful. Got us through those hard times, now my son is a healthy and well adjusted 23 year old.

If you're worried about him getting labeled, then don't have him tested. Boys tend to be much more active than girls, and a lot of times are labeled as ADHD or whatever just because they are normal boys, and have a harder time sitting. That is why they need recess and active play and active learning and such. Some teachers would rather give that label and demand drugs than address their physical needs. With consistent discipline, my very-active boys are generally well behaved in public.

I would suggest reading John Rosemond to get ideas on helping him with self control and such. I now have three boys, and they are a whole different ball game than most (but not all) little girls, as far as activity level and all that. John Rosemond's Six Point Plan for Raising Happy Healthy Children is excellent. You can find it cheap on amazon, or on his website www.rosemond.com.

As a mental health professional, I do not recommend getting your son tested at this age. His behavior sounds perfectly common for a 4-year-old boy. As difficult as it might be, I would look at how you're parenting. Children at this age test limits and are looking for boundaries. Are you and your husband on the same page regarding acceptable behaviors? Are you consistent and calm when applying consequences? I highly recommned "Scream-free Parenting" by Hal Runkel and anything by John Rosemond. Good luck.

Many mothers of children who were diagnosed with ADHD and other similar problems have found that by changing their child's diet, they could change their child's attitude. Some of the particular "bad guys" in diet include artificial colorings and flavorings; but other moms have found that their child was allergic to (or at least sensitive to) a "normal" food (like eggs or wheat) which caused them to have weird reactions and intense emotions.

I've noticed my three-year-old does this sometimes. We're working on him with it, but it takes some doing. I like the Blood Type Diet, and have found that the more I follow it for myself, the better I feel; and the closer my younger son follows it (he's Type O, with major "avoid" foods being wheat, most forms of dairy, and corn), the less stressed he seems to get and the fewer tantrums he throws. It's hard sometimes to feed him right, but if I let him eat too much "avoid" stuff too much of the time, his anger and stress levels sky-rocket.

Your son is only 4 years old -- don't worry too much about getting him to write his letters. If he chooses to do that, great! But if not, then you may be setting him up for a battle that neither one of you wants. If you want him to learn something, try a different method of learning the same thing, or have him learn something different. I'm afraid it might backfire to force him to do school -- he may end up with a bad impression of "school" and "learning". Maybe you could teach him weights and measurements by having him help you make muffins or something. I encourage my kids to learn new things, but if they resist (they're ages 3 & 5) then it's no big deal because I know they've got plenty of time to learn. Usually, they pick it back up again within another few months, and this time they *want* to do it, so they have the capacity to sit still for it.

You may also wish to look into the books "The Heart of Anger" by Lou Priolo and "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp.

Get him tested. It's so much better to know. I wasn't diagnosed with ADD until college. It would have made such a difference in my life to have been diagnosed earlier. I would have had a much happier childhood and really would have a better relationship with my mom. Don't hesitate to test... but please wait until he's 6. It's very difficult to correctly diagnose a child before that age. Keep it in mind and certainly talk to your pediatrician about your concerns but hold off on formal testing for a few years yet.
Also ask your pediatrician for a referral to a good neurologist and an ADD specialist for the diagnosis. Don't just do a Conners scale and have done with it.

I am a mom of a severe ADHD son. I am also an advocate of finding out if there are any bio/psych/socio reasons for behaviors before saying it's just personality--which sometimes that's all it is. I was at my wit's end when my son was your son's age. My son had a switch that went on at about 5:30am and ran on high until 7pm. He did not rest, relax or have "down time" at any point during the day. But man I loved (and still do love) the amount of good healthy sleep he got. There is a form that most schools and pediaticians and child psychs have that allow you to evaluate behaviors. You can give one to anyone who spends a good deal of time with your child and have them fill it out. Work with your pediatrician... a child is not diagnosed by anyone other than a medical professional. At age 4, it might be too early for any kind of firm diagnosis anyway. My pediatrician wouldn't think of making a diagnosis until a full battery of learning tests were done by the school--Age 7. There are lots of other non-medical things that you can do that might help. Supplements, looking for food allergies, limiting/deleting sugar/caffeine, behavior modification techniques, counseling. My son had to have a very structured schedule. He could not handle things that were thrown at him. I had to tell him "the plan" and then count down everything. Bathtime in 2 minutes, bathtime in 1 minute, 30 seconds to bathtime, bathtime. You can stay in the bath 15 minutes, ten minutes til you get out, 5 minutes, 3 minutes, 1 minute. You get it, I'm sure. By knowing what was coming we were able to limit the tantrums and out of control whining fits. For some of these kids, there is a lot of anxiety about the unknown. I still deal with that today.

My son is now 11. He's on medication, yes, but do I regret having him diagnosed, no. I tried lots of different alternatives prior to medication. Many other parents find that alternative therapies work well for their child whereas, medication did not. One downside to being on medication and having a formal diagnosis, I was not able to get individual health insurance for him. He was considered to high a risk?!?! Group insurance is not a problem.

Whatever you do make sure that you don't allow a diagnosis to define your child. He's unique and with or without ADHD he's a great kid.
S.

There is a book that tells a lot more about ADD/ADHD that might help you decide if you think your son truly has it or not. It is called Driven to Distraction. I don't think it will hurt to have him tested because knowing what is wrong so you can help is a positive thing. Helping him get it under control if he has it is super important to how he will do in school. My question would be will they even do it at four? I thought they waited until they are a bit older than that to test. I have not checked into it recently.

I don't have personal experience with this, but my sister is a special ed teacher and I know they like to hold off testing until 7. Part of the reason for this is that you don't want your child labeled incorrectly, because this will follow him all through his schooling. Being too hasty and getting the wrong diagnosis can hurt him. Definitely talk to your doctor and see if they can recommend reading materials for you to do some research. He might benefit from some of the treatments (like the other mom suggested a structured routine) and these could help you whether he is ADHD or not. There are also other things that it could be that are similar. My sister has dyslexia (same one- that's why she became a special ed teacher), and there are a lot of symptoms that are similar. She often seemed like she had ADD but it was actually dyslexia and misdiagnosing her would have been to her detriment in school. I think testing and accurately diagnosing any problems in your child is very important, they aren't able to live up to their full potential if they aren't helped. But be cautious about doing it too early.

R., I don't think testing would be in his best interest at this point. All the things you described sound just like my (now) 6 year old. 4 is a tough age for him and you... I also used to work with children with ADHD and behavior disorders and what you've described doesn't sound like either to me.

What seems to work best for us is structure with regards to bedtime, rewards/consequences, balanced diet. When my son gets overly emotional, he's told he can't behave that way in 'public' and to go to his room until he can calm down. When I am delivering a message to him, I make sure I have his full attention (eye contact, ask him to repeat the request to make sure he really heard me). It's great that your son is into board games...it is an excellent indicator of his intelligence, but most 4yo boys are just not that into writing/letters, so be patient in that area. My son LOVES legos and can build them for hours...

Once he gets to school talk to his teachers...they will be able to give you a better idea of how be acts in that setting and compared to other kids his age. My gut is that he is a challenging, but average kid!!

I don't know of any physician that would even consider evaluating you son for ADHD at the age of 4. It may be 1st - 2nd grade before there is even talks about evaluating him. You can see about it but I don't think your pediatrician will do it. I honestly think what you are describing is normal behavior for a 4 year old boy. Have you considered putting him in preschool to see if a structured learning environment will remedy the concerns you have? You should consider putting him in one and let the Early Childhood teachers work with him. They are experienced at making learing fun and exciting at that age. It's just a suggestion but my guess is that you will be completely surprised by his behavior when he starts school. You wouldn't believe how the interaction and structure really motivates them to learn.

I was tested and diagnosed with ADHD when I was in the first grade. This was a big concern for me when I had children. When my son was your son's age, we had a similar problem. But he is 4 and just has energy. When he got into daycare and school, he listened really well because he saw all the other kids working. If you really feel that there is problem with your son, get his tested for something, not just ADHD because it could skew the results and have him misdiagnosed. But you should also consider waiting and seeing how he reacts to school. No offense but it could be the work you are giving him. Think about it, its not fun and who wants to do something especially a child that isn't fun. Maybe you should focus less on the writing and more on turning reading and math basics into a game.

IF you have him tested who do you need to tell? If he is diagnosed with ADHD, you could also look into if his diet is contributing to the behaviors. I am not sure of the age that they start medicine for ADHD.

I have NEVER regretted having my daughter tested OR put on medication. i know some parents are against it but if you needed meds for say high blood pressure you would take them!! ADD and ADHD is a medical condition and should be treated as one. I have done A LOT of research on this and feel that it only helps the child. If you know he has a learning disability then you can work with him accordingly. If you are in louisville try the bingham child guidance center. good luck I know its hard!
P.S. dont listen to people who say hes too young, hes not. The earlier you get this under control the easier time he will have in school and life.

There's a lot you can do on your own. First is diet (the most common culprits are sugar, caffeine, artificial food colors and flavors, egg whites, milk products and wheat).

A couple other things that I think are helpful (as a grandmother who needed to know this stuff 30+ years ago for my OWN kids!) are the child's temperament and 'love language'. There are tests online and you and he could even make a game of him helping you figure it out.

The temperaments are:
Sanguine (happy-go-lucky, life of the party, scatterbrained, enthusiastic but doesn't follow through.)
Choleric (strong ideas, pushy, leader, insentitive to other's feelings).
Melancholy (perfectionist, negative [sees the glass as half-empty], neat [sometimes O/C about it).
Phlegmatic (easy-going/laid back, pacifist/peacemaker, slow moving, stubborn/resistant to being 'bossed')
And some tests include a newer category, 'Supine' (serves others, can't express their thoughts/feelings). We're born with our temperament(s -- we're usually a blend of 2 or a little of 3).

The 5 love languages have been anayzed by Dr. Gary Chapman and include:
Acts of service (doing things for others and liking having things done for self)
Physical touch (any loving touch)
Words of affirmation (any complimentary, encouraging statements)
Quality time (just being together with someone) and
Gifts (giving and receiving)

Each of us have an innate need for a couple of these 'languages' being 'spoken' to us.

Bottom line is, your child is different from you. He'll have different learning styles, interests, personality, temperament, and abilities. Parent him according to this -- HIS natural 'bent' rather than yours, and you'll notice improvement. If our teaching style is rigid, it can cause rebellion and resistance (looking back, I can see that I parented at least one of our 4 terribly wrongly).

Hope this helps!!

4 is young to me, and if he is playing a board game for an hour, that is very good for a 4 yr old. I would give it some more time. What do his teachers in preschool say?
Mother to a grown adhd kid.

Yes you should have him tested but not specifically for ADHD because that may not be ADHD. It sounds as if Sensory Intergration Disorder or another issue. Getting a jump on things before he starts school. this will help him in his learning once he is a school setting. The testing is just simply going to a therapist who specializes in testing children. don't go through your regular doctor they don't do all the testing that is needed. Also see if your county has a Smart Start Program or a More at 4 program. they are a good resource and can assist you conected with the right providers.

Hi R.,

I just wrote this to another mom. "My first line of defense is to see if there is any outside stimuli that is causing the behavior. Not all behavior comes from within...some is inflicted. My youngest daughter that was diagnosed with ADHD was very aggressive. A family member convinced me to remove all the synthetic chemicals from the house and from her completely (even soap, shampoo, etc) and when I did I got a beautifully behaved, sweet little girl. I detoxed my entire house. It was almost instantaneous....about eight weeks in, I didn't even recognize her. Turns out, just like a junkie, the chemicals, just like pharmaceuticals, contraindicate and cause aggressive behavior."

If you go to the breastcancerfund.org site there is a document called "State of the Evidence." In that document it notes a test study done on umbilical cords after delivery that says that most infants are born with an average of 44 toxic chemicals already in their system. I believe this is because we are in a chemical society now. Why else would we have so many childhood cancers, neurological disorders like ADD, ADHD and Autism, respiratory distress, and digestive disorders? This is a new thing over the last 50 years.

My daughter was diagnosed ADHD and then after I detoxed my home, the diagnosis was removed by the doctor. He was astonished. If your little one is going to be in public school, I would be wary of labeling him at this age. Try a simple detox and see if that helps. It can't hurt.

God bless,

M.