Should I Hold Back on Kindergarten a Year or Not?

Hi P.,

I have an almost 5 year old too, and ditto with your scenario minus the only child. We took my son to child developement professional to see what his developemental vs chronoligical age is. He was right on track, but she still felt that because he is a little shy, and does his own thing that it was better to hold him back, the whole boy/girl thing too. But, it turns out after looking into our public school system, that if you hold your child back, they will go right into 1st grade if they are 6. If you are going to a private school, you have the option of holding back much easier. Look into your school district if not, and be sure of their guidelines. Good luck!

I am a former Kinder. teacher and this is my opinion: if you have the "nagging feeling" of not startuing your child don't! Parents know their children best! Boys typically mature later and the best gift you could give your son is "the gift of time". Think about how he will be in high school. Would you want him struggling later in life? Take him to the doctor and have him evaluated and see if you can schedule an appointment with a kinder. teacher or principal and get their feedback. There is nothing wrong with not starting him. You can help foster skills at home, both academic and social.
Bottom line: you know your child best and have their best interest at heart. Go with you gut!

He sounds like he may be a gifted child, especially since he can be so mature around adults. I would definitely see you if can get some kind of developmental/educational screen, maybe through your school district. If he is advanced and you keep him back a year he may be bored. My son was similar and has a September birthday. He turned 5 the third day of kindergarten. I have never regretted sending him early. In fact, he gets bored now, I can't imagine had we held him back (he is now 10, and in the 5th grade). There are lots of websites about gifted children (use Google). See if your son fits into any of the categories. If he is indeed gifted (or GATE, which they aren't officially identified until 2nd grade) you need to be his advocate early. Gifted kids are all different. Often times, they don't fit in with kids their own age because they are interested in things above their chronological age level. I may be off base about your son, but it's worth looking into. You can e-mail me if you want further info. Good Luck!

P., as a former bi-lingual school teacher with 18 years of international experience, I would HOLD HIM BACK.
Kindergarden and first grade are the crucial first years of his academic career and how he feels about school and himself as a student will set the tone for the rest of his academic life.
School is always easier for those who are a little older, a little more mature, for those who have more life experiences under their belt! He needs to feel confident about school, up to the challenge because so much will be expected of him socially and academically.
Keep him out and read to him about 45 minutes to an hour everyday, take him everyplace you go, explain everything you do, get him involved in play dates and with other children and then you will feel confident about his starting next year. He may be sensing your hesitation and doubt and that colors his perception of himself as well.
Don't hesitate to follow your gut - you are, after all, your child's first teacher.

P., I feel for you its a hard choice, my advice would be listen to your gut. My sons birthday is in the middle of June. He started Kindergarten in the fall, Kindergarten wasn't really a problem. Then we moved. His old teacher said he would be fine to go onto 1st grade. When 1st grade came it wasn't to bead until the end of the year. I got blind sided by the school, they thought he needed to be held back. I worried what it would due to him socially. Anyway, he repeated 1st, didn't seem to bother him to bad. Now 2nd grade is going fine. But if I had it to do over he would of just repeated kindergarten in the knew school. I didn't listen to my gut, now I wonder if it would of made a difference??
So I would say listen to your gut. No one knows your child like you do!! Hope this helps.
Best of Luck!!
J., mom of 3.

You know your son better than anyone. If you feel it best to hold him back, do it! I strongly recommend it. I have been teaching preschool for 7 years and no parent that I know has regretted holding their child back a year when they have a summertime birthday. (esp boys, boys socially develop slower). My first child was a boy, with a summertime birthday. I did not hold him back. He is now almost 15 and I regret that I didn't. He was a large baby and has always fit in size wise, but when I look at the other kids his age, not grade, I think he would have been better off with them.

Sounds like he's a gifted kid, one who would eventually be put in the GATE program in school. Teachers are educated on how to work with children like this, and most years you'll get really good teachers. Why don't you go and talk to the future teacher about him, I'm sure she'll put your mind to rest.

I have had these same thoughts about both little boys. I have been trying to find out if there is a law that says that have to be enrolled in school by a certian age. I have not found this out yet, but I still have one more year before I need to enroll the oldest of my boys. I believe that a child has to be enrolled in school by a certian age. My first boy will turn five 5 weeks before he is to start school and his brother will still be 4 ( for the first two weeks of school) I dont feel that either one will be ready at that age to start and would like towait another year for both of them! But again check with your state laws so you do not find yourself in legal trouble! Good luck and be blessed.

I held my son back for the same "social" reasons. All I can tell you is out of all the people I asked while we were trying to make that decision, I never heard anyone tell me that they regretted holding their son back, but I DID hear numberous times how parents regretted pushing thier child ahead. I have never regretted holding him back. My son is now 7 and in the first grade. Socially, he fits in great and he is so much happier. I feel we made a great decision. Good luck to you. I know it can be a very hard choice, but they are going to be in school for so long there is no reason to have added pressures on them.

I think it is wise to hold back kids that are not ready, socially or otherwise. It will be to your son's advantage to have more time to mature before beginning kindergarten.
Think ahead to other grades as well. If he goes in as a young five in K, he will always be one of the younger kids of the class, but competing with kids who could be quite a bit older.

Boys especially tend to mature more slowly, but are with girls of the same age who mature more quickly. Holding him back will give him an advantage in each grade. He can always do extra work in a class if he is ahead, but if he is behind, then it will be a uphill struggle.And the emotional maturity is a big deal. It effects his learning in other areas, if he is having difficulty responding appropriately. Give your son the gift of extra time.

I have a son who is turning 19 this week. He has three older sisters. He is so different than the girls. I have heard many parents of young men (especially dads) say that young men take longer to mature. I would say it is true. The differences between the girls verbal skills and his lack thereof makes a huge difference in many situations. So once again I say, giving him an additional year to mature will be an advantage for him.

J. --
mom of four young adults.

Nothing you revealed puts up any flags not to start him. If his 5th birthday was in Nov./Dec. of next year, I would say think twice. Otherwise I would definitely start him. I would think that he would stand out if you didn't. Imagine, if you did wait another year, he'll have classmates turning 5 and he'll be turning 7.
To be honest, most kids are spacy when they start Kindergarten-that's why most schools have 1/2 day Kindergarten, to help get them accustomed to everything. Besides, he still has a few months.

I have a 16 year old son and I never thought he would fail kindergarten, I worried about him being the youngest ,possibly struggling versus being the oldest and more ready for things. I am so happy I waited. My neighbor did not and she wishes she would. I prefer to do it early, rather than retaining him later when he has established friends in his grade. Go with your gut--it is usually right!!

If you have any doubts about starting him this year-DON'T. He has nothing to lose and everything to gain by waiting to start next year. You are right-it's not about academics, it's about social maturity. Boys mature later than girls as a rule, and giving him time to catch up will only help him throughout his educational experience.

I do not think there is a person alive who didn't have some adjustment difficulties when exposed to kids their own age, as opposed to adults, who are all too easy to charm. It's part of the process of maturing, and the longer you postpone it, the harder you make it for him.

Does he go to pre-school? Maybe you could ask his teacher. I know someone who has a son in 7th grade now who was academically ready for Kinder, but regretted not retaining him in kinder because of his social immaturity. As a mother, I think you'll make the right decision for your son, just need a little reassurance with that decision. If possible, ask the school where he would attend if you could volunteer for a few days. Teachers could always use help in their classrooms and it would give you an opportunity to observe a class and give you some what of an idea what it will look like for him.

Hi P.,
I've been through this exact situation with two of my children. My son and daughter both started kindergarten as 4 year olds, turning 5 shortly after starting. Looking back, I should've definitely kept my son out another year. He just was not ready and struggled throughout his whole schooling. My daughter on the other hand, completed kindergarten in 6 months and has been totally different. She is getting A's and B's in high school right now and certainly socially mature than our son was. Two different peas in my pod for sure!! I had a doubt with my son, but not with my daughter.
If you have a "nagging" feeling, I say go with it and keep him out one more year. I believe, from experience, it will help his future.
Good luck!! Enjoy him, they grow so fast. Believe me, you blink and he will be getting married!!

T.
momma of 5!! (and one is getting married soon!!)

Before you make this decision, take your child to the pediatrician AND the school district. Have him screened. My child is 5, will be 6 in November and we had the same issues with him when he was in Preschool at 4. Of course, I was beside myself because I couldn't alleviate his fear of social situations in a group of kids. One-on-one with other kids and he was great. But groups were intimidating to him. Some of the characteristics you are describing sound like my child and I thought he may be high-functioning Autistic, Asbergers actually. Have him screened and talk to the pediatrician. The professionals will be able to pinpoint a problem if there is one and if there isn't one, they will be able to direct you as to how to help your child develop his social skills. In the meantime, try not to worry. You have plenty of time before the next school year starts, so don't worry that you will miss registration or anything. But, take it from me, don't jump to any conclusions and just hang in there until you can talk to his doctor and the school district. Good luck.

I would hold him one year. It's always going to be an issue of him being smaller or physically not ready for a sport. He can always be placed in advanced academic classes, but be on the same playing feild for sports. My son's b-day is in early Feb and I'm holding him. Use your mommy's intuition. If you feel in your heart to hold him hold him. Better to do it before he starts than to place him in and half to hold him back and make him repeat a grade. Place him in a full time pre-K class.

T. H

Follow your gut but my take on it is that with a socially immature boy have him do a pre-k class. My son was an oct bday- he is in pre-k this year and it is great. He probably could have gone to K last year if I pushed it but my take on it is that school is too stressful as it is for kids today. I think its better to be a little older and a little ahead then to be struggling. You may start school this year and think all is fine but when he hits 3/4th grade when things get harder you may see its effects then.
I think kids should have a chance to "be kids" for as long as they can! good luck

P., go with your instinct! I am a kindergarten teacher and boys sometimes just need one more year to mature. I read another comment from another mom and she said that if your child is 6 they cannot enter kindergarten in a public school, this is not true. Remember, they are only babies for so long, don't push them to grow up so fast! If he is not ready just give him another year in preschool.

P.,
YES,YES,YES!!!! Please hold him out for one more year.
My Mom taught Kdg. for 110 + years (-;
and she always recommended for parents to hold off if the kids aren't ready.
He's a baby, let him mature one more year!
A.

First off, I usually read other peoples responses before I respond but in this case, I pretty much know what to expect to see (Autistic?? Aspergers?? Maybe even a few "artificial foods problems" etc etc)
I will instead tell you what I've learned in the last 12 1/2 years with a child EXACTLY as you've described your son.
My son was energetic, a little odd, very intelligent and would get on track with whatever interested him at the time. I was told by "well meaning people" that maybe he had ADD etc etc. He was born in early November so he HAD to start Kindergarten just before he turned 6 years old because of the cut off dates in my state. This did not help with his maturity and social development though. He did have problems with friendships and socialization in the younger grades, but he was suggested to be tested for the Gifted and Talented program in 2nd grade. In 3rd grade, his new stepmom insisted (during the custody case she pushed) that he had ADD and because we had to do psychological evals because of the custody case, he was screened. He did not have ADD or ADHD. The schools didn't hurry up with his testing for GT (even though every teacher recommended it) but once they did and he got in (with 97%) he started to mellow out even more. (he mellowed a little more every year but he's always marched to his own beat) They sent home a "characteristics of highly intelligent child" paper which much to my surprise included ALL of the "symptoms" of ADHD etc. He reads at a 12th grade reading level and has since 4th grade, he's in GT, honor roll and gets straight As (and this year and last, for the first time getting straight As in Citizenship too!) He's now in the 6th grade. He has never fit into the neat little box that all "normal" children fit into and that's okay. I've come to realize he's just as normal when you compare him to other children like him (the rest of his GT class for example) He gets consistently good grades, he has a few very close friends, and he's a wonderful little boy that you enjoy having a discussion with. He had a little bit of a problem socially but I kept making sure that he knew was something special and built up his self esteem.
There have been discussions like this one before and if you glean out the "ADD, Aspergers" responses, there is some great advice for the gifted children here
http://www.mamasource.com/request/9970381882543570945
I'd also suggest you check these links
http://www.sengifted.org/articles_counseling/Webb_Misdiag...
http://www.adifferentplace.org/Positive%20and%20Negative%...
http://www.brainy-child.com/article/boys-behavior.shtml

What helped me most to become a fighter for my boy over the years (and I have had to fight for him) were two books... If you're interested in the boy's phenomenon check out "The War Against Boys". You can read the first chapter here
http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/s/sommers-war.html
And Raising Confident Boys: 100 Tips for Parents and Teachers- You can read part of that book here http://books.google.com/books?id=MhvK3ZZO3W4C&dq=rais...
There's also an excellent article here about what has been occurring over the years with our boys.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005...

Unless your son has trouble with his grades or his behavior is harmful and dangerous, don't worry about him so much. Go ahead and start him in Kindergarten now because chances are, he's going to be the active, inquisitive and somewhat "odd" child you know and love no matter how long you wait. You might as well get the awkward years out of the way. :)

Honestly? He really really needs to go. See how it develops.

I too had the same issue with my son (who is also an "only") and I held him back. He is seven and in first grade at a private school. I have not regretted my decision for a moment! The feeling you are having is what I call "mother's intuition" and you must not ignore it. I would highly recommend that you have him tested if you are really concerned. Make sure that he has exposure to plenty of social situations- playdates at home can be great for onlys. Sometimes I just think boys need a little extra time to mature...Good luck with whatever you decide!

my daughter turned 5 august 2 of last year and i was also torn, i decided to wait and my what a difference, she is starting school this year and i feel emotionally she is now ready, i never worried about anything but her maturity level. i am a working mom and i knew it would cost me another year childcare but i knew in the long run it would benefit her. then when i talked to teachers they said it was the best choice i could have made. good luck

Hi! This is a difficult decision to make. I didn't start my son until he was 5-1/2 yrs old. I realize that I probably should have waited a little longer. We ended up holding him back in first grade because of it. Academically he was fine, but he just didn't want to listen to his teacher and his maturity wasn't where it needed to be. Holding him back was the best thing we could do. We switched schools and he is doing a great job this year. We still have little issues (he is a boy afterall) but his behavior is much better this year then last and most importantly he loves going to school again, which is very important.

Hi P., We are all mums so we share your struggles. We all want the best for our kids. I guess my question is that if you keep him at home for 1 more year before sending him to Kindergarten, how will that help him. What will you do differently? Was he in a preschool program? If not, try to put him in summer camp or some kind of group activity where he goes everyday. Some kids just pick up on a slower pace. It sounds like he loves to read, just wants to do what he likes. I think that is normal for a kid his age. But he needs some kind of structure on a regular basis. And I believe he will pickup.

Take care

Maybe he is borderline Autistic and the social skills will have to be learned. Check out a group and gently remind him of others. He will be fine.

As a parent I live by many rules as Im sure you do to...the one that I always ALWAYS go with is my gut instinct. If you feel like is not the time to start him...than dont. When my oldest son went to kinder. he had turned 5 in October I ended up holding him back in the 2nd grade. I should have listened to my gut then....but that was before I knew about that rule.

I know when my son was about to turn 5 (October baby) it was a big deal. I didn't feel he was ready socially either - but definitely ready learning. My husband thought he was ready...so, we started him. I thought he would cry...I thought he wouldn't fit in...I thought he would look too young compared to the rest of the kids - I was wrong. He did very well in Kinder and has done very well all through elementary. He is in 6th right now and he has gone through the normal experiences. I think that maybe what I experienced was me not being ready for him to go, and he was just fine. If your son starts the following year, it will look as though he was held back also. Good luck with your decision, and God Bless.

Boys do mature on average slower than girls, but by the time school starts he will be almost 5 1/2. Is he interested in listening to stories being read and sitting still for instruction? In addition to social groups has he gone to preschool or pre-k?
I think if your gut is telling you to keep him home another year it would only benefit him. My girls both were young kindergarteners, they didn't even turn 5 until the end of November, but they are girls. My son on the other hand has a January birthday and was older in his class. All 3 of them have accelled on different levels and time frames.
My only caution would be, you say if he's not interested he'll shut down. That's not really an option in school. he has to give his full attention to the teacher whether its about dinosaurs or math. Give him the chance to be at the top of his class and on the same social level if that is where your concerned.
Best of luck.

I'd say follow your instinct. If you are getting the feeling he is not ready, then keep him until next year. Could you try it out and then take him out if it's not working?

Your little boy sounds bright and gifted to me! It's so aggrevating to hear people suggesting that he could be mildly autistic or ADD or have any sort of "disablity"!! When I went to Kindergarden I was exactly the same way....wanted to do play time at nap time, nap time at reading time, etc. I just wanted to do my own thing. They decided I was bored and moved me up to first grade where I was overwhelmed and very cranky! Then I went through years of bad teachers who merely scolded me and told my mother I was not that smart because I had a hard time following the rules. (Of course this was in the 70's when ADD was not an automatic diagnosis. Personally I think if people didn't send their kids to school on a bowl of Trix and a pop tart, there wouldn't be so much ADD anyway!) My mother knew better and pushed for an IQ test and a psychologist to evaluate me in the 3rd grade. The woman concluded, "she doesn't have a disability, she's just brilliant!" LOL. I was moved into classes for gifted children with teachers equipped to handle it and it all went uphill from there! Having said that, I think you son should go to K, but you should talk to the school and perhaps his future teachers. That's where he will learn the discipline of having to sometimes do what you don't feel like doing. It's something we all eventually have to learn. Your son sounds like a great guy...I hope my 4 1/2 month year old son will be as cool...and it sounds like you are an caring, involved mom. I bet he will be fine!

Wow, your son sounds fabulous! Thank goodness for those who march to the beat of their own drum- They are the ones who grow up to be phenomenal individuals, leaders and change makers. If he were my son, I would support and encourage him to stay on his path and perhaps research educational programs that encourage that kind of individual growth as well; such as Montessori. Best of luck to you and your family!

Hi P.,

I think you should follow your instincts. Boys mature slower than girls and holding him back a year will help him tremendously throughout his school years. He'll be bigger and more coordinated, so will do well in sports (which kids value more than academics anyway) and he'll be ready to learn the various concepts in school so learning will be easier for him. I have a friend who had a rather small, meek boy (only child as well). She held him back one year and the difference was amazing. He was more confident and did wonderfully in school. He recently graduated from college with high honors. The extra year was well worth it. (Also, your son will be older than most girls in his class, rather than younger, and be one of the first ones to drive, which is always good for the ego.)

V.

As a former K Teacher, and now a SAHM, I say to let him try, and if the first 3 weeks or so don't go so well, you have the option to place him back in preschool for another year. You will be surprised at how much growth will happen from now until August.

Sounds like Mom isn't ready for him to go to Kindergarden. He will be who he is weather he starts school in August this year or next. Most boys are keenly interested in bugs at his age, he has just taken it further than most. It's not a bad thing. School will teach him that he will need to attend to the mundane in order to furher his ability to attain the fun, or interesting to him. Let him go and continue to foster his interests, using them as a reward when needed.

Pay attention to your intuition, Mom! You are absolutely correct. You know he isn't ready. Don't give in to any social or family pressure. My mother was an elementary school principal for 30 years. Her advice to parents was always, always, always to start boys in kindergarten later rather than earlier. Her experience was that boys who were started in kindergarten too early suffered from the consequences for years to come, both behaviorally and educationally. They were invariably the boys who wound up in her office throughout their elementary school career. Starting your son in kindergarten when he is 6 or almost 6, instead of 5 or almost 5, can change the entire course of his educational and social future. It can mean the difference between success or failure in so many aspects of life! Starting him this year may seem like you are giving him a head start in life, but in reality, just the opposite is true. Give him another year to play, grow and mature, and you will never regret it.

You should follow your instincts on this. My daughter was the youngest in her Kindergarten class and it became obvious very quickly that she was certainly "smart" enough to keep up, but she was neither socially nor emotionally ready for the experience. She is now an happy adult, but looking back, I would have done better to allow her one more year at home and then have her start Kindergarten when she was more emotionally mature and ready to deal with a more challenging environment. Good luck!!!

Hi P., as a psychologist-in-training and based on the information provided, I wonder if holding him back is for him or for you. If you're worried about him being awkward and not fitting in, I might suggest that you encourage him to be who he is and bolster his healthy sense of self. Everybody is not going to be into the same things but what he is into seems appropriate to me. I think we have to encourage our children to embrace their individuality & differences, however they present themselves, whether it be race, religion, interests, etc. As far as the ADD, if these are professionals suggesting this diagnosis, I would take it more seriously and maybe have him tested. He may simply need to be challenged more or he may very well have some attention difficulty. Either way, he's young enough now to deal with it with relatively little difficulty. I hope this helps. Stay encouraged.
G.

P.,
Follow your instincts. My sister waited with one of her boys. My nephew was very shy and sensitive. My sister felt he was just not ready. He is now in fourth grade and there have never been any issues with the wait. Her other son started at five but his personality is totally different. My son started at five and he has done fine and is now in first grade.

You know your child the best and if you feel like he is not ready then give him that extra time. Starting Kindergarten a year later is not the end of the world.

Every child is different and should be treated as an individual.

Don't worry, waiting a year won't hurt but it could certainly help.

Good luck,
A.

Hi P.,
I am a Kindergarten teacher and feel like I can give you the 'teacher' side of the issue. From experience, I find that your child will way exceed your expectations. I often have parents tell me what a behavior problem their child is and I am shocked because at school they are well behaved and mild mannered. The truth is children will act differently in a classroom where YOU are not present. Kindergarten is not a mandated requirement. My advice would be to enroll him, see how he does and if it doesn't work out either pull him out and send him next year or let him stay the whole year to get familiar with the system and just retain him. Retention in Kindergarten really isn't a big deal. I think if it were up to most first graders they would rather still be in kindergarten because it is a loving environment. You may feel he is immature but I bet if you gave him this opportunity to expand his horizens he will suprise you. As a teacher, I would much rather have an immature child than a child who has never been exposed to the alphabet or numbers. Come December he will have made huge growth and you will be happy you tried. And I think it is very important, if you do enroll him, to let this be HIS growing time and you simply support him...follow his cues and if he is miserable than pull him out, but he sounds like a kid who could handle it. And by the way...it is great he is looking for bugs. In Kinder we do a lot of learning through exploration. Hope this helps!
M.

Your son sounds like me as a child!! Bugs and all . . . ( :

Anyway . . . I know this was some years ago, but I was his age when I was to start kindergarten . . . I was deemed "socially immature" as well, for many of the reasons you are listing, and my mother was advised to put me in pre-school for a year instead. She did, I started kindergarten a year later, and all was well.

Follow your gut . . . you know best!!

I would send him to Kindergarten if he is academically ready. Just because he is independent doesn't mean he is immature -- he might actually be smarter and more mature that the kids who do what the group does and play soccer.

As for ADD, kids can be ADD and still be able to sit for hours on the things THEY LIKE! There can be other reasons for behaviors such as not paying attention to the teacher.

As the other mom mentioned, if you don't send him to Kinder now for public school, they will automatically put him in 1st next year which would be a bigger mistake.

If it turns out that things don't go well for Kinder, and the teacher recommends retention, you SHOULD LISTEN --- it is a much bigger problem for kids to get to 1st grade and not be academically ready than for them to go to Kinder with non-conforming social behaviors.

Dont hold back. Since he interacts with adults and is rather intellegent, maybe he doesn't feel challenged by his peers. Maybe he understands that he is smarter than kids his own age and doesnt want to hurt their feelings. Try to find a school that uses a big buddie program where younger kids are involved with older kids on a regular basis in a classroom setting. Maybe your son will just have more in common with older kids who are more educated. Then maybe things will level out.

This is a tough one, have you visited the school you plan to send him to & talked to the kinder teachers? Sometimes, it depends on the teacher/school, on how they will handle a bright, but less social child. Or you can look in to Montessori or Waldorf schools, which are a little less structured & more accommodating of the child that "march to their own drum". Good luck

P., The fact that you are even considering holding your son out from Kindergarten until next year, is reason enough to wait. I have an at-home preschool (7 years now) and I work with Kindergarten teachers so that I may provide a complete "Kindergarten Readiness Program" for the children here. Social & Emotional maturity are high on the list of helping children be successful in school, yes, even in Kindergarten. As you have experienced, we live in a society where people are extremely quick to put a label on a child just because he or she is sometimes interesed in his or her own path. Allow your son one more year of "life experience" with you and the other groups in which he participates. It will be better for him in the long run. Think beyond Kindergarten to Middle School & High School: you might want your son to be one of the older children in the class, instead of one of the youngest. Good luck to you both! B.

Hi P., go with your motherly instincts. I did the same for my son and he just graduated from High School. My husband at first didn't agree with my thoughts on this decision. But I explained to my husband how our son was very smart, caught on real quick, but when it came to socially I just thought he was still a little immature. We have never regretted it and for a long time my son would always tell us why did we make him do that. But now he is 18 years old and thanks us for making the right decision for him. Don't be worried about what your friends or family think,it's about him and preparing him for success later in school and life. Hope this helps.

You can have the school he is starting at evalute him to see if he is socially ready. Though he does sound like your average almost 5 year old. When they are interested in something they give it all, when not, he is letting you know. Soccer or such just may not be his thing. Maybe he likes one friend and not a group, but if he can sit and study things he loves, that is great, there are alot of kids out there that still don't like to sit and study even there favorite hobbies.
Also when starting next year he will be turning 7 in his first year of kindergarten, that is something else to think about.

+

I was in the same dilema with my son (now a middle schooler) The preschool he was in was on the fence and completely left the decision up to me. Educationally he was totally ready, socially...maybe not so much. I'm a single mom too and I don't know about you but every decision seems to hold so much weight. I started talking to men I knew... hands down the ones who waited an extra a year before starting Kindergarten were much happier and well adjusted in High School and College than the ones that were pushed to go early or even on time. I've never regretted waiting to send him to Kindergarten, it is one of the best decisions I've ever made. It would probably be a different conversation if we had girls, be we were blessed with active little boys. Good Luck!

Hello...I have boy-girl twins that are turning five in June and I had to make the difficult decision to start kindergarden this Sep. on hold back one more year.
My son is also very smart and loves all kinds of bugs, dinosaurs, he loves to ask questions and is eager to learn. However, he is havng trouble transitioning from one activity to the next at preschool, and if he is doing something that he is enterested he won't listen to his teacher. His teacher has to do a lot of redirecting for him to stay with the rest of the group.
After a lot of soul searching, I decided to keep them both one more year in pre school. The kindergarder curriculum is very demanding, and I think we will like school a lot better if he is a little more mature. Somthing that his preschool teacher told me is that "if the child is coping, learning won't take place".

Hi P.-
The term - "holding back" just sounds so negative... I prefer the term "giving them a bonus year" !!! So you can tell where my opinion lies...so much is expected of them in school now and if they are not emotionally ready to handle it their self esteem can be effected...then you have THAT issue to deal with. Once their little self esteems are broken its difficult to build them back up.

My 7 year old son is the same way(except with video games). I know the frustration. I thought the same thing. However I am glad that I didn't listen to myself. I did however explain the situation to he kindergarten teacher and from day one she was able to keep him focused in class. I still explain that he has a very active imagination and is still very hard to keep him focused. However on a good note he was just tested for the advanced 4th grade class. So this has not hurt him educationally. So I think as long as you are active in his education then he should be fine.

Hi P.,

I am a public school teacher, not Kindergarten, but third grade. However, the discussion of maturity and Kindergarten is often discussed as a staff, so I am exposed to your concerns all of the time.

It appears that your son has an intense interest in nature and his surroundings. That doesn't make him ADD! He may actually be gifted! If he can sit and study his bug books for long periods of time, then he obviously doesn't have a problem paying attention to things that interest him.

The challenge for his Kindergarten teacher will be to recognize his strengths and develop his weaknesses in creative ways. He will need to understand that his education must to be well rounded and may include topics in which he is not intensely interested, but still must do.

Because of the No Child Left Behind Act and the intense high stakes testing environment in which we live, your son may have difficulties meeting the educational standards in your state required for promotion to the next grade. This won't just be in Kindergarten.

Do a search for the theory of "Multiple Intelligences", which posits that there are at least eight different ways that a child can be gifted, one of which is "Naturalist Intelligence". Learn as much about this as possible before your son starts school, so you can be an advocate for him. Unless he ends up with a string of extraordinary teachers, you'll be in for a thirteen year struggle to make sure your son's needs are met. You also might want to use his interest in nature as a "carrot" for participating in other tasks.

It's unfortunate, but many schools barely teach science and social studies any more because these subjects are not tested until 4th or 5th grade! So, your son's need for nature may be overlooked. If this describes your son's school, then get involved with your School Site Council or go to your School Board to see that these subjects are not ignored just because they aren't tested by your state. Children need the content knowledge of science and social studies in order to understand what they read at any age. I hope this helps.

C. C.

How about trying to put him in a summer program. This way he is away from you and around others. You can see how he interacts during the day. You might be surprised at how he socializes when you and dad are not around. Then try to make a decision. Also, you can always start him in Kindergarten and let his teacher know your concerns. Then together you can make a decision about keeping him in or waiting another year. Good luck.

well i would go for it and start kindergarten ..it will affect him in sports if you hold him back..he won't be able to compete when he's older if you wait ..at least i don't think so ..i was born in december so i was right near the cut off date and my mom waited and in school was able to compete but i remember having some trouble b/c of my age and age group when i got older..i played tennis. i always say go w/ your gut feelings.

I "held" my daughter back, she'll be 6 when she starts kindergarten in the fall. I didn't do this on the teachers recommendation but more because she is small for her age and had she started kindergarten this past fall, she would have always been one of the youngest.

I'm really happy with my decision. If it helps, I have a few friends whose boys are turning 5 over the next few months and they are sticking with pre-k until fall of 09.

M.

I am not a fan of holding kids back-in any way. Like you said, he is ready educationally so why would you want to hold him back from the learning he is ready for? Loads of kids are a little shy, immature, etc in the beginning. He will be fine. I think you will be surprised at what he is capable of and how he will adjust to the classroom. As parents we are always worrying and wanting to protect them, but kids are amazing little beings who are reslient & stonger than we give them credit for. Besides there are kids who have those sorts of tendencies for a long time, I see them in my sons' 2nd & 3rd grade classes-you can't keep them at home forever waiting for them to outgrow it all. Lots of people now-a-days are in favor of holding their kids back a year from kindergarten for one reason or another, but I don't get it. I see it in sports and school-parents don't want their kids to be pushed, or have to struggle and overcome stuff, they want to make everything easy and full of sunshine and rainbows and that is not realistic is it? Sometimes things can be a struggle but that is true throughout life isn't it? One of my sons turned 5 after the kinder year started and some people asked if that worried me since he would be one of the younger kids in class and it never really was an issue, I never really thought about it and he did GREAT! A friend of mine worried that her daughter would never sit still or pay attention because in preschool she was all over the place, but kids quickly figure out what is expected of them and adjust as she did and she did fine. Kids are all different and enter school with such different ranges of maturity and academic background-there are kids who go to preschool and might know all their ABC's, their letter sounds, maybe some are even reading a little, and then you have kids who may have stayed at home with grammy and can't even recognize most letters or numbers. You will see kids who are sociable, make loads of friends and do well and then there will be those who shout out in class, get into squabbles with mates and cry all day. So, give him a shot. If problems arise, you can work through them with him. If you keep him home, you will never know if he would have been fine and you will wonder if you did the right thing even then. I know you want to protect your son and do the right thing, but I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Hi P. :)

My daughter will be 6 in October and I am planning on keeping her back. She is in Kindergarden now and easily could go into first grade also. One of the heads of her school said that when these children are graduating, they will be 19. She is held her daughter back just so she is more emotionally secure within herself and stronger within her decisions. Could you imagine dating a 19 year old senior? I graduated when I was 17! Anyway, if I were you, I would be trusting my instincts :) Many times they can not be rationalized or explained; sometimes later down the road we may find out why trusting them was right and that is always rewarding. This may be a good little lesson in and of itself for you to never doubt yourself :) And if your son is into bug and dinosaurs, that's wonderful!! If he's reading and feeding his brain and he is tha interested in something, feed him more. That is a fascinating world and so much is there to be learned and studied. You never know what greatness can become of him. The children who are being born these days are very different. They know their purpose in this life. They are born here smarter and seem older. They are here to change things and show us new and better ways. Your son sounds like a very intelligent and interesting little guy :) He sounds fun to take a magnifying glass walk with and let him show off all he knows. You trust yourself and be proud. I don't hear very often that a child is that engrossed or interested in anything of great substance these days. You're doing great. All your answers are within you :)

Blessings,
Jennifer

Please do send your very bright son to kindergarten. It will help him adjust to socializing more with children, he might even suprise you with the idea of being on the school soccer team!

I had this dilema many years ago. I agonized about sending my son to kindergarden for some of the same reasons. The teacher told me that if I waited a year to put my son into kindergarden he would be at the top of his class otherwise if I put him in at 5 he would pass. I decided to put him into a preK class and wait the year. My son is now 25 and I can truely say I made the right decision. He is a very confident young man and made many decisions along the way with a better perspective. A year is a very short time to wait compared to a lifetime of choices. His best friend went in to Kindergarden that year, and had to repeat it because he was not mature enough to go on to the next grade. That also was a confirmation that I made the right choice. It's much easier to explain starting later that to say you failed and had to be put back.

Hold him back!! If you have any warning signs at all...hold them back. My son was focused and intelligent one on one as well, but he was very upset about turning 5. He would get upset over leaving his friends and the changes that would be happening when he went to kindergarten. He actually cried when he turned 5...."I want my number back". I had him evaluated and was told he was ready...so we put him in school. He ended up getting held back in 1st grade!! I should have followed my gut and kept him home longer!!

I too am the mother of a 5 year old "only". Mine is a girl but I had a lot of the same concerns. The truth is as an only he will deal with school differently than every other child and he will have more noticed issues with things like sharing or what he want vs. the other kids but next year wont be any better... especially with waiting... and with the right teacher they will be able to pull him into the group by interesting him in what they are learning. Then as time goes by he will make friends. Also check your local area for a Headstart Program, that is exactally what the program is designed for.

Hi P.,
I was just passing through and read your request. I have two boys in high school and I have learned through their schooling that if you have any doubt don't think twice, you don't want to regret it. Most of the children now days are held back. Having your child be one of the oldest in the classroom well, that is plus not only for learning but for sports too. Hope this helps...

Has he been to preschool? Since you have the summer months, you could try to get him into a summer preschool program to see how he does in that situation. Tell the teachers your concerns and have them pay attention to his "kindergarten readiness." My daughter behaves drastically differently in a situation where I am not present than in situations with me. She is far more mature and handles herself well (with me, she is a drama queen and throws tantrums.)

Not sure where you live, but in Hawaii, they have Junior Kindergarten for kids who have birthdays August-December, so the kids start when they are 4 years old. Your son will be right in the middle of the pack age-wise if he starts school in August. I'd start with a good preschool program this summer. Good luck with your decision.

Reading your request was liking reading a description of my son except that he has a tremendous attention span for airplanes and trains. Based on the info you provided I am suspecting that holding him back a year will not make that great of a difference. I felt similarly before enrolling my son in kindergarten and about that time someone brought Aspergers's syndrome to my attention and after reading about it I felt immediately like I finally had an explanation for my son's behavior. This certainly may not be the case for you but I would suggest looking into it just to see if any of the "symptoms" ring true for your son. I can say that despite some obvious (at least to me) differences in behavior and interests with the other kindergarteners, my son did great academically and did come away with lots of friends. Of course he continues to play a bit differently than all of them but even now in 2nd grade he is doing well. His teachers have said that if I do plan on testing him, testing through the school would be a waste of time because their diagnostic measures would be different than those of a developmental pediatrician because the school is only looking for academic deficits or behavior that would cause him to suffer academically and that has not been the case for him whatsoever.

Anyway, this website could be helpful to you.
http://www.forockids.org/
Trust your instincts.

To me it sounds totally normal. lol.
They get their social skills AT school. He will be fine to start in August. They have the age group set up so they are ready.

Hey P.,

I am in the same boat. We have been wrestling with this decision as our oldest boy who will be five in June. We have done everything we can to prepare him (working on letter sounds, sight words, blends, putting him in a better preschool). His current preschool used a company called Chancy and Bruce based out of Hunington Beach that assess Pre-K's to see if they are ready for Kinder. They fully assessed our son in every area, including social-emotional maturity. They put a developmental age on every area of assessment. I found their assessment to be very accurate. They told us that we should "consider" giving him another bonus year based on his weak attention span (social-emotional maturity). Our son is like yours in many ways. A very mature kid, confident, bright, makes friends easily, speaks like he is seven years old but he also has trouble focusing, sitting still and paying attention when he is bored. He has always been this way and I think about ADD a lot too, but I also know that many of the ADD characteristics describe most all four and five year old little boys. My husband and I have decided to hold him back (which has become very common nowadays) to give him every opportunity to be successful. I don't think we will ever regret not sending him. However, if we send him and he struggles all year and beyond we will really regret it I hear that many times when people send their children before they are ready they really get hit hard when they are in first grade because the state standards are so high. Most of my friends who waited to send their boys with summer birthdays are SO glad they waited another year. They say their sons are now at the top of their classes. They just needed that extra year to mature and get the "wiggles" out!! Good luck and you might want to look into the Chancy and Bruce company who have a great reputation and the research to back it.

My girls are graduating high school this year in Southern California. Here's my experience summarized for you:
Each grade now has within it kids from a two year span! You'll find some real early ones and some older ones in every grade level. Socially this makes it messy, but it's there all through school, so if your son stays home a year OR enters early, he'll find classmates his same age. You can hold them back later, but you can't advance them, so starting early gives you that choice!

Both my daughters have autumn birthdays and entered early. One had to repeat fifth grade. From then on she had more success and happiness in school, but we also took her out of the public system and put her in a religious school. Paying for tutors is expensive, and I was re-teaching her every evening - public school didn't teach her.

Will it hurt him in any way to wait another year? I am an expectant mother of a little boy, so I don't have any parenting experience yet. I teach first grade and have a few friends who held back their children and are happy that they did so. One will even point out to me that her daughter (who was in my class) is still less mature than her peers despite being a year older, so she is confident that holding her back was the right choice.
I am sorry people have tried to tell you your son has ADHD. I think that the people to talk to about this would be his pediatrician, pre-school teachers, and a professional in the field who can help come up with an accurate diagnosis. It is so often over-diagnosed. I think as his parent you know him best. One thing I feel compelled to point out is that children with ADHD are usually quite capable of being focused and absorbed in a task, as long as it is something of their choosing that interests them.
I think that whatever you decide to do, things will work out. You have his best interests at heart and seem aware of his abilities. Good luck!
-E.

Hello! Yours is a hard question to tackle. Has he been in daycare at all? If so, what do they recommend? I know there are lots of pros and cons, but something to consider .... I teach at the high school level. The students who are a full year older (and also a full year younger) are easy to spot. During the teen years, they are quick to notice differences in others, so the older students have to deal with questions about being held back ... and the age difference is huge in a year of high school. There are also some more added legal issues of having a student who is 19 on an athletic team and things of the like ... Crazy, I know to have to think about years into the future, but maybe it will help.

I know this doesn't help your issue now, but I guess my advice would be if you believe he can handle the educational aspect, he will probably catch up quick emotionally once he sees how the others behave.

Good luck!

An April/May Birthday seems to be pretty early to hold back a kid you are pretty sure will be academically fine. His social things may improve this year--they may not. Either way they sound very much in the normal range. My kids are December birthdays and so are a few of the oldest kindergardeners. Let me tell you: there is a HUGE range of maturity and ability. I hear from other moms that by about 2nd grade that has leveled out a lot as kids mature. Unless you have a grave concern, I would discuss it with his preschool teachers, but would probably enroll him for next year. That type of socialization may really help him along, especially with a good kindergarden teacher.

I've read a lot of the responses that you have recieved. I have three boys and none of them really had any formal training before kindergarten. My oldes was the one I worried about the most. He was very bright, knew his alphabet by two and read by three. He was very interested in books and learning. He loved to draw as well. He kept to himself playing as well even though he had a brother to play with by the time he was ready for kinder. I worried that he would not adapt socially, and was afraid of his being quiet would cause trouble. It did take a while to "toughen" up and he is now in the 5th grade. I feel he did just fine. He was always at the top of his class, and I just felt that is his temperment. He is a quiet, reserved young man that is very patient with others, and is highly inteligent. I think he will surprise you. My son is well liked in school even though he is not a "socialite". Just encourage his friendships and gently remind him from time to time that it is good to socialize. He sounds gifted to me and just a quiet sort. I think that is okay, and he should start school.

One more bit of advice, always be a bit weary of people who want to just label your son and set him aside. I don't think that your son has any learning disabilities. Always take notice of those who want to put him in a category. Talk to your son. Make his opinions count as well. He seems very mature, and although his age, he may understand more than you give him credit for. Ask him how he feels about school, and be excited about it. Tell him how wonderful school is and all the new things he will learn, and all the friends he can make, and then ask him if he is excited about it. If so, let him try. If you need to, you can always hold him back at the end of the year and repeat kinder. I doubt you will have to do that though. I think he will shine. Good luck!!!

We just opted to have our daughter screened for the pre-K program and are having her do that instead of kindergarten to give her more time. She has a late birthday. She is smart enough, but I want her to be emotionally ready.

Good luck.
T. Cota
Local Childcare Coordinator
Cultural Care Au Pair
###-###-####
____@____.com

P.,
I know how you feel (as a single mom). When my daughter went to kindergarten at the age of 4-1/2, and started in July all year around. She was ready but immature. I put in in school and the following year I kept her back another year. It was always in the back of my head about keeping her back. It did not hurt her a bit. She is now in the 4th grade and is a very smart girl. She has now made honnor roll serveral times now. I feel I made a good choice. But if you do wait another year, It won't hurt him.

YC

I just went to a meeting about this, my daughter is 5 as well. The lady who spoke has been teaching K for over 15 years. She said that if you have an instinct that says wait, wait. It's better for him to be the oldest of the class, than the youngest. Also, she gave us copies of a readiness test that you can get onlne. The one I have is at: www.covenanthome.com/kready.html . HOpe this helps. :)

My own experience and preference was to hold my own child back for a year. He wasn't ready to leave the nest yet socially, and I thought that his differences would make it difficult for him to relate to the other children in the class. It was also a full day kindergarten, which I thought was too long. People tell me that he is ADD or autistic or whatever, but no matter how many specialists I have taken him to, he does not meet those criteria, they say he is a normal child. Other people (especially teachers who deal with a lot of children and want someone easy to handle) don't understand children that are different and "march to their own beat."

This year I spoke to the school district about having him go to classes for half of the day and homeschool with me for half of the day. I wanted him to have the extra experience of working with other children and doing activities as a group. But I also want him to be able to learn at his own pace with someone who loves him and can give him special attention. We have other children and some other homeschool friends, so that might not be the right choice for you if you feel that homeschool is not a good option. In the end, you have to find what works for you and your family. It sounds like you have your son's best interests at heart, and with that you can't go wrong.

Hi Patti!

You described my youngest, now 10, to the letter when he was to start kindergarten. My husband and I gave it much thought and decided that starting him, despite his immaturity, was the better choice because by the time he got to be a senior in high school, he would be 18 and ready to graduate with his peers (as opposed to 19, if you hold him back a year).

Now, this may sound immaterial, but I teach high school and once kids turn 18, they have the right to sign all their own school documents, sign themselves out of school, or even drop out if they want (at least those are the laws in Nevada, where we live). We figured it would be easier to ride herd on our son that final semester (he'll turn 18 in January of his senior year), rather than for a whole year, if we start him late. Time and again, I've seen the "independence" bug bite otherwise excellent students and they make disasterous decisions as a result.

I won't say the past five years (he's in the fourth grade now) have been easy. He's a fantastic, A/B student, who aces his standardized tests. If anything, school is too easy for him, which leads to many behavior problems. Most of his teachers over the years have been able to keep his interest, but the few who haven't, well, those years were miserable. Try to work hard at getting teachers that will keep him challenged.

As for the charge of ADHD, if your son can focus for hours on things that interest him, he's not ADHD. Don't let anyone bully you into testing or drugging or breaking your son's wonderful spirit. We've had teachers try to do that with us. They become quite fussy when they learn that our son behaved beautifully for the karate instructor, the basketball coach, his religious school teachers, and his parents, and they were the only ones who hadn't figured him out yet.

Homeschooling is always an option.

Good luck to you and your son. Don't worry...time is a great equalizer and your son will do fine. Trust your instinct. As my dad has told me over the years, "you want to gentle him, not break him!"

i think it's a good idea to hold boys back in almost all situations. no one i know who has held back their son for a year has regretted it. it gives him every advantage to help him succeed: more experience/knowledge, greater emotionaland physical development. a friend of mine once told me about his experience in elementary school (he's now an adult). he was one of the oldest and smartest kids in his class until 3rd grade. he was very advanced academically, so his parents and teachers decided he should skip the 3rd grade and go straight to the 4th grade. he was miserable for the rest of his time in school until 10th or 11th grade. he said it was much better to be the older kid in the class than the youngest/smallest. even though he was really bright, it was hard to adjust socially to older kids.
then there's the selfish reason that you want him home with you a little longer. once they start school, you've got 12 more summer vacations and then they're gone!
good luck!

Hi P.,

If you feel that he is ready academically, then maybe you should go ahead and put him in school. Kindegarten is the perfect place for children to work on his social and play skills and to develop friendships. Get to know his teacher and his aide, and check in with them frequently after he starts to see if there has been any improvement with these skills within a month or so, you may want to take him to a developmental pediatrician to see if there maybe a medical reason for this social delay (vision, hearing, Asperger's Syndrome). If that is the case, you can take early action to remedy whatever situation it may be so that he will be able to navigate through the social world of school, work, life with a minimal amount of stress.

Whatever course you decide to take, I wish you and your son the best of luck.

L.
What ever you decide to do, I wish you and your son well.

L.

I have a now 10 year old boy (only child) who was just like your son at his age. I did put him in Kindergarten only to have problems and pull him out and back into junior kindergarten. He was subsequently diagnosed with ADHD. He is very focused on things he enjoys and wants to do but lacks focus on school work and taskes he doesn't like (picking up toys, doing home work, etc.) He also is very mature with adults but had difficulty with peer relationships. He tends to have one or two close friends who understand his intellect. He knows more about plants, animals, bugs, history than any kid his age! He love the discover national channels.

I found holding him back was really good for him. It also has it's drawbacks now. He notices he is older than the other kids. He also feels he was held back because he wasn't smart (even though I explain why often and show him ways he is smarter than the average student). If I had it to do all over again, I would still hold him back or would have kept him in the private school he went to for junior kindergarten!

Good luck, I hope this helps.
Karla

Some schools, mainly private, do not start children in kindergarten until they are 6. That was normal when I was growing up. It worked well then and it still does now. I think that our society is so eager to throw children into the school environment, but it is more selfish than sane.
There is so much learning that should be done at home before a child is placed into the system. One year can make a big difference in their long-term social behavior and coping ability. It's important to think longer-term than just kindergarten. I've worked in enough kindergarten classrooms to tell you that they've become the "day care" for many parents. This is definitely the wrong approach. If you do decide to hold off on kindergarten, it can be the best foundation-setting year for you and your son. Teach him to read and write; stir up his imagination and creativity; work on his motor and verbal skills; give him more time-based assignments; and work more on attention-span issues. Don't say "held back," either. This has a negative connotation to it,(and for him, later on,) and besides, he isn't actually being held back. I wish you and your son well. I'm sure you will make the right decision. Don't be hard on yourself over this, you are the one who knows your son best.

By the way, my son didn't start until 6, and now he's a sophmore in high school with a 3.5 GPA. We heard A.D.D. mentioned a few times (a label quick to be placed on active, imaginative and energetic children,) but I would NEVER play into that deception. This energy is part of a child and it just needs an outlet. They are not all from the same mold. My eldest daughter started before 5, and my youngest daughter started at 6. My youngest is having an easier time academically then my eldest did.

My son is a June baby...and we did not hold him bcak...and he is fine. He was a little immature in kinder. but nothing that was a red flag to anyone. I did notice (I am a teacher) that he did not master the physical standards on the Kinder. report card (that are based on the reading readiness theory) -he could not skip for example. He was NOT reading in kinder, just the sight words...But, by the end of first grade we are getting comments that he is a strong reader and excelled this year. ALso, there was a BIG change over the summer before Kinder. for my son.... What district are you in? That also makes a difference.... Manhattan Beach holds the childrne back much more often... But, I have noticed most of the birthday parties we have gone to this year were for May babies...so he is not really that young?

Hope that helps...

Every child has a way that they learn.... kinesthetically, auditorially, visually, tactile, etc. Your son apparently loves to learn. Some are more right brained or left brained. Your son sounds creative and enjoys nature, and enjoys books. Great! Nurture this in him.

He'd probably do fine to go to school. All Kindergarten kids are learning about "being" in a class. It's a transition for all kids. At some point he will need to get used to it... the more structure of a classroom and having a teacher etc. It's learning about problem solving too... learning to adjust to different routines, social dynamics etc.

It's really up to you. Each parent is different. But will holding him another year really make a difference? Perhaps this is just how he is.... versus his "ability" to adapt to school.

All the best, I know it's confusing sometimes figuring out what is best for our child.
take care,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

I am a teacher of an almost 4 year old son. If I were you I would start him in kinder. It really can't hurt, especially if he is ready academically, which is what it sounds like. Some of the other things you are describing sound as though it may just be his personality. Just think that it will be his teacher's job to get him interesting it what is being taught...

Putting him in school will help him mature socially. My niece was the same way at that age, very smart, had mature conversations with adults, but not sure how to interact with children. She was also only interested in what she want to be. Putting her in kindergarten made a world of difference. She quickly learned how to deal with people her own age and listen to teachers and learn about other things she didn't want to at first.

My son's birthday is durng the end of December. The best gift I ever gave him was an extra year of pre school before I sent him on to Kindergarten. He was well adjusted, happy, but just not ready to sit still and focus on what a grown-up thought would be a good thing to do. He needed one more year to explore, make his own choices and develop the confidence needed for the larger school setting. What made the decision for us was realizing that, no matter what the outcome, we could regret sending him ahead of time, but could never regret waiting and giving him more time to be a kid. We can never get these years back, why rush them? He's now 7 and in first grade, and not the oldest in the class! He loves school, and is doing very well. We also had thoughts of ADD, but our fears have dissapated a bit. He seems to be in the right place, right on track with other kids in his class. If he were in a grade ahead, he would probably stick out like a sore thumb! Developmental age is so much more important than chronological age at this time...my advice is to go with your gut. You know your child and what he's ready for. Follow that, and don't let others influence your decision. Good luck!

When in doubt don't. I have two children both with birthdays right after school starts in the fall. With my son I held him back, so that he was 6 for most of the year. With my second child, I let her go at 4 turning 5 shortly there after. Big mistake. She did not truely catch up until high shcool. In grade school she was always behind the others struggling along, not being able to focus, not paying attention. I tried over and over again to talk with her teachers about holding her back. What no child left behind really means is, that there is no money in the budget for your child to repeat a grade. I finally had her tested by a child psycologist(big money)who found she had no learning disabilities. Private school in junior high helped her a lot. (Even bigger money) Perhaps she may have had these problems anyway, but if I had waited I would have at least given her some maturity over the other kids, which would have helped her focus. If I had waited I would have been sure that her learning "problems" where not becasue of my choice. It could save you a lot of guilt to hold your son back. After you put him in there is no turning back. Good luck.

Glad to see that you trusted yourself and followed your instincts. I had to make similar decisions for both my children, one ended up the oldest in the class, the other the youngest. For each child it was the right decision. Either way you go, you will have pressure and opinions from others but you know your son better than anyone else.

Wow, P., you DO have a lot of responses! That's great! :) When did you decide on the charter school? I'm sorry if I was too distracted to hear that at MOPS this morning. The cool thing about an "alternative school" is A) It's free and B) if you hold 'em back, no one really knows! My prayers will be with you. :)