Should I Separate My School Age Twins in the Classroom? What Do You Do?

Didn't split up my faternal twin boys until 5th grade. They are 16 now and thier own people and get along great. Thats what worked for me. You have no idea how hard it is to keep it all straight when you are dealing with 2 different everything.

Good luck.... It's just the start :)

My twins are 10, and are in the 5th grade this year. I have always insisted that they be separated. In grades 2 and 3 - they were in the same class because of the school district only having one classroom for that grade, and for one of the boys, it was extremely difficult (competitiveness issues). I am all for separating my boys and am glad I did.

I would think you can run into the issues I had (competitiveness {granted not all bad}) and one being the voice for the other. The one that had issues with it saw his other brother grasping concepts quickly, excelling in subjects, and making friends ten-fold. While my son learned the subjects too - it took him a bit longer to catch on and struggled with the idea that some folks learn at different rates and that is okay.

The idea behind putting them in separate classes is that they rely on eachother too much when they are in an uncomfortable situation instead of learning to deal with it. They are eachother's best friend which means they are less likely to venture out and meet new friends. Putting them in separate classes forces them to be more independent and to develop who they are outside of "so-and-so's twin".

I do not have twins, but I think I personally would keep them together if they wanted to. I don't think that having someone around that you love and trust is a bad thing. It is no different than being in a class with a best friend. I think I would rather have two siblings that are very close than two children who have lots of friends that come and go.

I would recommend though if you keep them in the same class that you arrange individual playdates every once and a while and try to think of them as two children instead of a set of twins. They are two separate children and need to function that way.

I am an identical twin, 26 years old. School for us was interesting, because we moved a lot. We had the opportunity to try ALL SORTS of different set ups. At one point, we were together in the same class, in a small school. That was fine. We had different friends, but we were in the same class. No problems. At one point, we were in different classes. (This is all elementary school - high school, we chose classes based on interest. Sometimes together, sometimes apart.) When we were placed in separate classes in Elementary school, I didn't like it at first. We had just moved in, it was the middle of the school year. We asked to be together, and the principal sent us to different classrooms so the teachers could tell us apart. It felt like a hassle to me. I could never find my sister at recess when I had news, we always had different homework to work on. (My sister's teacher gave considerably more homework.) I missed her, and felt punished for tricks we weren't even considering playing! I really think it depends on your twins. If they are best friends, but still show different interests, I think putting them in the same class would be fine. If there are any socializing issues, separate them. For Kindergarten, at least, I would put them together. Even when my sister and I were together, we gravitated towards different friends at school, different activities later on. Oh, and my sister and I used to get in physical fights when we were 5 or 6...but Mom never knew, because we didn't want to get in trouble with HER on TOP of getting in trouble with each other. Twins are tricksy, and can usually figure out their own way of dealing with things! Have you tried asking them what they want?

I am an elementary school teacher who has had 4 sets of twins over the years. Two sets were seperated after Kindergarten - starting in first grade and the other 2 after 3rd grade. The mother of one of the sets of twins seperated after kindergarten said she did it because it was nice for them to have their own "news of the day" or stories to tell. She said that one was faster at getting his words together and always got to share anything fun or special that had happened that day and it was frustrating for his brother. They were always really good friends, have hte same group of friends and are in classes together in middle school, but when they were lttle it was impiortant for them to have their own special space at school. Another set was seperated after 3rd grade because the parents felt that the dominant twin was doing too much for the other and that the less dominant twin was not being forced to solve her own problems, make her own friends and take responsibility for when school work was due, etc. I am not sure about the reasoning for seperating the other 2 sets as I never talked to the parents about it. I think it probably depends on the personality of your children. I do know that all the sets of twins I have taight have been good friends, had many of the same friends and have been both same sex and boy/girl and all have been seperated for at least the intermediate grades if not all of them. What a difficult choice! Good Luck!

There are ups and downs to each scenario. I'd say choose one, then don't sweat it or worry about it or second guess yourself or make it a big deal with the kids. They won't be damaged by either situation.

Hi there. I am a twin and I have been a teacher with twins in my class as well as twins that one was in my class and their sibling in another class. Sometimes they have been apart and then joined back together again in the gradeschool. What have I noticed? No difference. I think whichever happens will be fine. I was able to be with my twin all the way through and I enjoyed that. However, I do not think anything would have changed had I not been in the same class with her. We went to different colleges at first, but when my tuition increased significantly at a private college, I did join my sister at the State College. We even lived together. I know it is a big question and a good one to ask. If their personalities are so different and different teachers may be a better fit for them, then you can consider that into your decision. Good luck and have fun with your twins. We are twice the fun....

Hello! I recently joined this site and this is my first time chiming in. My husband & I have 10 year old identical twin girls. Because our girls were always so close, we approached the separation from the standpoint of what they wanted and felt comfortable with. They were together from preschool through first grade. For second grade, we considered trying different classrooms but then decided to change schools and thought it might be better for them to remain together and it turned out to be the right decision. For third grade, they thought they wanted to try different classrooms with the stipulation that the following year, they could be together again if they really wanted to. So far, they have remained in seperate classrooms and have gotten teachers who seem well suited to their individual personalities. They see each other at lunch and recess and of course, before & after school. They have made both individual and joint friends and they are always both invited to events. I don't think one would go if the other was not invited, at least at this point. As you may have noticed, they are probably perfectly happy to play & be together and don't really need anyone else although it is nice to have other friends to add variety.

For the most part, the twin thing is treated as a novelty at school. From what we heard, schools tend to highly suggest that twins be seperated-whatever reasons they might have. We feel it was the right decision to let them come to that decision when they felt comfortable about it. We have five other good friends who have all had twins since we did and they have kept them together as well in the early years. I hope this was a bit helpful!

I am a teacher at first grade, and I would suggest separating them. They need to be independent people, but their twin will always be close to them, at home and on weekends and in their hearts. They will learn critical social skills they need by making new friends. That said, you might want to talk to the teachers of the school to find out if there are particular KG classes that do some partner activities so they have a smoother time. There will be an adjustment time. A smaller school might also help so they can see each other at the playground from time to time. I would suggest finding other twin mommies and ask how they handled the separation. Our school has had a number of twins, always separated, and they did fine, but each family is different.

I am a twin. We were always separated in the classroom. But,we were known as the twins. After school we were inseparable and had the same friends. We had the dominant - submissive traits going on even though we were not in the same classes. Identity is an interesting issue.As twins we are special but we also need to be known as our own person. Just as we all get the adventure of discovering ourselves.Looking back I think we gravitated toward each other and played together at recess. And sometimes we had special friends because we had different classrooms. I think it worked for me. And I really didn't know it was a possibilty to be in the same class. Good Luck, L.

I separated my identical twin girls in school...that way they can develop on their own as a strong one and not as a two some. it is also much easier on the teacher, but do let the teachers interact regarding the twin issues that will occur over the years.

do not discourage the twin talk that they have between each other...only that they must speak to others in english..the twin talk is special just for them..
do not dress them alike. same shirt in different colors is ok.

I think it depends on the kiddos (and school district unfortunatly). I have 3 1/2 yr old boy/girl twins so I have yet to put them in school, but when the time comes, they will be together. They are very independent kids overall but I just can't see seperating them from our home, me, and from eachother all at the same time. If we are at a park or at a play group they play with different kids yet always are aware of where the other is. They both have completely different learning styles and do not really have a competetive nature towards each other.
I have already called our area schools to find out thier mandates on seperation. Luckily parents have the say (at least that is what I have been told) otherwise I would already be raising hell. I believe with all my heart my kids should be together. If they decide to seperate eventually that is fine, as long as it is thier choice.
Do I think all twins should be together? No, but for mine I feel it is the best choice at this point.
Talk to thier preschool teacher to get her take on thier relationship in the classroom and her opinion on kindergarden togetherness.

I'm a Kindergarten teacher in the Kent School District and I've seen situations where it was best for twins to be together and situations where it is best for them to be apart. The big problem about twins being in the same classroom is that one twin relies on the other and the other child doesn't have the same kind of social and academic growth that they would have without their sibling. But there is sometimes the reverse. When some twins are so quiet and reserved, sometimes they need their first year to be with their sibling to get used to school. Then we seperate them the following year. We have three sets of twins this year (I have all three)and we seperated them all this year. I do have one set that get jealous when the other twin gets something they don't. One twin told me that he was going to go to his brother's classroom from now on because they get fun things (a girl brough easter eggs for all the class.) But there are enough good things to make up for the small jealousies that arise from being in separate classrooms. If you feel that they can handle being in separate rooms, it would probably be the best thing for them. But you know your kiddos best. Go to Kindergarten round up and speak with the teachers. If it is a small school you may not have a choice in seperating the children (I've been in this situation too.) Hope this helps.

Oh, and no, as a public school employee, we do not separate kiddos because they are easier to control. We separate because generally one sibling thrives while the other sibling struggles because of their reliance on their twin. Or they are constantly compared with their sibling. It's nice for them to be individuals and not worry about what their sibling is doing and how much better or worse they are academically and socially.

Hi..I don't have twins but am one. I have a twin brother and my Mom had to fight for us to be in the same kindergarten class. Going to school for the first time can be such a scary thing and I couldn't imagine doing it without my brother. My Mom knew we would need eachother so she pushed for it. In first grade though, the teachers convinced her to separate us. She did and it was fine. We stayed very close throughout our school days. We did not have any classes together until we got to middle school and highschool where we would occasionally have a class together. We are now 32 and very close. He comes every weeekend to see us and his niece and nephew who adore him. We have always had a special bond and stuck together no matter what.

Good morning! I wanted to take a moment to share my views on the twins in school. I am a kindergarten teacher and I have been a party to both ways of doing it! I'll tell you the pros and cons of what I noticed.
Having both in the same class makes it easy on the parent, and in the beginning, easy on the twins themselves. They've already got someone in the class they know so their fear is lessened. BUT, because they already have somebody they know they are less likely to branch out and make new friends. They sit by each other at carpet and work time, they play with each other at choice time and recess, etc. Also, because in all twin situations one twin is more dominant, that twin tends to make all the decisions, AND tends to do the thinking for the other. I had fraternal twin brothers last year and one did all the work for the other, all year long. Even when I would separate them, the one would somehow find a way to end up telling the other how to do the work. Consequently one was beginning to read by the end of the year and the other still couldn't master their letters and sounds. This could've been just the way it was going to work anyhow but I tend to lean more towards the fact that the less dominant boy would wait until the other could/would do the thinking for him.
In that same twin situation those boys, now in first grade are struggling in different ways. They are separated this year and the less dominant boy is still struggling with his letters/sounds (because in first grade that is not the focus, so he is behind in that concept already) but the more dominant boy is struggling with some pretty serious behavior problems. Who knows if there is a relation between being separated and his behaviors- the less dominant one was always more of the "friend-getter" in my class!
Looking at the friend perspective, that was somewhat of a tough one on those boys. That actually caused a bit of a rift between them because they both wanted to be friends with one boy and he could only play with one of them at a time. The boys would actually fight over him.
In talking with Mom and Dad at conferences too they confided in me that doing homework was very tough on the boys. Because one was more advanced in his academic skills homework was a breeze. The other struggled. The more dominant twin would almost taunt at times that he was done already and got to go play. The parents would separate them for homework, and ended up doing homework on different nights with the different boys. And homework in our class was never tough!
On the flip-side having them separated from the get-go makes it a little more difficult on the parents as well as the twins in the beginning. But, because they are not together it forces them to branch out and make new friends and learn who they are "alone" instead of as a team. You know better than anyone how individual they are, but do they? You also know that no matter what, they are twins and they will always have a bond. Quite a few years ago I had identical twin girls that mom separated. The girl in my class took to it like nothing else, breezing in everyday, making new friends, having the time of her life. The other one though would cry everyday and not settle down until her sister came to see her. BUT, it turns out she had some developmental/emotional issues anyway. Those two have never been together in school and do beautifully. For mom it was hard because there would be two different homeworks, two different conferences, two different sets of expectations. Part of that was the other kindergarten teacher's and my fault- we weren't on the same page. That has since been remedied and most all grades in all schools tend to be more of a "team" and work together, having similar expectations and homework, etc.
As far as the concept of having mutual friends and hurt feelings over not being invited to birthday parties, etc., that's sort of a fact of life. Even in my own family with children 2-3 years apart there are hurt feelings when so and so gets to go to a party and the other doesn't. It's what kids need to learn they have their own personalities, own friends, own individualities. And if they have different friends it won't be so tough for one to realize they don't really know Johnny so why would they go to his party!
I guess in the long run I am saying to separate as soon as you can, although only you can determine if they are truly ready. You might want to start now sending them out on separate playdates, or sending one off with grandma for a weekend, and then the other a different weekend. Get them used to the idea of playing with others without the safety net of their sibling, making their own decisions without relying on someone else. And if you can already see a difference in the way they learn or if one is more academically advanced then the other, I completely suggest separating them.
I hope this all makes sense and that I didn't ramble too much. I wanted to give you as much ideas of what I've seen as I could!
Good luck!

I have fraternal girl twins that are in second grade. They were in preschool together and when kindergarten came around, I kept them together. I figured it was scary enough to start school that they would do better this way. One of my girls was very shy as well. On one hand, they made the transition well and on the other, my shy twin never spoke the entire year because the outgoing on did for her.

When first grade came around, they suggested it was time to put them in different classes to help my shy one thrive. They had me speak to another mom who didn't separate until fifth grade and she said it was very hard to seperate them at that point. At first, my twins were totally against it. Then I explained to them how they complain about sharing everything, so why do they want to share teachers too? Then it was not such a bad idea. They loved being in different classes and making their own friends.

Most of the time, they both get invited to birthday parties because everyone knows they are twins but every once in awhile they get invited alone. This happened Saturday in fact. One was invited and the other wasn't (even though the year before she was). They handle this well because I prepared them for it when they were put in different classes.

I think first grade was the perfect time to make the switch. It gives them a chance to get a feel of this whole school thing together but then later, they can learn to handle it on their own.

There is alot of good advice on these pages. I have twin boys and did not get the choice to keep them together. It was the school district's choice. The first thing I would do is to see if your district has a policy about twins. Sometimes it's unwritten and it's just what a principal wants. That's what happened to us.

I wish I could have had my boys together. They never really made their own friends because they always gravitated toward each other when both classes were together -- recess, assemblies, etc. This year we switched schools for a variety of reasons, they are in the same class, and they are making their own friends as well as playing with each other.

You know your twins best. Will they thrive on their own, or will it be too traumatic for them. Teachers and principals don't know what's best for your children, no matter how much experience they have had. Just like single children are unique, twins are the same way.

Blessings on your decision. I hope you find what I have to say helpful.

Hello...great question about your twins! I would like to respond from a teacher perspective (I teach in the LWSD, secondary). I think you make some good points for keeping them together or allowing them together in the same classroom at a younger age, perhaps K-3. As a junior high school teacher, I would definitely recommend separating them as they get older (listen to your own instinct and their desires always, though), at least as they enter middle/junior high school, simply because this is the time when they are really asserting their individuality, exploring unique interests, learning what their gifts/talents are, etc. Plus, it's nice for secondary teachers, who often have 150+ students, not to have twins in the same class. Hope this helps a bit. :)

Well this advice comes from me as being a fraternal twin and both girls...I think it is a good idea to have them in seperate classrooms. My sister and I were in one kindergarden class together only because there was no other options but aside from random classes in Jr. High and High School we never shared the same classroom again. One, it teaches them to socialize on their own just as other kids do instead of depending on eachother all the time. Also, as a twin and being in seperate class rooms growing up (due to the fact my mom felt its importance) you don't get referred to as 'the twins' and they will have their own personalities and names. They probably will have different friends but it will be a good thing. My sister and I had friends because seperately we chose them to fit us best versus we got stuck with them because they actually were friends with the other twin. I dont remember there ever being a time that our feeling were hurt by not getting invited to a party or sleep over. We I guess acknowledged that we both had seperate friends so therefore would not always go to the same functions. But on that note I will say that even though we were always in seperate classrooms we did share some of the same friends so more than anything I really do believe it will allow them to grow as individuals just as my sister and I did. People often tend to forget with twins that even though we share the same birthday we are very different people. Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide to do and remember that if it does not work out than you can go back the next year, nothing is ever set in stone.

My best friend while growing up has an identical twin sister. I also have a friend who has a set of twin boys. In both cases, they were separated into 2 classes.
I was just talking to my friend's mom over the weekend and got to talking about her and her identical twin sister when they were little and growing up. She said the best thing she ever did was separate them into different classes all through kindergarten and grade school. They were a handful anyways, but she stressed how they needed thier own identities. On April Fools Day, they would dress up the same, and then switch classes (thier teachers never knew), they did that starting in the 3rd grade all through High School. They shared a bedroom, had piano practice together, and did EVERYTHING together, so it was good to separate them during school. My friend who has twin boys (they are fraternal too) told me the same thing. We had 3 sets of twins in my grade at school growing up, and they were always separated in classrooms, but they always got together at lunch time and recess. And, as adults, they are all still very close. Separating them didn't "damage" thier relationships.

Hi there, I have triplets but they are only 2 1/2 so I am facing the same issue very soon. I happened to run into a family that had 16 yr. old triplets and I asked them what the one coolest thing was that their parents did to make sure they had their own identities and weren't always the "triplets". This was a 16-yr. old girl (b/b/g triplet family) and she said "We were always in separate classrooms and we had our own birthday parties." I think of that all the time. I plan to keep my kids in some separate classrooms but we won't give up the group birthdays - it is a special blessing to be a multiple and I think at least once a year, that needs to be celebrated =) Just a little tidbit from the child's perspective =)

yes, in my experience as well with three children yet not twins but two are only 14 months apart. Keep them seperate. As I understand it schools will not have siblings in the same class. May be something to ask?

Wishing you continued succes
www.imthankful.com

I have 2 sets of twins and I did not separate them in Kindergarten but in first grade I did separate the first set because they made the request after a hellish year I put them back together until middle school now the first set never have classes together but the second set might have one or two together. They are in the 10th and 8th grades now. They have always had some friends together but also some that are just there friends. I hope this helps have a good day

My husband works at a school. They generally split the kids up because it gives them the opportunity to be more of an individual.

I am an identical twin who was separated on purpose in public school. Please don't to that to your twins. Public school is a rough enough place and when you intentionally separate them it gives the impression that you want them to be even more alone than they will already be.

Furthermore, you will almost assuredly encounter public school employees that want you to separate the twins. This is because they know that your children will be weaker and easier to control if they feel alone when it comes time to stand up for what they believe (and what you taught them). I cannot count the times this happened to me and my sister. I was in a different school every year so I know this is not a one-time-deal, but a systemic problem. One school was so bad that they wouldn't let us sit together on the bus together, let us talk on the bus, and berated us when we used sign language to communicate on the bus. This was in addition to the rabid separation in classes. We were in 6th grade that year; imagine what that could do to a Kindergarten or 1st grader.

If you must send your children to public school, please don't force them into an artificial social situation in the hope they will "have their own lives"; when they get interested in girls they will have no problem leaving each other.

Just ask yourself, "Do I make friends better when I'm freaked out and alone in an alien environment or when I feel safe?"
-S.

Hello

I am the grandmother of fraternal twin girls who just turned 7 and in the 1st grade. I was and still am very involved in their lives and go with Lucie (their mother) to alot of different school activities. I would like to add that i don't meddle, she always asks if i would like to attend with her and of course i wouldn't miss if at all possible.
When the girls were starting school, we had those same concerns. So, we talked to the teacher and got some advice that way. They found that it is most productive in most situations to leave them together the first couple years of school. They told us that separating them so soon could be more traumatic than productive and as they get older and make new friends and begin to create who the are individually then we could separate them. I agreed with that wholeheartedly. They are very close, very protective and get very lonesome when apart. Now as the year is coming close to ending for them, we see that it would be much easier now to send them to different classrooms and feel more comfortable about it. No doubt that there will be some obstacles to overcome, but i believe that they will grow stronger and stay close as sisters. I hope this helped and i hope that things work out well for you and your family.

I had twin boys. They were separated throughout their elementary years as the school they went to had a large number of children and they had to have 2 classes for most grades. I had some problems with this, not because they had issues not being with each other, but because all teachers have different manners of teaching. The boys would come home and argue over things they learned in school because one teacher would teach one way and another would teach it a whole different way. I personally, would have rather had them in the same classes as this problem bigger then you think it would be.

I have brothers that are twins, fraternal, aged 40 now. My mother was told when they went to school that they would prefer they were separated in school so that they would be able to be their own idividuals. They were so close and did everything together, they still are. It did help, although I can't imagine what it would be like if we didn't. In school the older one was the leader, but now it has reversed.

Hi, I have 2 good friends with twins, one has 2 girls and the other has one of each. They both chose to seperate the twins. In K they let them stay together to get use to things then in the 1st grade they seperated them so they could make their own friends and have their own idendtities. They are in the 2nd and 5th grades now and are thriving.
S.

Hi TF, First of all I wish you luck on which ever decision you choose, but as a mother of twin identical girls I chose to seperate mine in Kindergarten for a couple of reasons 1. I wanted them to know that as they got older Junior High and High School they would have no choice where they were put in classes and 2.they live together play together ect. it would be a great break for them not to be together just for those few hours and to try and make there own circle of friends (which didn't ever really happen). I did however let them be in the same class in 5th grade it went o.k. For me to seperate my twins was really hard but it helped out so much in the long run for me anyways they had no anxiety or worries as they moved up to Junior High and High School and the best part is I think they are even closer now because they have those few hours away from each other. Also keep in mind that they will probably have recesses and lunches together so they will probably see each other at those times in Elemntary after they are done in Kindergarten and move up to 1st. grade. If you have any questions you can email me at ____@____.com

I am a mother of twin girls (fraternal) that are eleven years old and in the fifth grade. I have had them both in the same classroom and in seperate classrooms. My preference (and the schools in this district will oblige to your request, just get them in early) is to keep them in the same class through early elementary and then take it year by year and asses your children's needs and yours as a parent as well.

Kindergarten especially can be very intimidating for all children and twins equally so. I found it helpful to transition them into school by keeping them in the same class. Their bond with eachother helped them through the uneasiness at the beginning and when they were comfortable they were able to develop seperate friends on their own and did very well. 1st grade they were together also. Same thing, they were very similar in academics yet played with seperate friends on the playground. The most frustrating part was simply the teacher mistaking them for eachother even though they did not look alike. 2nd grade they were seperated into different classrooms. Where they thrived being seperated as people, it was extremely difficult for me as a single parent to keep up with two different cirriculims, schedules, and homework. 3rd grade was a little easier in seperate classes but only because the two teachers who taught them had rooms next to eachother and taught cooperatively. This is rare to find! These teachers did things seperately and together and were a harmonious pair with or without twins! 4th grade is where things changed a lot. I needed them to be back in the same classroom for my sanity and it worked beautifully! 5th grade they are seperate again and I am struggling to keep up with the work and two teachers and seperate techniques again. If I had it to do over, I would have kept them together until middle school. Believe it or not, they will develop themselves as individuals despite their environment. The will have different friends, and different levels of academic growth and different behavioral issues even if they are together! It is easier as a parent to be more in the know and supportive to your children if you can expect both homework to be the same! You will find it easier to become involved with field trips and be more hands on in their education if your not feeling pulled in two different directions! You will love how even though they think they want to be seperate, they are more likely to support eachother as well! Besides, junior high and middle school is a precession to high school where different class options and seperation of individuals gives them the grounds to become more individual. They will become themselves even if they are together, and look forward and appreciate their own interests and develop even better self later on when they finally are apart!

Hope this helps,
R.

I have a set of twins boy and a girl and they are in kindergarden. I choose to keep them together just for the first time around. That way they can ajust to the new environment. They have been doing good they now have their own friends and accepted that they can't do everything together.

The school has a lot of knowledge and experience in what works in their school. I would probably leave the decision up to them after discussing it with them to learn how and why they make the decision.

My granddaughter and her "almost sister" were placed in the same kindergarten class. Their mother's had been best friends since grade school and her mother and 2 children lived with my daughter and her 2 children for several months the winter before kindergarten. They considered themselves best friends and had played mostly with each other. The kindergarten teacher didn't think that would be a problem and it wasn't. They got along OK and each made new friends. Now that they're in the second grade the play in a different circle of friends and in frequently play together.

I know twins are much closer and that this might not work for them. The school will consider many factors. I suspect the most important ones are how able will they be to make friends independently and if, togeather,they will be a positive influence on each other and the class.

My best friends in school were identical twins and each other's best friend (still are extremely close). The school thought it would be good to separate them, their parents stepped in and said no, they needed to be in the same class. To this day, they talk about that and are so grateful they were together, their parents went with their instinct.
I think it's fine either way, but I think if they are each other's friend keep them together. As they get older they may want more separation.