Twins Being Seperated in School

I entered a second marriage that had six year old twin girls. They were always in separate classrooms and loved it. Why would you want them to be together? They are two completely different children, and do not always want to be just alike. They enjoyed having their own group of friends and different teachers. They did not even want to be dressed alike. They had many things they liked to do together, but we let them decide those things. Their accomplishments are not always going to be just alike. To me, if you put them in the same classroom, that would be too much competition and stress on them. What if one does better that the other with the same teacher? That was not worth any conflicts to us. They both did well in school and are happily married and raising their own families. The oldest girl twin also had twin boys and does not put them in the same classes. Good Luck. I do not see that being put into law. They are actually no different from any other siblings going to school.

S. Miller

I am a twin and I can tell you there were times in school when I wish my sister and I had been separated....and years when I wish we hadn't been.

Parents and the children involved should have a say in the matter.

okay girl i hear ya on this one i have twins that will be in kindergarten this year and we dont have the choice to keep them together but i think we should one of my twins has huge anxiety problems and we have spent prek and all summer trying to prepare him for not being with his brother they were in prek together and did great both at the top of their class they had different friends and didnt even play together much but just knowing he could look across the room and see his brother made all the difference we are not asking for special treatment nor do we demand they stay together but as parents we have the right to be consulted we know our kids better than anyone else and if them being together causes a problem seperate them but why put them thru that traumatic event if its not needed and being a twin is not like having the same age step sibling cousin or friend for those of you opiniated ppl who have not raised twins it is very different all we are asking is that we be consulted and that we have a choice if your kid doesnt get along with his teacher you have the option to chose a different one so why cant we chose what is best for our individual set of twins! i think that my twins should be kept together until they have enough experience with school to choose to be seperated on their own when they can say yes mom i will be fine and i want to be in different classes im all for it but i dont think you should force young children that have been together every second since conception to be apart if they arent ready its like saying okay time for school you will be in one room while your head is in the other a single child gets to take everything he was born with to class with him so why cant a multiple as long as its not causing problems or hell why cant we just be consulted first the principle and teachers didnt give birth to them or raise them they shouldnt get to say what is best we dont seperate them at home to make our job easier why should they lol good luck let me know if you need help with anything or just to vent!
A.
____@____.com

I am a twin and was seperated in the class room in the first grade and stayed that way until the 7th grade, when we went into junior high. I feel that this very much influenced our ability to develope as individuals in a positive way. We still shared that close bond but were not in each others presence 24/7.

It's not that the parent is requesting "special treatment" to allow the twins to remain together. Even if she does want them together she's wanting to be consulted. Any school worth their salt would give a parent that respect and present the value in separating them. And yes, just the very nature of them being twins makes it a decision whether to keep them together or separate that you don't have with other situations.

J., it sounds like you have had a bad experience with this. It IS frustrating when the schools make those decisions without consulting the parent as if they are the ones in complete control. Unfortunately, that is the attitude of some school districts. It's ridiculous to have to get a law passed to force a school to treat parents with the respect and value they deserve.

I am a twin who has experienced this. I grew up in a family that moved a lot due to my dad being a construction worker. I remember vividly the first time my sister and I were separated. It was unexpected and very traumatic being in a new school, new state, new living environment and not having that support we had always had. It's one thing to be able to prepare for it. It affected me in ways I didn't realize until I was an adult.

Having said all of that I will also say I have been a teacher in a public school and I understand that there are some parents that are extremely difficult to work with either because the parent is over the top protective or just doesn't care. I've seen some stay at home moms that won't get up to fix their children breakfast nor will they them to school early enough for them to eat breakfast at the school and it's free.

Also, there are some multiples where one of the children does the work for the other(s). Therefore it is in their best interest to separate them. However, that doesn't give the school the right to do it after you leave. You are the mom. It's easy enough to tell which parents are involved and which don't care.

You may just need to be on your toes and be thinking ahead of them in the future. Direct, respectful communication on everyone's part goes a long way in heading off problems. The bottom line is everyone should want what is best for the children. If the separation was especially traumatic for your twins I hope you have helped them work through it. If so, they are probably stronger for it. I know from experience it is easy for one to be the dominant personality and the other enmesh with it. Once I revisited the experience with adult understanding I realized it was part of the process of me becoming an individual apart from my twin. Which was a good thing.

Our school and every school I have worked in has allowed to let the parents make the choice of whether or not to separate multiples. I am a Kindergarten teacher and have found that most multiples do better separated because they are typically known as "the twins" or "the triplets" if they are not separated. Sometimes it is easier on the parents and the teachers if multiples are kept together, but it is not always what is best for the children and we all want what is best for the children.

I see no reason to have a law that requires parents to be notified when twins are going to be split up. In my opinion it would be special treatment. There is no law that says parents have to be notified when step siblings or adopted siblings are going to be separated, so why should there be one for twins. There is also the issue of scheduling, especially in the later years. It is an amazingly difficult task to do a master schedule, and if you have to throw in factors such as asking parents if they want their children separted it is even more difficult. I don't think it's a problem for twins to be in the same class if the schedule just so happens to put them there, but there shouldn't be an issue with them being separated. Why get them accustomed to being together when pretty soon it just might not be an option. In middle and high school chances are they will take different paths for electives anyway so why press it now? Just my opinion as an educator. It won't hurt them to spend a few hours apart every day, trust me, everyone needs a break from their sibling, no matter how close they are. Also, just because your twins consider themselves to be individuals chances are the other kids won't if they are in the same class together. There identity to others will be twins, and nothing else. Good Luck in achieving what you want non- the- less.

As a mother of twin boys that are now almost 17. The best thing for them was seperating them in school. The one year they were in the same class they both sruggled acedemicly and behaviorly. When they were seperated they did not have these isues at all. I would have to disagree with you on trying to keep them together. They had chances at school to play together at recess and be together at lunch and even on the bus. They were better behaved at home also since they enjoyed reuniting and sharing their days with each other instead of being bored because they knew what the other one did all day.
It also gave them a chance to make their own friends some of which they are still very closse to. Tey do have mutual friends that they are very close to as well but it is the other friendships that have helped the boys learn independence and social skills. It helped them learn they can depend on some and build relationships with others and not just build themselves into a unseperable unit.
M. B.
Mother of twins

The best solution have I have seen as a teacher is when twins are on the same team (share a group of teachers), but are not in the same academic group. This means they have the same lunch, PE, art etc., go on the same field trips and have the same project assignments. Parents only have one group of teachers to communicate with and homework assignments are the same for both. The twins have some opportunities to make their own friends and learn at their own pace. I do agree that parents should be part of this decision, but open to a change if the children are disruptive together or don't work to their best potential in the parents choice of placement. I had 4 sets of multiples on one team and from experience some days they brought their home squabbles to the classroom and they knew which button to push on their siblings to get a fuss started or hurt feelings in those cases separate time was great!

I grew up in NY and i had two sets of twins in my classes periodically throughout our school year, it wasnt like they didnt have a choice ot seperate them our high school class pop was over 500 and in middle school was half that. Where do you live and couldn't you just ask the school to inform you of major desicions that affect thier behavior at this age?

I have twin boys - 10 years old. Our schools have always asked our preference - which is for them to be separate. They seem to thrive better and don't fight as much when they haven't been together all day. I think it helps them to develop their own individuality as well. The only drawback is - different homework, different friends (therefore invited to different events - and feel left out), etc. So we spend a LOT of time with different homework assignments as opposed to them having the same and getting it over with quicker. I do think this should be a choice though if at all possible. It can be scary at an early age to be separated but in the long run it is good.

I work in a preschool class and we had a set of twins one time and we had them together for about a week and had to seperate them due to one twin would do everything for the other. When we seperated them the twin who let the other one do everything florished. He did great. The need to be there own person not a twin but a indivual.

As a (middle school)teacher it is hard. I have had several sets of twins in the same class. Sometimes it has worked really well and other times it has not. I had identical twins one year in the same class and I was the only teacher that could tell them apart. They worked really well together. Other times parents had requested that their twins not be seperated because they don't do as well apart. I found that in several cases that was because one of them was doing all the work. I have had parents request their kids apart or together and the students want it the opposite for valid reasons.

I think each case is different and that the parents, teachers and when the kids get older (upper elementary) should be involved in that decision. I believe it is not yet a "law" in Oklahoma but they had made a resolution that parents had the right to request. At the schools I have worked in they are really good about letting the parents help make that decision.

Let me know if I can help. It might help if you know any teachers in your state that agree to get them to sign the petition and contact their representatives.

God Bless
K.

PS. I am a math and science teacher and it is 430 am so my spelling and grammar stinks. :>)

i do not have twins i just have 2 boys thay are 3yrs old and 2yrs old. and everyone thinks thay are twins. and i want them to be together in school and stuff. i think thay should have to talk to the parents before thay make any decisions about a persons kids,, i think thats a great thing u are doing i will help in any way possible i went to school with a set of twins and thay was seperated and thay hated not being with each other not this was like 10 years ago thought

Hey J.. I have taught twins. The school at the time where I was teaching got together before they entered into K and discussed with the parents how to go about the whole twin situation. Parent Involment is the key in any situation. Below is the link to the AR House Bill on parental involvement date 2007:
http://arkansased.org/parental_involvement/parental_invol...

Also a good person to consult about this "mandate"would be Maggie Herrick, Phone: ###-###-####. She deals with Laws affecting students.

It seems as if your administration at your school just doesn't want to take the time to look at your situation both ways. I have seen twins work well together and apart. Oh yeah the ones I taught were together in K and they, the twins, decided to seperate in 1st grade. Best to you and your family.

I don't think being a twin entitles someone to special treatment. I know twins have special bonds, etc., but why should twins get to choose to stay together in the same class, but the kid whose cousin and best friend (and only friend) from the same class don't necesarily get to stay together. Or the best friends with a special bond, or the kid with an adopted brother or sister the same age? THey all have bonds too. No offense, but it just doesn't seem fair to me to give them extra priveledges. Besides, some kids develop differently. Maybe one twin is more advanced academically and that is why they should be in different classes, accelerated or honors, for example. It just seems stange to me to purposely keep them together. I know I'm not helping or giving you the advice you asked for, but I just thought it might be helpful to hear an opinion from the "other side", I'm not trying to be rude or anything! I'm more curious than anything on why anyone would even request such special treatment. Good luck though!

My girls arent twins, but they are 13 mos apart and might as well be. They share a bedroom, toys clothes, all their free time, etc. When they go to class is the only time they are able to be themselves. Plus there are less "behavior" issues that way. Everytime they get together its like two atoms bouncing off each other, and they have a tendency to get worked up and in often trouble (like right now, they're downstairs screaming and acting crazy). At the school they go to, they still have plenty of opportunity to see each other even tho they're in two different grades. Your twins would have the added bonus of the same lunch and recess, special events, and possibly extracurricular classes too. Young twins need some time away from each other on occasion, just so they can develop their own opinions and likes/dislikes. Otherwise, you wind up with a "hive mind" and two people that base every life decision on what "the other one is doing". I hope this helps :}

Hey J., My sister has twin boys and when school started her local school was going to seperate them. She checked with all the schools in town and found only one that would not seperate. They are attending that one school now and are doing great. Good luck with changing the law. C.

Hello. I am a mother of 7 year old twin girls. I have a 3 year old girl. We live in Mccalla Alabama. The school that my children goes to lets the parents of multiples choose if their children are placed together or in different rooms. In Kindergarden my children were together. They had the best teacher ever and she always called me and told me how they were doing. It was great for them to be together. It helped them to be away from mommy because they had each other. As the year went on we ( the teacher and I) began to notice that one of the girls was very dependent on the other and was some what holding her sister back. It soon became a problem because twin 1 could read and was above average in all areas and her teacher thought she would do even better if she was not always worrying about her sister. In first grade we decided to split them up for that reason. It was aweful. They cried for 2 weeks solid, at school, at home and every time you mentioned the word school. We had meeting after meeting trying to put them back together but the new principal thought it would be more damage to them to put them back together. We stuck with it and after about 4 weeks it paid off. The girls got used to the idea of being away from each other, just ast school. They made their own friends, came home and never argued, played with each other, talked with each other about their day and were much much nicer to one another. It really was not as bad as what I thought it would be. Oh and by the way the twin that was holding the other back in kindergarden is now one of the top kids in the whole class. She had no choice but to do it on her own since she could no longer fall back on her sister.
I no that being a parent, you are dead set on keeping them together. I was the same way. I just thought I would share my experience with you, it may help in some way. It is hard enough to send your babies to school and then when you must seperate twins it opens a whole new door. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Have a Blessed Day!!!