Should My 5 Year Old Son Repeat K

In most states he would not have been able to start Kindergarten unless he was 5 by Aug 1. California is one of the few states that allows kids to start so young. In fact California is changing the age requirements to be more in line with other states. In other words he is on the young end and I wouldn't feel bad holding him back if you are concerned. It is better than his struggling later on when academics get tougher. From what I understand the jump in homework from K to 1st grade is quite a lot at some schools. If you have doubts I would hold him back now as opposed to later. The older he is it will be more embarrassing for him.

I just watched a documentary recently on a very interesting subject...just this...holding children back. It was really quite enlightening, and I had a "well, duh" moment while watching it. Children who are the oldest in their grade tend to, overall, do better socially and academically than those who are the youngest, as your son is.

Did he start K when he was four, then? If he's five now, and his birthday was in October...I think you started him a year early and I would absolutely recommend holding him back.

Studies have shown that for most children who repeat K, the benefits are substantial. Especially those who are among the youngest in their classes (really? You started him in K when he was FOUR?), because they are often (and understandably so) immature. I mean, really, he's a year behind most of the other children because most of them ought to be six, turning seven soon.

Although he may be academically sound now, behavior does come into play in academics and will have a HUGE affect on how he continues to do in school. I would seriously consider it.

Best of luck!

Keep in mind that Many schools have a cut off date of Sept 1 or Sep 30th
ALso many schools have two year kindergarten programs where they put ALL summer birthdays!
This is not a decision to be made with the input of a small child. He does not have the wisdom or maturity to help make this decision. Discussing it with him makes things worse. YOU and the teacher must decide this together.

If you even have to ask yourself the question, then I would say yes, do it. My son did 2 years of k at the same school, I think it was harder on me than him. His teacher was out on maternity leave at the beginning of his 2nd k year so we told him the sub needed him there to help her since he knew all the ropes. If you keep him back ask his teacher to work with you and give him a "reason" that will make him feel useful, instead of feeling bad about the situation. Hope what I am trying to say is making sense! Good Luck!

Hi J.,
What is the cutoff date for Cali? Here in TX, the cutoff date is Sept 1 or something like that. My son's bday is in late August. He turned 5 yrs old the day kinder started in 2010. We had him go to kinder that year, then this past school year we had him repeat kinder at the same school.

We had many parent/teacher conferences that first year in kinder. The teacher let us know that he was in the "should possibly repeat kinder" category (per the kinder team). He just could not focus. When he was able to focus, his work was great....but these times were few and far between. I asked if his lack of focus was more than just an age thing, and she told me that she felt he would flourish if given the opportunity to repeat kinder. She warned us, with tears in her eyes, what she has seen in the past concerning kids that are not ready to go on to first grade (due to age/maturity-related issues) but go on anyway. She said that if there is any problems in kinder (due to age/maturity), then the problems will only get very much worse if that child continues onto first grade.

Around April, we knew that we would hold him back and have him repeat kinder. We told him that he was specially requested to go to kinder again so that he could help the teacher show his new classmates how to complete their work, etc... We called him a "kinder senior" and tried to make it seem like an honor rather than something negative. We told him he would see his old classmates, but some of them would be in first and some would also be going to kinder again. The school has many classes for each grade, so we did not have the issue of him not continuing on with exactly the same people. Even if he would have gone onto first, he would have had different classmates. He sees his old classmates in the hall. He was prepared to repeat kinder, and our talking with him about that really helped.

The first part of this past school year (his second year in kinder), like the first two 6-weeks, it seemed as if nothing had changed. But around December, it was like a switch went off. He started caring about his work and was able to focus more. I think this is the best decision we made. I would recommend having your son repeat kinder. If you have any questions, please PM me.

Take care,
A.

I am a K teacher and I wouldn't have him repeat K. I would set up strict boundaries at home of what is acceptable behavior. I would role play with him what those boundaries look like. An immature 1st grader is normal for many. I wouldn't use the word retention around him or to threaten him. I would sympathize when he feels anxious or sad and then talk to him about getting his feelings together. Children have these feeling just like you and I but some don't have acceptable skills to get through it. Prepare him prior to going to something new or going into a store. "We're going in here to buy a present for so and so. We don't have time to look at toys. Next Tuesday we can come here and make a list of a few toys you may want for your birthday.". Then remind him of his consequences if he misbehaves. It really shouldn't consist of spanking, etc. but he should loose certain privileges, etc. I hope this helps. K teachers run into this problem several times a day. There's always consequences for behavior...good and bad. You don't need to be frustrated. This is very normal behavior for his age.

Where I live the cut off is Oct. 1, so your son would just be starting K for the first time this year. It sounds like a good idea to do it. I talked to a child psychologist once and she said if you are going to hold your child back in any year than K is the year to do it. I think it would be a lot less damaging to him now, than realizing in like 2nd or 3rd grade that he needed to stay back. Good luck!

Even if you hold him back, you do NOT know, if that will "cure" him of his complaining.

A little child like that, cannot "decide" if he should stay in Kindergarten or not. They do not understand the intellectual bigger picture of it.

I know many kids who repeated Kinder.
They are fine.
Kids didn't make fun of them.
The child was fine about it. And because, the parents explained the positives about it. Not making it like a big deal or that something is "wrong" with their child.

Your child is academically on par. If he repeats Kinder, than what? What will he learn academically? Or be bored?

There are some kids that are always just complainers or "immature."
So then what? Should they keep repeating Kinder until they are too old or too big in height?

Does your child get enough sleep? Maybe at school he is tired and over tired, hence he complains. At school. When a kid is overtired or not getting enough sleep and are "working" hard in school, they falter. They don't have the stamina to keep on task or to do what is expected of them. And they don't have much patience or tolerance for things going on in class.
So if your child is tired or not getting enough sleep, and it is affecting his behavior at school, being he is 5... then he needs more sleep. And/or an earlier bedtime.

And your child, doesn't like changes in routines. Well many kids are that way too. But they learn. Its life. Its school.

Then, there is a boy in my daughter's grade level, (4th grade), that has been that way (like your son), since Kindergarten. He is on par academically and has not been held back. But... he is always complaining or belly aching about something, and all the other kids and Teachers know he is like that. He just doesn't want to be responsible for his actions. Even if he was held back in Kindergarten, he would still be that way. In school.

My son is a Sept 29th baby. I sent him to first grade when he was 5 because academically holding him back would have been a mistake. If your son is fine academically then send him to first grade. He should be with his friends. All 5 year old boys are immature. My son is 9 now and in 4th grade. He and his best friends are all taking 5th grade math and English and they are still pretty immature - they just sit still in class and listen better but I've also seen them cry in class when they get upset. It could be that your son's teacher is not the right teacher for him. A different teacher might be able to handle your son's personality better. Also your son can change a lot by the time school starts up again. Hope this helps.

J., don't talk about holding him back with your son.

If I were you, I would get a child psychologist to evaluate him. Not being able to calm himself is something you need to get him help with. Putting him back into kindergarten when he is doing well academically will not help him calm himself. Getting help from someone who helps teach coping skills would. And you will be part of that, with professionals working with you to teach you how to help him.

Has the school initiated a behavioral plan for him? If they haven't, they should. This summer is the right time for you to get that evaluation. They will write up a report, and you can give it to the school in the fall and ask for a behavioral plan for the first grade teacher to work with.

Don't delay doing this, J.. He needs the help.

Good luck,
Dawn

My son is strong willed and immature too. he has an August birthday. Academically he is fine, and no teacher sees the need to hold him back. He does not cry or have meltdowns but does have anger issues. Maybe tell him that in 1st grade he cannot act like that. That is not an acceptable first grader behavior. If he can agree that it will stop, he can go on, if not, let him repeat? I really dont know. I see the concern of not traumatizing him either way. But if he is academically sound then how will his behavior be when he has to sit through all that "baby" stuff again, that he already knows?

Sounds like your wanting to hold him back. In az, many boys are 6 in kinder due to maturity issues. friends with boys say it is the best for them. Others are doing well younger in 1st as a boy but they were mature. I agree it is always hard on the parents but the kids are ok through it. Better now then in 2nd and 3rd when he starts to have a good group of friends to move along with.

I wouldnt hold my son back if he acts this way when he turns 5. My son is 2 and I can see teacher calling him strong-willed in K. I watched my oldest child and her classmates change behavior every year, mostly in a positive way, between ages 5-8. So I think your son can learn to handle frustration in a different way as he gets older. Kids need routines but we all have to deal with new or out of the ordinary situations I'd help my son get used to change gradually over the summer. A short term summer class followed by a few days of camp can be used to show change can be positive for example. When school starts use your son's desire to stay with friends as motivation for modifying behavior. Also work with the teacher to deal with school behavior. If this doesn't work, change teachers. Another teacher may better handle your child.

Some school districts will not allow you to hold your child back a year. I know our district made it really clear so parents could decide before enrolling their kids. Studies really don't support holding kids back and it can hurt them in the long run. If he's doing ok academically he's probably going to be bored repeating and could make the behavior worse. Maybe speak with the school psychologist firt as there may be more going on here and there may be other help available to your son that will help him succeed in first grade.

I don't understand what you are meaning. Because he cries you think he should flunk kindergarten?

I think all kindergartners cry. Sometimes they cry for an hour about stuff. It's how they release stress. Some can handle more than others but they almost all have a good cry then they cope well for a while then have another crying jag. As they get older they learn other coping skills.

I think he will fell horrible and like a failure if you keep him back. He does not seem to not be smart enough to go to first grade. He will be made fun of, he will start acting out to compensate for his anger, he will be bored and not pay attention in class and will get in lots of trouble.

He needs to try to go to class with his classmates. If he is found to be in need of special help to do the work they can put him in some special groups that work on reading or math skills so he can catch up to the other kids in the class.

Our cut off date is the first day of class. We started August 13th last fall. A lot of kids have summer birthdays and they do just fine in the class with the other kids their same ages. Kids should be 5 when they start kindergarten and turn 6 before they start 1st grade. That way they are 17 when they start their senior year and turn 18 and are ready to go to college that next fall.

Here in CA many schools have Preppy K or Transional l kinder and its for kids that need just a little more time. You should look into it. It might not be offered at your home school but you should be able to find it fairly easily. parents that I know that have gone this route are so happy later. Your child will be older when he starts kinder and probably do much better. Its called giving your child the gift of time. I live in Long Beach and almost every school around me offers it. Good luck, You can call your district if you need more info.
T.

Of course he's immature. He's 5. Is his teacher suggesting holding him back or is it just you? I think these are not grounds for holding a child back. Wait, are you saying he is finishing Kindergarten right now or Preschool? He is only 5. Of course he is going to still throw fits on occasion or have melt downs. Many kids save those fits just for their moms, but some kids take longer than one school year to learn not to do those things at school. I have a son who behaved similarly at that age. I don't think he threw fits at school, but at home he did a lot. Now he is 8 and we have recently learned that he has sleep apnea. The doctor explained that children with sleep apnea often seem to have behavioral issues, tantrums, short tempers etc. That was my son exactly. How does your son sleep?

if you don't do it now, would you really want to have it happen later?

& I would base my decision on the school's recommendations + your gut feeling. I would refrain from including the child in the discussion. He is not in charge.

Behaviorally, yes, he is immature. But, please take a good long look at his behavior. Is he immature or is this his temperament? Would he benefit from behavior modification?....which is a simple way of describing when you teach a child to behave better than they are! :)

Work with your school counselor on this one....

It's probably better for him to be in K again and in the bigger picture it will not hurt him but help him.
whines and belly aches are very common at this age, even onto 6 and 7 years old.

Teacher says he's strong willed - translation - doesn't get enough imagination play time and physcial play time and isn't ready for formal schooling