Should We Have 3?

Updated on May 13, 2008
L.E. asks from Redwood City, CA
42 answers

I know it's crazy to put on a blog-- but my husband and I are concerned of what three kids might mean to our lifestyle and budget and yet we are wondering if there is another person out there we need to bring into this world. Any thoughts or reflections? L.

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I'm from a family of 3, my sister has 3 kids, pretty much everyone in my family has 3 kids. So 2 didn't quite seem like enough to me. I've always described my son (the 3rd child after 2 girls) as the seasoning in the stew - life would be a lot more bland without him. I never regret the 3rd child, but sometimes I do wish for more simplicity. My kids are now 10, 12 and 16, and in 8 short years I'll get more "simplicity" than I want. However, nobody ever told me that life actually gets more intense as the kids get older. All of the activities and all of the events can get pretty exhausting. Also, that extra plane ticket, the extra bed in a hotel, the extra food in the refrigerator, and that extra college education! It's amazing how much kids cost. I know it's hard to imagine what life will be like when they're teenagers, but it's something to consider. Good luck!

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J.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I've gone back and forth too between three or not, and with basically the same reflection as you wrote above…Hubby only wanted two though so the pull is definitely in that direction and I am usually glad.

The truth though...only you and your partner can decide this for yourselves. No one else has to take care of these babies in your situation other than you.

It sounds to me though you are looking for someone to agree with you and tell you that two is enough......How do you really feel??

You know...come to think of it this is about the funniest thing I have read this week...re-read your "A little about me" paragraph and answer your own question. It's also okay to answer this question "for now". You can feel that two is enough now but in another year all could change and you may want one more.

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I.C.

answers from Salinas on

When I was miserably pregnant with my first, I swore I'd never get pregnant again. But I did -- and I was jsut as sick as the first one.

As I was struggling through my second one's colicky infancy, I swore I'd never ever get pregnant again and never ever have another infant to deal with.

So the third time we adopted: no pregnancy, no infancy, straight to toddlerhood.

People ask us all the time why we did "take out" the third time instead of "making one from scratch." The answer is very simple: when we considered our family, we realized someone was missing. When we thought more about it, we realized that it was a question of finding that missing person -- not making it/him/her.

So in our adoption quest, we weathered each delay, confident that it was just a way to help us find our one true child rather than just any child.

If you and your husband are both feeling like you are missing someone, bring that someone home. "From scratch" or by "take-out", bring your baby home.

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M.P.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi, I have 3 kids and wouldn't change anything in the world about it, however, having 3 kids has posed some issues for us. There are only two of us (my husband and I) so when we go on a vacation like Disneyland, one child is always riding alone. We like to take a family vacation each year and if we go on a plane, one child sits alone (or next to a stranger) and we can never do a "package deal" vacation because you legally can't put 5 people in a hotel room. We always have to sneak one kid in to the room and hope that it doesn't include breakfast with the stay because they only allow 4 people to eat. With regards to sports, we are torn because again there are only two of us and they all play sports so we are having to either send one with a teammate and go with the other two and we rarely are able to see all their games on the same day. The costs, of course, are more with 3 kids and I'm sure it's just the beginning since we haven't hit high school or college yet. Honestly, there are probably pros and cons but I have three kids and love them all dearly so I can't imagine life without any of them. Just thought I'd pass on the things that we've experienced so far.

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

This is a completely personal choice. But you asked, so here's my take.

I have three, and I wouldn't change anything. But I think 2 is the perfect number of kids to have. Two parents, two kids. It makes it really easy for everyone to have lots and lots of one-on-one time. With three kids you have to make 6 changes for each parent to have alone time with each child, with two you only have to switch once. (Does this make sense?) So it is really hard for each parent to get quality time with each child. Also odd numbers just don't work as well. One child tends to get left out, and I would assume it is usually the oldest, because younger kids need more attention.

Three is SO much harder than two. It ups the ante from manageable to chaos. I think anything above two is some level of chaos.

Having said that, once you have a third you will think you could never have lived without your third child.

So just make a decision.

Oh yeah, and p.s. - With two each can bring a friend somewhere and with a van you can all go somewhere. With three it is almost impossible for each to bring a friend and go anywhere with the whole family. When they are teens they always want to bring a friend along.

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D.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L.,

I don't think it is crazy at all. We went from 2 to 3 and they are now 12 soon to be 13, 15 and 18. My first 2 are sons and my third a daughter. Attending functions at times can be tricky but all-in-all I did not notice a huge change in overall management. Now budget is an entirely different story our senior is going to college this fall and tuition at most privates runs just under $50,000 (this figure does not reflect offered assistance). At moments it is defintely a sacrafice and balancing act but...in the end WELL WORTH IT!
Either way, you are blessed! Savor the moments because all of the sudden you wonder how they went by so fast. My heart is with you.

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J.Y.

answers from San Francisco on

I have 3. Three kids changes everything. The size of your house as they grow (especially if one is the opposite gender), the size of your car, the fact that you have two hands to grasp two little hands with, not three, you are now a family of 5 which makes a huge impact on other people when you visit and, as they grow, rarely will all 3 be having fun with their friends or sleepovers with grandma at the same time so there will never be natural breaks for you built in. I could go on and on but certainly 2 is EASIER than 3.

Having said all of that. I wouldn't change the number of kids I have. Three is perfect if you ask me. There is so much love and opportunity and diversity amongst this family. We have a "large family" without really having a large family.

It is such an individual choice but I vote for 3!! It's amazing!

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E.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L.,

If you have the time, money and energy for three children, perhaps you may want to adopt or even foster.

The world population has more than tripled in the past thirty years and there are a heartbreaking number of children in the United States that will never again experience the feel of a mother's touch, the bonding of siblings, the comfort of a loving father through no fault of their own. Children are amazing, including those who need fostering and/or adoption.

On the other hand, if you stay with two, you'll have that much more time and energy to devote to them as well as you and your husband and community and the like.

Good luck with this wonderful and difficult decision,
E.

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C.R.

answers from Salinas on

Someone once told me that they decided not to have 3 because they both worked full time and felt with 3 2 parents couldn't always be involved 1 on 1 at any given time and that eventually one child would feel left out. I thought that was a crazy justification, but now after having our 3rd I kind of know what that really meant. We both work full time and had 2 boys age 7 and 2 when we decided not to have a 3rd. 2 weeks after my husband's vasectomy we found out we were pregnant with our 3rd. It was happiness yet still an adjustment when we found out because we had just resigned ourselves to not having a 3rd. When we found out we were having a girl we were awesomely happy and just couldn't wait. Once our beautiful daughter was born chaos utterly consumed our life and I felt like my oldest was the one that ended up being the odd one out. Fortunately he has a very mature attitude when it comes to letting us know when he needs our individual attention. Once we became aware of him not getting enough of mommy/daddy time we really had to make a very concerted effort to remember that although he was older and more self sufficient he was still only 7/8 and stil craved the attention that the 2 younger ones had to absolutely have. We really do our best to give all 3 undivided attention as musch as possible, but even now 3 years later it is still a struggle. We have got it down almost to a science now, but I would say that if you are really thinking about adding a 3rd 1st things 1st make sure you can afford it. Most importantly think of yourselves as well. If you work full time and intend to continue to do so it is extremely hard to maintain the energy to meet 3 little person's needs along with you and your spouse's needs. For me it seems like something always ends up being neglected or pushed to the side when it comes to mine and my husband's needs. If after a hard day at work you come home to 2 children who happened to have an off day as well and it takes you and your husband to calm or help them expend extra energy in order to get them to bed- stop and think how you would handle getting dinner on the table, the oldest one's homework, the 5 year old needing you to be next to him while he is creating a castle out of lego's and nursing or bathing the youngest one, that you know will be waking up at 2:30am, and still trying to get them in bed by 8pm and of course still get enough sleep to somewhat function at work the next day. If you can handle all that then I say bring it on, have a 3rd. After all you are right there is nothing like the love and wonderous imagination of a child.....

C. Ramos

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K.J.

answers from San Francisco on

Ha, Ha,
I loved your "about me" section....I just had to write and sympathize with you. I currently have a 27 month old boy, and a 2 month old girl, and am ALREADY thinking of "planning" the 3rd one when baby is about 2, so we'd be in the same boat: 4,2, and newborn.
Kids, they drive us absolutely NUTS, but you're so right- there is nothing like this kind of love. ;)

Sympathizing with you,
K.

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B.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L.. I too struggled with the idea of three. Now my third is four years old and I can't imangine life without him.
When my first two were 7 and 4.5 my husband asked for a third. I about flipped my lid. I thought he was nuts. I already gave away crib, baby clothes, bottles, anything to do with infants. He didn't care, said we could get more.

The way I look at it is this: When the kids a young and small they are so demanding and needy. When we, parents, are seniors we will just love having our kids come and visit and bring their kids. Their kids will have a lot of cousins to play with. I think in the later years it is well worth the craziness in the younger years.

Kids keep us young - at heart at least.

Make sense?
B.

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S.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I've been a nanny/surrogate mother for 9 years now for 3 kids (now 14,12,and 8.) The major thing I notice is the difference between having 2 kids in the house vs 3. You basically go from having just enough time to never enough/ total chaos. Plus even if you and your husband are home at the same time, having 3 means you are out numbered. Honestly, if you have 3 kids (in my experience) you might as well have 10, because it feels the same. If you are willing to put up with having little to NO personal time for another 3 years (until your youngest goes to preschool,) then go for it.
That being said - I love kids (they keep me young) and wouldn't trade any off them - the kids I work w/ or my daughter.

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J.M.

answers from San Francisco on

You could always adopt! There are always kiddos that need a loving and supportive family like yours that are currently stuck in limbo with some part of the state system or another. Your 2 biological kiddos can be part of the decision making process as well.

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M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I think the answer to your question lies within the synopsis you wrote in the "A little about me."

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A.B.

answers from San Francisco on

We have had the same thoughts and concerns. For us, we decided 2 is the right number. As it is we already feel challenged with sharing our time and attention with the two we have. We know plane tickets, hotel rooms, rental cars, ect. for a family of 5 is more than for a family of 4. I'd also be out of work for longer caring for a third child (I am staying home full time now) and greatly enjoy my job.

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M.O.

answers from Stockton on

Completely understand your concern. After two I made the decision for one more but got triplets...My thoughts are, if you have to question it and wonder about it, it's not the right thing to do. Continue to raise the two you have and adore them with so much love that they will be thankful when they are grown and you are vacationing in Paris with your hubby....

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R.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L. , we had a way of discribing our disire for three. The first child was like an appitizer and left you hungry for what was next, The second was the main course leaving you feeling full and wondering how you could eat any more, but the lure of dessert beckons you to make room for more and it's oh so sweet! We have loved having three so much we're having 4 now so be careful! My third has been so easy. I say it's like having a first all over again with helpers. Thats because my oldest daughter was 8 my son 6 when she was born. So a whole different ball game then with the first two. We can't believe that another completly different personality came from us and we love the relationship between the older kids and the little one. It's so different. It still has it's challanges but for me 3 is easy. Now 4 , thats going to be tougher. But still oh so worth it. Best wishes, R.

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C.M.

answers from Chico on

I am a mom of three. Two boys 13 and 9 yo and a 3 yo girl. Having three is definitely as hard as everyone says...toys, laundry, dishes all seem to multiply when you aren't looking! LOL! My husband does not help out as much around the house as he used to, but my 13 yo boy does and our house is still a disaster all the time! Financially it is hard with both of us working and still we barely scrape by and my daughter is a very spirited, independent child, so she has not made things easy, but I wouldn't change things either. She brings me as much joy as frustration! Also, at times with a teenager and a spirited 3 yo, I sometimes feel that my middle son does not get the kind of attention I would like him to have from me.

If I were you, I would make a list of pros and cons, do some serious soul searching and go with what your heart says. I beleive that those of us that are good parents need to have children that will influence others positively and become our future leaders!

I do have days where I get so frustrated and have dropped the kids with my husband and "ran away" by myself for a few hours...did not even tell them where I was going. LOL! These days are few and far between. The main thing is to agree with your spouse that if you do have another child, everyone has to help out in the house and with the new baby so you do not become overburdened. That is where I have gotten and have had to become more demanding of my husband and family to help me because it is not possible for me to "do it all".

Good luck with your decision!

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S.F.

answers from San Francisco on

L.,
Like what others said it is really between you and your husband. I will tell you our answer to that question.
We had 2 daughters age 10 and 12. About that time I started saying it's time to have another one. Crazy huh??? I mean our girls were almost teens. And let's face it I wasn't 20. But...we had our 3rd daughter. She is 11 & 13 years younger than her sisters and truely a blessing. Right now in my life my older ones are married and I still get to keep busy with the younger one. As for budget...we all know that we can't afford our children. But just as with your 2 you make it work. I will tell you it is work but anything worth having takes work. I wouldn't change a thing with our decision but like I said it really is yours. Good luck to you and your husband.
Shelley

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K.T.

answers from Sacramento on

Boy am I totally going through this too. I have a 3 year old Girl and a 9month old Boy. I'd say our family is complete but I love them so much they make me want more. Before I got pregnant I said I want 2 or 4 because I have heard having a third there's always a third man out in most families of three I've talked to that are now adults. I SAY THINK ABOUT WHY you want a third. Do you want a big family, a baby always around? First for me it was because I wanted the big adult family...home for Christmas that sort of thing,(And a stranger that I met at the park told me, "they're kids for a second and adults for a very long time of your life" then I had the babies and now my 9 month old will be one soon and I feel I would like to always have a baby around. Maybe that's why a family I saw on the Today Show has had 17 Children!!! I've also came to a conclusion that I want more kids but I don't want more work. My Husband and I are big savers and don't eat out much or go to $10.00 dollar movies etc so I think if we can save enough to hire a PT Nanny to help with the household stuff I can give my children most of the attention they need and that's what want to do anyway. Then I might have more. If it weren't for all the work and household chores I'd love spending almost all my time with them, with the exception of some me time out with the girls and once a month date night with Hubby. Also if you have family to help it might be more worth it. I only have Sister who works full-time that can help once in awhile. Well with that said, I've decided to wait till my 9month old is coming up on three and revaluate what I want to do because I've decided for sure I can't do 4 little ones close together. So if I decide in three years to have one more, I'm going for two more so they'll have each other close in age. That's my descion for now. Good Luck

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D.P.

answers from Fresno on

I know what you're going through. I had two kids, but something inside kept saying that my family was not yet complete. I would even experience instances of panic when I would lift to check the whereabouts of my kids and only see two of them...then I would remember that I only HAD two! The minute number three was in my arms, I felt like we were complete...if something tells you there is another child waiting to become part of your family, it is a voice that cannot be ignored for long. I wish you peace of mind in your decision! (By the way, three children is truly a balancing act, but I'm savoring every moment...it will pass so swiftly).

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B.D.

answers from Sacramento on

You know that's a very good question!! I wonder the same thing every day! I have 2 boys...and I'm with the father of my youngest and sometimes I really want us to have another child together. We've been together for 6 years, and I know he's the one I'm going to marry. But sometimes, my sons just drive me absolutely [email protected]! Boys are very active, and wrestle and fight. But then I look at them, and I know that I wouldn't take it back for the world, they are my world. And I would love to add another one to our family. How much more harder could it be with 3 right?? :)

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L.B.

answers from Chico on

Hi L.,

There really are only two people who can answer your question… you and your husband. It is up to the team and partnership of L. and her husband to decide if a third child is right for your family.

It is your “A Little About Me” that stands out to me…

I became a mother for the first time at the age of 51. My husband and I adopted a 14-year-old girl from Russia. Recently, we brought home our son, a 15-year-old boy, from Kazakhstan. Both children were my husband’s idea. It was difficult for me to think of myself as “Mama”, yet I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

I too, need some time on the beach and think about what is was like when I had no children to think and worry about. What gets me through those moments is one thought… “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it”. If it were possible, I would not return to a life without my kids in it.

If it is right for you and your partner in life, you will have a third child.. You two have the best answer to your question.

You are in my prayers,
L.

C.C.

answers from Fresno on

Since you asked... before you get pregnant, read the book "Forever Lily" and tell me if you don't feel like adopting instead! =) My husband and I thought of getting pregnant with our third and then a friend happened to leave that book at my house. I read it and right then decided - there will be no more children out of my own body, but I will absolutely adopt! The story really touched my heart - so many babies out there with no mommy and daddy to call their own. I'm getting all sniffly just thinking about it! =) Anyhow, best of luck with your decision!

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D.H.

answers from Yuba City on

L.,
I think you've already been given the best advice. You must do what feels right to you. We just had our third child (almost three months now), and things are a bit crazy, but she's still an infant. However my boys love having a baby in the house that they get to interact and help with. Plus they now actually are getting more one on one time with each of us as we don't want them to feel left out or angry at her. So yes one more does make things a bit tougher, but it also can bring everyone closer together. As for the time you will have with your husband, as long as you have "support staff" ie babysitters or family, you can still arange for date time or time alone. Don't know if this helps but this has been our experience, however brief. Good luck.

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J.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I think I may have gotten some angels as children-my two girls are amazing. My youngest who is almost 4 months old people ask me if she is real. She hardly ever cries or makes a fuss. I think the big man upstairs is making it easy for me to have more. However I have hated all of my pregnancies. My husband wants a boy and we have two right now. I do want another child-I always said I wanted 5, but I guess that is what happens when you grow up in a family of 7. However I don't think my could handle all the pregnancies. I think it is you and your husbands decision on if you can take on more.

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L.L.

answers from San Francisco on

L.,

I don't really have much to say, you've gotten some great advice....but should I caution you that when we decided to have baby #3, we got babies #3 & #4. They were all girls.

So then, we had our 4 girls... we decided to try for a boy...I guess I forgot that we had tried all the other times for a boy without success.... now have 5 girls. Having the 5th wasn't a mistake, NOT having #6 was...an odd amount has been a challenge in many things we have been lucky enough to do in our life....had we known where life would have taken us, we would have gone for #6. I believe far too often, we don't follow our hearts...most of us can usually sacrifice something in order to afford another child, but the "what will people think" keeps us from following our hearts.

So....my opinion is...if you go for #3, you have to go for #4 also! Most don't agree, but my kids would tell you the exact same thing.

I am 38, my kids are: days away from 20 and 18, twins 16 and my baby just turned 14.

My oldest two are going to school next year...I am starting to get sad that my kids are leaving. Thankfully, I have 3 more left...it's going to take me that long to adjust.

There are way too many positives then negatives...even with the sacrifices we made early on...having more then the average amount of children has been a blessing beyond description.

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J.O.

answers from Stockton on

I had 3 under three and I wouldn't have changed a thing looking back now. Right now they are 6, 8, & 9.

Pros - They are so close in age that they can do things together and it's like stages for everything. There is no staggering her or there. They grow together and it's wonderful. We just went on a cruise and took them to a theme park and they can share the same emotions due to being in the same age bracket.

They can grow out of things together...the strollers, car seats, everything out the door all at once. You never have to go back and get new things.

Cons - Yes, 3 were in diapers for a moment. The boys were still in pull ups by the time they hit 4, but girls are much quicker and that's a fact. She was wearing underwear when she was 2.

Daycare...Daycare!!!! I spent a fortune since I worked fulltime. It was anywhere from ###-###-#### a month, no we are not rich. This is the bad side and it was 8 years until I could totally kiss it goodbye. Many places don't give breaks for multiple kids, so you will pay if you decide to work out of home. Now I have put that money into a home and their sports.

Sports.....my kids play everything year round. Football, soccer, baseball, basketball, traveling leauges, cheer, girl scouts and boy scouts. $$$$$ We put aside 200 a month for fees and needs on this alone and since it's all at once, they really can't share.

M-Sat afterwork is all kids stuff. I t is not a con to me because I do love and enjoy seeing what they have worked hard on. You might have a Sunday at home if you don't go to church. :)

Overall, I love it all. Patience and a chart will be needed later with schedules. I don't go anywhere without my outlook & PDA.

Jess

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T.B.

answers from San Francisco on

It's very cute how the families with 3 very young children are loving the 3rd, 'it brings a new dimension into the family, etc.' (And don't get me wrong, I have three very wonderful young men, 19, 17, 15 who have grown up as best friends, etc. and I love(d)every minute of parenting these wonderful boys). But it's those with pre-teen and older children who are bringing out the true facts of 3: 3 high school students (maybe private tuitions),3 car insurances, the 3rd, 4th and maybe the 5th car payment, 3 collage tuitions, the bigger van (I had a Ford Club Wagon extended version), waiting extra time for a table for 5, the extra hotel room, extra plane ticket... Looking back I should have listened to my mother,(but by the time she stated her opinion my dh had had a vasectomy!) Either have 2 or 4 to make it worth your while. In any case, I wouldn't change my wild and crazy, sometimes overwhelming, life for anything!!! But for those who do have 3 or more, or are planning on 3 or more, take BOTH the emotional AND the financial aspects into consideration and start saving $$ now! :)

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A.R.

answers from San Francisco on

L.,
We have three and I am thinking of number four. We have all girls (hence thinking of number 4 for a boy). The oldest is 15 (she is my step daughter), then 12 and the last is 7. I am glad about the age difference I didn't want more than one in diapers. I think that you and your husband should do what feels right to you. I am the youngest of a total of 6 kids (two halves, two step and one 'full" all boys) I don't really think that the third was that much more work, though we do have to have a "big" car, (can't fit in a standard five seater) and I do have to pay more to get a large enough hotel room, usually a suite, but I wouldnt change a thing. Good luck
Amanda

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A.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L.,

Would you be able to provide the same things and attention you provided for the first 2? I am the oldest of three and I remember all through my childhood wishing that I was an only child. Not because I didn't like my brothers (much on the opposite, we are very close) but mostly because my friends of "smaller families" could afford much more then we could. For instance, summer camps, swimming classes and so on were not an option for us.

That being said, I am going through the same dilemma now and I'm not sure if I'll be happy with "just" 2 kids.

Good luck on your decision!

A.

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K.W.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi L.,

First of all, this topic isn't crazy to post. In fact, it's a very real one that I believe every parent thinks about endlessly. It's a huge decision. We have 2 kids (ages 4 and 2.5). I just wanted to pass on some advice I received from a total stranger, who was also a grandmother to three kids. She simply said, "You have to know your limits" referring to deciding to have more children. I thought that was really logical and practical. If you want to provide all you can and make sure they are in a happy family, you need to know your limits. Part of that means that you are happy and not so crazed with so many kids that you can't provide your children with a happy and stable upbringing. I hope this advice helps, it did for me. Good luck! - Kim

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K.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L., As pretty much everyone else has said this decision can only be made by you and your husband as it is such a personal choice. It may not always as simple as 'you know you do' or 'you know you dont' want other but I have found that in many situations that DOUBT MEANS NO. I beleive that if we have to question something this much that maybe it isnt the right thing for us and we should listen to that inner voice. It sounds like you and your husband are both struggling with this decision so maybe it isn't the right thing to do. If you think 3 might push you over the edge maybe that is anohter sign that having another isnt what is best because as you know **IF MAMA ISNT HAPPY;NO ONE IS HAPPY**. Good luck to you!!

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi L.,

My suggestion is to go with your gut feeling. If you and your husband strongly feel that you should have another child and your physical,emotional and financial circumstances support that decision, go for it!But keep your self open to all options. I don't know how you feel about adoption, but it is an excellent option. Good luck to you and your family!

Molly

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J.K.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello L.,

As many others have said, only you and your husband can make the right decision on how many children you decide to have.
I had three children and though life is more expensive with three and the lifestyle is different with three, I would not have wanted it any other way.
Unfortunately our youngest daughter passed away at the age of 25. She left behind a 4 1/2 month old son that I am now raising. Not only am I extremely blessed that I am able to raise my grandson, but also I am extremely grateful for is that my two remaining children still have each other to share memories with of their youngest sister.
I guess what I am trying to say is with making a decision on having a third child or not, do not only look at the present but look also at the future, when they are adults.

J.

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J.S.

answers from Stockton on

How old are your other two? I think honestly it depends on the age gap quite a bit on how easy it is. We have 3 boys but our older one is almost 16 and the other two are 6 and 8. The older one helps a lot with the younger two, and if we want a night out without kids it's easy because I can just hire my oldest to watch his brothers.

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A.P.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi L.,
I am so busy with my 3, I almost didn't read this email. I have a 6 yo daughter, 3 yo son and an 18 mo daughter. It is such a blessing to have kids. My son loves his baby sister and to see the two of them show love, compassion and sweetness is priceless! I think kids are a gift to you and to their siblings. They will help each other to get along with other people in general but they also help mold each other. You are right when you say there is nothing like this kind of love. My 18 mo brings a new dimension to our family that is awesome. She gets her sisters old clothes (which I kept), I breastfed so we didn't need formula and I still have a lot of the others toys. I think our society puts too much pressure to "buy" our kids everything. All they really need is love.

God bless you and your family!

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B.C.

answers from Sacramento on

Having 3 is great! It brings a whole new look to parenthood, you are now outnumbered! What a way to be outnumbered though! They are fabulous! For my daughter it gave her a sister she adores, and now that they are a little older, their relationship is priceless. My son is overwhelmed at times with the female influence in his life, he is however the best big brother in the world to his two sisters! I say if you are considering it...GO FOR IT! Yes, it is another mouth, another pair of shoes, and so on, but such as life...you'd spend it elsewhere anyway! I can't think of anything more rewarding than being a mom of 3!!! Good luck to you! God Bless!

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L.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I had three and love them all! I wish I could have had one more, though. Its hard sometimes when you go places like amusement parks or on vacation. Most rides are for 2, and most hotel/motel rooms are for 4 which means you have to get a suite at most places or two rooms. Since we have one boy and two girls we usually let our son bring a friend, but then the girls think we like him better. Two usually gang up on one. You rarely have a moment to yourself. Someone always need something. Its definitely more work. Rides in the car were hard when they were young. I got a van with bucket seats so they wouldn't touch one another, however, they would choke the one in front of them with the seatbelt. (It might just be my kids, though.) Its too crowded to have a car. Someone always wants a friend to come, so you need a larger vehicle. Its very rewarding, though. For me my middle child ALWAYS has to come with me. Oh- then there is the middle child syndrome thing. They think they don't get enough attention or you like the older or younger one better. Chances are with three you will get to have more grandchildren someday. Make a list and weigh the pros and cons. My son wanted a little brother really bad -thats one of the reasons I had a third. He ended up with two sisters which did not make him happy. Ask your other children how they would feel about another sibling. Good luck!

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M.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Only you know the answer. However, 3 is a big change. Bigger car, third airplane ticket etc. . . when my hubby & I decided we really weighed the impact it would have on current children, too. Also, really depends on your lifestyle - if you are a homebody who adores doing kid things or whether you are really looking forward to adult activities soon. Big decision - good luck!

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D.Z.

answers from Yuba City on

I had 3, then got pregnant with twins. It is crazy, stressful and insane at times. And worth every bit. My children are 11, 4, 2 & 4 months(twins). I'm 38.

I'd always opt for the bigger family. And never expected to have one. We are a rare breed, but when your kids are older, they'll always have each other. My family thinks we're crazy, but who cares. My kids are always fed & clothed and very, very loved.

I'm a stay at home mom and it isn't because we're 'lucky', we've forfeited things that don't matter in the long run. I hope you do, you'll never regret having the next baby, but you may regret not. So get that vacation in now, sister!

D.

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L.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Yes! Have 3! :)
Recently went through this ourselves... having baby number 3 really completed my heart! It was the best decision we've ever made. I cannot imagine what the reasons were on the con side... though yours sound vaguely familiar. ;) I wish we hadn't waited so long, to be honest. Follow your heart, not your fears! :)You'll be so glad you did!
L.

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