Last year, when my stepdaughter was six, her grandpa bought her the Butterscotch FurReal Friends Pony. It is a $300 mechanical pony that's 3 feet high and responds to your touch. It munches on a fake carrot and swings its head around. You can even sit on it and it makes galloping sounds.
My stepdaughter (see previous question!!) wasn't very interested in it. She played with it for about 10 minutes and then started slapping it around. She was disappointed it didn't actually walk around. Her grandpa thought maybe she was just too old for it, I think the recommended age is 3-5. We put the horse in the car and it went home. Since there wasn't room in the house we put it in her grandma's basement, where it sat for a whole year. She never asked about it.
This year (she is seven now) money is tight. I suggested we sell the horse on ebay since I see they're going for about $150 or so and use the money for Christmas gifts for her. She hadn't seen the horse for over a year and NEVER MENTIONED IT.
We brought it to our condo and stuck it up in the attic storage. Hubby forgot it was up there and she went up there one day with him and saw it. She hugged it and petted it and then went downstairs. She hasn't asked about it.
Now my hubby feels guilty about selling her toy. He thinks we should ask permission to sell her toy since it belongs to her. I agree that it belongs to her as it was a gift, but she has shown no interest in it for over a year and it's too big for her bedroom (because of the other toys she DOES play with) or anywhere in our condo.
I'm pretty sure if we ask her she's going to say "no, I want to keep it." I believe if you ask a child something, you'd better be prepared to accept their answer!
She really wants an electric guitar for Christmas. My plan was to sell the pony and use the money to buy her the guitar, something she's been talking about for months. She's excited about lessons. Otherwise we can't afford the guitar. If she asks about the pony we'll tell her the truth. "You didn't play with the pony, and also it's too young for you. So we sold it and got you the guitar you wanted."
What do you think? Is it wrong to sell her toy without her permission? (Her grandpa already told us to sell it on ebay and get her something she would play with so he's not an issue.) Or is it our job as parents to make a good decision about her stuff, and also find ways to work within our budget for her to have toys she loves and uses?
I appreciate all the different responses! It would be hard to tell her we are selling it to buy the guitar if we want the guitar to be a surprise. We are also thinking that if we tell her she is too old for the horse, she'll want to give it to her little half sister on her mom's side. Although we all get along for her sake, we know my husband's dad would not like to think his gift went to be enjoyed by her half-sister, and there are too many hard feelings about that issue for us to be that generous.
We have decided to reason with her and "guide" her to the right answer. This way she'll be OK with letting the horse go (so she won't be upset later on when she asks about it).
First we'll do a lesson on giving away toys she doesn't play with that she's too old for. We'll bring her up to the attic and see if she points out the horse right away. If she truly isn't interested in it, then she may decide to get rid of it herself. We're not going to talk about "selling" it because that to he would imply she'd get money. If she doesn't point out the horse, we'll ask her to think of how many times she played with it. Then we'll try to get her to see that it hasn't been much, and wouldn't it be great for another little girl who really wants a horse to have one? We can even point out that grandpa has a REAL horse she can ride like a "big girl."
If she talks about giving it to her little sister we're going to explain that her little sister is too young for the horse, and that her mom doesn't have room to hold on to it until she grows up, and neither do we.
We are also going to say that Santa will be VERY proud of her for letting her give the pony to someone else that really wants one, and he may bring her something extra this year. We'll involve her in the giving the horse if we sell it on Craigslist or the shipping of it if we sell it on ebay. Ebay has a local pickup option, although I saw that those didn't have any bids and that some people put the shipping at $50 and those had bids.
If she's really stuck on keeping the horse, well as some pointed out it is HER horse, and we'd have to explain that you can't have everything. At that point we'd tell her that she'd have to get rid of some of her other toys in her room to make room for the horse because we are not keeping it in the attic to gather dust. And we'll set a good example by getting rid of some of OUR stuff too. We might also explain that she would not have room for a guitar and an amp with the horse in the room.
We will do our best to "guide" her to the right answer. I think if we do it with love she'll be fine!
Thanks everyone!
She needs to be asked. It is a matter of trust. Explain to her if she sells the horse then she can pick out the guitar she wants.
Take care
J.
You could always keep her involved but ask a open question. For example, Spunky we are going to sell the pony to pay for the guitar or possible lessons do you want to sell it on ebay or try the newspaper. Or Spunky we are going to sell the pony would you like the money to go towards a guitar, guitar lessons or (one other option that she really wanted) Then both of you win, she feels like she was part of the decision making process and you are able to recoup some of the money for a large item that is doing nothing but collecting dust. Hope this helps!
Sell it and if she asks, it went to a farm... Buy her what she'll really like and she'll forget all about it. DON'T FEEL GUILTY! I'm ready to sell some stuff that never gets played with either. Happy Holidays!
I purge my children's toys whenever I WANT to. Not after they give me permission. If I kept everything... do you know what my house would look like?
If you need the money and since she doesn't use it, I say get rid of it. That said. I would seek out other avenues of selling it because the shipping is going to be terrible on such a large item and perhaps a hassle. (I have never sold through ebay though)
Good Luck!
Believe me, as she continues to get older you will buy many things you think she will love but she will not. Go ahead and sell it and buy something else. My daughter is now a teen. When a buy her clothes, we have a rule. If she doesn't absolutely love something, we go back to the store within the week to exchange it otherwise it will get stuffed in the back of her closet. We can't keep everything in the house.
If you don't think she'd be devastated, then I think you should go ahead with your plan to sell it and tell her you bought her the guitar with the money. I don't think you need to have her permission. Like you said, she would say no even though she never plays with it or asks for it. My 6 year-old daughter also has Butterscotch. My parents bought it for her last Christmas as well. It sits in her already crowded room, and serves as a dust collecter. If we could, we would move it into storage then eventually get rid of it, but since it's in her room and she sees it every day, she would be too upset. It just irks me because I knew this would happen, but she was soooooo in love with it when it was at Target. She would hang on it, and cry for it, so of course my parents just had to get it for her....and yep, there it sits hardly ever played with.
I say "out of sight, out of mind"...sell the toy, use it for "things" that are either needs or wants for your child. If she's not appreciating it as the toy she currently has and has not played with it in over a year, then she clearly won't miss it. I think it's a good theoretical issue that you want to give your child input, but at this time of year, you can sell the pony and give her the guitar she really wants (and hopefully will utilize!)
Are you kidding? You feed this child, give her a roof over her head? YES SELL IT! It will sit there and collect dust and never be used. Once it is given as a gift it should be enjoyed, it's not being used or enjoyed. I say get some well earned money for yourself. I know you will probably use it for food or other bills, but that's money sitting there and staring you in the face. It's not like it's your wedding ring. . .
If it were me I'd sell the pony. If she protests then tell her that you want to give the pony to someone who will play with it. She will be giving an other child an opportunity to have a really nice toy to play with.
I dont always ask my kids if I could sell their toys and I do.. I think you and your hubby should be in agreement to sell it seeing as she is your step daughter. I think your idea is great though.
I think you've come to a reasonable decision. Just the two cents of another parent, I say sell it.
Something else to consider is that this toy is an electronic one and will not last forever-- it's not like a regular doll or a heirloom rocking horse she may pass on to her kids 20 years from now. If she hasn't played with it, and Grandpa is cool with selling it, I would sell it.
Nicole - if you sell her toy without her knowing at some point she is going to feel betrayed.
With my 5 yr old, once / month or so I let her know there is no more space for new toys - she gets to choose a toy to give away to another little girl who has no toys (Amvets picks up once/month from my house). She gives these toys a 'kiss' goodbye and then we talk about what new thing we can get to fill up the space. Maybe you can work with something like that idea?
good luck to you.
I would sell it while its a hot item ,she probably wont even ask about it again.
I say sell it! My first concern would be grandpa's response, but if you've already gotten his blessings to sell and get her something she'd play with, then I don't see an issue with it at all. She may remember it one day and wonder where it went, but you are getting her something she WANTS instead and I think that is going to far outweigh the loss of some toy that spends most of it's time dusty and forgotten. The toy inevitably goes to some other child who will (hopefully) enjoy it, and she gets something fun too. Win-win in my book. Until they reach a certain age - we're the adults and make the decisions for our children. It's our job and what they need for us to be doing. I don't think asking her would benefit anyone in the end. You already know what it is she needs, and what will be best for her overall.
Have happy holidays!
I agree with those who say...SELL IT. It is one thing if she loves this toy and plays with it ofetn, but she doesn't...she doesn't even ask about it. I agree with others who also said 1.) If we keep every single thing our children get we would need wharehouses & 2.) If you ask her answer will be yes...keep it.
My opinion is to sell it with no regrets or 2nd thoughts.
I am sort of in the middle of some of these responses. I would never just up and sell a toy that my child was into or had been into, because it is his or hers. However, once it has sat in basement or garage or wherever for a year (!)and especially if they never liked it, it becomes household clutter to be gotten rid of. So I would sell it, you can tell her about it but I wouldn't "ask". If it was in her room it would be different. And don't spoil the surprise about the guitar.
I think it is wrong to sell a gift that was given to her by her grandpa without her permission. I would explain to her that you could sell it and get an electric guitar. If she is unwilling to sell it, that is her choice. If she gets no electric guitar this year because money is tight, so be it. Life is full of hard decisions. It just isn't right for you to sell something that is hers because you need money, albeit for her new gifts. Money is tight all over. Maybe the electric guitar comes next year, or for her birthday. Or, maybe she will surprise you and see the logic in your thinking. Good luck! : )
I say sell it & get the guitar which she will (hopefully) enjoy & use. It would be a different story if she had ever actually played with the pony or if had once been a beloved toy. Good luck!
Sell it so she has Christmas. I already told my son no Christmas this year because of money. I have gotten ride of toys lately because they are broken or never touched. I have given some away. He has not noticed. Being wise and sensible is hard when it comes to children.
I say go right ahead a get her something she actually wants and might use! I wish we had something like that right now money is tight and being able to sell something would really go a long way. Plus I would doubt that she would be upset after receiving the guitar.
Sell it without asking her...if she ever asks if you know where it is or what happened to it tell her "I'm not quite sure". You won't be lying.
Happy parenting!
Sell the toy- money is tight..she won't even miss it. It is not like you are selling her most prized toys. I would never do that...I plan on selling my son's stuff after we are dpne having kids and using the money for a family outing.
sounds like it's not her type of toy, sell it without consulting her since she has no interest in it and get her a toy that she will want.
Try Craigslist first as you don't want to have to ship that kind of HUGE toy!!
N.
In my opinion, explain it to her and give her the choice, sell the pony & get a guitar OR keep the pony and save your $$ for the guitar. You may be surprised! Good luck.
I just sold the Webkinz Magical Retriever on ebay because I have three kids and only one card. They all wanted it but I was able to talk them in to letting it go for something they really wanted. They don't even play webkinz anymore. My 5 year old was able to accept this with some talking and was happy when it sold for $175.
Hi, Nicole! I read most of the posts, and I agree with Amy W. - your daughter is old enough that I would recommend talking with her about selling the horse. Perhaps point out that it would make some other child very happy...and let her know that maybe you (or Santa?) could bring her something she would really like this year once the horse is sold. No need to specify that it's the guitar she has been wanting - it can still be a surprise.
Good luck, and happy holidays!
N.
You're right, if you ask she'll say no...sell it!
Hi Nicole. :) You have received quite a few responses. My parents got rid of a doll that I loved without talking with me and I still remember it. One idea you could do is to tell her you are "cleaning house" and selling/giving away items that everyone doesn't use anymore, including the pony. That way, it won't appear as though you are only selling her toy. I agree that getting Grandpa's blessing is a good idea and that not selling behind your daughter's back is also very smart. I think getting rid of it without her knowing is not showing her respect or giving her credit that she can handle it. I would keep the guitar purchase a secret. Happy holidays. :) K.
I may be of the opposite opinion of everyone else, but I think that you should ask...or maybe suggest would be a better word...to sell the horse. Based on her response when she saw the horse in the attic, "she hugged it and petted it and then went downstairs," I'm thinking she'd probably be okay with selling it. I like the idea of telling her that she'd be doing a great thing by selling it so some other little girl could have a fun time with the horse.
Sell it....and get her what she wants for Christmas! If she ever asks about it just be vague and say you do not have it anymore.
Without a doubt sell it and only if she asks then tell her you sold it. I would not tell her you sold it to be able to purchase a guitar but instead that you wanted to make another child happy who would love to have the horse to play with and otherwise would not be able to. It will make her feel like she was charitable!
Also, consider trying to sell it on Craigs List this way you do not have to deal with shipping or anything like that and you can always meet at a neutral place if you are uneasy about it. Make sure you only take cash then for payment though!!!
Goodluck with this! Many blessings to you and yours!
If she hasn't shown interest in it, even after seeing it again in your attic storage, then she probably won't miss it. But you know your daughter better than anyone. Is she the type that would be upset if she found out you sold it without her knowledge? If so, then it's probably not a good idea. If you don't think she would be upset, though, then sell it. If she does ask about it later, I wouldn't suggest that you tell her you sold it to get her a guitar. Then it almost sounds like she had to choose between the two, without actually being given the choice. I would just tell her that it was big and you didn't have room to store it, and since she never played with it you gave it away.
If you decide to sell it, good luck! I hope you get a great price for it.
Honestly, and I hope I don't sound nasty by saying this, but sell the pony! If your daughter has never really showed an intrest in it then sell it and use the money for something she will play with. I'm sure some child would love to have it and perhaps their parents couldn't afford a new one but could afford yours.
You are right about if you ask her she certainly will say she wants to keep it, kids are just like that. They don't think about whether or not it's being played with or not, only that it belongs to them. I'm sure deep down she really wouldn't care.
Parents need to make those decisions on their own, not that you don't value her input but she isn't able to make adult-type decisions yet. Best of luck!
I 53 and still feel disappointed that my mother got rid of my favorite doll without asking me...
I agree with Amy H, I didn't read much before hers.
I think there is something about asking permission when you already have the right idea. I think it's a nice gesture and would teach good behavior to her, but what if she wants to keep it. Either way you go, it is your choice. It would teach her to let things go, if you convince her to sell it. I think I would just ask her if she's ready to let it go, and wait for something new. She doesn't need to know you are selling it, or that finances are any issue.
And lastly, please try Craigslist.com first. It's free, and you can find a local buyer who can come pick it up. No ebay fees, no shipping hassles.
I would suggest that you tell (not ask) her you are going to sell it and that you will use the money to buy her something she wants (it's up to you whether you tell her what that is). I say this because, in my experience, 99 times out of 100, if you ask a child if you can get rid of a toy they say they want it. I absolutely would not sell it without telling her.
I agree with selling the horse but not with using that money to buy her another gift. Doesn't she have a savings account that money could be put in?
I totally agree with you. Sell it on ebay and get her the guitar she will enjoy more. She is seven and unable to make adult decisions. It is your obligation to make the right choice for her and that would be to sell the ignored toy and get her the guitar. It is a known fact that children who play a musical instrument do better in school. It would be different if you were selling something that is in her room, like her bed. I would discuss that with my children, but I do not discuss selling old clothes or toys. Good luck!
Well you have already answered your own question, do the responsible thing and make the decision that will benefit both your daughter and you and your husband. Ypu have already cleared the air by consulting grandpop the one who bought it and he does not mind so go on and purchase something she will enjoy. Why store it? and allow it to collect dust and depreciate. You know what is best and with a slumping economy I am sure the extra cash for her Christmas gifts will come in handy.
I would ask her permission... maybe just word it in a way that might work better... "What would you rather play with, your pony or a shiny new guitar?" And let her know she can't have both.
Good luck!
H.
Sell it-if she was attached toy it would be a different story. But, she is not. IF I kept all the toys that my kids had since they were babies, I would need a warehouse. Buy her something which she wants and will use.
SELL IT! Who is running this show, you or her? THis isn't her favorite toy or her "blankee." This is a toy she never played with before and isn't playing with now. She'll never miss it, but if you give her the control now, you're teaching her a lesson you can never undo.
Honestly, if she doesn't play with it, why keep it. I would sell it on ebay so you can get her something she will play with. If you ask your child about every toy they have, most likely you won't get rid of anything because they want to keep everything. Good luck
Yes, by all means, sell it!
I say SELL THE PONY and get the guitar! My co-worker says to ask your stepdaughter and let her decide. Explain to her if you want a guitar, we need to sell the pony. This way, she will learn to appreciate what she has. You could also say that it could make another little girl very happy for the holidays. She is 7, so her answer might surprise you.
If you do decide to sell it, check out Craig's list - it's like Ebay but for local people so there's no shipping. That would be pricey on such a big item.
Good luck and let us know how it goes! :)
i'd sell the toy myself. it's big, it's seen almost no attention and certainly very little love for a year, and i see no problem with making the decision yourself/selves that the money you could get selling it would be better used on something she would hopefully enjoy and use a lot more. you're right -- if you ask her you will probably get a knee-jerk response that she wants to keep it, even though it obviously isn't something she has interest in. better to just bypass that mess and do what you feel is best.
I would either sell it on ebay or I would ask her if she would like it sold so that she can get the guitar. I think it is likely that if her choice is the real choice guitar versus pony, she will choose what she wants - the guitar.
Sorry that I'm late to respond, but I think it's ok to sell it. Take a picture of her with it so she can remember it and then explain to her that she will get something she really wants with the money from selling it. I do this with things that my kids are not wanting to give up, but haven't played with and it has worked so far. (they are 6 and 4)
Good Luck,
A.
