Sibling Fighting - Hamilton,OH

All good advice here, I'd just like to add a quick comment about an immediate solution. When my kids(grown now) didn't get along, I would make them stand nose to nose for a few minutes. This always started out with anger and ended up with giggles. The same with sitting on the couch holding hands. It really diffuses the situation quickly, and I don't have to scold or punish, plus they don't walk away angry.

I hink it's really important that you try to get them into activities for themselves. I do not have a close relationship with my sister to this day (and I'm 38). We fought all the time and my mom MADE me play with her constantly. She was 2 years younger than me and I had to drag her everywhere I went. I hated it!!!!!!

If you can get them EACH into a SEPARATE activity that is "just for them" maybe it will eliminate that feeling your older kid has of not having anything for just himself (yes, I'm projecting my feelings!!!!!). But don't make all of them do the same activity either - just cuz it's easier for you to go only one place. That defeats the purpose.

Boys are boys too - so I'm not sure specifically what he will do with his brother that he won't do with his sister, but sometimes it may be that it's because it's a brother thing (I have 3 of those too and he doesn't want to do things with a girl!!!!!).

I would say when they are mean, it's time to separate them and they play by themselves. Explain to your daughter that "timmy" doesn't have to play with her ALL the time and allow your son to say no occassionally and have it be ok. By then turning around and playing with your son I would say he is making a statement on wanting to have a say in who he plays with instead of being forced to play with his sister. I would also tell your son that sometimes we need to play with our siblings!

Some siblings just fight amongst themselves more than others. To this day I'm desensitized to hair pulling because my sister and I pulled each others hair out over one thing or another for years. If my sister and I weren't living in different states, we'd still be fighting and we're 48 and 46 years old. A reward system for when they are nice to each other might help, but if it comes down to constant bickering - divide and conquer. Have them play by themselves in different rooms/areas. If they can't play together nicely, then they don't play together at all.

Hi K.,

I would first start out by rewarding the good behavior rather than focusing on the bad. It is so easy to do just the opposite I understand.
I have some bored games that we play with our 7 year old son and 6 year old daughter,. They are cooperative games where everyone wins but you have to work together to complete the game.
What we have done is when the 7 year old wont play with the 6 year old and it becomes a problem, we all sit down and play the game together and talk about being nice and inculding others.

Good luck!

I've known several young families who swear by the book Siblings Without Rivalries by Faber and Mazlish. I haven't read that one myself, but have used and been extremely impressed with the results of another of their books, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. (You can read part of this really practical guide to communicating with your kids here: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081...

Practical, workable, and while it teaches you how to outline your expectations clearly, it will help you put "punishment" into the seldom-needed category.

I have almost the same situation in my house! almost 7 year old boy, 5 year old girl and 3 year old boy. I really don't punish them for not playing together, after all it is their choice who they want to play with. My daughter is often left out and complains that "she wants a sister". The only time her older brother will play with her is if they are doing "boy" things. When they do play nice together I do let them do special things (like have a tea party in her room with juice and snacks rather than just pretend).

I organize things they can play together (like making tents out of boxes or playing outside together, dressing up in costumes and playing super heros), but my oldest usually quits first- he really just likes to play alone.

You could also try to get her to play with her younger brother more- my daughter and youngest son do a lot together-she reads to him, plays "puppy" or "mommy/baby". Right now they are playing together in her room while my oldest is playing the Wii by himself.

Looks like it might be "little boy" vs "little girl" issue. There isn't much you can do to change the underline "boy vs girl", but you can try to curb it because they are family.

I would try a chart, gold stars for being kind to each other, if at the end of the week the gold stars out number the days without they get a special treat. If the days without out number they have to do something kind for each other. Maybe something like they make each other's beds or if one has more stars then the other the star winner gets to pick something to play and the other has to play with them. Re-enforce the fact they are family and they should take care of each other.

Good luck.

Oh I feel your pain!!!! I have heard that about a two year split, with the girl being the youngest is the worst situation for siblings fighting. My son will be 8 this Sunday and my daughter will turn 6 in July (25 months apart). If they are fighting over some "thing" then the "thing" goes away - I take it for the rest of the day and sometimes that means I unplug the TV for the rest of the day - at least the one in the toy room. My situation other times is that my son does something more sneaky or quietly to irritate his sister then she yells at him, he denies the behavior, and so on and so on. (I'm sure you're familar with this one). I have relized that sometimes they just need a break from each other and I separate them. Either they both get sent to their rooms or one goes to their room (if I know which one started it) and the other plays by themselves downstairs. Sometimes after being separated for awhile they will actually start asking to play with each other again - like they miss each other. As far as a reward for good behavior, well, I have always told my kids that unless they can behave we can't go do fun things ex. park, rent movies, out for ice cream whatever. I let them know that when they are fighting, it causes tension in the entire home, puts mommy in a bad mood - and then nobody has any fun. If it's Sat morning and they are already starting it, I tell them "Don't ruin your Sat with bad choices this morning already".