Silly Dispute but Which Was More Urgent?

You are, but you are also right about it being a passive aggressive thing. It is not at all about he thought needed to be done, but totally about wanting to show you that you don't control him. My hubby does this sometimes and it drives me insane--which I think only causes him to be more entrenched the next time. If you don't show how annoyed you are by it, he might not be so ready to dig his heels in. Men are such babies sometimes! (And I do not normally demean men, but the fact is, they just can be!) ;-)

You are because if he has all that free time he should help out. Also will one of you anwser my question

You are clearly. But I remember Dr. Phil always saying "do you want to be right or happy?" I think of that sometimes when I'm going through a situation like this. Maybe he feels like his mom is telling him what to do and he has to make sure everyone is aware that he is not a child and can do what he wants. An ego thing. You're right but I'd let it go. Being accepting, cheerful and loving goes a looooooooong way! Not that you aren't but sometimes our frustration shows too much. Try to push it aside. I wish you the best. Hang in there!!

I'd go w/you.. The turn signal is an important part of how we signal our intentions to other drivers and avoid accidents. I don't think many people even know what you are doing when you try to signal by sticking your arm out the window. I honestly don't even know which means left or right, arm straight or bent? I think good transportation and a full tank are more important that the yard.

My husband drains my tank ALL THE TIME. I'm like 'fine, YOU take 3 kids to the gas station with you!!'... grrr. I think filling the gas tank is the higher priority, BUT... his 'manhood' is at stake with the yard. If he's unemployed and needs a self esteem boost, wave your little white flag and let him mow the lawn if that will make him happy.

This arguement, as an outsider, is a tie. You guys need to compromise.

agree with the rest - get the car you are using fixed!!!!!!

You are,so annoying when hubby doesn't fill the tank and fix the car.

fixing the turn signal and putting gas in the car...if the turn signal is broken - a cop CAN AND WILL pull you over for it - then you get a ticket - which costs money and could make your insurance rates go up and just create a whole 'nother ball of wax!!

lawn - nope...low on the totem pole - even if people were going to come over...my families safety trumps all other stuff

you are......
it would be just my luck to get pulled over for not using my blinker because it was broke LOL

You're right.
There is a saying - "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
This is obviously a bigger issue with you two than just this isolated incident. It rubs me the wrong way that you "had" him do the dishes. Sounds like he's not pulling his weight, but be careful not to act like his mother.

Having a broken turn signal on your car is illegal if that car is going to be on the road. Since he drove that car yesterday, it's imperative that he get the turn signal fixed immediately or risk getting pulled over and fined and it sounds like you guys can't really afford such a stupid ticket right now.

It sounds like what's going on is that he knows exactly what the priorities are right now, but being out of work he's doing things when and how HE wants to. He has no control over anything about having lost his job or someone hiring him, he's not bringing in money (where men tie up a lot of their identities)... and then he probably has you with expectations of finding a job and being critical (rightly so) about not finding one; being critical of what he's doing around the house and how he's doing it since he's the one who's home. Is it possible that you're coming across to him like you're telling him what to do rather than working together?

When it comes to certain things around the house, my husband and I make up a To Do List. We put a "To Be Done By __/__/11 date on it. As long as everything on that list is done by a certain date by one of us, we're good. Some things he has to do, some of them fall to me. The same thing happens with household chores but in more of a chart. There are chores that have to be done within each day but there's some leeway as to when those chores can be completed and they don't have to be done in an exact specific order. That's the problem with my husband. He criticizes my housekeeping because I don't do chores and errands on his timetable or in the order he would do them EVEN THOUGH I do my share of chores and many of his. He does have trouble prioritizing what SHOULD be done first and will often do what's easiest first, and maybe that's what your husband is doing.

I think you are but I also think you should set him down and lay it all out there. Having a non working turn signal (which I am having issues with myself it keeps messing up my husband has fixed it now about 7 times in the last few weeks) is very dangerous plus you could get a ticket and if you run out of gas that too would not be a good situation for you to be in. Just tell him you need him to help especially with the things you feel are important. Good Luck and good job standing your ground.

My hubby did this just the other day.

Usually at my house we split it. If I cook (yeah right!), hubby does dishes. If hubby cooks, I do dishes. Last night my 10y brought his dish to the sink and then turned to head to the living room. I said Hey C, (he stops and turns) this is something you can do/learn. pick up the plate, wash it off and put it in the dishwasher for me .... oh sorry Mom, I was just headed to the bathroom! ... and he turns in the other direction from where he WAS going. He stayed in the bathroom until 5m after I had finished the dishes ... grumble grumble!

Sometimes when he drains the tank he does it on purpose because his bank account is low and he knows that I'll fill it up using my account. However, just last night he borrowed my car, he had the kids and his trucks A/C is out. He didn't have time to fill the car up, but left me a 'sorry' note and $10.

Look at it from another point-of-view. If you were the one home more often, would YOU do more? When someone told you to do something, would YOU find other things to do first? I've been there done that. I hate being told to do a chore by my hubby. My usually response "when I get to it".

Also keep in mind, that if you are the main breadwinner right now, he may be going through a bit of a depression. Happened at my house. It got to the point where I MADE hubby get out of bed, take a shower and feed the kids breakfast while I got ready and then took them to daycare.

M.

I didn't see 8kidsdad's response - it must have gotten pulled - but Kelsey's mom, how does your reply help P.? I can see why you're frustrated that your husband gets to sleep in and go test drive new cars but can't find time to fill the gas tank or fix the turn signal. Somehow it's all your fault and responsibility because you don't get up earlier in the morning? Why can't he get up too?... You said many times he leaves the gas tank empty and that's selfish. And it sounds like it's not even a matter of you getting up earlier vs not being able to predict when your kids get up to slow you down. I have a similar issue. I would be annoyed if I were you. It sounds like you're doing more and while you don't want to boss your husband around or be his mother, that advice doesn't help you make things more equitable. Hopefully a counselor can help. To answer your question - I think you're right. I agree that being right doesn't make you happy but doing everything while your husband lies in bed and test drives cars wouldn't make me happy either. If he's not really working and you're working full time, why is he thinking about a new car anyway? Doesn't seem like the time to spend a lot of money unless you really need one.

A blinker not functioning is the higher priority. That can be dangerous.

I noticed a lot of the responders mentioned similar issues with the gas tank issue. Not sure exactly what your parking set up is, but in our house, he has a car and I have a car. Sure, occasionally I will drive his for some reason or he will drive mine (usually only if we are ALL going somewhere as a family, so I am in the car also). But I am responsible for "mine" and he is for "his". I am a lot less tolerant of having a low fuel gauge than my husband is, so I keep it where I am happy and don't let it run below that. On the rare occasion that we are returning home from something and the gas tank is getting on the "low side", I will mention it to hubby at some point during our outing and we will stop before we get home to fill up.

I would go insane if I never knew which vehicle I would be driving the next day. I keep "my stuff" (sunglasses, gum, phone charger, etc) in "my" car, and hubby keeps "his stuff" (sunglasses, ID badge for work, gum, phone charger, ball cap, golf stuff, CDs, etc) in "his" car. Our kids always ride with me--that's part of my "job" to ferry them around to all their stuff---- so they keep their "stuff" (karate gear, car charger for DS's, tissues for son with allergies, sunglasses, karate gear, etc), in "my" car, too.

I also check the garage/driveway before I go to bed (when I take the dog out) to make sure nothing is blocking getting out the next morning....

Does it make you feel good to think you were "right"? I agree with 8kidsdad.

;()) You both are. You can actually receive a ticket for the turn signal thing so it needs to be fixed. The gas it would have been "nice" of him to think about filling it up for you so that you wouldn't have to do it the following morning however is it his fault that you are running behind as well?? I always try my very best to get up 15 minutes more than what it actually takes me to get ready because you just never know.
Yes, he should have been the nice husband and fill it up on his way home and fixed the car knowing that a ticket could be headed your way but in a man's mind he probably thought Oh well she can just take the other car-and not knowing that this morning it would be blocked in. Just saying.......lol!

The turn signal should be done before mowing the lawn.

The rest seems like you are trying to pick a fight. I too get annoyed about filling up the car, which always seems to fall on times when I need to drive to work or late for swim lessons. I ONCE mentioned something to hubby 'hey can you at least let me know if the gas light is on so I can leave a little earlier for work so I am not late.' Sometimes it happens, sometimes not... I just always leave 10 extra mins when I know the gas tank is starting to get low or I fill up before the light comes on when I have free time (but that has not happened since before a kid).

My hubby is extermly picky about the lawn and mows it twice a week if it has rained or once a week if no rain, then feed/weeds it because he hates the handful of weeds in the grass. It is his pride and joy, I do not mess with it. Maybe he was using it as an excuse but maybe he finds it more manly to do the lawn instead of the dishes.

I would have a heart to heart with your hubby. NICELY let him know how you feel and what you would like from him and what you will also do. Lastly stop with the whos right, that will tare a marriage apart. Express why you think something is important and the two of you need to work as a team on the same page.

Do what I do. Stop and get it fixed if hubby won't do it. When he complains, remind him that you asked him over & over to do it, and he HAD to mow the lawn instead. No point in arguing about it. What do you win if you're right?