Single Moms -- How Much Kid-free Time Do You Get?

When I was a single mom of the girls, my only kid free time was when I was working (6pm-1am at a pharmacy). I was single and didn't go out for almost 3 years. Then I DID go out, and met my now-husband ;) If I had the money for a sitter and the money to go out, I probably would have... but single mom, 2 kids, 2 jobs, PLUS college... yeah, no kid free time for me unless I was working! And this was when I was 21- almost 24, an age where most girls are out drinking, playing, and partying hard. It didn't bother me... I was too busy being RESPONSIBLE! ;)

I mostly did things when I didn't have my kids. Sometimes if it was a special event I would have the older kids watch the younger ones. (there is a nine year difference between my older and younger two)

I was also in school full time while working full time so that ate into a lot of my kid time. Still it was important to me that I have a life outside my kids. Without mental stability I would be useless to my children, ya know?

When I was single I only made plans on the night/day my kids were gone. And GOD forbid someone come knocking on my door the days my kids were home. I never spoke to them again. My time with my kids was more important than time with a man. I also NEVER introduced anyone I was casually dating to my kids.
BUT I have come to realize that we are the minority in this kind of thinking. I see so many women out there so desparate for a man that they NEVER consider their kids feelings. They bring every single person that they see around their child. Only to have the people stop coming around and leaving the kids to think WTH!
My kids are older now and have said to me how they see their friends being left alone so the moms can go out to party. They don't understand how a mom can leave a kid so many nights and weekends and expect other people to raise them!! The kids know!!
All you can do is pray that O. day she will come around and realize that she is missing out on some important time here. They are only small for a short period your partying can wait!!!
Good luck!!
D.

I'm an only parent. There is no O. coming to give me a break.

My kids come with me for just about everything... groceries, doctors, errands galore. There really isn't "me" time, unless I wake up early & drink my coffee in peace. I'm ok with that. Some people aren't.

Thankfully, I have wonderful family & friends that will help me out and let me go off for a pedicure by myself. My parents will graciously keep the kids overnight for me.

My children are my responsibility, no O. elses. It is a taxing, tiresome responsibility, but O. I would not trade for anything in the world.

too much kid free time...I miss seeing her every day=(
My ex has her O. weeknight and half the weekend...we do O. person has her fri-sat night and O. person has her sat night-sunday night so I can see her more...but thiis weekend will be my 1st weekend away from her (now I feel bad after your post) for the whole weekend with my bf---we'll be camping fri-sun and I'll have her sun mid afternoon and I'm taking off monday so I get extra time with her. I work full time...and working full time stinks! By the time I get her its almost bedtime and I'm worn out...even though i make sure to do stuff every night like basebball or the park or mall with her or walk around, if i stay home i'm more inclined to be sleepy and let her play with her cousin and then i feel like i get no quality time with her, so every night we do something...for the most part w both plan around our time with her...but if something comes up we're fine with switching days so we don't miss time with her and still get to do our activity.

Wow, you sound a bit harsh and judgemental towards her. I say IF she could spend more time with her son and doesn't, and IF she truely prefers to do so, there's a good chance she would not be happy to be on baby duty *all the time* as most of us are (and like to be, in our case), so, in the end, she's a better mom for this (paradoxally). Truth is every woman is a different kind of mother and honestly not all of us are cut for the job (how sad). BUT in the end we don't really know what goes on in other mother's life, heads, hearts, and, being a single mother myself, I can tell you it is indeed hard to find a good balance. Possible, yes, but hard. I think you two have different priorities when it comes to mamahood, so I understand why you feel the way you do. Important,though, is that she doesnt neglect the child!!

Your relative needs to grow up and be responsible. Too many parents don't get the opportunity to spend as much time with their kids as they want because they are too busy trying to provide for them. My hubby gets his kid free time twice a week with softball and on his drives to and from work (4 hours each day.) My kid free time is at work, I go out with my friends once every few months, and my hubby and I get out alone twice a year. We need to work on some of those, but I do see that a lot of single parents who have the other parent still involved in the child's life get a lot of free time. None of the mom's I know pawn their kids off on anyone else when they have them though. Once you have kids, no matter how young you are, a mom needs to buckle down and be a mom.

Only if you count commute/work time! J/K! I'm raising my dgd and while I'm working FT that's about the only time she's away from me. There are a few times otherwise (like a funeral home visit for someone connected to work), but not often. I think I'm her security blanket - and that's ok for now!

I have two kids, work full time and help coach cheer-leading. My kids go with their dad once a week and then the first / third weekend. The only "kid free" time I get is when they are with their dad. Everything else can wait until I don't have them! If something random does come up like a concert or a work function I will get my ex to switch night with me vs. hiring someone to come and watch them. It is really important to me that they have O. parent that is around all the time!! I do go out on dates and out with friends, but I make sure and schedule them accordingly and if I cant then I just don't go.

I am a single mom of 3 boys and I have 1-2 hours between when I get out of work and when I pick them up from daycare/school to get things like shopping, laundry, cleaning and whatever else I need to do done. I look at those 1-2 hours as getting things out of the way so I can spend more time with them instead of time to myself. I will also send 1-2 kids very rarely all 3 to my moms house on a weekend day just so they can get out of the house. We live in an apartment and outside time is not good here so they get to play outside at her house on nice days. I have only had 2 kid free nights in the last 5 years.

My kids see their dad every Saturday and come home on Sunday. I typically don't plan things that don't involve them during the week. Only very occasionally do I plan something during the week just for me. I have been doing this a while and it really donned on me O. day how much I miss by not having lots of weekend time with them. There are many weekends that O. will stay home and we do something and I love it. My kids are older and 1 is already out of the house, so I know how quickly the time passes and how much I will regret the time lost. So for now, I try to spend as much time with them as I can.

From birth until about 3 years old - I was a single Parent with #1. Only kid free time I had was when I would go to work and school... never had any free time without my child. I had family watch her for when I was at school or work (and then at 7 months old, I got a job in which I was able to bring her WITH me daily - so even less kid free time) and didn't have money for a sitter otherwise.

My husband and I both have ex's so they have our kids every other weekend so we have every other weekend with NO KIDS. That's the only time we have all 3 of the kids together so we do every kid/family activity there is during those times! On the weekends we don't have the kids and its "our" time, we do fun things as a couple or errands or work on the house, etc. We have my 2 kids full time during the week but I only schedule nails, hair, doc appts all during the time I DON"T have the kids. So I guess your point is that your relative should spend more time with her son when she actually has him? Frankly she doesn't seem to be the "mom" type so thankfully other adults are around that are able and willing to take care of him. Ideally it should be the mom but you really can't worry about it. Good luck.

no kid free time for me...NONE, zilch, nada...oh wait...i do work FT outside the home from 8 to 4p....does that count, lol. i can't afford a sitter. but i do get to sit w/adults in church while in he's in the nursery (he's 2.5 yrs old). no parents to watch him. i wanna pull my hair out somedays - NO RESPITE EVER...but i know God will get me through & i CHERISH my time w/my sweet boy anyway.
oh! i do have some kid free time tomorrow while i go to a Love & Logic parenting class, yay. :) he's going to a drop-in daycare while i do that, don't wanna pay for the daycare but def looking fwd to the class!

I am a single mom of three who's father is completely out of the picture. My only kid-free time is about twice a year when my mom watches the kids for a couple of hours for me to do something for myself. She does watch the boys for a few hours every other month so that I can have some O.-on-O. time with my daughter. My kids come with me to work because I own an indoor playground, and we just play all day together. I do sometimes wish for some more "me" time, but I realize I am very blessed to be able to spend so much time with them.

My kid free time is when he goes to bed. I usually get 3-5 hours before I have to go to bed or he wakes up.
Now that Brian is back in Oliver's life, I get some time when I ask Brian to take O. Which is nice. We are now going to plan a sleepover sometime so that I can have a real girls night, not just a few hours randomly.
I want more time, but I used to hardly get any, so I was fine just with my night time freedom. Now he will be with me 24/7 so I will welcome a babysitter now and then :D But after I graduate, it's back to hardly seeing him :(

I don't get a lot of "kid free" time, but I'm also not twitchin for more. I have a demanding major in college full time and when I get home I honestly feel guilty leaving my daughter after being at school all day. So I guess that's where mine stems from. My parents are almost always happy to watch my little O. whenever I want. I think some people may think your judging her harshly (the single 31 yr old mom) but I do see that and it is pretty sad. I had a friend with 4 girls and she had her oldest watch the others (16, 10, 7, and 3) and she would ALWAYS go out. She wasn't a very good mom at home either, but the fact is she never thought being home with her kids was "fun". So I understand what your referring to when you describe her. It's sad.

When I first left me ex I went out a lot, I got new friends and needed to just cope my own way and it was a bit selfish but my daughter was safe with my parents. Looking back, wish I would've stayed home more.
Right now, I go out maybe every other weekend and occasionally I will go grocery shopping by myself. I'm actually canceling my gym membership b/c I don't go enough to justify the expense. I'm realistic in why I don't go to the gym, b/c my gym trips last 1 1/2 hrs and I can do it at home AND not feel guilty. So instead I'm buying the equipment here. I don't really date, but that's a personal choice. When I worked full time it was okay, but that's only because I worked from 4am to 12 or 1pm so I had the rest of the day. My mom used to watch her then b/c it was so early I didn't want to wake her up. If I want some me time I get it when she naps or goes to sleep. I guess I'm not "high maintenance" for lack of better terms, but it satisfies me. I enjoy my daughter in the time we have and sometimes she'll be chilling in the playroom and I get to do my thing (cleaning, internet, etc)

I haven't been on an overnight trip without my daughter in 2 years. My daughte

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I don't get a lot of "kid free" time. I have a demanding major in college full time and when I get home I honestly feel guilty leaving my daughter after being at school all day. So I guess that's where mine stems from. My parents are almost always happy to watch my little O. whenever I want. I think some people may think your judging her harshly (the single 31 yr old mom) but I do see that and it is pretty sad. I had a friend with 4 girls and she had her oldest watch the others (16, 10, 7, and 3) and she would ALWAYS go out. She wasn't a very good mom at home either, but the fact is she never thought being home with her kids was "fun". So I understand what your referring to when you describe her. It's sad.
When I first left me ex I went out a lot, I got new friends and needed to just cope my own way and it was a bit selfish but my daughter was safe with my parents. Looking back, wish I would've stayed home more.
Right now, I go out maybe every other weekend and occasionally I will go grocery shopping by myself. I'm actually canceling my gym membership b/c I don't go enough to justify the expense. I'm realistic in why I don't go to the gym, b/c my gym trips last 1 1/2 hrs and I can do it at home AND not feel guilty. So instead I'm buying the equipment here. I don't really date, but that's a personal choice. When I worked full time it was okay, but that's only because I worked from 4am to 12 or 1pm so I had the rest of the day. My mom used to watch her then b/c it was so early I didn't want to wake her up. If I want some me time I get it when she naps or goes to sleep. I guess I'm not "high maintenance" for lack of better terms, but it satisfies me. I enjoy my daughter in the time we have and sometimes she'll be chilling in the playroom and I get to do my thing (cleaning, internet, etc)
I haven't been on an overnight trip without my daughter in 2 years. My daughter goes with me, I love her company, but I'm a kid myself sometimes haha.

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