Sleep Problems - Lynnwood,WA

Updated on December 31, 2009
M.R. asks from Lynnwood, WA
8 answers

last month we took a vacation to utah to visit my family for thanksgiving. we stayed for two weeks, and pretty much the whole time my kids were off their schedule.
since we've been home, bedtime has been a total nightmare!! their normal bedtime is between 8 and 830pm..we take them up and do our routine (teeth brushing, potty, story, songs, hugs and kisses) and every night its something different. lexi wants a drink, kenzie just jumps on her bed, cant sleep, want more songs, need to say i love you etc. we've tried giving in, we've tried ignoring them.. they kick and scream and pound on the floor, come out of their room. we've had a rule that if they open their bedroom door after lights out, i (or my husband) will put a doorknob boot on their door. (we always take it off after they fall asleep) lately lexi will kick the door, and has figured out how to take it off. we live in an apartment, and while im friends with the neighbors that share a wall with the kids room, i still feel horrible about all the noise. i also worry about my kids waking her 3 kids.
this also causes problems with them sleeping in until 10...i know that may be a part of why they dont go to bed at 8...they used to get up between 7 and 830am. but most mornings im so exhausted from being up with them all night (sometimes til 2am) that i just sleep until they wake up. ive been trying to wake up around 7 so that i can get them up at their normal time but its been extremely hard for me - most mornings i dont even hear my alarm. my husband is just as frustrated as i am, if not more as he has to get up at 6am for work. im at my wits end and have no idea what to do any more.. i didnt think it would be this hard to get them back on schedule :(

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So What Happened?

so its still a war every night. i started getting back into my normal routine and getting up around 8...they sleep in no later than 9:30. we tried the nanny method, and after a week it was still a 2 hour war every night. we tried a sticker chart in their room, and if they got 7 stickers in a row they would get a special prize - we never got more than 4 stickers. im not anti-spanking, and we had tried that before i even posted here (so that obviously doesnt work. we count to 3 before we spank, and the whole time we're counting she just sits and screams "no no dont do it". but doesnt actually do what shes told). some nights we cant even get through the actual bed time routine without tantrums and the kids (mostly alexis) messing around. shes the queen of stalling and i dont know what else to do.

More Answers

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K.M.

answers from Seattle on

Consistency is key. Vacations are fun, but the recuperation phase is not. If you think you're tired now, just think how tired you'll be if this goes on much longer. I know it's tough to get up when you're exhausted, but that's the first step. Snap back into the morning routine right away. Get those girls out of the house to go play at McDonald's playland or some other place where they can get out their energy.

If you continue to let them sleep in because you're tired, the cycle will continue. Offer them rewards for their good behavior (I'm a fan of SuperNanny). Not a prize every day. Maybe they get to mark a calendar for each night they go to bed and stay there. After 5 nights, they can choose a fun activity or a special treat. And if they don't go to bed on time, they do not get to mark a day. You may think they're too young to understand, but they are fast learners.

Make sure it's visible and as the sleeping improves, increase the number of daysl before they get their prize. Eventually you can do away with the sleeping chart altogether and graduate to a chore or helping chart.

Good luck with this. The sooner you bite the bullet and get up early, the sooner you can get your nights back.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I suggest that you try SuperNanny's routine. Go thru your usual getting ready for bed routine. Once they're in bed, lights out there is no more anything. When they get up put them immediately back to bed. The first time you can say, it's time for bed or some simple calm but firm statement. After that when they get up immediately put them back to bed without saying anything. Stay as calm as possible. Make it matter of fact. Assume they will stay in bed but be prepared to repeat this several times the first night and perhaps again the second night. By then they should've learned that bed is the only thing that will happen and they'll stay there. It may take a third night for some kids.

One reason that this works is that the child has no other choice. It's either stay in bed or immediately be put back in bed. If they cry or scream, ignore them. The only attention you give them is to calmly, quietly, without emotion putting them back to bed. Yes, the screaming may bother the neighbor but this will not go on for more than 2-3 days. I predict the screaming will stop almost immediately if you do not pay attention to it.

I also suggest, that even tho it's difficult, that you get them up at 7 or their usual time. Keep them on a sleep schedule until you get his problem resolved.

If they're continuing to take naps you could try keeping them awake so that they will be more tired by bedtime.

My grandchildren had difficulty getting to sleep at that age and their mother started putting quiet music or a book on CD on in their room and this helped. Five years later they still ask for the music or the story.

I suspect that you'll need to stop the current cycle of them doing whatever they can to stay up by using the immediately back to bed routine first or in combination with quiet music or a book on CD.

For me one of the hardest part of parenting has been acting as if I'm in charge even when I'm feeling frustrated and a bit out of control because my child/grandchild isn't co-operating. In charge means being quiet, firm, and consistent. It means taking action instead of making threats. It means not letting them know I'm at my wits end. In this type of situation it meant for me to focus only on the one task of putting them back in bed. I tend to move quickly to my next task such as doing the dishes, picking up the house or settling in on the couch for a rest before bed.

When I'm wanting to do something different than seeing that they're in bed I become frustrated much quicker and it shows. Kids pick up on that and continue to force my attention on them by asking for one more thing, getting out of bed, etc. But if you've given them adequate attention with a bedtime routine that's all that they need. Towards that end, be sure that you are focused on them while you're helping them get ready for bed. It's easy to get side tracked which can start the "one more thing."

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C.C.

answers from Seattle on

I have always heard consequences should be related to the issue at hand. When my son was two and in a toddler bed, he'd get up. I struggled with him for weeks (like it seems you have), and then I set up the pack-n-play in his room and told him if he screamed or got up, he was going in there.

I realize you do not have two pack-n-plays... but perhaps they can know a consequence, something that they won't get or must do if they do not go to bed? I would suggest, first, getting them up in the morning. Turn on lights, do whatever it takes to get them up and out of bed. They will be tired, but the problem is that they aren't as tired at night because they get up so late now.

Then create a system of some sort. Do they sleep in the same room? Do they like that? My children love to sleep in the same room, but they know if they don't get to sleep, I'm pulling someone out. Do they like a nightlight? My son knows if he gets up, his nightlight (currently a mini-Christmas tree) will be turned off, and he'll only have the bathroom in the hall for a light. They are pretty young for an earlier bedtime to work (no concept of time yet), but rewarding them with positive elements if they behave, or instituting measure they do not find pleasant if they don't, can work wonders, and may be less frustrating.

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B.O.

answers from Portland on

You already have the answer. You need to push yourself and get yourself awake earlier to break this cycle. I know it can be hard, but you are an adult and you can get yourself to do it:) Good luck:)

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J.S.

answers from Seattle on

I don't know if Harold was trying to be sarcastic and funny, but his answer is completely inappropriate, and I'm sorry anyone has to read it.

I agree with Marda. Try the SuperNanny's routine, and BE CONSISTENT!! I know it feels like it takes forever, but if you decide on a plan with your husband and stick to it without ever giving in, then it will only take a few days. If you aren't familiar with SuperNanny Jo Frost's method, here's the short version:

Go through normal bedtime routine in a happy, loving way. Put kids to bed.

First time kids get up, take them back, good night kisses and hugs, go out.

Second time kids get up, take them back, say, "Good night. Go to sleep now", go out.

Third and subsequent times kids get up, take them back with no words, hugs, or kisses, go out. Repeat as necessary.

It sucks for a few nights, but you take turns, show a united front, and by next week you and your kids will be back on schedule.

Blessings!

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F.N.

answers from Seattle on

Hi M.,

If they're going to sleep at 2 a.m. and getting up at 10 a.m. they're getting eight hours of sleep so if they take a nap then they're not going to be ready to sleep at 8 p.m.

You could try a bedtime routine picture chart for them and then after lights out just ignore any behavior that doesn't involve coming out of the room (might want to talk with your neighbor about this first). As you yourself are tired it wouldn't be a bad thing to shut down all the activity in the rest of the house at that time if you need a rest.

Unfortunately you have to combine that with getting them up in the morning at a regular time. And then when you're too tired to take them to the park or something and they're tired also just let them know that this is a consequence of their not getting to bed on time.

What I did with my boys (when they were 3, 2 might be a little young) is that every time they came out of their rooms I put them back and told them that they owed me five minutes of earlier bedtime the next day because I had chores that needed to be done after they went to bed. It only took a few days of going to bed a lot earlier to break the cycle.

Good luck, routines are parent sanity savers.

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M.B.

answers from Seattle on

M.,

You're doing everything right so far. Super Nanny has a great technique that will probably help y'all get back on your schedule. It works wonders in my house when needed.

Back to bed technique:
1) Do your normal bed time routine and put kid(s) to bed
2) 1st out of bed give hugs and cuddles/kisses tell them it's bed time and put them back in bed. Be gentle but firm.
3) 2nd out of bed no hugs and cuddles/kisses, tell them it's bed time and gently but firmly put them back in bed.
4) 3rd+ time out of bed say nothing and just put them gently but firmly back in bed.

I've seen on the show, and in my house, this can take hours the first night, but once they figure out that their attempts to stall going to bed aren't going to work they give up and do go straight to sleep. This may take a week to get them back on track. As long as you're consistent, and firm they'll stop testing the boundaries and fall back in line.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

1 mom found this helpful
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A.D.

answers from Corvallis on

Ask your Mom what she did with you, when you did the same as a child ...? My bet is that she waited outside your room and gave you a swat on the backside when you decided to disobey. And when you tried it again to see if she really ment it then she reminded you that,"yes", she really did mean it. I would also bet you learned real quick that it was not worth it to push the boundaries.
The difference between you and "Super Nanny" is she gets paid to do her job and you get loved to do your job. "Super Nanny" has to be PC and socially correct. You on the other hand have some values to instill and pass along to your kids. Right is right and wrong is wrong. They will love you for teaching them the difference and being something more than a "Nanny" to them.
Happy PARENTING!!! :-)

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