I have asked many questions and got alot of great advice so I thought that I would throw this one out to you ladies. My sister in law just had a baby boy on Sunday. I know that newborns sleep alot. About 18 hours a day. My thing is they keep waking him up all the time so that he will sleep through the night and not "bother" them. They did the same thing with their daughter. They said that she is sleeping too much. I am very concerned about this cause he needs his sleep right now. Do you think that it's ok for them to do that or is it just me? I personally feel they are wrong for doing so. I mean he is only 5 days old. I feel they should for feedings and changing but to keep him awake so that he doesn't "bother" them alot at night. Right now his days and nights are mixed up, so is keeping him awake all the time the right way to make the switch? I have very mixed feelings and is wondering what your opinions are. Their daughter is 4 and has never been asleep before 11pm not even as a infant. Could it be that them keeping her awake screwed up the whole process? I don't want to say anything to them cause it is their child. I also read somewhere that not getting enough sleep will cause obesity. Is that true? My mother in law swears that her kids never took naps but my husband is the exact weight he should be while his brother is about 200 pounds overweight. I would appreciate any advice that you could give me. Thank you!
Thank you all for your responses. I didn't think that I was over reacting. I never did that with my daughter. I let her sleep as much as she wanted. I only woke her up when it got to the 4 hour mark to eat. I never agreed with alot of things that my sister in law did with her daughter. As most of you said "how do you keep a 5 day old baby awake?" I never undertood their logic but they are only hurting themselves and that poor little baby. I just wish that there was a way to tell them without stepping on their toes. That is a good idea to buy them the book but with the way my sister in law is she will take it the wrong way and will say that I am trying to tell her what to do. I feel so sorry for this baby. It kills me to see what they are doing. Thanx again for all your advice.
No it's not okay. Babies go into a sleep cycle right after birth and part of the reason is to avoid stimulus overload. It's important for the baby to sleep when the BABY needs to sleep, not when mom and dad WANT the baby to sleep.
They don't want to be bothered? Why have kids?? People like that really irritate me to death.
No, they should not be waking a newborn unless the dr. says he/she needs to be woken up for feedings.
They're in for a rude awakening if they don't like to be bothered. I have a 3 year old son and a 7 month old daughter, and every day is a challenge. A great challenge, but definitely a challenge! Good luck to them!
Lynsey
My concern is that he needs to be fed every 2-3 hours so he is not ready to sleep through the night (see info below)…
From: http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/feeding/breastfeed_of...
Your newborn should be nursing eight to 12 times per day for about the first month. By 1 to 2 months of age, a breastfed baby will probably nurse seven to nine times a day. Before your milk supply is established, breastfeeding should be "on demand" (when your baby is hungry), which is generally every 1½ to 3 hours. As newborns get older, they'll need to nurse less frequently, and may develop a more reliable schedule. Some may feed every hour and a half, whereas others may go 2 or 3 hours between feedings. Newborns should not go more than about 4 hours without feeding, even overnight.
yeah they should be letting that little baby sleep as much as he needs. Most babies days and nights are mixed up at first but after a week or so they start to switch over on their own. They seem a little uptight about the whole thing. I know it's hard to just sit back and watch them do the wrong thing. I actually have a SIL that did things with her first baby that I was strongly against. Kinda along those same lines (with sleeping and eating) I actually talked to my MIL about it at the time and she did say something to her son. Just kinda told them she was concerned about their baby. Of course he got mad but then when they took their baby to his 2 week check up I think their doctor said something and then they listened. So I totally agree with you but it's hard to tell someone what they are doing is wrong. Poor little baby.
No, they should not do that.
That is not how babies 'work.'
Lack of sleep, makes things WORSE.
He is a newborn... they have to feed him ON-DEMAND... and if breastfeeding to make sure he is feeding adequately and that the Mom has enough milk etc.
Wow, they are not really doing a good thing. They are not parenting very thoughtfully.
Newborns sleep a lot. My son and daughter slept a lot... and our Ped said its normal. They woke for feedings, I fed on-demand no matter how often that was, they slept at night, woke at night (which is expected in a baby), and that is the way it is with a baby. A baby WAKES... it is not at a parent's convenience or schedule.
Sometimes, parents spend a lot of time and effort and thought (hopefully) to have a baby... then once they have a baby... the baby is expected to be all 'convenient' and they are expected not to wake... and it is a "problem."
Well no baby is a "problem"... they wake and need to feed out of instinct or hunger or discomfort. AND the baby needs to "bond." Bonding is intrinsic to their development.... if lacking that, they can get disorders in extreme cases.
Lack of sleep... on purpose for a baby, is really not healthy. Sleep also develops their immune system and overall development. Properly. As well as feedings.
Dehydration in a baby... can also make them sleep "too" much... because it causes fatigue. Therefore, it is even more crucial that a baby is fed ON-demand, 24/7, day and night. And if the Mom is not producing enough milk or if the baby is not latching on properly.. well that's a problem. Baby will not be getting enough intake.
Sometimes parents say their baby/child never took naps, because they don't know the child's cue for tiredness... or they don't want to deal with the trouble of what it takes to put a baby/child to nap.
My kids are 3.5 and 7 years old.. and my younger one still takes naps everyday, and my 7 year old will whenever she is tired.
I go by their cues... and it really helps their overall well-being.
I sympathize with your conundrum.
All the best,
Susan
of course that isn't right. You may just want to buy them a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, healthy child or something like that. Say, this book helped you a lot or if you don't have kids say, this book helped my friend a lot. Babies need to sleep and they sleep all day and all night at first and should be awaken to eat during the day to eat every three to fours hours. But they should let that poor baby sleep. So sad. I would just give them a book or something about sleeping newborns and what is healthy etc, but try to do it in a way that isn't going to cause them to think you are judging them.
I'm not sure what's right sleep is important for a newborn I'm having the same problem with my newborn but it adjusts itself after a while.
One of my children had there days and nights 'mixed up' as I would put it. They would sleep for solid chunks of time during the day but at night only sleep for a couple hours at a time then be awake. My ped suggested I try to keep them awake for longer periods during the day and not let them 'nap' for excessive amounts of time. This is some information put out by the Mayo Clinic regarding infants and sleeping.
Encourage activity during the day. When your baby is awake, engage him or her by talking, singing, playing, movement. Surround baby with normal household noises and light. Stimulation during the day can help promote better sleep at night.
Monitor your baby's naps. Regular naps are important — but sleeping for large chunks of time during the day may leave your baby wide awake at bedtime.
Follow a consistent bedtime routine. Try relaxing favorites such as bathing, cuddling, singing. Soon your baby will associate these activities with sleep.
Put your baby to bed drowsy but awake. This will help your baby associate bed with the process of falling asleep.
Give your baby time to settle down. Your baby may fuss or cry before finding a comfortable position and falling asleep. Your reassuring presence is what your baby needs to fall asleep.
Keep nighttime care low-key. When your baby needs care or feeding during the night, use soft voice, dim lights, and calm, slow movements. This will tell your baby that it's time to sleep — not play.
Don't 'bed share' during sleep. This can make it harder for your baby to fall asleep on his or her own. Bed sharing also may increase your baby's risk of SIDS.
I'm not an expert at all, I only have one son, and he's 7 weeks old. But I haven't had him on any schedule at all yet, he eats when he's hungry, sleeps when he's sleepy, and stays awake when he is awake. He's sleeping though the night already. I personally wasn't bothered at all when he woke up in the night, he needs to eat and I expected it. That's just what babies do. This no schedule thing has been working out great for me.
It is normal for a newborn to sleep 18 out of 24 hours - typically anywhere from 14 to 22 is the norm. A 5 day old baby does not have days and nights "confused" - they are not expected to have days and nights at all, they live on a 24 hour cycle and need to be fed throughout. A five day old is way to young to sleep through the night. If they don't want to be "bothered" at night by a baby just a few days old, then they should not have had babies because this is what babies do and should be expected. That's what happens when you have a newborn baby and none of us found that enjoyable (at least I didn't) but if it's too inconvienent, then maybe they didn't need to have a baby. Keeping a baby awake during the day will not cause him to sleep better at night. I wouldn't worry about sleep and obesity with a newborn.
Sorry, I noticed a lot of the responses were very nice.
Mine is not.
If they don't want to be "bothered," they probably shouldn't have had kids.
That said, my son has ALWAYS been at the very lowest (sometimes a touch lower) than the accepted range of sleep, and he's absolutely fine.
The baby's stomach is the size of a small marble right now. The baby NEEDS to eat during the night. A 5 day old should NOT be sleeping through the night.
How about buying them a book that focuses on healthy baby sleep patterns. They may not even crack it open but they might. It is not a good idea to not let the baby sleep just so it works best for the parents. If it seems to be harming the child (like they say the baby is always cranky or if they complain about the baby sleeping pattern is screwed up or you even see the baby crank a lot) then maybe casually suggested well a baby needs a lot of sleep through out the day not just at night so maybe try that for a happier baby. It would be hard for me not to say something in this case but I can be a very blunt person sometimes.
There a sleep books that advise parents to wake their infants during the day so that they will get their days and nights sorted out more quickly. I think this is silly but I don't know about unhealthy. I thin any pediatrician will tell you that babies and young children need naps. Their brains are not developed enough to stay awake for as long as adults do. A child who is not sleeping enough during the day will be irritable and less able to engage in developmentally stimulating activities, which is important. I also think that sleeping well during the day leads to sleeping well at night.
And definitely at 5 days old a baby will be bothering you at night because he needs to be fed and have his diaper changed, he's going to be gaining weight and growing like crazy esp for the 1st 6 weeks.
Maybe you could just ask them in a curious kind of way what their reasoning is for waking him, and then maybe also ask if their doctor recommended that (which I am sure they wouldn't). Obviously you have to be very careful and I would not say anything critical or prescriptive unless you see that the baby is in real trouble (physically). You don't want to step on their toes but also sometimes in those 1st weeks after birth parents can do some strange things without realizing it and it is better to have to apologize for saying something out of place than to regret not saying something if the baby needed help.
As per the already great responses, i will suggest some books that have been helpful to me on the subject
No Cry Sleep Solution -- Elizabeth Pantley
The Happiest Baby on the Block -- Dr. Harvey Karp
At 5 days old yes baby will be sleeping alot and at odd times , they do not get into any routine until at least 6 weeks , sometimes older. I agree with you and no they should not wake him , I really am not sure how they manage to wake a newborn and keep him awake?? Either way I am not sure what you can do about it , you risk getting there backs up if you try and tell them this is not right , you think they would realise their method to "sleep" does not work seeing as they have a 2 yr old that does not go to sleep before 11pm , when ideally that toddler should be in bed around 7pm.
everyone is of a different school of thought on the sleeping for infants. i personally subscribe to not waking a sleeping baby (unless the dr says they are developmentally in need of extra feedings, which mine were not). i let them sleep as needed until abt 6 months when i attempted to get them on a schedule. however, i attempted scheduling using playtime and meals to wear them out and then let sleep as long as they go and eventually their bodies adjust to counting on a sleep schedule. but, all babies are different. some drop a morning nap as soon as they start and others keep it till 15 months... i think you should listen to the child... they will tell you what they need and waking them up has never worked for me. dont forget the theory that sleep begetts sleep.
