Sleep Routine

Hold her and love her to sleep every night. She will eventually gain the skills to comfort herself to sleep. Enjoy those quite cuddly evenings while you can, no need to make bedtime a negative experience.

I wouldn't do something you are uncomfortable with. That seems young to start that even if you are someone that believes in it. But I am biased because I couldn't do it myself. :)

Go to the library and get a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution. I think the author is Elizabeth Pantley. It really helped me, I tried the Ferber method, crying it out and my child can out-scream my patience! Good luck!

Oh you will get plenty of advice..but mainly..if it makes it "hard" on you..listen to that instinct. I actually work in the same hospital with pediatrician who teaches this cry it out (nonense-to me) and is proud to tell parents he let his daughter cry so long she threw up and had a bloody nose. AHHHHHH! Please, you can shape her routine with good bedtime routines, then slowly work towards her sleeping, but honestly same kids crave and need human contact and it takes them a little longer to do this. Teaching them abandoment (in my eyes) may get them to sleep, but at what cost? My flippant answer is always...I'm a grown adult and I still need lots of things to help me fall asleep..quiet tv, my hubby, etc. I certainly don't sleep by myself! The difference is I can very vocally make my needs known, and a baby can just cry. Bottom line, listen to your instinct, take what your peds says with a grain of salt and move forward.

Hi M. ~

I am a mom with 3 kids - ages 16, 12, and 8. Long ago, when my oldest was an infant, his doctor (a friend of mine) told me the same thing. She told me that it would be good for my child's "self-esteem" to sleep on his own. I bought into it and tried the method she recommeneded (Ferber.) I tried it for just one night. It was awful. When I returned to her office and told her that it had gone badly and that my son, my husband, and I had been miserable - she confessed to me that the method had not worked with her children either!!

From that point on, I swore to follow my own instincts with my own children. My deepest feelings told me that if my child needed me during the night, I needed to be there for him - just as I was during the day. I wanted him to trust that his needs would be answered and that the world was a safe place. I remember - as a child - being terrified at night and being forbidden to get out of my bed. It is not an experience I wanted to duplicate with my own children.

Yes - there were times when it was inconvenient - yes - were times when I wanted to check into a hotel just to get a good night's sleep. But - many years further down the road - I can tell you that my kids are all well adjusted, that they sleep through the night - and that I am glad that I never again resorted to letting them cry themselves to sleep.

I totally feel for you--I could NEVER let me kids cry it out! When babies are that young, their wants ARE their needs. And, by letting your child cry it out, you're teaching them that you will not respond to their needs. Studies have shown that babies who are taught to cry it out have the same philiological response (racing heart, high blood presure, etc) AFTER they stop crying a they do during. They haven't calmed themselvesdown at all. They've just giving up on YOU. They've learned that Mom and Dad aren't always there for them. And that's not something I ever wanted to teach my kids. Instead, we co-sleep with our kids because we've found it's the best way for us to meet all their needs.

I would definetely listen to your gut on this. Not all babies are "sleep trained" despite what the general public out there says. There are many parents who feel the same way you do. Many of us nurse, rock, etc our babies to sleep (or jsut sleep with them!) and that's just fine if it's what works and is comfortable for you. Your baby will eventually fall asleep on their own, despite not sleep training them! It took my son till his second birthday until he went to sleep on his own, but it was two years of love and bonding as I would nurse him or cuddle him to sleep. Here are some books that discuss kinder, gentler, more responsive parenting, especially a night:

Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep
by William Sears

Sleeping with Your Baby
by James McKenna

Baby Sleep Book: The Complete Guide to a Good Night's Rest for the Whole Family
by William Sears, Robert Sears, James Sears, and Martha Sears

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
By Elizabeth Pantley

(If you are looking for some daytime responsive parenting philosophies, read on Attachment Partening, especially books by Dr William Sears like the Attachment Parenting Book by William Sears and Martha Sears.)

YOU know what's best for your baby! Trust your instincts!! And maybe think about chaning doctors if you have other philosophical differences with your doctor. You want someone who will be supportive of the way you choose to parent!

I believe that leaving a child to cry it out is not necessary and is cruel. It basically teaches the baby that she cannot depend on her parents to help her when she is sad and lonely. Babies can be gently parented to sleep in many ways, rocking, singing, nursing, bottle, pacifier, walking in a carrier and so on. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your baby to cry, trust your instincts. Also read about attachment parenting or go to www.askdrsears.com. Not everyone lets their baby cry and it's really not your doctor's business anyway.

You've gotten a lot of good advice from moms who can't/don't/will not let their children cry it out.

I have a four month old daughter as well, and I cuddle and nurse her to sleep, whether it's for the night, during the night, or for a daytime nap. You and your husband are finding it unbearable to allow your child to cry for a reason - listen to your instincts - you know what's right. Best of luck.

And, "On Becoming Babywise" is a frightening book.

http://www.ezzo.info/Articles/tyler.htm

eta: by the way, I would be uncomfortable if my pediatrician offered me parenting advice. Our ped is no more or less qualified to parent than the average person. I rely on my ped for medical advice.

I am a pediatric nurse and a mother as well. Crying it out is such a sad solution. We are the only country that finds that normal. My daughter slept with us for over a year in our bed and now, she is almost two and can sleep on her own. She started when she was secure and ready. Why push it? They grow up too fast as it is. Do what you do, but I believe in mother's intuition and letting your child cry and lay in fear is not worth it. It is more convenient, but since when did motherhood and convenience ever work together? I suggest you read Dr. Sears and his advice on sleep. Good luck

My first bit of advice would be to trust your instincts and do what is right for you.

I personally do not agree with forcing a child to self soothe, especially not at 4 1/2 months of age. I have a two year old that I still rock every evening and that I still tend to in the middle of the night if he wakes.

Babies are constantly undergoing developmental & physical changes that can disrupt sleep patterns. Beyond that, my understanding is that a baby still feels "connected" until around 6 months of age. Also, this is when you & your baby are building a foundation for security & trust. When she needs you, she needs you for a reason. Consider this...she has not even been out in the world as long as she was in your belly. Do you really think she should have to manage herself this early?

My advice for developing good sleep habits with your little one are... 1)Create a routine that is the same every night - bath, jammies, stories/song/rocking - whatever. Make bedtime a quiet and peaceful experience so that your baby can unwind & also get the cue that it is time to settle down to sleep. 2)Try to hold your baby's sleep routine sacred. With my son, when naps are off - night sleep is off...and vice versa. I always make my son's sleep a priority over everything and he is a peaceful, happy little soul that now tells me "just my crib, Mama"...or "rock me please, mama". He has NEVER gone to bed crying, (except for that one night that I tried to force him to "cry it out" at the advice of my own pediatrician & other parents who believe that children should self soothe as babies). It was that one night that made it clear to me that I am not that kind of parent. I believe that as his Mom, it is my job to help him drift off to sleep calmly & peacefully.

A couple good websites for more reassurance are www.drsears.com and www.attachmentparenting.com. I hope that this helps. Trust yourself & your gut - if it doesn't feel right or is "unbearable" - then it's not the right choice for you. You, your husband and your BABY girl are all that matter! Good luck!

I am so happy to hear that your instincts are ruling your parenting chioces instead of this method. It teaches a baby that when he cries, he can't trust his mom or dad to be there for him. How sad. Yes, it works, only because they've given up on you (eventually). I don't want that for my baby either! We chose to co-sleep safely and have found the benefits for us to be never ending! Our baby sleeps better, we sleep better, our baby gets more "touch" time (which helps his brain develop), our baby gets more breastfeeding, and our baby has less of a chance of dying of SIDS. I would check out the book Sleeping With Your Baby by James J. McKenna. His research is wonderful! I would either find a new doctor, or keep this to myself....Good luck! Listen to your heart as a mother and it won't let you down!

Check out Elizabeth Pantley's books "No cry sleep solution" and Dr. Sears' advice. I lay down for 10 minutes with my children before they drift to sleep, they aren't all alone, but they feel safe and cuddled and are easy to get into bed and stay there becasue it is a good experience. They get up sometimes and we let them come to our bed or bring them back to their own (my son prefers to be taken back to his bed, he often gets up to pee--3 1/2 yrs old--and just wants to be put back in bed tucked in etc). The best piece of advice I have heard (from Pantley) that applies to all parenting is that if it is working for your family and you are content don't let someone else tell you you should be doing it differently.

This is the Ferber method. Trust your gut feeling - I never felt comfortable with it. I never wanted my baby to think that if he really needed me - tough! Sometimes doctors do not know best. Trust your instincts. All of my original plans went out the window when I actually had my son. He couldn't go to sleep on his own, so I would lay down with him, nurse, snuggle, rock, etc. He would fall asleep almost immediately. Trust me, she will learn how to do this with time. You won't be still rocking her to sleep when she is 10! :)

You already got tons of advice and I thought I would tell you about us. My son did not sleep through until he was 11 months old. We tried the crying it out method and it was just too tough for us. No one knows your baby the way you do. Just b/c the crying out method works well for other kids, doesn't mean that it's the one method for you and your baby. After we tried the crying out method, I read about other methods in the Parenting Magazine. The one we tried worked with us like this: my son LOVES to cuddle. So before bedtime, I cuddled with him tons! I walked around with him in my arms and/or I rock him. That usually made him drowsy enough to put in the crib. Sometimes he would wake up after 2 hours. If he just whimpered, I would go in and pat him on the back and see if he calmed down. If he did, fine, I would leave. If he cried, I would pick him up, comfort him and walk with him or rock him until he was drowsy again. I also put his favorite stuffed animal in his crib with him when he was about 6 or 7 months old and he learned to soothe himself with it eventually. Finally, we took his aquarium bouncy seat that he loved as an infant and turn on one of the sounds when he was just too restless to go to sleep. We put the bouncy seat next to his crib (out of his reach) and he would lay down, watch the lights and listen to the music and go to sleep. So, it was really a combination of things. Like I said, you know your baby and you need to come up with ideas that work for all of you. My son loves being comforted at night, and I don't mind doing it. It took longer, but he eventually slept in longer and longer increments until sleeping through the night. Just remember that your baby is only 4 months old. She still does not know that she is her own person. She still thinks that she is one person with you and needs to be close to you. I say, go with the flow, if you don't mind doing that, and gently let her figure out how to soothe herself to sleep. It might take longer than letting her cry out but having the peace or not having the drama of crying might be worth it for all of you.

First of all, I don't agree with your pediatrician at all! There are many other ways of thinking about this. My gut has always told me that babies only cry when they need you... whether it be an emotional or physical need. They are BABIES, not adults, and are not programmed to sleep all night. Imagine being that little and new and alone for that long!! I feel that you can encourage them to sleep independently, but to force it is cruel. They will sleep on their own (and through the night) when they are ready. Try reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution". And just follow your gut. Obviously, you are a sensitive person and that will help you be a sensitive parent that raises a sensitive kid. We have not done the cry it out and my son is now sleeping through the night 90% of the time. They will do it when they are ready. (he is 21 months old)

It is hard to listen to them cry. We decided to let him cry for naps but to continue to rock him to sleep at night. After a long day, I couldn't cope with listening to him cry. We started by letting him cry for only one of his naps and sometimes he cried a long time. Do whatever you're comfortable with. My son is 9 months old and it seems like whenever I thought I needed to let him cry or leave him, he turned a corner on his own. Do whatever you need to get some sleep. Doctors and mothers often have strong feelings about this but you know your own child. I do think it's important for them to know it's ok to be awake in their crib, it's just a matter of how you get there. We liked the "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Babies"- I think that's what it's called, but I didn't follow it exactly. Still, it teaches you some things about sleep. What a stressful topic! Hope that helps.

Hi M.,
I don't really have any advice on how to get your daughter to sleep in her own bed, but I would like to point out that you should do it when YOU are ready and not just because her pediatrician is pressuring you. My daughter has always co-slept with us. She is almost 22 months old now, and I am no more ready for her to leave our bed than she is. Co-sleeping has been a wonderful bonding tool for all of us (especially her daddy since he travels for his job). I guess my point is that before you do the "cry it out" method, please be sure it is what both you and your husband truly want.

I haven't read them yet since I still prefer to co-sleep, but I bought 2 books that are touted as very helpful in making the transition. One is The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and the other is The Baby Sleep Book by the Sears doctors (a family of pediatricians wrote the book). Maybe they could help you.

Best of luck!

I would never let a 4 month old child lay and cry for 15 min just to go to sleep on their own. What's wrong with rocking and cuddling her / him. You won't have that time for long, take advantage of it. Nothing you have to do is more important than time with your baby. Would be perfect time for Daddy also to have quality time being close to baby. Just my opinion, I'm no Dr. but I am a Mother, Grandmother and Great-Grandmother.

We followed a book called the No Crying Sleep Solution. I forget the author's name, but if you google it or check amazon, you should be able to find it. It lays out a fairly involved, gradual process. But if you really want to go the "no crying it out" way -- and I insisted on that -- then you might want to try it. From K. H.

I agree with Cheryl. You will get LOTS of people telling you that it's harder on you than them. My personal opinion, babies cry for a reason. I never believed that bedtime should be spent crying yourself to sleep. Have you ever? I have & I wake up feeling worse than when I went to sleep. What is so wrong about rocking a baby to sleep? They are only young once, and I always felt that CIO just teaches them that they can't count on mom or dad to be there when they need us. I have 2 kids. My son is almost 5 (Thurs. yeah!) and we rocked to sleep until he was about 1 1/2. Then, we tried giving a bottle of water & over several days, decreased the water. I don't know how it worked, but it did. There were nights that he was in his crib, awake for almost 2 hours, talking & playing. He is a great sleeper. My daughter, 15 mth, is a little harder, but I still rock her. She still wakes in the middle of the night & I have to sit in the room with her. I've fallen asleep on the floor. But, that's what I want to do for her. She doesn't need to be physically with me, just know that I'm in the room. But, as Cheryl said, follow your instincts. You know your baby best & what will work best for your family. I love my kids' doctor, but she doesn't know our family homelife. They tell you what you "should" be doing. But, they aren't in your home at night. You know what's best.

I had to add an edit. You will also hear people say that you HAVE to let them learn to fall asleep on their own and that the only way to do that is CIO. The only thing that you HAVE to do is what works for you. I know that I'm just one mom, (I'm sure there are others) but I am prove that you don't HAVE to use CIO.

You are going to get TONS of advice on this! So many moms have this concern. I, personally, don't like the CIO method. I never have and I never will. IMO, if your child cries for more than 5-10 mins, go and pick them up. I doubt that you'll be snuggling your daughter to sleep when she's 5 or 6. Babies cry for a reason. At 4 months they aren't old enough to cry to manipulate. She probably just wants to be cuddled and snuggled. If it were me, I'd tell your doc thanks for the advice, but you want to do it your way. If they make you feel guilty, get a new doctor. You must do what's right for YOU and YOUR family. Your doc isn't in your house 24/7 like you are. He doesn't know your childs tempermant or personality. He only sees her once every couple of months. So, follow your mommy instincts. We have them for a reason! And good luck to you!!!

PS My dd is 1 and still has to be cuddled and have a bottle to sleep. I love the quiet time we have when I'm putting her to bed. And it seems that she loves it too. I'll continue to rock and comfort her till she no longer needs it.

I am the mother of two children (3 yrs & a 5-month old)..our first one we rocked him to sleep each night and then put him in his bed for the night. Not a big deal in the beginning, but I'm still paying for this mistake and he's 3 years old. He just can't fall asleep unless we are in his room reading a book, or just sitting in there watching him in his bed. When our second one came along, I said we are going to just lay him down in his bed at bedtime and let him fall asleep on his own. Sure enough...it's working! He started sleeping through the night a little before he turned 3 months old and does great. After watching an episode of "Super Nanny" which a couple had your same issue, Super Nanny recommended you put your baby in her bed and sit beside the bed for a little bit. This way the child knows you are still there and they feel secure. Each night (this should only last three or four days) move your seat a little further toward the door and further away from her crib. She will get use to the routine and be able to fall asleep on her own without you being in the room or having to hold her. I wish you luck.

If you're not comfortable with the cry-it-out method, then don't do it. Doctor's don't always know what is best for your baby. You are around her day in and day out and you know her needs and wants better than anyone.
Especially at that young of an age, I'm not a fan of CIO at all. They have not yet learned how to self-soothe and very much depend on mommy & daddy still. So if you're not comfortable with it, then do your own thing. We didn't do any CIO methods until our son was about 14-15 months. It generally only lasted 5-10 minutes and then he was asleep.

This is your child. Listen to your doctor with moderation and recognize that your views may not agree with his views. Research sleeping online and discuss with your husband. LaLeche is a great organization with tons of free information online.
Personally, my husband and I slept with our children up until about 10 months. It was wonderful since I was breastfeeding and I got a good night's sleep.
When my 2 year old finally went into her own room, one of us would rock and sing to her until she fell asleep. When she was old enough to understand reasoning, I let her fall asleep on her own (after singing and rocking, making sure she was still awake) in her crib during naps. When she got that down, I started on nighttime rituals.
Do what works for your family and know that G-d made you and your husband the parents of your baby..not your pediatrician.
E.

WOW, i have to say i was surprised that your doctor told you to let your 4 month old cry it out when going to bed. My daughter is 10 months old. We have a routine for her which includes, bath, brush teeth (all 2 of them) and then two bedtime books. We sit on the couch together, she sits on her Daddy's lap and i read the books. After that i rock her for a few minutes and she sometimes drifts off and sometimes doesn't.

I guess it all depends on what you want to accomplish. My mother told me that she quit rocking me to sleep at age 2 1/2 when my little sister was born. We probably won't have any more children so i don't mind rocking my daughter to sleep for now. I guess what i am really trying to say is, YOU will know when your little one is ready to be left alone to fall asleep in heer own bed. If you can't stand the crying then go in and soothe her. Or rock her to sleep. But do what is right for you.

I am a grandma and when my children were little I had the same problem. I also was a SAHM. I tried what you and your husband did and could not stand the crying either. I even sat on the floor by the door to their room and cried with them. I desided they are only little once and it is not for a long time that they are little. So I desided to do it my way. They did out grow it. I am not really sure at what age, but you know I loved them so much that it did not matter to me if they were not going to sleep on their own at four and a half months. The children grow up so fast and do not want to be held and cuddled any more so enjoy it while you can. They grow up so fast. I would put them to sleep in my arms and then lay them down. If they cried I would pick them up again and try it again. They would soon stay down, I just did not feel the need to put them to bed and listen to then cry until they fell asleep or I went nuts. Good luck and God bless you and your special little family.

Hi M.,

I personally have never been a fan of the "Ferber" method, of crying it out.
Establishing a routine is very important for bedtimes. Our routine has always been bath, story, bed. When they were infants, I would nurse after reading a story, which usually started my boys drifting off to sleep. I would lay them down when they were about half asleep, rub their backs for a moment, say goodnight, then leave. I have also always had a cd player in their rooms and played calming music. My boys came to associate that specific music with going to sleep, so that helped alot. (they still go to bed with music each night - my 9 yr old listens to a Beatles mix cd of his favorite songs, and my 5 yr old listens to Beethoven.)
Good luck!

Instead of 15 minutes, try 2-3 minutes before comforting. Then each time after extend the periods of cry a couple minutes at a time (2nd time 5-6 min, 3rd time 8-10 minutes, etc). Keep yourself occupied by cleaning the house or something while you are letting her cry to keep you distracted. Each time you go back, don't pick her up. Just comfort her, reswaddle, give pacifier back, etc. We did this w/ my daughter at about 4 months and it took 40-50 minutes for 3 nights straight, but once she figured it out we never had a problem after that. She is 3 now and has been the best sleeper. We've never had any issues w/ getting her to bed. If you are going to start this process you and your husband are going to have to be strong and commited to it. EAch time you give up and pick her up and hold her you're making it harder. She knows that all she has to do is cry harder to be held. Good luck.

Hi M.~

Hang in there, it gets better. My doctor was the same way with us, and it was very hard, but now at seven months, our little gal loves to go to bed when she is awake and puts herself to sleep nicely! most nights anyway! We won't discuss last night, but she wasn't feeling well either. Try it for a few more nights and if it doesn't go so well, give it a break and try again in a week or so. That is what we did. Good luck!

We got one of those crib soothers that you attach to the side of the crib. Ours has songs and animation and its really easy to use. We started using this right around the time our baby was the age of yours now (he's 7 mos. now). It's been a Godsend! He can even push the button to turn it on himself now. It took some getting used to but what I did was rock him with his bottle and turned the soother on and he fell asleep. Now I can put him in his crib for naps or bedtime, turn it on, and leave. He is usually asleep within 10 minutes or so. But believe me, when we first started doing this those 10 minutes seemed to last forever! I assure you, it will get better!

Congrats on the newest edition to your family!

I just have a minute before the kids wake up here...
I have a baby hte same age- ew tried sleep training her for 2 weeks and it was miserable so w're taking a break, will try again in a week or two.
We tried the Ferber method (google it for more info) since it allows you to go in and console sooner (but no picking up). It didn't work for us but I know several moms who tried it and loved it- worked like a charm.
I do think getitng her to fall asleep on her own is important to a good night's sleep though. We sleep-trained our now 2.5 year old son and he's a great sleeper.
Good luck to you,
J.

My daughter will be 6 months on thrusday and she still feed during the night. I have stopped one feeding by just going in and calming her. Its very hard. Every baby is different. I am not sure what to tell you. I have numerous friends who read babywise and sore by it but I couldn't follow it. I am reading healthy sleep habits, happy baby. They say its good to let them cry it out. It is so hard, especially being a first time mom. I just want her to get solid sleep and be on a good schedule because thats what they need. Best of luck.

M.

Hi M.
I just wanted to add...I've learned from experience that doctors are just like moms, they all have different philosophies and ideas when it comes to the "right way" to care for our babies. It's a personal choice and completely case-by-case. We've done co-sleeping with all three of our girls (4, 2, and 10 months).
My oldest just weren't ready to leave the "family bed" until after 1. I finally had to do the "cry it out" method at 15 months b/c she'd only want to sleep on top of my chest at night...it didn't help that I was 4 months pregnant and felt like I couldn't breathe! LOL

Our 10 month old is a MUCH different baby than my others. She's currently sleeping 11 hr nights in her crib in another room. We started out with a pallet on the floor by our bed and slowly worked her to a crib.

Anyway, the choice is yours to make. We've moved a lot and have had many pediatricians. One was older and completely unhappy when I told him we co-slept, "And how does your HUSBAND feel about that!?!" I'll confess, I have lied before, saying she slept in her crib.
But, now that I'm older and on #3. I'm more confident in my decisions. I think doctors recommend having them sleep on their own just b/c they kind of have to.
Now that I have a crib sleeper and table food eater, I have found a dr who is completely accepting co-sleeping and nothing but breast milk until 12 months. Typical! LOL

Good luck with whatever you choose!!

What really helped my baby was when I bought him a humidifier for his room.One to help with the dry air which was the main reason, but the sound of it running helps him alot and I have a rocking chair in his room. I rock him with the humidifier running then I put him in his bed and he is out. Good luck!

I started by putting him down when he was almost asleep and just putting firm pressure on his back (instead of rubbing or patting). Each night the pressure got less and less and I put him to bed more and more awake. It took a few weeks this way. But I didn't have to hear him screaming out when I knew all he wanted was his routine back. Then I slowly worked my way out the door. The younger you do it the better/easier it is. (I did the crying out later on after he was sick for months at a time and we would have to get back on a routine. It did work but it was torture for about 4 nights!!!)

I know that it sounds like the cruelest thing in the world but I promise you it does get easier. Each night you will get less and less crying. She needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own. I have 4 children whom we at some point had to let cry it out. They are now 16, 13, 11 and almost 10 and they can sleep ANYWHERE-grandparents, hotels, cars, camping. My friend has 3 kids and she kept going in and picking her children up, rocking them back to sleep, picking them up again. She now has a 10 yr old, 5 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old that don't sleep through the night, don't sleep in their own bed and vacations are horrible because her kids don't know how to fall asleep without her. My kids all slept through the night by six months old. My friends kids still don't sleep through the night. Your daughter has to learn to fall asleep on her own and the crying will eventually ease up. Go to another part of the house when she's crying. Take a shower. When it gets warmer, go on your porch with the door cracked a little. It WILL get easier. Better for her to learn to fall asleep at 4 months old then to never learn.

Hi there. We used the method that your doctor suggested (give the baby 15 mins before checking on them). Well, it took only a couple of days going through that (and I agree it was kind of hard and it seemed like a really LONG 15 mins). Within a week we had it down to a 3 min rule (as we called it). It didn't ever take our son more than 3 mins to fuss/cry it out. So, we changed or adapted that 15 mins into 3 mins (but we did have to go through the first few days with 15 mins so he could learn what we were doing). I fully agree with the doctor's suggestion and now we have NO regrets. Our son just turned two and we still use our 3 min rule... but as I said, he is out and asleep after the 3 mins of fussying/crying.

Good Luck!

I have a 2 1/2 year old son and a 7 month old daughter. I started out co-sleeping with each of them so breaking that was hard for both them and me!! But, you need your sleep too! It does get better! I did the cry out method and it only took 4 nights! I waited until she was 6 months old though. The first night she screamed for 35mins!...the next 20 mins...then 15mins then not even 5! The trick is sticking with it. Close their door and your bedroom door so you can't hear her as well. Turn up the t.v. if you have to. Don't go in there!!! Some people tell ya to have certain intervals of checking up on baby but my doctor said not to and that worked for us. You know your baby's cry by now too. If she sounds like she's crying in pain check on her(ie. I always feed her right before I put her down and she's usually just about to fall asleep when I put her in her crib but the week after we got her to sleep on her own, she had a ear-piercing cry that wouldn't let up after 3 or so mins so I picked her up and she let out this gigantic burp! I calmed her, layed her back down and that was it! She was asleep in no time!)
Another thing that helps is that we have a music, light projector in her crib. I think it's fisher price brand. It has moving characters, adjustable volume, adjustable sounds nature, lulabys, etc. and a projector. So, when she's having a little harder time relaxing, I flip the timer on it to 10 mins and she's usually asleep before it ends!! Good Luck!

I agree with alot of the moms who said it is your choice. My son is a close person he loves contact and skin contact. My son wakes up and come to sleep with me after being in his bed for 6 hours. NOt bad. He just needs to be close. I feel that it is up to you with what you want to do. My son falls asleep on his own but I did rock him for about 1 1/2 years. But he loved it and i loved our time ( its just the two of us). Follow your gut and do what you feel is right to you.

This process takes about a week IF you can continue with it. Yes it is hard, set a timer and don't go in till it is time. You can tell by the cry if the baby is ok. Make sure she is feed, burped, changed and story read. A monitor is great so you can watch (and hear) how it is going. It should get better , shorter each night. They love routine because it gives a sense of security and comfort. Sometimes a bath, fed and so on to relax and she will know this is the same and it is ok. Margie M. of 4

15 minutes is too long. Cut it down to 5 minutes, then go in and calm her down without picking up her, then leave the room again once she is quieter. Just keep repeating this over and over. It took 20 minutes with my first son and nearly 2 hours with my second. But stick in there, it is not only for your benefit, but your baby's too, as she will get a better nights sleep if she can ease herself back to sleep without your assistance.
Don't forget that a good cry won't hurt her, it will make her lungs nice and strong.

Hi M.!

First of all...congrats on your little daughter!! My daughter is 10 mo old now and we have another one on the way in May. Friends gave me advice while I was pg with her to read the book Babywise. It's a method of structure that teaches children to sleep on their own. It's very parent-directed...meaning you decide when they eat, sleep, play, etc. Because listening to my daughter cry was more painful to me than her birth, I had a hard time with this. However, I would put her down for naps and her bedtime while she was awake. I would then take a magazine and go out on the patio for 10 min where I couldn't hear her at all (the patio was the only place in our house that you couldn't hear her). I would check on her, just by listening and if she was still crying, I gave her 5 more minutes. If she was still crying, I went in and burped her (which can be the cause of the crying...more so than I ever realized) and left again. This didn't last long and now she will not sleep anywhere but her crib. She won't fall asleep on my lap, in her stroller, nowhere because she loves her crib and it's where she knows it's time for sleep. She sleeps at night from 7pm to 7am without waking.

Even though the book Babywise made me crazy at times because she wasn't doing exactly what they were saying she would do, it was great to have a guide for a schedule for her. And, with another baby coming soon, it's so nice that she sleeps at least 12 hours and gives me some time to rest and will make life easier when we have a newborn.

Hope this helps.
L.

Don't let her "cry it out" that's just torture. If you felt terrible about the way it was done, then that wasn't the right way. Why does your doctor care how your baby falls asleep? She isn't keeping him up, is she?! I nursed my son & so he fell asleep nursing quietly, while rocking in his bedroom. Once we stopped nursing, we were still rocking. But if you wait until she is just dosing off & too tired to make a fuss about being laid down, she'll get use to it & you can cut out the rocking little by little. Good Luck. And don't do anything that leaves the three of you heart broken. No matter who suggests it.

Listen, you can do what you feel is right, but you should never make your child scream for long periods of time just because a doctor says "it's time". There's nothing wrong with rocking or nursing your baby to sleep for a while. Statistically, most children don't sleep through the night until far later than 4.5 months.
If it's unbearable for you, think how she must feel. I have NEVER made my son dry it out and he still learned to go to sleep on his own. Learning sleep cues is a big part of it so that you make sure you are putting him down at the right time and not after he's already too tired and over-stimulated. Do you have time for a couple books? These helped me the most right around the same time in my son's life:
The Baby Whisperer
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (I just threw out anything he had to say about CIO and went to my son every 10 minutes no matter what)

My son now goes to sleep within 30-60 seconds of putting him down and sleeps 12-13 hours at night most nights sometimes waking once when he's sick or teething and wants to nurse.

M.,

I know you are looking for other methods, but I just want to tell you that what you tried last night is what we have done with our children. The process is so difficult -- listeneing to them cry -- but the results are fantastic! It took our son a few weeks to get the hang of it, but after he did our lives improved immensely. At that point we would just put him down and he would quietly go to sleep on his own. He also very quickly learned to sleep through the night because he knew how to sooth himself to sleep. If you can stand the process you may find that the rewards are well worth the pain of listening to your baby cry.

I'm sorry if this is so long!

We made this mistake with our first daughter. The doctor told us it was time and we thought we couldn’t do it and that we knew better. Eighteen months later she still wouldn’t go down by herself and had to be rocked for a long time. This took time away from us as a couple as well as added to the exhaustion factor for us. We didn't make this mistake with our first daughter and started her the first night she was home.

Pick a few days to start this when you don’t have to be awake and functioning to go to work. Believe me this won’t last long, probably less than a week.

The reasoning behind letting them put themselves to sleep is this:We all wake up in the night to check our surroundings. We don’t realize we do it. If everything is okay, our pillow is there, the lights are still off and the dog isn’t on top of us, we go back to our deep sleep. If something is different we wake ourselves up just enough to fix the problem.

Your little one has to have your help to go to sleep and to go back to sleep in the night. She needs to be able to soothe herself back to sleep.

You need to start by making sure she if very tired and very full. Make sure she is sleepy. Put her down in bed and walk away. I know it is hard. It is very important that she learn how to put herself to sleep but that doesn’t involve letting her just cry until the end of time. Crying is not bad in that it allows her to use up extra energy. Lay her down and leave the room. After 5 minutes, if she is still crying hard, go in and without turning the lights on speak to her and possibly pat her just a little. Tell her you love her and it is time to go to sleep. Leave the room again. Continue this every 5-10 minutes. She won’t last long and she will be sound asleep. Do this every time you lay her down for naps as well as night time. You have to be consistent and this will go much faster. It is okay to rock her but lay her down when she is awake. I just helped our close friends to do this and sometimes she would call me to talk while they waited the crying out. Find something to do, don’t just stand by the door. The benefits will be that she will be able to go to sleep soon and will be happier when she wakes up. My friends were amazed how their little guy would wake up cooing and would just fall asleep playing with toys on the floor.

Good luck!

I have been going thought the exact same thing. Are you nursing her? If so, I would avoid feeding her each time she wakes up, that is unless at least 4 hours has past. She might just be using you as a pacifier. If she is getting enough nutrition during the day, she should be able to go through the night with no or just one feeding at night. On the other hand, she just may be attached to you and checking to be sure that you are still around. Listening to her cry is so hard, so maybe start a different way of getting her to sleep and to self-soothe during the day for her naps, that way when it's time for her to go to bed, she knows what to do. They are smarter than we give them credit for!!

We have been putting our son in his crib since he was one month old. Both for naps and nightime we lay him in his crib and allow him to look around before falling asleep. We have never put him down asleep which has helped him to learn about his surroundings and has allowed him to learn how to fall asleep on his own. He cries from time to time and I will leave the room for about 5 minutes. If he is still crying I go back and check on him but only peek in. If his eyes are closing I let him cry. If he is really upset I will pat his back and try to comfort him. Does he have comfort items in his crib? My son has the underwater toy that attaches to the side of the crib. The music helps calm him down and he enjoys watching the fish. Maybe something like this would help comfort your little one and make them feel that their crib is a happy place.

With my first we did this and it was agony to hear her cry until she fell asleep with the questions of her safety and needs being met tumbling in my mind with each cry.
It was amazing though that it really freed me up to give her this freedom to cry.
With my second two children, my husband couldn't handle to stress of the crying so I ended up nursing them to sleep. This was momentary pleasure but long term effort.
My first started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks and the other two around 6 months and a year!
I read in a magazine some parents can just put their hand on their kid's back while the child is laying down and this comfort helps the child until he falls asleep. I tried it, but my son just wanted me. I also read some parents can just be in the room and night after night gradually get closer to the door until the child feels safe without the parent there.
I know it will take effort anyway you do it. I pray God will bless you with understanding how to do it.
I know it can be very heart wrenching to hear a little one cry.

Why did the doctor decide this? Have you been having trouble getting her to sleep? Soothing sounds like a recording of an ocean, soft music or a fan help. Remember, some crying doesn't hurt your child. Best wishes!

I have a 2 1/2 year old, and a 4 1/2mos old. Our doctor also told us around 4mos that the baby needed to sleep in their own room and should be put down awake. I know with my daughter for awhile fell alsleep after drinking a bottle or dancing with mom to some music. I then tried to put her to sleep when almost asleep. Then when she was old enough I established a bedtime routine...I think it was around nine mos, read three books and hugs and kisses, tuck in, and then turn on music. She has slept through the night since she was 3mos. I don't think you have to let them cry it out to teach them to self soothe. With my 4 mos old up until 3 mos...I kept with me in our room.. for breast feeding. I started at three mos putting him down for naps in his crib, and when I noticed how long he would nap there decided to put him to sleep there. The only time he's put down awake is weekends when I wake him up for a feeding before work and have to lay him down awake, he's full and slightly tired so he puts himself to sleep. He has slept 10 hours a night.

well my daughter slept in my and my husbans room till she was 3 mo. and you really have to just lay her down and let her cry she must learn to self soothe.. turn up some good music do some dishes anything that will create some noise so you dont hear her cry ... let her cry for 10 15 min pick her back up for a bit soother her than try agian this is what i had to do she is now 5 mos. old and sleeping throughout the night..it took about a week to a week and a half befor i got her a rutine..

your doctor's suggestion seems just right to me. if it only takes your little bably 15 min. to fall asleep, that's great!!!! Don't go in before that amount of time, as long as you know nothing else is wrong (sick, wet, hungry etc.) Even though 15 min. may seem long, it really is not. I don't know if your doctor has had children or not, but I have had 4 of them. Good luck and please don't go in before the 15 min. is up!

Hi I have 6 children my youngest is almost 8 mos old...but he goes to sleep differently every night..as for my other children I used this method around 4 mos I put them in thier own rooms and let them fall asleep own their own. I did check every few minutes just to reasure them but never picked them up..and they are fine and all slept through the night at 4 mos were talking like 9-10 hrs...( i think I was spoiled) my baby now sleeps in my room and I ususally rock him to sleep, but that is because I have 4 children who have school the next morning! He does not sleep through the night...that is very hard he wakes up 2-3 times a night! I think now is the separation phase though and he needs to make sure I am still in the room plus I hear every noise he makes which makes it hard to not respond they say when the baby is not in your room they can sooth themselves back to sleep! I just dont want him to wake anyone else up...I think what ever you feel comfortable with ultimetly it is your life and your baby if it makes you feel uncomfortable then it just isnt for you..that is the beauty of mootherhood you live and learn!
S.

Try Dr. Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block" technique. She may be a little old, but I think it is still worth a try.

We did this with my son, and I totally agree - it was HARD! But, after about 2-3 days, it was not a problem and he has slept like a champ in his own bed ever since (for him, nights weren't the problem, it was naps). Stick with it, and it will get better!

Your Doctor is right, I have 4 year old twin girls and a 6 month old boy. we did the twins just like that. It took a week or two and yes it is very hard, in fact my husband had to stop me from going and getting them, but now 4 years later, when it is 8 p.m. they know that it is time. You will thank yourself in the long run. I know we wont have to be concerned when they start school because they are already on a bedtime schedule. Hope this helps. God bless!

Hi M.,

I would just make sure she's dry & her belly is full. Give her something to do in bed...like play with the mobile. Another thing, since she's still small, give her something on the side of her bed to look at...a mirror or something with colorful activities. She maybe too small right now but the item you get for her can be useful for at least a year or so.

Just a thought:).

L.

Hay M.,When my daughter was 4 monthes old she did the same thing.The only way I could get her to sleep was rock her.I know this sounds like a lot , but let me tell you.I got a lot of needed sleep.I would feed her her last bottle,burp her and just hold her close and rock her.sometimes I would sing to her.she would go to sleep then ,i put her in her crib.I dont believe we should let our babies cry themselves to sleep.But the only thing about singing to her ,was when she got older,I had to sing her to sleep every nite.and her brother.But I enjoyed it very much.This has made us very close.My kids are older now, but I would do it the sameway.

I am a SAHM as well and I have 4 kids, my oldest is 15 and my youngest is 6. You can try to put the baby in the crib and sit close to it so she knows you are there. Music helped my kids and the aquarium thing that played soft music and had some lights worked great for my youngest. If she is not ready yet don't worry, she is just a baby and in time she will lay right down on her own, but enjoy the time you have with her putting her to sleep because there will be one day that you will no longer get that precious opportunity because before you know it they are 15 and independent.
T.

I know it's hard....but once you get through it, you'll be amazed at how much better it will be for all involved. And, honestly, 15 minutes is really nothing. Sometimes it takes a long time the first time or two, but you'll be surprised how much easier your life will be if you'll let her go through this.

It wasnt that long ago I went through this with my grandson. What I did is I went out and got the cds of some classical music the ones of like rain and the ocean and we started playing them when we put him down for bed. He would whimper and fuss but he started going to sleep easier. Just make sure it is on real low to where it is almost a whisper. It will also make some noise so it isnt so quiet. Try it. It may take a week or so but it should help. Good luck!

I would suggest starting with nap time instead of night time. You should try spending about 10-15 min of quiet time in the room with the lights out simply holding or rocking her, with as little distraction as possible. This will give her some time to calm down before she's laid in her bed and it has to be a routine.

Babies cry, it won't hurt her, but 15 minutes of steady crying is a long time. I agree with a previous post that you should go into the room after 5, don't turn on the lights, but calmly pat her and console her without picking her up. After she calms down, try again. If she's crying, stopping and starting again, she's testing you. She's trying to see how long it will take you to come into the room. So don't go in too early. You only want to go in if it's a constant cry. You and your husband need to remain calm and positive. If you are stressed or upset your baby will know! She can sense the tension and it will only upset her more. It seems difficult now, but well worth it. You don't want a kindergartner sleeping in your bed every night. Good luck!

Gwen, mother of two and pregnant with third.

I am in the same boat, only I have twin girls. They are the same age as your daughter, and I know it is about time to let them "cry it out" for a few minutes. I have never liked this ( I have 3 other children) and dread the thought of it with two babies crying it out! Anxious to see if others give you some great advice ~ I can only empathize and say good luck!

Try the book "No Cry Sleep Solution" Sorry if this has already been mentioned!

Start gradually, lay her in the crib awake for short periods during the day so she gets used to it. At night, start her off in the crib. If she wakes up crying, use your own instinct, just make it gradual. My 8 month old has slept in a crib for 4 months. He still wakes up sometimes at night but I can tell by his cries if he's going to go back to sleep or not.

Good Luck

4 months is too young to let cry herself to sleep. The general rule is around 6 months atleast. You should do what feels comfortable, and remember you are good mom.

Hi M.,

I'm sure you will get tons of responses to this question that will range the spectrum from "you should never let your baby cry because that's a sign they need something" to "you have to let your baby cry it out or they will never learn to sleep on their own". When I was in your situation, I liked the idea of a sleep schedule but it broke my heart to let my daughter cry...all that to say, the answer to my prayers came in a book called "Healthy Sleep, Happy Baby/Child" or something close to that by Mark Weisbluth. He is an awesome "sleep expert" that has tons of experience. His methods were right on for my baby and I have given the book to all my friends. We all call it the magic book. I would highly recommend it. Also, he talks about a very important shift in sleep habbits that starts around 4 months so it would be good timing for you to try some of the methods. Good luck to you! BTW, my daughter now 18 months sleeps 12 hours at night!!

Hello M.. Unfortunately, that is the only way to do it. It is so hard to listen to them cry and I sat there cryting, just listening to our son. Put them down, and go to another room and try to watch a favorite movie or television show. Also, the first night is the hardest for everyone, (it can last up to 1 1/2 hours of crying.) Each night thereafter the time is exponentially decreased. But, whatever you do, don't go pick them up, then you'll have to start all over again. Good luck.

A.

We did the same thing with our two when they were babies, but with 10 minutes. My husband and I would sit there in front of the digital clock. It was tough to bear for ten minutes, but I swear each time when it got to minute 9 our daughter would finally stop crying. That only lasted a few nights and after that she didn't seem to have trouble going to sleep on her own. We put the kids to bed at the same time every night and went through the same bedtime routine with them every night, including a nightly warm bath (they both loved the water!)and singing and rocking. Keep at it for a week and see what happens.

HI M., Here is my story and I hope it helps. FIrst I was told by our peditrician and from articles about the "ferber method" online that the crying out method should not be used until the baby is at least six months. WIth that said I decided to let my baby cry it out when he was 8 mos old. We only let him cry it out at bedtime though, not nap time. Nap time I would rock him to sleep and lay him in his crib either asleep or very close to sleeping. Here was our bedtime routine, i bathed our son right before bedtime, a warm bath really calms him down. Then we go into his bedroom with a dimmed light on and lullaby music while I got him in his jammies and all that good stuff. I would nurse him and then lay him down in his crib and he would fall asleep (going to bed was not a prob) sleeping through the night was, so the first night when he woke up he only crid for about 7 minutes then fell back alseep and slept through the night. The second night he cried about ten minutes and fell back asleep for the night. The third night was the worse and I guess from what I read and was told this would be th worse night. He cried for about 17 minutes. After ten minutes I sent my husband him to rub his tummy briefly and let him know it was ok, and he fell back asleep for the night. I suggest that whom ever your baby is most used to coming in her room when she wakes at night NOT go in. In mycase I went to him everytime he woke so when he needed to be laid back down without be picked up I sent my husband in. I hope this help, and please dont let your four month baby cry it out she is too young and still needs you, and especially since it seems your are not comfortable with it yet. Good luck and try this method in a few months. Also search on google the FERBER METHOD.

Hi M.!
You might want to extend her awake time before getting her ready for bed. If her environment is noisy (TV..etc) that might be a factor as well. Do you use a nightlight? I understand Doctor's think their way is better sometimes, but, you know your daughter better than anyone else. You know her "cries". Never put her to bed like that if she seems scared or hurting. It also, might do you well, to let her nap in her bed during the day..Best Wishes to you all.....LOVING PATIENCE TOO!!

My daughter was about a year and a half old when we "sleep trained" her. It was one of the hardest things I've done as a mother, and I think I cried more than she did. It only took two nights of letting her cry and waiting longer and longer periods before checking on her, speaking soothing words to her, patting her on the back, then walking out of her room. She slept fine after that and seemed to be in better spirits during the day because of a good night's sleep. We had to do the same with our sons after her, and now they are all healthy, happy teenagers with good sleep habits.

Hi M. A!
I'm surprised that your doctor recommended 15 minutes to start with. If you've been rocking her to sleep her whole life and jump right to that, of course it's going to be a big shock. Try working your way gradually to that goal. So if you now normally rock her until she is completely asleep, try rocking her until she is just barely asleep. Then sleepy, but eyes still open, then keep on working your way from there. I always found that it helped to hold my daughter for at least 15 minutes before even trying to put her down for a nap. But I got it to the point that I could put her down completely awake and she would go to sleep at the same age as your daughter is now. Other things to try would be laying her down and rubbing her tummy or back for a while instead of holding her, or putting lullabies on, or getting a mobile that moves (the idea is replacing your holding with something else that might assist her in sleeping for a while). You might try reading the book "On Becoming BabyWise" by Gary Ezzo. It's a little controversial in parenting circles, but I found it super helpful to me for both my kids (one girl, one boy with completely different sleeping styles and personalities). I hope this helps!
J. B (originally from Columbus, but now residing in Ottawa, Canada)

M. -
Hate to break this to you, but this method will work if you are strong enough. Three days is usually how long it takes...I always refer to it as "three days of hell". BUT - by the fourth, they usually get a clue. I went through this 3 times...and it was NOT easy...but if you are consistent, it will work. Hang in there!

I used the crying method myself for both of my boys. However, I didn't let them cry for 15 minutes, it was around 5 minutes. I always laid them down with a night light on and some instrumental music playing. If they started to cry, I tried not to pick them up, but rather patted their backs and talked to them until they soothed themselves. During the night, I always came right away to check for leaky diapers, but I did my best not to pick them up and just patted their backs and tried to sooth them until eventually they learned to soothe themselves. It will take a week or so of doing this, but it does work and my boys to this day are great sleepers. You're not a failure for picking up your child to soothe her. Some say you should let them cry, I say it is better for your child to know you will be their when she needs you.

M.,
you are describing the ferber method. it's hard as hell, but it pays off the best off all the methods out there. however, all children are different and need different things. with my son, i check in in 5 minutes, then 7ish, then 10ish if needed. i usually don't need to go in a third time and many times, not even a second.
consistency will aid you in any adjustment, and this is no exception. however, after a month, if you haven't gotten anything out of the ferber method, you might try something else.
also, i didn't start at 4 months getting my son to sleep on his own. i waited until about 6 or 7, when i felt that he was ready. go with your instinct. it may not necessarily be doctors orders, but your the mom here and you know your child!
good luck!

You must do what YOU think is best. If you really feel that you are being cruel or hurting your child, don't do it.
I let my son cry it out and he's fine. He is 3 1/2 now and comes to me when something is wrong and knows full well that I'll be there in the night (and anytime)if he's hurt or scared.
Some choices are:
Cry it out, co-sleep, rock to sleep, stay in the room but not holding (maybe rubbing or patting her back).
Best of luck ... you must decide what's right for you and your baby and don't let ANYONE (even a doctor) tell you it's the wrong choice - as long as no harm is done it's best for you to be happy and comfortable with your choice. Your baby will sense that and she will be confortable, too.

I know it is absolute torture to listen to your child cry for 2 min. let alone 15! Give it a few more days, crying it out doesn't work in one night. If you just can't stand it, try holding/rocking her until she is almost asleep, and then put her in her crib. White noise or soft luliby music may help keep her calm until she falls asleep on her own.
Good Luck!

I HIGHLY recommend the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Dr. Marc Weisbluth (sp?). He is a pediatrician from London who moved to the US and has a sleep clinic at Northwestern. We used the book from the time my son was a newborn, and we have no sleep problems. He is now 14 months and is a happy, well rested child. He does not cry at bedtime, and naps well during the day. The book gives different options for different parenting styles, so if you can't do the "cry it out" method, he will have some advice for you. He made me realize how important good rest is for babies, that you have to make sleep and naps a priority, and work your schedule around them, not drag the babies all over town and expect them to nap on the run. I still really enjoy rocking my little guy to sleep, but I try not to make it a habit becuase I know it is not the right thing to do for him.
Good luck!

Hi M.,

My son is the same exact age. I strongly feel that at an age that young they are still developing the trust and security they have for their parents. As a parent you have to do what is right for you, however, if you want to get her to sleep on her own I strongly suggest easing into the situation, rather than starting with a drastic change in her bedtime routine. When I do my bedtime routine for my son, I feed him make sure he is full, then I give him a bath with the night time baby wash, and use the lotion. I then turn the lights off the room, and diaper and put on pajama's and his music is playing and when I talk to him I am talking softly and not engaging much. This is so he recognizes that it is not time to play. Now, instead of rocking, I just hold him close and sing to him and put him down semi-awake.

I was rocking him from being completely awake to being fully asleep.

Hope you can take any little part of that away with u.

Tonya

I am a Mom of 4 boys, I also have a wonderful husband/father. Every one of My children have slept in our bed until about 2-3 years. My children slept better we slept better. I also nursed all my children so it was easier. I think it's a personal choice. You will have people advise you one way or another. But as for me and my family sharing our bed was no big deal.My boys are 10,6,4, and 2. The youngest starts out in his toddler bed but by morning he is always in bed with us. Hope this helps.

My trick was do whatever you do before you usually put her down wether that be nursing, feeding, rocking, etc. Do not do this activity until she falls asleep, do it until she is on the verge of falling asleep gradually working your way up until you are putting her down fully awake. At first I had to put my daughter down when her eyes just starting closing, but within two weeks, she was in her bed at "bedtime" awake and falling asleep on her own. She was sleeping through the night for 6 hours at 4 months!

My husband made me do this when our daughter was almost 4 months and I am so glad we did! She is now almost 10 months and has been sleeping through the night since then. She only cried for 10 minutes the first few times (which was horrible for ME, I went and slept on the couch). Now when we lay he down around between 830 and 9pm she may cry, but it is never for more than 5 minutes. Normally she just lays down and goes to sleep. I have friends who have not trained their babies to sleep and are still up during the night with kids that are over a year! The longer you wait the harder it gets.

I have a 4 month old also, and she has been sleeping through the night for 2 months thanks to Baby Wise! It is a great book written by, Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, MD. They tell you step by step how to keep a great schedule with feeding and sleeping. I've found the more scheduled you are with your baby the better.
I hope this helps, it truly helped me!
Good luck

I think it's all up to your own personal preferences to how and when you send your little one to sleep on their own.

Several of my girlfriends let their little ones sleep with them up to a year old or sleep in the same room until a couple years old.

I let my little ones sleep with me until about a year old. I put their toddler bed in my room right next to my bed. Later, I laid down with them until they fell asleep in their twin beds. Now, I tuck them in bed after going through our normal routine of picking out clothes for the next day and reading books. I turn off the lights, and they fall asleep on their own. A couple times a week I might still go in there and tell them to settle down and time to go to sleep. They try to crawl in bed with me. I walk them back to their room and tuck them back in. Sometimes when they don't feel well or have been especially cranky that day, I'll let them fall asleep in my room, then put them back in their own beds after they're asleep.

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I rocked my children to sleep ubtil they started acting like they wanted the bed right away and not me rockung them. Listen to your Dr. yet follow your own instints , no one knows your child like you do.

The most important job you will ever have is raising this child to survive out in the world around her. It is not easy, and can be very heartbreaking. As the parents, you need to be the strong ones and know that for the next 18 years you are the ones that have to teach her everything from sleeping on her own to getting her first job. 18 years sounds like a long time, it's not. If you don't teach the small things early in life, it makes the harder stuff later MUCH harder.

Stick with it. The process will only get harder the older she gets. Remember, you aren't hurting her, you are helping her because being able to sleep on her own is so important. Read On Becoming Babywise. Good luck!

I know! It's a special form of torture. We let my daughter cry 5 minutes, soothed her, let her cry 10 minutes, soothed her and then let her cry 15 minutes. It's hard but it only took a couple of nights. She's a great sleeper now. Worth it. A book I love is Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. She uses another method which you may like better. It didn't work so well for me because my daughter is so active. She really needed to learn to calm down and soothe herself with as little stimulation as possible.

I know you're asking for a different method... but after 4 nights or so (it does feel like a month) it really does work--we have had a child we could lay down to sleep ever since we did this at 5-6 months old. It is almost unbearable to listen to, but if you ensure nothing is wrong before you leave the room you know all they want is to be held... Good luck with what ever method you use! None of it is really easy!