Sleep Training Isn't for Sissys

I hear you!!!I have a problem with "self soothing". When people suggest this to me, i always want to ask when the last time that they cried themselves to sleep and was it very "comforting".
If you hear any good advise, let me know.

Hi N.:

I am also a new stay-at-home Mom of 8-months old twin boys. One of my boys also refuses to nap even though I can tell that he is tire and cranky. I don't have the heart to let him "cry it out" but I try a few things which seem to help sometimes.

1. If he is truely not sleepy, I would let him play another 10 or 15 minutes then put him to bed again. He is usually more settled.

2. When he shrills, I pick him up and carry him to the window to look outside for a few minutes which he loves and he loves to tap window with his little fingers. When he calms down, I let him nap again. 8 out of 10 times, he would just slowly falls asleep.

3. I use swing chair to rock him to sleep. Swing chair is SO useful.

Good luck!

D. Z

I also was not a cry it out mom. But my son picked that methoded himself when all he would do was cry. i found that if right when he started to cry i put down in his crib and sang to him for a mintue then put the blanket on him and left he would cry for a much shorter period of time. When i stayed it just made it last longer. i would go in every 5 mintues or so and rub his head. eventually he would fall asleep. i think he was just so tired that he did not know what to do. he still fights sleep to this day but it only takes on average 20 mintues for him to fall asleep. it was really hard at first to listen to him so started to clean. i would tell myself as so as teh bed was made i could go bake in. At teh end of teh week my house was spot less. To bad that did not last. but the nice sparkly house was nice while it lasted. Try to distract yourself while he is crying. i couldn't even listen to himon the moniture. he was loud i didn't need it anyway. the whole thing took about a week. so stay strong and find what you are comftorable with. ohh by the way, it was harder to hold him while he cried than it was to put him down. i would be so stressed by the time he fell asleep it took me his whole nap to clam down. it was a lot eaiser than i thought it would be it to leave him alone. Still really hard but eiaser than holding a screaming baby. it came down to my sanity. find the approch that works for you and your little man. it took a lot of trial and error befor we figured it out.
A.

I had the same issue with my first daughter once she turned 5 months old. "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Weissbluth was recommended to me, and two kids later it is still beside my glider as I refer to it anytime one of my kids has any kind of sleep issue. I am happy to report that I have three great sleepers (and nappers) ages 1, 3 & 4 and I believe it's mostly due to what I learned from that book!
Good Luck!!

Hi there,

Twins! Gosh, hang in there. I only have one 9-month old and wonder how we've made it this far. :)

I agree with what the other mommies wrote, sounds like he's too young to do the cry-it-out. Can you lay down with him to get him to nap? Or maybe he doesn't need as much napping as your daughter does?

I've gotten some good tips from Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution".
www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

Sorry I can't suggest anything else, and I'm sure your timing is tricky with twins. Good luck!!!

H.

It probably feels right now like this will never end, and you are exhausted and maybe your little guy is exhausted, too. But have faith, you and he will sort this out. Hang in there. One of the best things about babies is that they change so fast...sometimes a problem that seems insurmountable will solve itself in weeks. If people are pressing you to let him cry it out, you can confidently tell them that sleep experts say he is too young have this technique used on him yet. Good luck!!

Is he on a 3.5 hour schedule? Before he gets really tired, you have to put him down for a nap. Try to set him down after 1 hr to 1.5 hrs. of feeding him and see if that will work. He probably needs a good 2 hour nap between feedings. At this age, he needs (3) 2 hour naps during the day. No TV or anything too stimulating like toys with lights and noise (at least not for a long period of time). Some babies get to wired and can't sleep. Also, it could be gas as well. If your breastfeeding, check your diet. Your daughter might be fine with everything you're eating, but he might not be? Also check to see if he's burped enough. Good luck and hope it gets better.

N.,
I have twins also, but they are 9 now and girls. I also have a 1 yo son and let me tell you that BOYS ARE DEFINATELY DIFFERENT THAN GIRLS!! The girls were great sleepers. Never woke up in the middle of the night, ate great and still do... My son on the other hand if finally sleeping through the night except on occasion. His eye teeth are coming in so this has been rough. Eat terrible and is just different. Each child is different. Try to keep the same schedule for both from eating to sleeping to bath time. This could just be a phase for him. Try gas drops.. Maybe he has tummy ache or gas.

Good luck, need anymore twin advice let me know.
trish

N.-

I am not a self help book type of person but after I had my twins and was so sleep deprived I decided I had to find something to help. The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child was recommended by many mother's of twins and although I did not follow the practices in it to the letter I modified it to our lifestyle and it worked. Our almost 5 year old twins don't nap anymore but they do sleep 7-7 most nights and they go down without a fuss. Take a look at it and sii if some of the ideas would work for you.
Although I did have to let them "cry it out" at 6 months to get them to sleep through the night. Pure torture for 3 nights and pure bliss for 4+ years.

Good Luck!
M.

checkout the sleeplady.com, worked for us!

Most kids I know drop there naps by 3 or so. Maybe your son doesnt need his nap anymore. If he is very cranky in the evening and wont nap, put him to bed an hour eariler. That's what I have done with my kids.

It doesn't get any easier at 9 months old. I've read several sleep books and tried the cry-it-out thing (didn't work for me -- can't do it). My pediatrician recommended Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child -- 3rd edition -- and while I don't agree with everything, he does provide a nice overview of what an average sleep schedule is for babies. I tend to follow the advice of Dr. Sears, but if I could go back several months, I would have liked the kind of info in this book.

I followed the advice in HSHHC about helping set regular sleep schedules and the timing. After 1 month, things are much better. We don't let my daughter cry it out, but we will spend 15 minutes helping her get to sleep.

Yes, it is hard to let them cry it out but....my son's doctor told us to do this and it does work! My son would not go to sleep in his crib and the first night we let him cry for about 45 minutes. It was horrible! But we stuck to it and the next night he only cried for 10 minutes and by the 3rd night, he didn't even cry! He also did the gagging/choking thing and the doc said he does it on purpose to get us to come. You can peek in to check but as long as he isn't throwing up...leave him! It may break ur heart the first couple of nights, but you won't regret it. :)

my daughter is the same way......... try the amby baby motion bed reccommended by dr. sears..... it is a LIFESAVER!!!! that is my only suggestion because we too tried EVERYTHING! this was the only thing that worked :)

A friend of mine with 4 kids told me this: there are three things you can't force a child to do: eat, sleep and poop.

Good luck!

N. I can relate. Up until we worked with a sleep consultant when my son was nearly 10 months old I was holding my son in my arms from about midnight until 5 o5 6 each morning (he slept fine in his crib from about 7-midnight then needed to be held).

Karen Kesti (www.kkbaby.net) came for an in-house visit. She evaluated our son and the three day journal (eating, naps, etc.) she asked us to keep. She taught us how to create a good sleep routine that used cues (closing blackout blinds, using a white noise machine/sound soother, using a lovey [Grover doll], reading a story) to let our son know it was time to sleep. We left after putting him down and he was allowed to cry for five minutes. At that point we would go in to do a 'gentle' remind (soothing, but brief, no picking up). If he was still crying 10 minutes later we would do a 'stern' remind. If 5 minutes after that he was still crying I was allowed to hold him to sleep (ideally you put them in the crib when they are drowsy, but awake, so they learn to put themselves to sleep). This was a horrible thing to go through - it was difficult for us and our son. But within a few days he learned what the cues meant and within another week after that I spent less and less time holding him to sleep. He got to the point where he puts himself to sleep.

Granted, this all goes out the door when he is sick or is really having a tough time with teething. And when he gets spoiled we have to go through the 'retraining' for 2 or 3 days, but it's nothing like the first time.

Books I've read say you can start sleep training at 4 months, but I wouldn't start until 5 months.

We refused to do CIO. We thought that would be traumatic and counterproductive (they are babies - they want and need our comfort and love), but we aren't attachment parents either (not that it's a bad thing - we're just somewhere in between both approaches).

What was also critical to our success was modifying our son's nutrition and eating regimen. We switched to 6 meals (breakfast, early morning snack, lunch, early afternoon snack, late afternoon snack, dinner). The in-between snacks consisted of fruit to kickstart his hunger later on. Our son was underweight (25th percentile) so it was also critical to make sure he was eating enough and getting enough formula. We had to stop giving him an overnight bottle/feeding so that he would eat more at dinner as well.

He will learn, but it may be tough.

Good luck!
V.

N., I'm a mother of 4 mo. twins too -- two girls! I'm with you my friend!

Mine don't nap that well but we are working on it; I've decided that working on the nighttime is my first priority. During the day, we feed them in their car seats for the "hands free" benefits. I generally let them fall asleep over their bottles and then recently have been trying to move them to their cribs when they are drowsy or asleep. When they were younger and smaller, I let them snooze in their seats.

Maybe some of our nighttime tips can be of help. One of my girls puts herself to sleep pretty well with a little rocking, a tiny blanket and a pacifier. The other one is much more difficult. First, I used to have to swaddle her, rock her in a very specific (and tiring) way, and then put her in a swing in a darkened room to get her to sleep. I decided that this was just not a sustainable model as she got bigger -- especially since being swaddled woke her up several hours later when she wanted to get out. I didn't want to try "CIO" either but we've ended up using a modified version to help teach her to learn how to soothe herself. I realized that when we are driving in the car a long distance -- where I can't pick her up -- she will cry / scream (to the point of hysterics too) for a *maximum* of 25 minutes before she poops out. I figure if we are ok with it in the car then she and I should be able to handle that amount of "CIO" to go to sleep at night. So, now I don't swaddle her, I feed her in her seat (which makes her drowsy or puts her to sleep), rock her just a couple of minutes (if still very awake) and then put her in her crib -- well, technically, her pack n play because we have moved her out of her room into the guest room for nighttime. The guest room is cooler and darker. This way, she doesn't disrupt her sister with her 5 - 25 minutes of crying (Eventually, we will have to work on moving her back into her room, I know, but everything in it's time...). She is a master at hysterical crying but this type of crying is also exhausting to her so it is difficult for them to keep it up for long. If she is still crying after 15 minutes, I'll go in and rub her belly, cheeks, kiss her, etc. Generally, this works well and she is asleep within 25-30 minutes. A few times, I've had to go in 3 times or so when she falls asleep for 5 mins. and then wakes up again crying. I also play the same CD for whatever it's worth ... not sure if it does much but they say a routine is a good thing.

BTW, the more tired she is, the more difficult this is to implement so maybe you want to try it early in the day when your boy is most rested. And try washing dishes or bottles during the first 5 - 10 mins. It is so difficult to listen to the crying (breaks your heart) but it often passes a lot faster than you think if you are not listening to it.

Let me recomend a book that really helped me to understand baby sleep(or not sleep) It is "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. I don't think that crying it out alone is the answer. At some point all of my babies have cried before going down for a nap. I have just made sure that they are fed and changed, and then I rock them even while they scream. Usually after a few days my babies will not cry or they will cry for a moment in my arms and then go to sleep. Just stay calm and let them know you are calm and ok. Also how many naps are you trying to get him to take. Some babies go down to two naps around this age. One more thing is that as babies go through major developmental stages, rolling, crawling, walking, ect. they somethimes don't sleep as well. They don't want to miss anything. Good luck.

I have twins that are now 2 years old (one of each)...so I can tell you that you will make it....just hang in there....it gets much, much easier! Have you tried using the swing for him. I found that anyway I could get him on a napping schedule no matter how that once the routine is set they will then sleep no matter where. Keep trying. I never ever used the cry out method and I can tell you I have 2 very good sleepers and nappers, but the schedule is the key. Whether it's feeding or sleeping....keep them both on the schedule. Hang in there.

I LOVE the book The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. It is great for getting on a schedule and for working through sleep issues. I started using it when my first, a boy, was not napping well. And within a few days he was napping, on a schedule and sleeping through the night (3 months). I used it again with my second, a girl, and she has been a much better napper and also sleeping through the night at 3 months. The Baby Whisperer was a nanny, and she recommended that 4 month old babies be on a 4 hour eating schedule. The book explains it in more detail, but basically the babies eat, play then sleep for 1 1/2-2 1/2 hours. Then you start all over again. It's amazing how a baby can do so well on a 3 hour schedule and then it just doesn't work because they're growing older. There is a huge section on sleep issues that helps you figure out how to fix that problem without letting them cry it out. I know the book works, and it was relatively easy to follow. I'd be happy to talk with you in more detail if you like.
Congratulations on the twins. I know it's got to be a ton more work than just one!

Please get the book 'The No Cry Sleep Solution.' This is the best advice on sleep stuff. I really do not believe in the Cry It Out method. Also, I think that we are seriously beginning to debunk that "old school" method now. The ' No Cry Sleep Solution' takes more time than cry it out but I think that it is the way to treat your little boy with the most compassion and respect. Good luck! Also, now that we have eliminated gluten, dairy and soy from our 4.5 month old's diet, she is like a new baby. It is hard work but so worth it to see her sleep easier and in a better mood when she is awake. Our pediatrician really didn't think food allergies was a problem, even though I brought it up several times. Well I finally just did an "elimination" diet myself to find the culprits and lo and behold, no more screaming crying! She is breastfeeding, so that means all of that is eliminated from my diet. Are you on formula or breastmilk? It may be the formula.

Well, he is only 4 months...he needs you! Carry him, be close to him (as much as you can, which I realize is hard with twins) and hang in there. It will change.

He's too young to cry anything out yet. It's just the really really REALLY hard part of having babies. You just remain exhausted for a while and then one day you wonder how it went by so fast and you MISS IT!