Sleeping Alone

Hello, I dont know if this will help you or not, but it worked for me. I went to the store with my daughter, who is 4 and had her pick out a new comforter and blanket set. We then picked out the pillows and night light. When we got them home, and set her bedroom up with the stuff that she picked out (constantly saying how big and grown up she was) she was thrilled! She couldnt wait to sleep in her "new" room with all of the new stuff that she got. She has been sleeping by herself ever since. She does on occasion when she is sick still like to sleep in my room, but for the most part she is on her own. Hope this helps!!

Hi A.,

I had the same problem with my son around the same age. He wanted to sleep with me all the time. What I ended up doing was, before he went to bed, I change into my pj's and when I tucked him into his bed I'd give him the shirt that I was wearing that day to sleep with. He just needed to smell me and he was fine. As for the sippy cup, that's a problem, juice or milk will cause bottle mouth, a severe rotting of his baby teeth and his unformed adult teeth. He's old enough to understand that he cannot have milk or juice ONLY water. You're the parent, it's going to be rough but tell him it's water or nothing. He's going to give you a hard time but after a few days both situations will get easier.

I co slept with all of my kids. The best way I found although time consuming, is to put them to sleep in their own bed with you there til they fall asleep. I always laid down with them then snuck out after they fell asleep. Remember that you have been there snuggling him since birth so this is a brand new thing and it is not going to be easy. Try to look at it from his view. It is scary I am sure. Get him a sleeping light and something to snuggle that smells like you. Try to start phasing out the cup. That is going to be hard because he is attatched to it. You may find some nights with him screaming, but he will grow away from it. Try a bye bye ceremony. time for sippy to go bye byes. Good luck to you!! God Bless.

Hi, I have a similar problem. Start by placing a nap mat next to your bed (most likely on dad's side) and when he climbs in your bed place him on the mat. Use his favorite blanket & pillow to help comfort him. Resure him that he is big boy and you understand that wants to be close you but he needs to start sleeping in his own area. Work on that for awhile, if you make progress then try his bed. I hope this helps.

I feel your pain. My son is 3 1/2 years old and basically what we have to do is lay in bed with him at night until he falls asleep. Then my husband sneeks out. But if he wakes up in the middle of the night, which he does about 5 out of the seven nights, he calls "dad" and my husband has to go back in there, put him back to sleep and sometimes comes back to our bed or he will just spend the rest of the night in there. I agree, it's EXTREMELY frustrating. I could us some help as well. We are exhausted, and really don't know what else to do ourselves.
I hope someone can help you and I out. But just know your not alone in this.
L.

i am a mom of four and have found that often when the child is clingy at night time they don't feel safe or there was a major change in something around the household. what i do with my kids is i cuddle with them one at a time in their beds... and stay on the outside then creep off when they fall asleep. do not let him have daytime naps if he wakes up frequently. before you know it he will be sleeping by himself.

Hi

I just went throw this with my 27th month old. You have put on a pot of coffee and to commit yourself to not letting him sleep in your bed any more. Put him in awake, because it is harder to deal with it when you are awoken in the middle of the night. And stick to it. The first night he cryed and begged for an hour. Every once in awhile we would go in and walk in back to bed, but we would not talk to him after the first time we told him it was bed time and he needed to be a big boy and sleep in his bed. This is going to be harder on you then him. But once you start there is no going back so be prepared for what could be a long night. Eventually he gave up and got in his bed and went to sleep. You need to get a gate for his door so he cannot get out. We also put him to bed with a cup with water. I would not change both at the same time. I would get him to sleep through the night first and then in a few weeks deal with the cup. Has he screamed the first night and then again for the second night I just kept telling myself that this was really a gift for him to learn to fall asleep by himself and he will rest much better and so will you and your husband.

We also made a really big deal the mornings after he slept in his bad all night. It as only been a week and last night I put him in and we went right to sleep.

Good luck and remember be strong you can do this. It will be over in a few days and everyones life will be better for it.

Going threw the same thing with my 3 year old so I can relate. What I am doing with my son is I took one of my husbands pillows and a blanket from our bed. I put them on the floor of our room next to our bed and told him he either sleeps there or in is own bed. Be firm which is easier said than done and in about 2 weeks you will have your bed back of course you'll have to watch where you step but it's better than the bed. We also bought my son a twin bed instead of his toddler bed and put his favorite TV character sheets on it. That seems to help alot too.
As for the sippy cup start filling it with water. Kids don't like it as much so they don't drink it as quickly. Eventually he'll stop caring about it at all especially if you start putting him to bed with a stuff animal.
This has worked wonders for me hope it helps you. Email me anytime.

Try new special sheets, night light, anything to make him want to be in his room. Or try getting him to sleep in his room for a while and if he wakes up he can get in your bed. The key is consistency. He will wear you out the first few nights, but you have to be firm! I know its so much easier said than done, lol. I used to have to sit in front of my sons bed holding his hand, and each night i moved the chair further away until eventually i was sitting in the hallway.

hi A., your son is old enough to reason with and to understand about rewards and consequenses. maybe try a star chart, give him a star each time he sleeps in his bed, with a prize at the end etc. though i have learned from using them myself, at this age, he should only have to earn a few stars to get a prize at first, i wouldnt do more than 4 or 5 at first. also, make sure that whatever the prize is, he can get it immediately upon earning the last star, no waiting to go to the park or the store or whatever. this is a very tough transition, maybe you want to start by giving him stars for just falling asleep in his bed, and he can come into your room during the night if he wakes up. sit with him, read to him, whatever till he falls asleep. then work up to the whole night from there. im sure many people will tell you to go "cold turkey" with or without a reward chart, it definitely is a lot faster that way if you can both handle it, i tend to make changes like that really gently and gradually, but it can take forever and sometimes backfire if you sit at one stage too long. in any case, i would absolutely stop the juice at night immediately, water only. its a horrible habit, and it will really mess up his teeth, tell him so, and tell him it's water or nothing. some people say no drinking at night, personally i dont see why not, i know that during the winter my house is dry as a bone, i have a humidifier going 24/7 and i still wake up totally parched during the night, how could i deny the kids? but after they brush their teeth, it is ONLY water. good luck with the sleeping. take care, D.

I feel for you. I am also dealing with a 2 1/2 year old who needs a cup every night and who has been screaming to sleep in our room at night. I know it's SO hard to do it, but try putting her back in bed. I'm trying it too, and it's so hard to hear the screaming. However, eventually I think my daughter will give up. (at least I hope!) I hope this works and again, I believe this is normal. Good luck!

I can totally sypathize with you! My daughter is 4 1/2 years old and I just recently started taking her out of my bed. She is our only child as well, and like you I worked full time all her life and for my own selfish reasons I kept her in my bed so that I can get some sleep. She went from her crib 24 months to our bed till just recently. I tried several times in between to get her out but it was to no avail. Then we had to start potty training her at night and it was definetly time for her to get out of our bed.

What I am really trying to say is just sit down and ask yourself, "Why do I want my child out of the bed?, Is it because it is breaking up my marriage?, or is everyone sleep deprived?, or is it just because everyone else's kids sleep on there own?" because I have learned that that it is totally normal for children to come in the mommy and daddys bed when they are young, But then there is a time to take them out! There is a book you should try reading if you have not read it yet it REALLY helped me, it is called, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley, this book is really good, she is not 100% out of my bed yet but the nights are getting longer in there and there is definetly some nights where she does not wake up at all, and if you are like me, youll take ANYTHING just to have one night in the bed by yourself (even if its just 3 hours) The really trick is just trying... try asking if there is anything in the room that scares the child.. assure him that you are only a call away... give him a life size doll to sleep with .. honestly thats what really worked with my daughter to even just get her to sleep in her bed! I got that from the book, it said something that with the lifesize dolls kind of replaces mommy and daddy it makes the child feel like there is someone in the bed with them, getting rid of the empty nest feeling and always make sure there is enough night lights if they are scared of the dark.. Well I hope I was helpful to you in some way ... write back and let me know how it is turning out!! But please do it now while he is young it will hurt less!! Good Luck!!!

D.
Lindenhurst, NY

A.,

Your son can be trained to sleep alone just like a baby is trained to sleep alone, except a baby is easier because he is confined to a crib.

What I would suggest is that you choose a weekend or preferably a long weekend, in advance, for training him to sleep in his own bed. If you don't already have a bedtime routine including a bedtime story, begin one right away.

Have his room clean and pleasant. Keep the curtains and closet door closed if having them open at night bothers him. To get him used to being in his room in the dark or with a night light, stay with him for a while each night, talking about the day or things around his room.

About a week before the event, tell him that beginning on friday, he will start sleeping in his own bed. You can get him a night light, special pj's pillow, blanket flashlight or sleepng toy to make it seem like a special event. These items are for use with his bed only. You may like to establish a special reward if he sleeps in his bed with out a fight.

On friday night, follow through with the bedtime routine, reading to him in his bed. turn off the light (put on night light if necessary) and talk softly to him for a while, (remind him of the special reward) say good night with kisses and close the door. It might help for Dad to be there, too.

Now expect and prepare for a battle. he will most definitely have a fit about not being able to sleep with you anymore, but you MUST stick to your guns, be loving and insist that he is OK. Don't let him make you feel guilty or think that it is easier to give in. Don't allow yourself to become emotional about it. It will be easier for both if you don't. Be calm and patient. Whatever you do, don't get upset with him--he's going through a big change.

Resist the urge to lay in his bed with him - that will start another bad habit that's hard to break.

Now, eventually he will get tired and fall asleep, but in the meantime you will probably constantly be going to him, putting him back in his room, restating that he is sleeping in his own bed. If he stays in his bed and just screams, that's much easier. Just go console him periodically, first every 10 min, then 20, 30, etc. until he falls asleep. He may wake in the middle of night and either cry or come to your bed. You will then have to go through it all over again. Perhaps your husband can take turns with you. The more tired you are, the less patience you will have.

This should last for at least 3 days, up to a week or so until he realizes that your bed is no longer an option.

Please remember that it will be terrible to go through this, but once he's sleeping in his own bed, You and your husband will be much happier, and your son will be just fine, and will probably also sleep better.

To wean him from the drinking issue, give him lots of water and milk (doesn't NEED juice)during the day so he's not so thirsty at night. Daycares don't give lots of fluids, so you have to do it in the morning and evening - don't ask if he wants it, just give a cup often and tell him to drink at least a little each time. On a weekend night, different from the sleep training weekend (before or after), instead of juice or milk at night, switch him to water only. He will no doubt protest, but if you kindly insist it's water or nothing, he will eventually settle for the water. If he throws the cup in protest, take the cup away and don't let him have it back that night. try again the next night. Be Firm and kind. Let him have one cup, when that is gone, that's it. If you are getting the drink for him at night, tell him if he wants it, he must get it for himself. You may need to make these changes one at a time as doing it all at once may be too much for some kids to handle. Soon, you'll need to wean him from the water at night altogether until he is potty trained enough to go to the bathroom during the night. (buy a plastic cover for the mattress! and have a back up set of sheets and blankets each night)

As the parent, you are in charge, not him. Too many parents feel guilty about telling their kids "no", especially if they are in daycare all day. They allow the kids to call the shots. This is not healthy for the kids or the parents.

My 5yo son has slept with us occasionally and it was amazing that he'd insist on continuing after just one night. Now he prefers to sleep alone.

Good luck!
K.

I am going through this with my 2 1/2 yr. son. He starts out in his bed and then by about 3am he wants to sleep with us. It is not every night now, so I think he is weaning himself. And he gets ups every few hours to go potty and then thinks it is time to drink again after that. I don't really agree with letting them scream. You do have to ask yourself why this is soo terribly wrong. I am a working mom of three and I don't get alot of sleep, but the pressure is on from the outside world more so than my home to make him stay in his bed. He wants to go back to his bed some nights on his own, so I think it won't be long before this is over. Good luck.

Hi A.,

I have the same problem with my 14 month old daughter. Sleep has been a realy issue with her both night and naps. It is less of a struggle than in the past but that's not saying much, lol. I don't know how I'm going to solve the problem either. I'm a working mom too and sleep is important, to say the least, and I haven't had the will to tackle this one. Sorry, I can't help but sometimes it nice to commiserate.

Good Luck,
G.