Sleeping at Night!!

My pediatrition told me there is nothing wrong with a pacifier. If I were you I'd give that back to her...it really does comfort them and you can just use it for nap and nightime.

I had the same trouble with my first child. He wasn't sleeping with his father and I, but I was having to lay with him for naps and to get him to sleep and even then he would not go to sleep. Finally I started taking myself out of the situation. After about three days he started to sleep more. Though those three days were totally disasterous, he finally learned to sleep on his own. When he would not sleep with me there, I would tell him why I was getting up and I would leave him in his bed. The temper tantrums when I got up went away too and then I didn't lay with him at all.

I know all this advice and can say my 19mth old has slept in her crib since day one. I don't rock her to sleep. I use to nurse her before i put her down (awake), but now I just put her down. Same time every day (so there is a schedule). She doesn't sleep with us either (never has, she likes it by herself), my 4 year old joins us in the night (so I am not against co-sleeping). Anyway, all this advice is good and please do try it, but I have seen enough posts where a mom is doing all the right things (by the book) and their baby still does not sleep through the night. I think some are just that way. Mine is still not sleeping through the night. She did for about one week (it felt so good!!) and then stopped again. Just don't beat your self up something doesn't work.

OK...I'm going to tell you just what our Dr. just told us and we did and it WORKED! Our 15 month old was getting up all hours of the night (every 2,3 or 4 hours) to have a bottle. So, we weren't sleeping through the night either. He said we could quit the bottle cold turkey or gradually (but no more bottles throughout the night) - that she was able to make it the entire night so we could sleep! After our 3 days (which we started on a Friday) we were wondering why we struggled for so long before taking his advice.

He said: the schedule (routine) at night should be the same. It should be eat dinner, take a bath, read a book and be put in the crib awake (with water in a sippy cup). He suggested dinner first so she wouldn't associated eating (or a bottle) with sleeping. Having the bath after dinner, then books and being put to bed awake does this. We were worried about her not getting enough to eat and he said she'd figure it out and eat more the next night. (What we do is after bath, give her a sippy cup of milk and a snack for like 30 mins...let her run around, watch tv, then we tell her it's night night, she gives her kisses to her brother, we brush her teeth, change her diaper, read the book and put her down awake). Our Dr. also said kids associate liquids with their cups. So, each cup for juice, milk and water needed to be different.
So - we ended up quitting our bottle cold turkey and being able to sleep through the entire night within 3 days! I know your situation is a little different, but maybe try and tell her she is no longer going to sleep in mommy and daddys bed. She is a big girl now and can sleep the whole night in her bed.

The first night our daughter cried for like 15 mins, but then quit and fell asleep. She got up a couple times, cried but we never went to her and she gave up and fell back to sleep. Each night it was a little less crying and finally by the 3rd night, we'd put her in there wide eyed, say night night, give our kisses and she'd grab her sippy cup of water and that would be the last we heard of her!

We've recently been getting some teeth so there is ONE night I went to her and held her, then put her back in there after she calmed down and she stayed asleep the rest of the night. (We then gave her Motrin before bed and then, she didn't even cry).

We are just amazed at what a difference 3 days made and how much more sleep we get now and how easy it is. I don't know if your little girl is still in a crib or a bed...so I don't know if she can get out or not.

Our daughter still has her binki and blanket. We also play the same lullaby cd for her every night. Then, when we go to bed, we shut if off. This worked for us and we chose to go cold turkey with our situation. I hope whatever advice you get - something works. YOU NEED SLEEP! She is working you both! Good luck and let us know how you all did!

Dear B., it must be challenging to be the mom of three young children and also work full-time. Sleep is certainly important for everyone in the family! In reading the other replies, I have been struck once again by our cultural views about the "correct" and "healthy" way for children to sleep. Historically and worldwide, young children sleeping with parents is the norm. I remember having a Chinese scholar visiting my home who was shocked and appalled that my three-year-old had her own bed and room! Biologically speaking, it is also the norm to keep vulnerable members of the species close to the parents at night. It is our Western culture that uniquely defines this as a problem. So first I think it is important to consider how disruptive having your child nearby is to your sleep and how much of your concern is due to what you think your child "should" be doing based on advice from family, popular books, or medical providers(most who also dispense unscientifically proven personal and cultural parenting opinions).

Your daughter is used to sleeping near you because it was set up that way and of course she likes it. There is nothing wrong with that! Do you like to sleep alone at night or do you prefer being near another human being? If as adults we prefer sleeping with a loved one, why shouldn't a child feel the same way? We don't pathologize sleeping with our partner; why do we do it with children? This view is unique to our adult-oriented culture.

Sounds as if there are two issues: helping her to settle more easily at night and having her sleep in her own bed. There are a number of options, including making her a bed next to yours so that you have room at night but she can meet her needs for night-time closeness. What about sleeping with a sibling? Try to "think outside the box" a bit as you look for the solution taht will work best for your family. None of this is permanent; I assure you she will learn to sleep through the night in time. As parents we can take the long view, and think about how important it is to help our children to learn that going to sleep and waking up are pleasant, and to feel secure at these times. Letting a child "Cry it out" may seem to work in the short run, but all that is being done is teaching her to give up because her needs are not being heeded. I would encourage you to make changes in a gradual way that is not traumatic to you or your child. There are some excellent books available that will broaden your frame of reference and give other ideas and suggestions besides letting her cry. These include two books by Dr Sears, Night-time Parenting and the Sleep Book. Elizabeth Pantley's The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and pre-Schoolers is another. Being a parent does not mean that you should be perpetually self-sacrificng and ignore your own needs. But when we become parents we make a commitment to be available during the day or night if we are needed. Trust in your daughter's innate ability and desire to grow and develop. We don't have to "Make" children do things such as sleep all night, wean or toilet train. We can respect and trust their own pace and give them the support and help they need along the way. Also make syre in your busy life that you are taking a bit of time each day to care for and nurture yourself. Good luck!

J., mom to 5 grown children

I know where you are in all of this because my son is the same age as your daughter and we also co-sleep. My best advice for you is to be consitant. If you are happy co-sleeping then continue it, but if you are like us and would like you bed back then make the choice to move her into her own bed. I know with my son for example, he is use to having a big bed to sleep in so we bought a twin size little tykes car bed because he was un-comfortable in the toddler sized beds. We also have a large room so his bed is in our bed room which is a choice that works for us. I cant tell you which way to go with the transition, but one important key factor in anything you do with your child that will cause change, you absolutely have to stick to it! There is no going back. It might take a month, a week or just one day for your daughter to adjust but you both have to agree on the change and stick to it. I think thats the best advice anyone could give, consistancy is the most important thing in a child's life to know that my mommy and daddy mean business and this is the "new" way to do things. I know its got to be hard, because I was a stay at home mom and now am working and personaly have not made the choice because I also work and know how hard it is to get the laundry done let alone battle it out with my 18 month old at bed time. Good luck and I hope this is helpful to you.

Not enough sleep or interrupted sleep is bad. You have 2 other children and may not have had trouble with this issue. I took a nanny position when i was out of a job and ended up staying with the family for 4 yrs. Here is what they did. Both parents worked out a game plan. They stuck to the plan and you are going to lose even more sleep but look toward the reward. You both have to be on board and committed for the decision you make.I cannot tell you what to do because every individual family has different schedules and only you know your child. Some children find it hard to settle down with other noises and movement around.Create a bed time pattern and have the other girls tuned in as well.Hope it works out.

Hi B.,

My first daughter slept in the bed with us. She had febrile seizures and I couldn't sleep because I was getting up all night to check on her. When we finally decided to put her in her own bed we actually had to wean her slowly. We pulled the crib so it butted up against the bed, put the rail down that was next to the bed and the first few nights I slept with my hand holding hers...I know, sounds corny....A few days later I patted her to sleep in the crib and after a couple of weeks we moved the crib to the other side of the room. Eventually she got her own room. It worked for us and never a tear.

I hope this helps. I wish you sleepy nights!

M.

Wow... you've basicly done everything the opposite of the suggested ways of getting them into healthy sleeping habits. We also did that with our now 3 yr old. Only, he slept in his own bed, but it was in our room. He was about 19 months old when he started sleeping on his own. And I had just about had it with being tired every day for years on end.
We would rock him to sleep. Even for naps. It was nice at first, but the older he got, it just became more of a pain. And when we would lay him down, he would wake up about half hour later.
We switched him from 2 naps a day to only 1 nap in the afternoon around 1-2pm. When they don't get a good nap, it makes them not sleep well at night. Who knew!?! You'd think that they'd be extra tired and sleep better, but no... not true!
First thing, you need to make the room ready and conducive to a good night's sleep. Block out as much light as you can. Either black out curtains or demin, we have found, works well. Temp should be cool, but not cold. Anyone who overheats while sleeping will be uncomfortable and wake up more. Next is the real trick... a sound machine. White noise to drown out all the other noises and it lulls them to sleep. If they hear the same noise every night or naptime when they go in there it will trigger their brain and set it into sleep mode. Routine, routine, routine! Be consistant. Same times if possible. Same order of doing things, food, diaper, cuddles, put down in bed, push the glow worm or other crib toy, night night, leave the room and close the door.
It will take a few times to get into a routine and to get her to understand that this is her bed and that's just how it's going to have to work. But if you are consistant, it will happen.
She needs to learn how to self-soothe. you're not doing her any favors by going in there when she cries at night. Let her cry for a little while and see if she can soothe herself. that's the main goal. Once she doesn't need you to come and comfort her back to sleep every couple hours, you're golden.
Good luck! I hope you're able to get some sleep soon!

I had that same problem with my daughter and now my son. What I found that worked for my daughter and now for my son is a good meal, bath with calming soap from Johnson & Johnson's (I know corny for a boy but it works), using the matching lotion, and warming their pj's in the dryer for 1-2 minutes, putting them in their own bed with a comfort toy/woobie (small blanket) and a night time book or song even when she would start to throw a temper tantrum I would stay adamant about her sleeping in her own bed it took me some time getting used to my little girl in another room so I would check on her alot but we finally got the schedule down to when it's bed time she's got her favorite pj's and book picked out for the night, and now my daughter is sleeping in her bed and all night long and has been for about 8-9 months and my son is getting to the point of sleeping all night in his own bed instead of mine allowing me and my husband some sleep too. Hope this might help you out.

N.

Here's another vote for the No Cry Sleep Solution. Definitely get it! You do NOT have to let your child "cry it out" - there are other ways to get them to sleep on their own through the night. The No Cry Sleep Solution is fantastic. Within a month, your daughter could be sleeping through the night, on her own ... get the book, it's worth it!

Try having a bed right next to your bed at night for starters. Let her get used to sleeping in her own bed but close to you and dad. Have a bed time routine that happens at the same time at night every night. We read a book, say our pray together, say 3 happy thoughts each and then tuck the kids in bed. they know its bedtime and go to sleep each night now but it was tough in the beginning. Next get the door handles that you have to squeeze to open. They just go over the door knob. Put it on the inside so she cant get out. Lay her down and tell her good night give kisses and whatnot. Walk out of the room and leave her. Chances are she will want to follow you. But with the door knob she can't get out. She might scream and kick at first its normal. Give her a few minutes. Go back in tell her its night night time you love her and lay her down again and leave. Give her a few more minutes go back in tell her you love her and lay her down. walk out. Do it one more time but with no talking. After a few tiring nights he will learn the pattern You might have a couple nights of frustration but eventually she will learn to put herself to sleep. She hasn't learned how and for lttle ones the key word is learn. She is depending on you to put her to sleep and when she wakes up she is depending on you to put her back to sleep. We went through this with my oldest, now six. We had to train him but now he goes to bed with no problems. After dealing with him I started my second daughter at 2 months just patting her back and letting her cry but saying by her side. After 3 days she started learning how to do it on her own. Now 3 we don't even have her getting up for drinks at night to stay awake because its always been the pattern. My third child is 9 months and at 8:00 she goes down with the other 2 and is ready and prepared at that time to go to sleep. It takes patients (which for me was hard to come by) and persistance. I wish you luck and Youcan do it. It is possible!
K.

I would recommend the book "The Baby Whisperer". It has some excellent advice on helping your baby sleep through the night. If your baby has been sleeping with you for all this time, it will take some effort to teach her to feel comfortable sleeping by herself. But it can be done!
One of the suggestions is that you "camp out" in her room for a few nights. Make her feel OK with being in her new bed. I guess we can't expect a baby that has had the comfort of you all night to all of a sudden be left to sleep by herself. Good Luck!

She needs to sleep in her own bed-but your whole family will need at least a week for the adjustment. She is used to having things one way her entire life and now you need to help her learn to sleep on her own and in her own big--this is a big change for her!, and the first few nights you will get less sleep than before but stick to your guns and your entire family will be sleeping on their own soon.
But you need a plan, because we all start having our doubts and resort to old ways after the 3rd night of getting less sleep than before, and that only makes things worse and take longer. So prepare yourself and read up:
The Baby Whisperer Solves all your Problems by Tracey Hogg
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Whisperer-Solves-Your-Problems...
(you can get it at the library)
She addresses moving children to their own beds and getting then to sleep through the night with well thought out plans and preparations and then just being CONSISTENT. She advocates a more gentle approach than the CIO and ignore approach, but it is very practical and reasonable and it works. yes, your child will cry, but you will not be "abandoning" them to work it out on their own. This does mean that you will lose some more sleep those first few nights of even week or so, but you will see that you will have a happy child that has learned to sleep through the night and therefore you will have a much happier family.
Good luck!

You work----she misses you---let her sleep with you---get some sleep.

I learned a lot and started good bed time routines with my THIRD child when she was eleven months old and recommend a sleep plan from DANA OBLEMAN. It wasn't easy and it took us about a month. You can find this information on line. The littlest is almost three now and we still take turns occasionally going to her bed, also sometimes her almost six year old sister but they share a room. They are asleep almost every night before eight and usually sleep until seven in the morning. Good Luck!
L. N.

There is a great book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, I swear by it. We had the same kind of problems with our oldest and now have 3 great sleepers. He talks about a couple ways to resolve this, we let her cry it out. The 1st night was heart wrenching she cried for 2 hours, the second night 1 hour, the 3rd night about 15 minutes and never again after that.It was a horrible 3 nights but it was the best thing I could have done. Good Luck.

Have you read the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution"? It's not a quick fix, but they say that within 10 days you will see a difference and after about 30 you're problem should be fixed. It's really about routine, but it shows you haw to fix things like sleeping in your bed and teaching your child how to fall asleep on their own. They do say that it will not be easy, especially with an older child, but if you stick to it, they promise results. I have been using it's principles with my newborn and so far we're doing well. Definitely give the book a try, it may restore some sanity! I hope it gets better for you! *hugs*

I know you've had a LOT of suggestions on what worked for others. I have also seen some recommendations for "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". My son went through a phase after our daughter was born where he would come into our room every night right next to our bed. I would step on him when I got up to nurse the baby. I went to the library and found the sleep solution book by chance. IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER! You tailor it to your own needs and situation. But, as with anything with parenting, you have to be consistent with any method you choose. That is key. I hope it gets better and you find something that works for your family.

This is one of the hardest things i had to do as a mom. I just went through the transition with my 3 1/2 year old about a month ago. He had chronic ear infections and always seem to end up with us in bed. I got to the point that my husband went to sleep in his bed for about 4 months and Jake and i slept great in the bed together. I knew this was not good for him thou.

They need routines! I tried for a few nights putting him down and he always worked me to hang in the room for awhile and cried when i tried to leave. It finally got to the point that daddy had to do the dirty work. The first few nights were awful! I cried, he cried! We started the process on a Friday night and by Sunday night we saw progress. By the end of the first week. He was staying in bed without waking up most of the night. We found him a soft cuddly teddy bear, left the lights on and add music on low so that he didn't feel alone.

Better to break the habit now and now wait as long as i did. It was rough especially with 2 other children trying to sleep in the house. We new it had to be done especially with baby #4 on the way and here in a few months.

She does need to sleep in her own bed. This will take some adjusting, but you must remember that you are the parent and this will help her, you don't want her to be 10 and still sleeping in your bed. Set up a routine. My mother gave me lullaby music to play for my son. So while we say our bedtime prayers and give hugs and kisses for the night the music is playing, some nights we keep the CD on repeat to insure comfort. She will fight sleeping alone and she will cry but when she realizes that you are not giving in it will get better. PROMISE.

First thing don't let her sleep with you. Second try not giving her a nap past 1pm. If she wakes comfort her but leave her in her own bed she will get use to it. Trust me after 2 boys she will. B.

Have you tried a sound machine? When shr wakes up, it's quite. The constant sound might keep her asleep. How about putting an aquarium in her room. She can watch the fish and the sound may put her to sleep. Have you talked to your Dr. about this? You might want to go to www.webmd.com and ask them.

On wow, I know exactly how you feel only its like ten times worse over here, or it was, its getting better though. I have been living in with my parents since my first daughter was born so trying to get anything to go my way as a parent is like starting WWIII. There is always a conflict and now Im starting to put my daughter into a strict bedtime regimen that is driving me crazy since she is so used to grandma giving in and sleeping with her and all that stuff. I have looked into Super Nanny and have found that many if not all of her methods work. I am practicing tough love. I know that it may be hard for you but I would create a bedtime regimen and stick to it no matter what! You know that she wont get hurt in her bed or room no matter how hard she cries. She is used to you giving in so thats why she is doing it. Does she have a favorate show? Try to create a fun interactive way to incorporate that into the bedtime routine. For example, if your daughter likes Barney, have a bedtime book of Barney and a doll and maybe fun pajamas. Create a silly song that will be used only at bedtime to get her mind used to the idea that its bedtime. Soothing bath might help to with lullabies ( a CD playing very softly in the background). In time, this will work. There may be a period of time that your daughter will resist and attempt to get you to go back to the old way or sleeping with you. Try and succeed at not giving in. As soon as she is all ready for bed, dim the lights and kiss her goodnight and tell her that you love her and look forward to a bright new day in the morning filled with fun and adventure for the both of you. Leave the room and DON'T go back in there for anything until the morning time. Her crying will break your heart, but I promise you that it will subside within days of being consistent and letting her know that you love her.

B., I feel your pain!! I've had my share of toddlers that refuse to go to sleep on their own. I finally found something that worked, at least for me and several of my friends. It's not painless (for you), but it does get results.
I will tell you, that if you, your daughter, and your husband ARE getting sleep, it's not a bad thing for her to sleep with you. I promise, by the time she's a pre-teen, she won't be sleeping with you. And, as long as it's okay with Dad, sleep away.
But . . if it's causing problems, here's what we did.
Get her into a good bedtime routine. Dinner, bath, story time (settles them down, for some anyway). At bath time begin telling her what to expect in the next hour or so. Remind her that shortly after story time, she's going to bed. Keep up this reminder every 15 minutes or so. At bedtime, tuck her in, kiss her good night. B., don't let your daughter call the shots. You're the parent. Tell her good night, and leave. But don't go far. If she gets out of the bed, put her back in. Once, twice, then she's disobeying and that calls for discipline. Put her back. Then the crying usually starts. Leave her be. Wait 5-7 minutes. Go back. DON'T PICK HER UP. Pat her back, kiss her, tell her it's bedtime, go to sleep. Leave. Wait 6-8 minutes, go back. Same thing. JUST DON'T PICK HER UP, DON'T LET HER GET OUT OF BED. Each time wait a few minutes longer before you go back in. This routine may take 2-4 days, but believe me, it works. The first night with my first child I did this with, it took 2 hours!!! However, I used this with 3 of my 6 children and it worked each and every time.

Above all, keep cool, don't get angry. If you get frustrated, she'll get frustrated even more and the battle is lost. Stay in control because YOU are the parent.
C. M