OK moms... I NEED your help. I'm desperate. I have a wonderful 2 year old daughter. For the most part she is a really good kid. When she was about 18 months old she started climbing out of her crib. I was afraid she would get hurt doing this so we switched her to a twin bed with side rails so she couldn't roll off & get hurt. It only took about a week of cry-it-out and she would lay down in bed & go to sleep on her own when it was nap time & at night. I don't remember what happened but for some reason she got out of this routine for a few days. Ever since then, I have NOT been able to get her to go to sleep on her own. I've tried the CIO and an hour later she was still screaming like she was being beat. She is now tall enough & smart enough to open her bedroom door and remove the baby gate. I was (my fault) laying in bed with her until she fell asleep. I am trying to figure out how to crawl out of that very demanding black hole now. The past few nights it's taken her over an hour to fall asleep! Please please please give me suggestions... I have tried locking the door from the opposite side but she screams louder & starts banging her head against the door. I really don't know what to do. Two things I'd like to mention: 1) My husband is a truck driver. He is home about every day but needs his sleep. He has so set schedule so sleep happens whenever he can get it. Sometimes it's during our daughter's nap time. Sometimes it's overnight. Point is, the solution can't be something that will disturb him. 2) I have gone as far as bribeing her. I know, if it actually worked I'd be trading one black hole for another but I really don't know what to do... *insert tear here*
Thanks Moms!
I guess I should add, we read a story at bed time every night. She sleeps with a dollie & music is no good. She LOVES music and just dances. LOL! I have recently put a machine in there that makes a humming noise so it's not just silence. Thanks again for the responses! I really appreciate all of them.
My most recent attemt seems to have worked overnite! I'm thrilled!!! As some moms suggtested, I gave her a pick of a couple stuffed animals to sleep with & she likes that. Our routine is now: brush teeth, potty (training), diaper, jammies, story & good night. I no longer lay in bed to read her story. We sit at the foot of the bed & she actually seems to like that better! Having the humming noise in her room helps too, a lot! In the morning she wakes up to a treat on her night stand. She eats it after breakfast. I play a little "stay in bed.... stay in bed....." game with her to help her to stay in bed when she first lays down & it works like a charm. She hasn't followed me downstairs once. She hasn't left her room. Only once has she actually gotten out of bed! So I am thrilled to have my late evening back again & thank you for your suggestions!
You might try adding a few Toys that don't make noises and let her amuse herself until she falls asleep (if only it were that easy).
Unfortunately this "falling out of habit" seemed to happen multiple times with us. Each time my son would get sick and I would give in JUST ONE NIGHT for him being sick we would start all over. Each time, he was smarter and learned/remembered all tricks used before. Adventually they do grow out of it and when you give in one night, they know that it goes back to the old way the next night. :)
Until then....
The last thing I remember working was the moving slowly away. I got stuck in that cuddling for hours thing. So one night I told him that the next night I would only cuddle with him for two minutes, then I needed to not touch him so he could fall asleep. I started by sitting by his bed not touching them....then moved to the middle of the room a night or two later, no touching no looking at him. A night or two later I moved closer to the door. Then to the door frame, then the door half closed with me outside...then door all the way closed with me still outside (he was allowed to check if I was there twice. I would every few minutes make kissing noises to see if he was still awake-he made them back if he was awake). Then after about a week I was able to read a book, say prayers and walk out of the room.
We didn't have any crying or multiple trips back to bed. He was comfortable and so was I--it just took a week of time and patients but in the end took less time than that hour of waiting for them to fall asleep while your laying there and end up falling asleep with them!
Best of luck!
Hi A.,
I've been in your shoes. I have two kids that are 16 months apart. They have been sleeping together, in the same bed, practically on top of each other :), for about 2 years. I was truly spending 1-2 hrs. with them every night...and lots of time falling asleep myself, b/c I was waiting to get them near asleep before I split. When my daughter, the oldest, started school this year it wasn't an option for me to fall asleep with the anymore b/c I had so much to do to prep for the next day after getting them in bed, and they are now going to bed much early.
I've done all sorts of things to get them to stay in bed. Bribing probably isn't the best term, but rewarding is always good. I know with my kids they like to have a sense that they are in control of the situation and reminding them that they did a good job is never a bad thing. For awhile we had a treasure chest, which was simply a tote filled with stickers, pens, etc. that they could chose from in the morning.
But my greatest success has come from routine and letting them know what to expect. My kids are both music lovers too. Now, at bedtime we read a story, then turn on a lullaby CD. They know I will stay with them for two songs and then I have to go. It took a few weeks for them to stop wandering back downstairs, but now 6 weeks later, I will not stray from this! It has given me so much personal time back.
I also recommend NOT locking the door. I'm sure you daughter will come out. But take her right back to bed and tuck her in. I always tell my kids I will be back in 10 min. to check on them, and they are always asleep, but they are comforted knowing I will be back! And, remember it will take some time. Give it at least a week or two before trying something else or giving up!
Good luck!
A., the biggest thing to remember is, THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Once you get a routine established it will be easy to get her in bed and you will be able to come to Mamasource and help other moms with it! We had similar problems with our son. He went from co-sleeping to his crib to a bed in a short period of time. What worked for us was music. We got some soothing music, without words, and played it on a loop all night long. Our CD of choice is "Nature Songs" from Twin Sisters. Then, even if he woke up, he just went back to sleep because his body interpreted this CD to mean sleep. He is 7 and still listens to it one every night. We also used the Glade Lightshow air freshener. It broadcasts colored lights on the wall, which they watch and get lulled to sleep.
One other idea is to get some story CDs from the library or scholastic.com or listening library.com and when she is screaming her head off, put on a nice long story and just let it play. She will eventually be quiet so she can hear the words. Worked like a charm for us, especially with the Magic Treehouse ones. ;) What was really great was when we got a 3 CD changer for his room so we could play a story then music and didn't have to come back in the room.
GOOD LUCK!
When my son went through this phase, we left his door open but put the gate across it so that he could call for us but couldn't get out without making a lot of noise. We've always had a bath, books and lullabies routine so we stuck with that but didn't repeat it when he yelled for us after we'd kissed him good-night. We also let him take a favorite toy to bed, as well as he lovey. He didn't necessarily go to sleep sooner, but instead of trying to sneak out and/or cry, he would drive his train over his comforter instead. Oh, and we got special "bedtime" music, very soothing, that we always played. Now he's 3 and a half and if he wakes in the night, he turns his music on and goes back to sleep on his own most of the time.
I read your insert that she loves music and dancing and it made me think...what's wrong with dancing? As long as she stays in her room and is safe (like, make sure she's picked up and put away anything on the floor before bed since it'll be dark) then dancing is SOOO much better than screaming, and she'll eventually tire out and fall asleep. Even if it's hours of her playing in her room, this too shall pass, and it's better than hours of head banging at the door.
I think the key thing to try here is distraction:
Maybe have 4-5 CD's that you approve of and let her pick 1 every night. OR, if she likes positive reinforcement, start w/ just 1-2 and 'reward' her by giving a new CD each night that she __________ (fill in the blank of what you want for bedtime w/ her.) You can do what we've done and make music compilations for her and burn them onto discs so that it's a 180 minute CD :)
Best wishes!
What if you told her she could play quietly in her room? Make sure it's babyproof and giver her some quiet toys. She doesn't have to go to sleep, but she can't bother you or come out. I did this with my boys and it worked great! We've transitioned it to they can read books in bed. No fight for her and quiet time for you.
A.,
We had a similar problem with our son when he was 3. He was sleeping fine by himself, but then our furnace broke. We all slept together for warmth for a week until it could be fixed. That's all it took - he would not sleep alone any more. Crying it out did not work. So, we made him a deal, if he would stay in bed alone all night, then we would stay in his room - not in his bed, though, but on a separate chair - for 10-15 minutes after we had read his bedtime story and turned off the lights. We would sing him his favorite songs during that time. Sometimes, he would fall asleep during the songs. If not, we would remind him that we would be right outside if he needed us.
He's 6 now, and it's become part of his bedtime routine: read a book, prayer, turn off lights, and then 2 songs. Then, we kiss him good night and leave the room.
Good luck!
P.
She is at "The Terrible Two" stage and it is time to create another ritual. Try giving her a warm bath and then reading her a story before bedtime. It will take awhile but eventually she will realize that after the story is read -- it is time to go to sleep. Tell her that she is a big girl now and she needs to sleep so she can play tomorrow.
Don't shut the door --- that only makes it worse because she will feel isolated. Tell her that it is storytime and then time to go to sleep. Tell her that you will leave the door open so you will hear her if she gets out of bed.
Make sure that when she naps -- it isn't too late in the day. I never let my children nap 2 or 3 p.m. I had a bed time of 8 p.m at age 2. When they started school it was 9 p.m. At times they would go to bed before 9 on their own.
Also, try a stuffed animal. One of my sons (now 22) had about 11 stuffed animals and each night we had to position them in certain positions before he sould go to sleep.
Another of my sond (now 16) liked listening to a radio that he got as a Christmas gift. One he was asleep, I would sneak in and turn it off.
It will take time and patience to get through this but evetually she will realize that it is bedtime.
Hope this helps --- Good Luck
C.
