My almost 4 YO was faithfully going to bed in her own bed for some time. Then over the summer we left both our 6 and 4 YO's sleep downstairs so that we could conserve energy and not run their A/C's. We put our daughter's toddler bed in our room since it is small and the older one slept on the couch. Now that we no longer need the AC we wanted to put them back in their rooms. I go to class 1-2 nights a week and on those nights she goes into her bed with no complaints for dad. He tucks her in, says goodnight and that is it. On nights when I am home if I even mention putting her in her bed to sleep, she starts crying hysterically saying No I want you mommy. I have tried letting her cry it out, but that is just worse! She gets herself sick and it takes me forever to calm her down. I have been letting her fall asleep in our bed and then taking her to her own. Works sometimes, but others I just wind up going to get her b/c she starts crying. Short of leaving every evening, I am at my wits end. It is causing grief between my hubby and I. Any ideas I can try? I am not looking for slack on working full-time and going to school. My husband and I have reversed roles since he did not want to go to school but to rather pursue a trade. I love my kids with all my heart, but I also have dreams and goals in my life to achieve and help make their lives better. Can't live in this world without one good salary in the house...
Thanks,
A.
I admit to no personal experience here, but I think with a 4 year old, if you're letting her CIO, it's not on you to calm her down, but let her work it out completely on her own. If she can get you in there through something she's doing, she will keep doing it...
I guess I'm just a mean mom. Sleep issues have been terrible in my house lately, I have a three and a half year old and a 21 month old. The older one has been crying and waking up everyone. So, I put a chair at the bottom of our basement stairs and tell him he has the choice of sitting there or going to bed. (Our basement is finished, and I stay in the kitchen at the top of the stairs with the door open.) He will sit there for a while, but eventually "chooses" to go to bed. It is a battle, but this is the only way that I have found that he will go to bed without continuing to cry every time that we shut the door, waking up his little brother.
From reading your question I can see that she can do it (go to bed in her own bed no problem). She has learned that when Dad is home I go to bed in my bed, when Mom is home I don't. You said you have tried letting her cry it out...how long did you try? I suggest doing it again. It will get worse before it gets better. She is going to try harder and harder for you to give in until finally she will give up and go to bed when you are home too. You just can't give in or they cycle will start all over again. Just hang in there and she will be fine. You know she is ok with going to bed when Dad is home so she can do it!
She's 4, she misses her mom. She'd miss her dad if he was gone so much too. Maybe you can carve out some one on one time with her. With my boys I read 2 books and have a 5 to 10 minute cuddle every night.
Maybe if you make some "girl time" before bed things will go a little better. Make it fun, wear tiaras (you can get cheap ones a party city) read princess books, tell daddy "No Boys!" (you can always ask the princess if prince daddy can come in for a kiss at the end). Then tell her if she throws a tantrum or doesn't stay in bed you won't do this with her anymore. If she cries when you leave, tell her you have to do (fill in the blank) and when you're done you'll come up and give her a kiss. My son is always out cold by the time I come back. Piggie back rides always help me get them upstairs too.
Just a thought.
i dont know if it would work - but what about allowing them to still do that on the weekends (non school nights) and then having a reward system for going to bed like they are supposed too - start off with a daily reward -then bump it to a every other day reward - then to a weekly reward - ya know? and just make sure that you dont cave - i know its hard i am guitly of it too - so dont feel bad! but i agree with the last person they need to respect you as well as your hubby!
good luck!
S. w.
A.,
It seems that since they listen to dad, and cooperate with him that there is something in the way you handle it that needs to be changed. Most likely, they know you'll cave and dad will not. (It's the opposite in my house!) Keep returning them to their beds firmly EVERY time they get out. If they are crying, let them for a bit--you can go in and comfort but NOT let them leave. You & hubby need to pinky swear, spit shake that you're BOTH on the exact same page on the bedtime issue. Good luck!
A.,
I have no suggestions for you, sorry. I just wanted to say good for you!! If my career choice would pay more than it does my husband and I would be doing the same thing. Unfortunately social workers don't get paid what they should! Congratulations on making your life and that of your family's better and good luck!!
