Sleeping Through the Night - Middleton,WI

Hi S., this is just my advice from personal experience. I have two kids, ages 3 1/2 and 2... First of all, no mom is really a "fan" of letting a child cry it out. It hurts to listen to your child cry. But taking him in your bed every time he cries is teaching him to look to you to settle him down again, and he is therefore unable to learn how to comfort himself. Letting a child learn to be independent can be difficult, but he really needs to learn how to settle HIMself down, instead of looking to you to do it every night. Otherwise, he'll continue to do it, and you'll continue to have to wake up with him every night. What I would do, personally, is instead of bringing him back to your bed, stay in his room, rub his back a little, sing to him, get him calmed down a little bit, and then leave. If he still cries, let him cry a few minutes and then do the same thing again. You may have to stay in there a little longer for a few nights, but I can bet that after less than a week he'll stop waking so much when he realizes he's not going to be taken to your bed anymore. You'll all start getting more sleep, and even better-your son will learn to comfort HIMSELF, which is a very important skill for him to have. Hope this helps!

**ETA: To respond to what Marti wrote...I am not at all AGAINST co-sleeping...as long as it is working for everyone that is involved. Personally, I just feel that we parents must also meet OUR needs in order to be good parents...which would include having a sex life and getting good sleep at night.. In my experience, co-sleeping can interfere greatly with those two things, which in my opinion, are very important to both my husband and myself. But, if it works for you...then by all means...do it!

There is no right or wrong here as long as his needs are being addressed and your needs are being addressed. I do think it is pointless to not go to him at all. He needs your help at this age to learn to self sooth back to sleep. I always used the 5 minute rule at that age. If he woke up and cried or fussed for 5 minutes then I would go in and give him a little comfort. What comfort you give depends on the child. The "experts" say to never pick them up and to avoid speaking but that only created hysteria/anxiety in my son so I would pick him up, give him a big hug and then lay him down, say "Time to go night-night", and just rest my hand on his back (rubbing was too stimulating). If it doesn't bother you or your husband to bring him to bed then don't sweat it. Some kids wean themselves of that when they are older and some don't and need a lot of help when they are older learning to sleep in their own bed (no way to know which your child will be...hindsight is always 20/20).

One question. Does he put himself to sleep when he first goes down for the night or is he rocked into a sound sleep (or other method)? If he puts himself to sleep, then it will be a lot easier for him to put himself back to sleep when he wakes. If he doesn't yet put himself to sleep at bedtime then I would start there and add in the nighttime wakings after he developed at least some self-sooth skills.

Hi S.,
We had the same problem with our son at that age. He would go to bed on his own but wake up frequently. Most of the time I would basically go and get him in my sleep and bring him to bed and wake up in the morning and not remember getting him.

We went through several phases of this and finally when my husband and I decided we wanted our bed back once and for all, we let him cry. If he continued to cry for a long period of time, I would check on him and he would usually want a hug and a rock in the chair back to sleep. After he fell back asleep, I would put him in his crib and he slept until morning.

The baby monitor worked well. We would close his door and if he cried long enough, I would turn it on and listen to what kind of cry it was. You will know when something is not right and if you need to go and check on him. He is still a little young but as he grows, he will learn "if I cry long enough, mommy will come and get me" and he will cry just to get you to come and get him. I agree with other postings, he needs to learn to self soothe at this point. Like I said earlier you will know if something is wrong.

My suggestion is that you need to break the cycle now. We waited too long to break the cycle and it was REALLY hard to not bring him to bed and to listen to him cry. In the long run we are much happier and Chase now sleeps through the night and so do we! :)

Keep your chin up and good luck!!

Hi S.,

I'm a mother of a 10-year old daughter and I had this same problem with her when she was this age. Every child is different, but I don't think it's a good idea to get your boy in the habit of sleeping with his parents. I used to do that with my daughter and that became the ONLY way she would fall asleep. It wasn't until she was 4 years old that I was able to break her of that habit. For my daughter it was a "comfort" thing for her, for your boy it could be the same or maybe he's having a bad dream of sorts. I found the best thing to do was sit besides her, not pick her up, and sing a song to her while gently rubbing her forehead. Just when she was ready to fall asleep I would leave the room. Sometimes she would wake back up and I would repeat the process, but after about a week she would stop waking up. Try this for awhile and see if it works. I wish you and your husband the best!!!

A little about me: Full time working, single mother of a 10-year daughter who loves playing soccer.

We also had the same problem. When it first started, we were feeding her a bottle. Many people told us that she doesn't need to be fed at that time of night. It got to the point that we would get up, feed, rock, and wait. After lack of sleep we just let her cry it out. Some days, she would cry so hard that she threw up. We'd go in, change her clothes and sheets. Soother her only a little but never rock her. It took us about 4 nights to get a complete nights sleep, but it is so worth it in the long run.

I had the same problem. My daughter was a year old and still getting up once a night at 2am. I also posted a question on here and everyone told me I had to let her cry it out, even though I didn't want to. I decided to work on this on a Thursday, and she ended up sleeping through the night on her own that night. She has slept through the night ever since. I don't know if she could sense that I was going to work on this or what, but for some reason she just ended up sleeping through the night. It has been almost 3 weeks, and she has only woke up 2 or 3 nights and she cries a little (more like a whimper) and then is back to sleep after 3 minutes. I guess my suggestion is to maybe see if he outgrows it and just ends up sleeping through the night on his own too, because I understand not wanted to let them cry it out.

Please don't do the "cry it out" Studies have shown that this really is harmful to a child. Letting them cry until they vomit is not necessary. I am not trying to come doewn on people that do it, I just feel there are more compassionate ways. We only let our daughter dry for a max of 5 minutes. It only took her 2 times to settle down on her own. She never got very upset and only whimpered. If she went into hysterics before the 5 minutes we would go in her room and comfort her. Getting up at night is part of the deal when you have kids. We also co-slept until about 6 months, she just became too mobile for me to feel safe. But if it works for your family, great. I promise he wont be in bed with you until he is 16!! Lol. Just go with the flow and do what feels right and works for you. Good luck!

I know you are not looking to hear this, but...

I was VERY against the cry it out method, but after a month+ of our night time sleeping getting worse and worse, my husband and I finally broke down and tried it. I have to say, it was a lot easier than I thought.

Our son cried the first night for about 30 mins and then went down. Then during the night he woke up and we followed the same method.

After about 2 weeks there was not more crying at bedtime and after a month or so he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night (or if he does, he talks to himself a little and goes back to sleep). Our son doesn't seem to have any emotional strain from this and seems to still love both him mom and dad very much.

Also, I'm not sure if this is a productive of the CIO as well or not, but around the same time our son became more independent in his playing as well.

My only final advice is if decide to try it make a plan and stick to it. We checked on our son in intervals, working up to a max of 15 mins in between checks. Also, if he cried longer than 30 mins I picked him up and calmed him a little (which my husband didn't like, but it worked for me). A final part of our plan was that if he cried longer than 1 1/2 hrs we were going to call it quits for that night and try again in a week or so -- but we never had to do that.

As a mother of a 12-year old, I will respectfully disagree with the previous viewpoints. Disclaimer: Of course, we are all different and we parent differently, so what I suggest is that although you get advice here, listen strongly to your heart and your mother-gut and pay attention to what it's telling you.

If you want to bring your child to bed with you and your husband, it will not mark or scar your child for life. What it teaches him is that his cries are responded to, his needs will be met by the adults who protect and love him, and that he is important. Children cry because they have needs. He is two-years old. He is not 20. You will not be going to Harvard and sleeping in the room next door so that you can soothe him in the middle of the night.

I co-slept with my son until he was 30-months old. Yes, that is nearly 3 years old. He needed me. Turns out, he has a mild form of autism (which we did not know in those early months), and his anxiety was significant. He COULD NOT soothe himself.

Now, at 12-years old, he is a very good self soother in the night. He loves his bed, his buddies, and chats himself to sleep every night. He has done this for over 9 years. Sleeping is not and has not been an issue since we got him a big bed. He gets up in the night if he has to use the bathroom, and puts himself back to sleep. We aren't involved during the night unless he has a bad dream or he is ill. Never.

Babies are little only once. Getting enough sleep in the night is important for everyone. Do what YOU believe in your mother-gut is BEST for YOUR family. Don't be afraid to be the one and only one in your circle of girlfriends who co-sleeps. It's good for some kids and some parents. And, it doesn't last forever.

Lots of good advice from other mothers for you. The only thing I did not see any thing about food. At that age he may be wakeing for more to eat. If all else fails I would look at when and what he eats.

10 month old recommended infant feeding schedule from wic

20-24 oz formula or breast milk
8-16 tablespoons of infant cereal/Adult cereals
4 oz 100% juice from sippy cup
8-16 tablespoons fruits and cooked vegetables(soft choped)
2 slices bread
4-8 tablespoons pasta, rice, macaroni
2 tablespoons meats, beans, legumes, eggs(yolk, then white)
ground or chopped