Sleepless Nights - Enid,OK

As a mother of 2 girls, I have found that they are what Dr. Sears termed "high need". There is a wealth of information on this subject on his website askdrsears.com. Also, if this is a recent and sudden change that he has come to live with you, he could be experiencing some pretty significant separation anxiety. As a remedy for my own girls (9 months and 4 1/2 years) we allow them to sleep with us (only the baby is with us now). We found that they sleep better when they know that we are near and that they are not alone. We sleep better because they do. I am not an advocate of the "cry it out method". I think that he really may need some additional comfort and attention. I hope that things improve as the length of time seems to grow.

My 1 1/2 year old was also attached to the sippy cup like a pacifier. I spoke with his doctor about it and decided to take him off the cup completely. I quit giving it to him one day and kept it out of sight. I would only give him something to drink for meals and snacks and only from a regular cup. It only took three days to break the habit. It continued to get better everyday until after three days when he no longer fussed for it. I later let him have cups with the built in straws and that is what he uses now but I do not let him have it constantly and never let him fall asleep while drinking it. I don't know if this will help him sleep but it should break the habit of the sippy cup.

I know this is hard to do especially for a grandmother, but in my experience with my 2 young boys it has been best to have 1-2 rough nights of letting them cry it out for cups, bottles, etc. I suggest that you still go in to comfort him but do not let him have the milk or juice. My youngest was getting up 4 times a night for his bottle at around 18mths old. Once we took it away he began to sleep all night long. Also if he must have a drink at night after brushing his teeeth it should be only water. Juice and milk pooling around the teeth all night will cause tooth decay known as "baby bottle mouth". I hope this helps.

I went through this a little bit with my son once we put him in his own bed at 18 months old. When he would cry for my, I would go in there with him and console him and rub him back until he would fall back asleep. Eventually he stopped calling for me. The same thing goes for the sippy cup. First of all, dont put juice or milk in his cup, put water. My son was the same way. After so long of having water in there he didnt want his cup anymore. Slowly but surely he weened his ownself off of it. Keep your head up. It wont last very long as long as you stick to it.

try buying a intercom for the home and when he cries at nite you can talk him thru getting his sippy cup.
this way he will know you are there and no need to leave your bed.you can get a small intercom system from stores like radio shack .

I have a two year old and I think its common amongst that age range to want their sippy cups, my son will do the same I will fill it with milk or water and sometimes its almost empty and alot of the time its just about full when I get him up in the mornings so its his comfort thing, he never liked a pacifier neither did my daughter and he has always had that sippy cup or earlier on of course his bottle so I really dont think it will harm him or mess his teeth up or anything like that its just something he needs to sleep with at night heck alot of the time my son doesnt even take a drink out of his he will just wrap it in his arms and go to sleep! Its just like a night blanket that you see kids walking around with until they are however old it just a security thing and good thing its his sippy and not a pacifier!! I really think this is just normal behavior for this age group and especially if he is not seeing mommy or daddy like he normally would so I wouldnt take it away from him!! Good Luck and Godbless!! :)

The sippy cup is not a good thing nor is the pacifier. Try rocking him to sleep and maybe sing he a soft song. Rub his arm or leg, this seem to relax children and helps to them to go to sleep easier. Sometimes even giving the child a favorite blanket helps.

I have a 2 year old daughter who does the same thing some nights. I did the same thing you did with the sippy cup, but only water, and she has no problem getting it herself. I noticed that my daughter sleeps so much better at night when she has her binky. My husband and in laws keep trying to take her binky away but she is just not ready. I have kept it from her during the day and just give it to her at night. My advice would be to do this and see how it works. Pacifiers are given to babies so they learn to self soothe and deal with agression by themselves. If your grandson needs soothing and comfort this might help.

I am still battling this myself and question sometimes. But we just changed daycares the dr. said she was taking to long of a nap during the day. Might ask the caretaker how long is naps are. The dr told me 1.5 is all they need. I aslo have been trying not giving sippy cup I carry a cup in with no lid and give her a couple of drinks she lays back down as I tell her to let me put it in the fridge. Good luck and God bless.

My son will be 5 in 6 weeks. When he was a baby the only comfort thing he found was a bottle or sippy cup when he got older and playing with his ear. Up until the middle of January (more than 4 1/2 years old), he always went to bed with a sippy cup with just a little bit of water in it (since anything else is bad for their teeth, in case they leave it in their mouth). In our case, after he'd fall to sleep, he'd relax and the cup would come out of his mouth, and we've never had any teeth problems b/c of the cup. Just an idea. Hope you get some straight through nights of sleep soon! Good luck!

C.,
It sounds to me like your little guy may be experiencing abandonment issues. He needs some "extra" cuddling and one on one with you to reassure him that you will be there for him. A pacifier at his age may be considered a no-no by his ped, but you may want to consider what all he's "been through" in his short life, and try to make adjustments for that. The first five years of a child's life are the formative years, and if he's been traumatized in any way, he will carry that with him. We have been dealing with the same sort of issues with our two as they were in and out of foster homes for the first 13 months and 3 years of their young lives. Four years later we are still working on "undoing" the "trauma" of whatever they went through. Hang in there, it does get better!

Hi C. B,

It sounds like you have a loving heart and really care for your grandson. I don't think that your Grandson wants the drink at night, he wants the attention and love that you can give him. His 'love tank' is really empty and it make take a while to fill that up. Lots of cuddles, hugs, when he goes to bed and giving him a lot of love when he wakes up is what he is needing and maybe even rocking him for a bit will give him the security that he is needing. I wouldn't give him milk or juice in the night it can give them cavities. Water is the best. It is about love and security, that's whats missing... Blessings, A.

he's so young and if he's just now come to stay with you, then he's also had a major environment change and is coping with it in a normal way for a toddler. Comfort from a loving adult is a need thatmany children have and there is nothing wrong with it. I personally don't see anything wrong with searching for you for comfort. Think about it, as aduts, when we are upset, we go to a friend or family member for comfort. This is what your grandson is doing, and it's fine. Consider letting him sleep with you... and if you're not comfortable with that, then maybe set up a pallet in your floor for him tosleep on. Please, please, please don't make him cry it out. Comfort is a need that all people have, no matter how old they are. And especially if living with you is a new thing, he needs to learn that he can trust you to take care of him and keep him safe.

I work in a pediatric dental office and as hard as it may be, your grandson needs to broken from the sippy cup at night. I'm not sure if you have heard of baby bottle tooth rot, but it is extensive decay that results from a child drinking juice, milk, or other sweetened beverages from a bottle or sippy cup, especially during the night. My advice is try water in the sippy for a few nights, my daughter decided she didn't want it if all she was getting was water. If that does not work, simply throw it away, you may have a few really sleepless nights, but he will eventually start sleeping without it and have much better dental health.

My son did the same thing until he was 4 years old and it was more for the comfort than anything else. Except that he wanted to be rocked back to sleep. I would put just plain water in his sippy cup and that helped some. It didn't get him to sleep every night all night but it did break it up to 3-4 nights a week. Also you mentioned that he is staying with you extendedly. This just may be his way of expressing some seperation anxiety. Maybe he's afraid that you will leave like mom and dad did. Even when things have been explained it's hard for children to always comprehend the situation. You might try going into his room with a teddy bear that's there to "protect" him. Then over a week or two see if he can become a little more dependant on the bear and less on you. Hope this helps.

I would say it's fine to give him the sippy cup but I would only put water in it! They say you can do some realy tooth and gum damage if they have milk or juice like that (slowly sipping throughout the night without brushing afterward). It may not be what he wants at first but he will get used to it, my kids have! In fact, it's what they ask for before bed every night.

My daughter didn't sleep a full night until she was 4 yrs. old. I took her off her bottle when she was 10 months old because I was afraid she was getting attached to her bottle and what would people think? That was silly thinking but she was my first. Instead of being attached to her bottle, she now needed her sippy cup; even several times a night. I gave it to her because it comforted her and I needed the sleep. Some people thought it was horrible but it worked for me and that is what you need to remember, every baby/child is different do what works for you.Your grandson likes the sucking it is comforting him, that's ok. He may need that right now. Odds are he will start sleeping through the night soon and won't need that security. My little boy is going to be 2, I got rid of his bottle in Jan. and when he had that thing he woke up many times during the night wanting to suck, he would suck air if you let him, he just needed the comfort. After we moved to the sippy cup he still woke up during the night quite a few times, however;each night before I go to bed I fill his cup up with watered down juice just in case he needs it but he hardly ever wakes up anymore. He is getting to be a big boy and he doesn't need the sucking anymore for comfort. I believe your grandson will start doing the same thing when he feels comfortable and ready too. Doctors/people will tell you their opinion and I'm sure it will be complete opposite of mine but I know what worked for my family and that's what is important. Do brush your little guy's choppers though especially if he is drinking during the night. Good luck.

You'll probably want to keep only water in his overnight sippy cup, because going to bed with juice or milk, or drinking them overnight, can cause cavities. They form more easily overnight, when one doesn't swallow as much and saliva doesn't wash stuff away. (And the milk can spoil!)

Since he has gone through a transition, he's probably feeling stressed. There's no harm in going to him and even letting him sleep with you. And you might get a better night's sleep. It doesn't mean that he will never be able to sleep on his own. In fact, the stress he is currently associating with sleep can create lifelong sleep problems for him.

Check out some information on attachment parenting (try the Dr. Sears books), and I think your mind will be put to ease on this. The more secure and comforted he feels now, the more independent he will become, because he won't feel the need to cling! Instead, his natural inclination to express some independence and be a big boy will come out in its natural course. But for now he's just a little boy, and feeling even littler with the changes happening in his life. It's normal that he will regress a little with stresses or milestones, and, with comfort and support, will then proceed to flourish.

Hang in there!

L.

I would not recommend leaving milk or juice in the sippy cup at bedtime. That could lead to cavities. I would just put plain water in it.

It sounds like he is going through some transition and needs some security. I would help him find something to form an attachment too like a stuffed animal or blanket. My child has a silky blanket that he likes to sleep with. He calls it silky. Other than that lots of love and reassurance. If he does come into your room just get up and walk him back to his room. Give a hug but not coversation. I usually just say see you in the morning. I also tell my son not to get back up until he sees the sun come up.

Hope this helps.

My daughter is 2, and for the past few months, she will cry for milk when we send her to bed. We used to just give it to her because it would quiet her down & she would go to sleep. But now I've decided that it's enough. She shouldn't be having milk in the bed, and I also don't want her having much liquid at bedtime because it only makes her wet her diaper more during the night (we want her to be potty trained at night someday too!!). So, my rule now is, we take her to bed & tuck her in, then walk out. We have a baby gate on her door so she cannot get out on her own. She will cry for several minutes. If she keeps asking for milk, I will go get one of those little plastic cups from the bathroom (what are they, 4 oz?) and put some water in it for her. She will take this just fine instead of milk. Most of the time she will go quietly back to bed after I give her the cup of water.

It sounds like you do not have a baby gate on his door. I think that will really help, because he won't be able to get out of his room on his own & get into trouble or hurt himself in the middle of the night. Make your own rules for bedtime that fit you and your grandson, and stick to it. My daughter is learning that when she goes to bed, she will not get milk. But she can have one little cup of water. And she must stay in her room.

I will agree to only put water in the cup-and encourage you to do away with the sippy cups, you may try to switch to a no spill cup with a straw (I get mine at Wal-Mart for 2.88-the cheapest they have and they work great!) You may try having him use a big boy cup (maybe a special cup with favorite character on it) for meals and during the day and let him have a cup of juice or milk out of his "night-night" cup (or sipper cup)just before brushing teeth.
Also, some cuddle time is great, which may be what he really wants in the night. We are going thru this with my 16 mo old daughter and extra cuddle time with mommy or daddy during the day seems to help her sleep better at night.
We also went thru this with my now 3 year old--we read lots of parenting books most had very similar advice, the solution we found was: 1st time they wake up wait 5 minutes before going in-you may say "it's time to rest" and touch him-but don't pick him up or give him a cup and dont stay in his room longer than 1 or 2 minutes. Second time he wakes up crying let him cry 10 minutes then go in-you may shush but no talking, oh-and no eye contact that stimulates them, the 3rd time wait 20 minutes before going in etc... I read to wait no longer than 30 minutes, but we went to 45 minutes. And if his cry sound different (like he's hurt) of course go in right away. A baby gate may be ok-but I would be worried at his age he might try to climb it-you would be a better judge of that-so if he does come to your room-just take him back to his bed tell him it's time to sleep.
THIS IS HARD!! You will need lots of coffee the first couple days after doing this, you will probably want to start on a night where you don't have to go to work the next day. I hope whatever method you choose works for you--let us know! God Bless you and your family.

I think he is just missing his mommy. Children do strange things sometimes when something is not right in there home. Sounds like your trying anything to help him. Just give him plenty of love and talk with him. Maybe asking him how he feels about his mom not being there or something. he might be needing attention somewhere. My 2 yr old will do certain things which i know it means he just wants my time. PLus- wanting the sippy cup, its a security thing...the sippy cup, some have blankies, pacifiers and other stuff. just give it time and/or try something else. I hope this helps...I hope I understood correctly. good luck !

Every child needs comfort but letting him have a sippy cup, pacifier, etc. will damage his teeth. He's really too old for a sippy cup anyway. I know how convenient they are, but children his age should learn that we drink at the table or other appropriate place until we learn not to drop cups/glasses wherever they land. Also, the constant sucking can slow correct speech development.
Start a nightly routine making sure he is comfortable temperature wise and has recently emptied his bladder. Tell him you are concerned about his teeth (or some other excuse) and that we aren't going to use the sippy anymore. If you don't think he can handle this so suddenly, talk about it during the day and tell him that in 2 weeks, you are getting rid of the sippy for the reasons. Mark that date on a calendar and then let him help you count down to the date you will throw it away. When you get to that point, whether suddenly or in 2 weeks, stick to it. The sippy is gone. If he awakens, at first, you can go to him and reassure him that you are there. Gradually, don't go all the way in the room, just reassuring him from the door, then from another room, etc. Soon, you'll be able to say something to him from your room, just to let him know you are there. It's probably just a matter of security for him and when he knows you are there, he'll be alright. Always tell him you are right there. Don't leave while he's asleep only to have him awaken to a strange person. If you are going out, tell him a sitter will be there, etc. At some point before you started raising him, he may have felt abandoned somehow and now he needs that extra assurance. Bless you for raising him. He's a lucky boy.

if you work you will need to try to do this on the weekend, but you have to cut him off. I had to do the same to my children. Yes he will cry. Try this - FYI this is what my pediatrician told me to do - First night - let them cry for 30 minutes before you go to their room and give them the milk as usual. - Night two let him cry for 60 minutes before you go to their room and give them milk, and so on. Eventually they will realize that the milk probably isn't coming and that they should go back to sleep.
It sounds harsh, but it isn't. If the child has no real health problems and eats normally they should have no problem sleeping through the night. I did this to both of my children at 5months of age. Your 3 year old may be a little more tricky because they can get up. Use a child safe fence if you have to to keep them in their room.
You have to stick to it.
If the "milk maiden" showed up at your child's bedside every night at the same time they will wake up at that time for the milk. If you stop showing up, they will stop waking up.

Do if for yourself, and your child. They should be sleeping through the night by now. Good Luck - be strong and don't give in.

It sounds to me as if he really is just wanting security. He probably wants you to come give him the sippy cup just so he knows that you are there. My youngest daughter (4 almost 5) reaches out in her sleep to touch her sister's hair - or if she has crawled into our bed (which does not happen often) - my hair while she sucks her thumb. My oldest did not start sleeping through the night until she was almost 4 years old. That's when we put them in the same bed. Try holding him in your lap reading him stories before bedtime and them sing to him after you have put him to bed. These are very comforting things to young children. Also, only put water in the sippy cup. This was advice given to me with my oldest one when she kept waking up every two hours when she was over a year old. I hope this helps.
A little about me:
Married,working mother with two daughters - 6 and 4 shortly turning 7 and 5.

Sleep is really good and missing it is terrible! I wish there was a quick fix but you will just have to be consistant and I would only put water in his cup. The juice on his teeth during the night could cause problems and it's not good to leave milk out all night (two hours out of the fridge is about the safe max). Give him any small reward for staying in his bed and really brag about Big Boy things!! You may already be doing these things. He will get older and since his childhood may have recently had a changed or disrupted, it will probably just take a while (maybe a few months) for him to learn he can sleep all night and comfort himself. Let him sleep with anything that comforts him. The goal -- sleep! Good luck!!

I know what it's like to have babies keep you up all night, but before I say anything about that I want to say- Please, don't put ANYTHING in that sippy cup but water!!!!!!!!!! My husband is a dentist and has, too often, the sad opportunity to work on very young children whose teeth have completely rotted from sleeping with milk or juice. And rotten baby teeth DO cause severe damage to the adult teeth that grow in later because there is not a healthy environment for those adult teeth to develope properly.. He may, and probably will, fight you on this, but it is for his own good!

As for getting him to sleep through the night, I read (or devoured) a book titled, along the lines, The Baby Whisperer, How Babies and Their Parents Sleep Through the Night. I have used it's advise with all three of my children and it has got all three of them falling asleep on their own and sleeping through the night in their own rooms. Even my daughter who would wake up screaming for me every 20 to 45 minutes all night every night. I can't remember the exact title, but if you look for the Baby Whisperer you will be sure to find it, it's a famous book.

I also have a soon to be 3 year old little boy. He has had lots of problems with waking up in the night. It's not an every night thing, and he has good sleeping weeks and bad sleeping weeks. I know that every child is different, but here are some things that we have tried and seem to work.
First of all, if you ask any dentist they will tell you that you can't leave juice or milk with a child at night. The sugar and milk will set on their teeth and can cause decay and rotting. Like you said, by him wanting you to come in and give the drink to him I don't think he is thirsty. He just wants you to come in...and he knows you will. At this age our son is able to understand "one last drink" of water which we give him as he crawls into bed. We tell him he can have another one in the morning, and we stick to it and don't ever give him another drink after his "one last drink.(unless he is sick) He caught on after a while and doesn't ask anymore. If you haven't watched Super Nanny she almost weekly deals with a child that won't stay in bed. I have found her advice to work really well. It's pretty much to do youre bedtime routine and say goodnight. If they get out of bed you place them back in bed and say, "You need to stay in bed. It's bedtime"(or something like that). Then you walk out. The next time they get up, you place them back in bed and don't say anything. You continue this for as long as it takes each night and you will be amazed that the time will get shorter and shorter and they will learn that they are to stay in bed. If they stay in bed but just cry you just have to let them cry. I have had to let my son cry several times, but he does so much better now sleeping through the night.
About the issue of him wandering the house at night while you are asleep I would suggest getting a child saftey doorway gate so that he can't get out. At least if he gets up and can't get out he will just start crying for you and you can go in and lie him back down.
I hope some of this helps:)

I am a single mother with a three year old that does the same thing. He still does not sleep through the night due to needing his sippy cup. Last night was the first night in a long time that I just let him cry.(he currently sleeps with me). After about 5 minutes (felt like an hour!) he quit crying and rolled over and went back to sleep. It feels like a nightmare but you have to try to tune him out enough that you don't get angry but stay awake enough you know what going on so that he is not up alone. I used to do that often but some days I am just too tired and want my sleep! When he slept in his own bed he would do the same thing - only cry a little longer, but he never got up he always went back to sleep. It is just a bad habit - not a neccessity - to get up and have the cup. If you put water in it and show him where it is before he goes to sleep he will eventually get it himself. If he doesnt, then he doesnt want it that bad. Sounds mean but he just knows he has that control.Good luck with this - it is a hard habit to break. my best advice is to stay consistent for at least a week, posibbly two and you should have the issue licked!

There is alot of advice here on how to handle your situation and many practical responses and insights I think are relevant. [I would definitely go to water though so his teeth don't rot] I guess I just want to say that depending on your particular situation and your grandson's personality any one of them might be the right way to go but that is something only you will know. Just remember that there are issues of trauma when a child is not with their natural parents and that needs to be taken into consideration however, life is not going to stop just because someone lost their parents or were abused or whatever the situation may be so you also can't baby him too much. Somewhere there is a balance that is going to work for you and your grandson and none of us can tell you where that is. We can tell you what worked for us but you will have to look at the details of personality and your situation. There is no right or wrong here. It is about your family and what work for you now (taking into consideration how that will affect his future) So look through these answers and try to make decisions when you are in a centered and grounded place and not feeling emotional and tired (haha) Try one solution and if it doesn't work try something else. Once you find the right answer for you, you will know. Listen to your intuition, we all have it we just don't always listen. He is fortunate to have someone who loves him so to help him through not having his parents around. I am sure you will find what is "right" for him. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.