Hi everyone. I live with my fiancee who has a three and a half year old daughter. She stays with her mother, who has full custody for half of the week, and we have her for the other half. Jackie (the mother) is very irresponsible. She doesn't take care of her daughter's health concerns in a timely manner. For example, she took her daughter to a specialist who told her she might have strep throat and that she needed to schedule an appointment to get her checked out. Jackie never did. She also was told that her daughter needed her tonsils removed soon. Jackie's response was that it was too much of an inconvinence to her. Every time she drops her daugher off at our house she is sick. This week she came down with a cold because her mother let her run around outside barefoot in November...in MICHIGAN! She also has sores on her butt from not washing her hands, siting on dirty toilets, taking baths in a dirth tub, etc. Every time we send her back she is healthy or on her way to recovery. My question is this...How can I talk to Jackie about the importance of her daughter's heath care without making Jackie mad. I'm afraid to say too much and cause Jackie to not allow us to see her daughter anymore. I have many many more issues with her parenting, such as the fact that her daughter is 3 1/2, doesn't know her shapes, colors, abc's, etc., is picking up foul language from her mother and mother's friends, and so on. At this time, though her health care is what is on my mind the most. Please Help!
Thank you for everyone who has replied so quickly to my request. I wanted to update, or include a few more pieces of information...I do work on helping her learn her abc's etc. when I am with her, this is quite a chore however. When she is with her mom, all her mother does is sits her down in front of the tv. This is what she has come to expect and won't pay attention to much of anything else. I have begun to look into Head Start programs and hopefully she will be enrolled in the fall. As for the medical concerns, she is seeing a doctor today (thankfully) so I should soon know what is wrong. I have begun some documentation, however, how much would that be taken into consideration if we try to get full custody. Also, I am interested in talking with the mother because at this point in time, I am the one who plays the biggest role in her child's life. I take care of her more than Jackie does. Often when Jackie is suppose to have her, Jackie's mother or grandmother takes care of her so that Jackie can go out and party. Jackie and I have a good relationship too. We talk and figure out what is going on with her daughter more than my fiancee and her talk.
Thank you for everyone who has replied so quickly to my request. I wanted to update, or include a few more pieces of information...I do work on helping her learn her abc's etc. when I am with her, this is quite a chore however. When she is with her mom, all her mother does is sits her down in front of the tv. This is what she has come to expect and won't pay attention to much of anything else. I have begun to look into Head Start programs and hopefully she will be enrolled in the fall. As for the medical concerns, she is seeing a doctor today (thankfully) so I should soon know what is wrong. I have begun some documentation, however, how much would that be taken into consideration if we try to get full custody. Also, I am interested in talking with the mother because at this point in time, I am the one who plays the biggest role in her child's life. I take care of her more than Jackie does. Often when Jackie is suppose to have her, Jackie's mother or grandmother takes care of her so that Jackie can go out and party. Jackie and I have a good relationship too. We talk and figure out what is going on with her daughter more than my fiancee and her talk.
You were smart to document whats going on. But document everything. Conversations, colds, sores and anything else. Also take pictures,even better if the camera will date the pics. If it is that bad take it up with child services. The more you can have documented the better it is for you. It sounds like she is irresponisble and the little girl deserves better. Good Luck!!
I am going thru close to the same with my son and my ex and his family. I have had to document all illnesses and present them in writing to the parent and how to care for them. as for head start my ex tried to enroll my son in school 2 hrs from my house and I enrolled my son in preschool with me in court, my ex was told that the parent that has the cusdity has say in schooling and with us having joint cusiity I am guardian I had that say. But as far as getting her into learning her ABC's and being addicted to TV invest in the leap pad movies. my son went from nothing to saying all 26 plus the sound each makes The movie "Letter factory" Is awesome.
Unfortunately it needs to be your finance not you that talks to Mom. If you are concerned about her safety I would contact child protection. She should not have sores on her body. And you are correct, my 2 1/2 year old knows his ABCS, shapes, colors, etc. You can work with her on those while you have her-- she will pick it up fast.
It is very good that you have started to document things. In addition to this you need to document when you or her dad take her to the doctor, what was said, and get the doctor to sign off. (A doctors oppinion is a good back up for court). Also have your husband call social services. Tell them about the conditions she lives in and the lack of follow up to medical care, as well as any 'mental issues' your daughter may be dealling with. I don't mean 'crazy' I mean the lack of educational level, the bad launguage etc. Social services will then open an investigation and go into the home to see what is there. Social Service documentaion will also go a long way to help with a custody change. In this state it is very hard to get custody away from the mother so for the childs sake, please documetn everything, and keep trying. Dont be afraid of calling socail services, it may make the mom mad but she will either improve conditions or you will gain custody. She cannot withhold custody from you, the court will back you up. Good luck! - K.
You need to talk to your fiancee. He should seriously think of taking full custody. This is not to say that the mother should be out of the picture all together, but the primary household should be the one that is a more stable environment.
As for the shapes, ABCs, and stuff. You should try teaching her that stuff when you are with her. Candyland is a good place to start colors. She should know some of the stuff, but every kid is different. My son just wasn't getting the numbers and letters, until he started preschool at four and a half. Now he's bolted past all the kids in his class. You should have your fiancee get her into preschool ASAP. Alot of good could come out of it.
Hi E.,
Its really good that you care for the well being of your fiancees daughter. What does your fiancee say? I would highly recommend that your fiance be the one who says something to Jackie. Don't put yourself in the middle. She is your fiancees daughter. You are not really anything yet to her. I know that may sound harsh but it is the truth. If the daughter doesn't know her colors ect. then she does need better parenting. Maybe she may have a learning disorder of somesort. Every child learns differently but she should know these things. Has she been to the doctor for well child visits? I think that you and your fiancee should become more involved and maybe think about full custody. I would also recommend that you start a journal of all the things that happen and how often she is sick when she comes over. If you were to try and get full custody this would be helpful documentation. Good luck. Keep us updated on what happens.
Chris
I agree that it should be your fiance' that talks to her. But I would also be documenting and taking photos of all of her health concerns. It sounds to me that the enviornment at your house would be more stable for her and have her well being as a top concern. As for the knowing her abc's and colors and shapes. You could work on them with her but know that all children learn at a different pace. I saw that one mother stated that her 2 1/2 yr old knows all that already. This doesnt mean that all 2 1/2 yr olds will or should know this. I have 4 yr old triplets and I can tell you from personal experience that EVERY child learns at a different pace. I wish you all the luck in the world. I would definately find out what needs to be done to get that child full time into your household. You can check into Head Start in your area. It is a free preschool program for 3 and 4 yr olds and if you do not qualify, when she turns 4 you can check into MSRP (Michigan State Readiness Program) which is also a free preschool program (they learn more in MSRP). Good Luck.
Hugs
M.
May I just say...Good For You!!!
You are a very mature, intelligent, caring and compassionate woman and this world needs more of you.
Keep up the good work b/c it WILL make a difference!
K.
if i were you i would forget about the moms feelings and take charge keep track with notes and pictures of all the problems and report her to childrens services or fight for custody she is clearly neglected emotionally and physically i can tell that just by what you said my son is 3 1/2 and is in preschool and knew all his colors and shapes before he went i couldnt imagine that poor little girl you need to take serious action and forget talking to the mom do it for that innocent little girl that cant take care of her self also as her father he can take her to doctors and specialist to see her and thats more proof for you guys
