Son and Shopping Experience

From the time I was 15 and didn't want to go clothes shopping with my mom anymore she just gave me money. She gave me $100 and said to buy clothes that I needed for school and to use the money wisely because that's all I got. So if I wanted to spend $15 on underwear I could but that meant I couldn't get a shirt. So I learned how to make my money stretch and get clothes I wanted.

My wife and I used to argue with our kids over their wanting someones name on their underwear and outer wear. We solved the problem by telling them they had $XX.xx to spend on clothes. Then we either gave them the money or held onto the money and went shopping with them, depending on their age. One very fashion concious daughter bought one pair of jeans and one blouse for her school year. Then cried and whined all year about having to wear the same clothes over and over again. It was a great lesson for her. The next year she made much wiser decisions. (We gave her opportunities to EARN money to buy more clothes.)

I'd recommend you doing the same thing with your son. Give him good guidence and let him go on his own. Tell him about Goodwill, Salvation Army and garage sales, and then let him make and live (!!!) by his choices. It'll be tough on you to let him make his mistakes, but they will be HIS mistakes. He will learn from the experience and will be better off because of it.

Good luck to you and yours.

Well, it sounds like he's asserting his independence and trying to determine what HE likes as opposed to what you think he should like. This is pretty normal - and actually pretty late in age - probably because he's a boy.

This is a GREAT time to start having the money conversation with him about budgeting, if you haven't already. If you have $x. set aside to help him with his clothing budget, then HE has some decisions to make. Does he get the more expensive briefs and 2 less shirts? Does he pay some of his own money? Does he compromise somewhere else? Assuming that you are still providing for him, you can allow him to make some of the decisions about what gets purchased. He probably wants to make sure he has the right "image" when he goes to college in the fall.

Now, he shouldn't speak disrespectfully to you. Again - GREAT time to teach conflict resolution.... how is he going to handle it at college when he wants something? This is a skill he needs to hone.
So, I would have said that shopping was done for that day and if he wanted to have a conversation with you about what is going on then you are willing to go shop with him another day. Then coach him on figuring out what his issue is and presenting it to you in a respectful mature way.

Good Luck!

Probably stress on his part since he is experiencing life change...and so are you. have you talked to him about it? I would. I think there is an underlying issue than just a pair of under pants. If he really wants the underwear suggest alternatives on where you can purchase Calvin Klein cheaper. Underlying issue and I would open the lines of communication in a non threatening way.

Been there!

Now that he's 18 and preparing for college, let him learn to control the $$.

Take him to the store with a list of things that he needs. Tell him that he has $x to spend. First you walk through the store with just paper and pens. He gets to pick out what he wants and writes down the price. You write down what you would've gotten and the price on your paper. No arguing, no fussing,etc.

Then when you have located all of the items, you sit down and add up the lists. Don't forget to add sales tax. Then you talk about the choices and go back and pick up the agreed upon items. (this will be a time consuming shopping trip, but worth it)

When my brother went to college, my mom opened a checking account for him, with her name on it (so she can transfer money in emergencies). She placed all of the 'support' $ for 2 months in the account. It was up to him to make the money last. If he went over, or missed a bill he had to explain why.

M.

This really wasn't about the briefs. It was about he is 18 and going to go to college. He is capable of picking out his own clothes. Let him go momma.

Give him the money and let him shop for himself. He will have to live with the decisions he has made. In the eyes of the law he is legally an adult. If he onlyl has a few expensive pieces, he will learn a valuable lesson but that isn't your problem. The budget is the budget and how he chooses to spend it is on him and then he will have to deal with the consequences. This is what we do with our kids and they are 15, 16 and 17.

Yup, mine is 15 now and the year before last for school shopping he decided that he wanted all of things from a couple of expensive store that we normally didn't shop at.

I explained the budget to him, outlined what he needed, then we checked out prices. Dd he want 2 expensive shirts, or 4 medium priced shirts? In other words, did he want to wear the same 2 shirts all week, or have a large enough wardrobe to cover the entire week. He decided on the larger wardrobe.

Underwear and socks I buy when he is not with me - I just buy new from walmart or target and put in his dresser drawers. He probably thinks the "Underwear" fairy takes care of it.

Last year I was unemployed and major back to school shopping was not an option. I spent a lot of time in thrift stores picking up clothing for him. I never took him with me, I would just hang the clothing in his closet - he would find it, and I would just tell him I got him a new shirt. etc. He adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy last summer. He didn't want thrift store clothes, but he knew he needed clothing.

Your son is experiencing angst about fitting in at college. Normal, but frustrating. I would be more concerned about his being rude to you than what kind of underwear he wants. Buy him the Hanes, and let him know that he can buy his own designer undies with his spending money - you know, let him pick between food or Calvin Kliens once he is away at college. I bet he picks food!!! If he really doesn't like the undies - he can always go "commando".

Do what the other posters suggested - give him the money, let him go shopping. When he gets to college and realizes that he only has three days worth of clothing, he will learn a valuable lesson. And learn to do laundry!!!

But, do call him on his attitude. A young man of 18 should never treat his mother like that.

Good Luck
God Bless

I suspect your son's blow up was more about his not having control. I agree with the other posts. Give him the budget and let him decide. Once its his money and his decisions, you'll see a completely different shopper.

There are a number of reasons this might be happening. Sometimes it is hormones, sometimes it is a neurological reorganization called synaptic shearing. The brain actually shears off a good deal of how it has organized its processing connections so it can reorganize for more efficient function. This most commonly happens at about 16 or 17, but I have seen it in 15 and 18 year olds. It suddenly seems like your teen is a different person and isn't functioning by the same manners or rules.

But, there may be more driving his feelings than is apparent, and perhaps more than he is comfortable sharing with you. If he is going to be living in a dorm or sharing an apartment, people who are now strangers may be seeing him in his underwear on a regular basis. He may also have a bit of anxiety about college, about leaving home, etc. He may have several feelings he is not talking about. There may be bigger issues, but it is easier to just snap about the underwear issue.

It is easy for us to wonder why underwear is such an issue. I have learned to trust that when someone is upset, something is upsetting that person whether I understand it or not. Instead of arguing over underwear, I would ask if he feels like talking about how he's feeling about college, the move, etc. I would want to ask him if the calculated difference in the cost of underwear is important enough to him to spend less on other garments, etc. In situations where a kid snaps like that, I have learned to say something like, "You seem to feel this is important and you may be right. I want to respect that. Since this seems to be a sensitive subject and I don't seem to understand, maybe we should talk about it at home and make this decision at another time." If the kid still snaps at me after that, then I say that, as I am making every effort to show respect, I would like to be spoken to with respect as well and will wait to discuss the issue when we can do so with a real sense of dignity.

I know a couple of wonderful parents who trained their children to buy their own clothes. From the time they started school, they were given a monthly budget of $50 a month for all wearing apparel, including coats and shoes. These parents could well afford to dress their kids expensively and lived in a very nice neighborhood. But, these kids chose to shop where they could get the best bargains. They learned to calculate and budget out their needs. It was never an issue of the kids begging for what they wanted. They were perfectly free to budget for what they wanted. I wish I had thought of that when my son was young! I figure this is an idea I can offer my son when he has children. We live and learn. :)

I'm going to guess that if he is 18, he has a job (at the least a summer one) and you can let him know that you are happy to treat him to a few things before he goes off to school but if he wants something that is out of your budget, he can use his money to get it himself.

18 is often viewed as an adult. He probably wants/needs to be able to pick out his own things and what may be a trivial thing to you is a big deal to him. Also, boys don't seem to like shopping with their moms as much as girls do! But again, he's also of the age to do his own shopping with his own funds.

I agree with the others on his asserting his independence & letting him shop with xx amount of $$ may help. I have two sons & one has expensive taste, at least for my budget. He does wear name brand briefs & they do last longer & hold shape better. One of things I have rationalized with about having boys when they want expensive things like that is that if I had girls I would make sure they were dressed to a "T" & had hair things, nylons, dress shoes, & other accessories, therefore, I have tried not to cringe when my son asks for American Eagle Boxer Briefs or a specific type of Nike 3/4 socks. I just try to remind myself he were a girl it could be alot more expensive.

My daughter is only 10 years old, but we've had discussions about how much money is available to spend on her clothes already. I take her shopping, she picks out what she wants, I get the final say over what we buy. We spread the clothes shopping out over a few different weekends so neither of us burns out (or spends too much money at one time) and everyone is relatively happy!

hormones..... yikes~!

How fun it is to raise teenagers......I have two teen sons (14 and 17) and they both have also pulled the same thing......My oldest on his back to school shopping trip last year wanted some expensive bikini briefs from Macy's and I told him we couldn't afford them....my other son is happy with briefs and boxer briefs from Wallyworld.....Just give him a budget and let him make the purchase if that's what he wants.

I don't have teenagers yet, but my husband is very particular about his underwear (clothes, in general) and they have to be Calvin Klein, Polo, or a couple of other acceptable brands. I buy almost all of his at TJ Maxx, where I pay about half the retail- they're usually around $5-$7 (boxers & boxer briefs). I really can't blame him. There is a huge difference between Hanes/cheapies and expensive brands. My hubby had to buy some Hanes because he forgot to pack boxers when we went on vacation last spring. We only had time to stop at Walmart- the Hanes are saggy and super thin. I also prefer only Victoria's Secret panties- I never have liked Hanes/Fruit of the Loom/etc.- they fit different! Anyway, try that or maybe Marshall's or Ross if you have those. If he's living in the dorms, I can understand him wanting to have good underwear. There is a pretty good chance that other people will see him in only his underwear, especially if there are community bathrooms.