Son Dating 14 Yr Old

I have teenage sons but have not dealt with this specifically. I as a 15 year old had dates with guys that were 17-18. I understand your concern about the age difference now but when they are both in their 20's it won't be such a big deal. When our 2 older sons were close to 18 we talked about how as soon as you turn 18 in the eyes of the law you become an adult therefore anything that may happen could have a very different outcome. We also had a similar talk when the oldest turned 21 reminding him that if he bought alchoholic beverages and shared with his underage friends he could be charged with giving alcohol to a minor with serious consequences.

Do you like this girlfriend? Do you feel like no one will ever be good enough for your son? If you feel no one will ever be good enough please re-evaluate how this will affect your son. My Dad's Mom felt this way about my Mother. It drove quite a wedge between them and also made us children feel like we could never really get close to Grandma because she was mean to our Mom. There was a time when my Dad did not talk to his Mom for a long time or see her because she had talked bad about my mom and he had enough. He asked her to stop talking badly to her and about her but she would not. My Mothers parents on the other hand accepted Dad as a son and treated him well. We have many memories of spending fun, good times with them as a family. Unless this girl is really engaging in bad behavior like sex, drugs, drinking etc... forbidding your son to see her will probably just drive him to see her behind your back. The other thing is when he turns 18 he will be able to move out if he chooses then you will have no control and possibly damage you parent child relationship. God Bless

It sounds to me like your son is not ready for the older girls you are suggesting, and perhaps feels safe with a gal that has no pressure. Young people are starting everything earlier, and perhaps he is not prepared for that. If they are going to church and hanging out at your houses, those are safe places. Going to a movie together, or walks or whatever, unsupervised, is too young for a 14 year old. THAT is what he has to appreciate. IF he chooses to date her, he has to be patient and go with her age appropriateness. It sounds like you guys, and her parents are very realistic and involved. That's all you can do. Trust that you raised them right, and they will make the right decisions. Our grandparents, and great grandparents married very young, and their marriages lasted ... perhaps there is something to say for that?!?!? Good luck and God Bless.

I have a 17 yr old who seems interested in unavailable girls. I think it's more a case of "the grass is always greener". Who knows... It could be a safety zone. if he likes someone who is taken, maybe the hurt is less than if they were together and split up. Who can really say all the reasons this is happening.

As far as the age issue. I wonder if you are more worried about a possible sexual relationship. The age difference is not a big deal. Teenagers can be irresponsible, but there also needs to be trust. Have some faith that you raised your son well. Keep communication open with her parents. They are letting their 14 yr old daughter date. Are they really dating? or just spending time together? I ask this, because I was 14 when I met my husband. Just shy of my 15th bday I begged my parents to let me go out with him. He was 18 just short of 19. I was always home before curfew. Most of our dates were a trip to the mall, movies or dinner. We always went out and came back to my house to watch tv or sit outside together. My parents took the chance to trust us. That was 23 years ago. We have been married for 15 years. Jim was the only boy I seriously dated. When he went away to college I went out on a few dates(very few). Jim has always been the love of my life.

If we don't learn to trust our children, how will they ever learn and grow into the adults we want them to be. :)

.

I don't think there is anything wrong in a 14 and 17 year old courting. A 17 yr old male is probably on the same level emotionally as a mature 14 yr old girl.

I think you are right on in supervising the dating, also known as "courting" - I will be doing this with my children all throughout their dating life. I think that no matter the age of the child or the person they are seeing this is a good idea.

And let me say that it makes me so upset to see people posting "make sure he knows how to use a condom because they are going to have sex". Why make such a blanketed statement? Why must they have sex - because they are teens, because they are animals and can't control their actions?
Don't just talk to your son about not having sex because of his partners age, but because sex before marriage is not God's plan and can cause emotional baggage for future relationships. Pregnancy or STDs are not the only thing to worry about with pre-marital sex.
(sorry I don't mean to come off as preachy but sometimes I feel like we as a society have really let our children down in this area. Just gave up on teaching them the right way and moved on to teaching them the "easy" way. It is easier for the adults to teach them how to use a condom than to have to tell them no - it's wrong.)

It sounds like you are doing a great job with this situation!

I don't look forward to the dating years. My oldest is 11 and is already talking about having a "girlfriend". It sounds like you are trying to do the right thing - allowing him to have a relationship with boundaries to protect him and the young girl. You may not have much say when he turns 18, but her parents still will. Just encourage him to respect her parents decision on what kind of relationship they will allow her to have with him. I have heard that often boys are emotionally younger than their age and that girls tend to be emotionally older than their age. As long as they enjoy each other's company and are being respectful to each other and their parents and all the parents agree to the boundaries and how much supervision is necessary for the girl's age and can trust each other to provide that supervision then it could be a good friendship.

You should also continue to talk with your son about any feelings or desires that he may be having and the importance of keeping them under control. Make sure he knows what a big responsibility it would be if they ever had the opportunity to do anything that might lead to parenthood and explain how difficult that would make both families lives. Hopefully, you have already had many discussions about hormones, desires, your expectations of him to wait and how he should protect himself and the girl if they do not.

The above mentioned are good things for all parents to discuss. Your son may go off to college soon and may start new relationships with girls who are closer to his age. As long as her parents are allowing a supervised relationship and it is a healthy relationship for all involved - I think I'd try not to worry too much.

Honestly there is nothing wrong with a 17 year old dating a 14 year old. So why are you worried ? unless he starts having sexual relationships with her after he turns 18 there is nothing to worry about. Though I know if I was his age I would not want to date someone where I could not go out anywhere unless parents was with me. Most teenagers you tell then no and they will do it just to spite you.

My son dated a freshman while he was an 18 year old senior. I allowed him to take her and all of her friends to the mall. Yes, I did go and check up on him and once I left all his friends at the mall and my son's truck because he had blown me off, I hauled his butt home.
He has since joined the Navy and forgotten all about the girls here.
Why aren't the parents of this girl putting the kabash on this relationship?
We also had a similar duo in church and the girl's parents kept refusing to let her see the 19 year old, she finally broke up with him. They were sad for all of a week.

I am going to guess insecurity in himself. Does he have a good father figure? It seems as though he doesn't want to face his own age, his own town, etc b/c he feels they are unattainable, or maybe he is not good enough. You are doing the right thing but I would add some counseling quick before he turns 18 and you can't make him. This will not just be in relationships if he does have an issue, it can carry over into jobs, etc good luck

I don't think anybody has answered your question, so I will give it a shot. Maybe he has low self-esteem is why he picks unavailable girlfriends? Maybe he thinks any available girls would not date him. You might consider taking him to a therapist to talk out his issues.

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I find it interesting that you use the word "unavailable" to describe the girls he has shown interest in. Unavailable for what? At 17, he shouldn't be thinking about a long-term relationship, but about who he is and what's important to him. That's what dating is all about. Finding someone who shares your interests, beliefs, values and goals. This is difficult to do if you don't know what they are. The response about his maturity level or comfort level with girls his own age is valid. You, or ideally your husband, should talk with him about his feelings, concerns, and relationships in general. Provide him with a safe place to talk and eventually he will.

When I was 14 going on 15, my first "love" was 17 going on 18. He had rather low self-esteem and I was his first girlfriend. And because we remained friends after we eventually broke up (after 6 months of dating) I know that he continued to date girls that were younger than him until he got to college. Assuming the girl is a nice person and that they are not getting too physical, it is something that can be healthy and fun and low-pressure. We had plenty of unsupervised dates and yes, as most teens do, we both wanted to have fun physically, but it stayed relatively pg and I think both of our parents gave us the space we needed. We were both responsible Christian teenagers (naive and stupid like all teens, but still responsible)
I'd suggest you not be too h*** o* them or you could push them away. It is great that they are up for hanging out with the family. Reward them with some "real dates" as it seems appropriate - a movie or dinner can be fun and sign of your willingness to trust. In turn your son will get a chance to "be a man" on his dates and grow in confidence. As he grows in that confidence, he will begin dating girls closer to his age. Also, sometimes girls ones own age are intimidating and more mature than boys. Which is why a lot of girls date older guys.

They are only 3 or 4 years apart. That's going to be no big deal in a few years. I met my husband at 13 years old. My friend was 15 dating a 20 year old and that was 5 years ago, now they are planning their wedding. Just make sure he understands how to use a condom because they will have sex. As long as she doesn't get pregnant the future is wide open.

My son is 17, 18 next fall, and does a similar thing. He becomes interested in girls slightly younger, who are dating or trying to get with someone else. He then befriends them through texting and is there for them when it doesn't work out with their current boyfriends. He feels good about himself if he can "counsel" them. I think part of it has to do with lack of self esteem. Boys are picked on for picking the "wrong" girl so if they are distanced from their regular friends they protect themselves from ridicule. Then they can say anything without necessarily answering to it. Heck, for all his friends know she is 16 with a nice rack. Its protection mode on high.

Apart from all that, my son hasn't actually ever been on a date or hung out with a girl or girls other than church groups or school. We stress the importance of while he is in HS he should stick to his age or nothing at all. It is so much safer this way for everyone. Should something happen, eventually it will, the age is not a factor. If you think about it, nobody will believe the male. Kids are curious, everyone seems to be hooking up, and nobody wants to be labeled a virgin. True love, if its there will wait and last. The fact he's crushing on a girl 3-4 years his junior is not really appropriate at this age.

Since he is having supervised dates that will continue, I would suggest motivating him into something where he will meet other teens his age even if its a school club. If his options are broader he will probably grow out of this girl. I feel like I can be more blunt about the situation because my husband is almost 11 years older than I, and my step-son is 17, and my foster son just turned 18. I have faced or gone through these battles. I did not meet my husband until after I was already 18, but lots of people love to talk about how he graduated HS before I even hit JR. HIgh.

My other suggestion would be to make sure you are fully involved as parents. We have acess to all emails, passwords, texts, anything. We do check up and do our best to guide our boys right. They are not sexually active yet, but would be if they thought they could. Good Luck and heres hoping for the best.

My little brother is 18 and is dating a 14 year old. I had the same concerns you are having so I set him down to have a heart to heart. My brother is very outgoing and popular and could have any girl he wanted so I couldnt understand why he chose to date such a young girl. I talked to him and he told me that he was tired of superficial relationships. He said he wanted to be with a 'good girl.' He said she was the only girl that he knew he could trust. I have a good relationship with my brother so I believe him. There is a big difference in age but if its meant to be your son will just wait u out till he is 18. Then, unfortunately, there is really nothing you can do about it. It sounds like your son is a pretty good kid, be honest about your concerns but he is almost an adult so treat him with some respect and try to understand his side. God Bless.