Son Getting in Trouble at School

I would have him evaluated for ADD/ADHD. There is so much more to it than just being hyper. It affects the way you interact with people, handwriting, motor skills, and there is poor impulse control. I have a nephew who was a little monster. He's on medication now and doing so well the teacher says she wishes they were all like him. By the way, he was kicked out of headstart on his first day because he was so bad!

My daughter did the exact same thing when she was in kindergarten. She would always push or shove or pull hair. eventually she grew out of it when she went to 1st grade. We would always ask her the same thing and she would always tell us she didn't know. Punishment also didn't work. I was concerned as well but this year she is soooo much better! Hang in there!

I'm a teacher and a mother of a an 8 year old and 13 year old. Just from what I read, more information is needed to determine the cause of your son's misbehavior. How is this misbehavior handled at school? Does he show the same behaviors at home or just at school?

It's imperative you speak with his teacher and if possible observe him in class. There may be a preceding factor to the misbehavior or he is getting attention.

I looked at Kindergarten as a portal to the rest of their education. I wanted that first year to be positive and fun so that education would be something my kids want. Therefore I think looking into the matter is important so your son's first experience in school is positive.

C.,

I am the oldest of 7 children. This problem of a child causing a little bit of trouble seems to pop up in every family at one time or another. I am going to take a wild guess that he is the oldest. When younger children are born they are given a tiny bit more attention than the older children...this is of course very normal, since younger children require more monitoring, and less as they age. This is going to be such a simple and fun fix, that you will just not believe it. Take him for a day out with mom only...just the two of you. This has to be something he would have fun doing (so no shoe shopping, more like lazer tag). Afterwards, talk again about some of the things that he has been doing lately and express to him how much it troubles you. Finally, give him something to be responsible for in the home, for example: helping the other children get ready for bed every night. (sally, we have to brush our teeth now)

The things that I think that he is calling out for is reassurance that he is a very structural and important part of the family. He needs to know what you already know. Giving him a responsibility will make him feel important. The negative behavior will desolve both at home and at school. Keep up with the one on one days out on a regular basis.

You are doing a great job, too, Mom! Not many catch these sort of things...kudos!

Hi C.! I am sort of in the same situation. My son is 4 and in headstart not even in kinder yet but had behavior problems from the start. Now I recognized he had a bad speech problem and with the help of the headstart program they set him up with a speech evaluation and a behavior assessment with Baylor Mecidine. Well come to find out he was acting out because of his speech problem. Without being heard and understood he was very frustrated and acted out in the only way he felt he could get attention. He has been in speech therapy and occupational therapy as well as they go together but since being evaluated I realized that there was so much behind his behavior that I wouldn't known of all by myself. I did ask his doctor (at the age of 3)but he said that he couldn't really do a thorough eval of him because he was still to young and that he could do it once he was five because of maturity if he was still having problems. My now 8 yr old was diagnosed with a mild adhd at 6 and was given aderall but he began using it as an excuse as to why he wouldn't do things when he didn't take it and his 1st grade teacher kept asking him if he took it so we took him off and just kept inforcing right and wrong to him and he still remains in the vanguard program in 3rd grade and has hardly any issues(other than talking too much, lol).
Now we are ready for my 4yr old to go to kindergarten but I just hope his behavior doesn't follow him. His behavior has gotten so much better but I believe it comes with the age as well. My 8yr old didn't mature to understanding his behavior until last yr when he turned 7 and I mean really understanding. So there may be and underlying problem that is not seen. It may help to get him evaluated to see if there is a problem area for him that needs to be worked on. I'm not a fan of medicating but if you can help your child with the help of professional I suggest you try that route. Sorry so long but I feel exactly what you are feeling. Good luck and I hope it all gets better for you and him.
*I am waiting for my kindergarten experience this coming yr :). Let us know how it works out.
L.

I'd talk to his doctor to have him checked out. Sleep Apnea can cause serious disruptions during the day, as does Celiac (sp?) disease- the intolerance to gluten. You may want to check those two areas because they can cause all kinds of seemingly unrelated problems and are often overlooked.

You may need to seek out professional help. There may be a biological reason he can't control himself. Maybe you can google search sudden outbursts in elementary children and see what pops up. Also, it seems like diet can play a huge roll in children with behavior problems. But that means, complete heathly foods, no preservatives. No McDonalds. One more thing, you didn't mention his behavior at home. If he is completely normal at home then you may want to visit the class. Maybe he is being teased. Any normal child will defend themselves.

Pop up at school and have lunch with him. Volunteer to help in his class one day a week for an hour. Add visibility with not failing to discipline him right where he clowns-yes in school. Many years ago, my son was in preschool and he began "cutting-up." The teachers adored him, not understanding why. Well, one day, he did the ultimate. Pulled his pants down before his peers in class! The principal called me and he swore he didn't. I asked the principal if she minded me doing some reprimand in front of the same students he amused. She said, "go right ahead! I'll make sure the teacher understands." I walked him into his class, placed a chair infront of the chalk board, and told his class that this would happen to them by their parents if THEY exposed themselves. I spanked his tail before the entire class. Now 10 years old AND an honor student alike my 16 year old National Honor Society daughter and 14 year old student council honors son. Now is the time to put all into them. NOT later. I think you're on the right track.

Hi. Does your son do this more than the other kids? Does he get over excited in noise and busy places? Have you heard of sensory intergration problems? The key here is, is it more than most kids.
The kids can not tell you why they do things and they know they should not do them. They really can not help it on their own.
The therapy helps them regulate themselves, ie keep your hands to yourself, sit quitely and listen to directions.
My 6 year old has sensory intergration problems.
What we did about the touching and pushing in class, was to tell him what he could do, not what he could not. We told him he could squeeze his hands together ie hand hug, he could sit on his hands, he could walk with his hands held behind his back. He could wear a strechy rubber branclet and pull on that. Try to think of anything that would be exceptatble in his class room.
We make sure our son has time to run around outside. We put him in a organized sport seasonally. We pick something that does not over situlate him. We have cut way back on computer and TV times too.
Try some of this.
If this does not work and you determine that he is over the top so to speach. Consider getting his evaluated for sensory therapy.
L.

Boys are generally a year behind girls anyway, and for him to be the youngest in his class isn't good. I'd pull him out of school for a year and let him mature. Don't accept his "I can't stop it" response. Teach him anger management skills. If your intervention doesn't work, take him to a professional.

I also have a boy in kinder. We have just recently found out about Sensory Integration disorder - It's hard to explain what it is but part of it is impulsl control, or a lack of. You may want to ask your pediatrician about it or just google Sensory Integration to get some back ground. Since we have been learning about this it has made dealing with some of the behavior a bit easier because we are understanding the why of the behavior. Hope this helps.

The best way to get a child to quit doing the wrong thing is to have him practice doing the right thing. That means lots of role-playing and practice sessions in obediently following directions. For example, when my son was standing on a railing constantly when he needed to stand on the floor, I set up a couple of training sessions for him to practice being right there but stay on the floor. We had a nice, artificially-funny conversation about the weather or the dog or the color of the moon while he walked up and down along the railing without stepping up on it. We had to do this about three times, and then it was never a problem again. The key is to reproduce the problem situation as nearly as possible, and then have a fun time practicing together. So if he is pushing while standing in line, plan a time to stand in line at the grocery store together, and prepare him for it by telling him to cross his arms in front of him while standing there. Or you be him, he is another child, you walk by him and begin to reach your hands out to push, but then catch yourself and cross your arms across your chest. Verbalize the thought process you want him to have as you do this, then have him do it. You could even ask the teacher to watch for him crossing his arms across his chest and therefore "catch" him using self-control. To practice following directions, you just have to come up with a series of short, fun directions to give him and expect that he do them quickly and well. Then congratulate him for knowing how to follow directions! If you could practice this in the classroom, with you pretending to be the teacher (no other children there, of course), it would work even better. Next best thing would be to play school at home. Happy playing!

Continue disciplining. Take away things from him, Ground him, let the school continue to discipline him with suspensions.

Other disciplinary actions are essay writing. Just keep increaing the word count until he stops. Maybe he'll become a famous writer one day!

Where is the dad? If available and willing, get him involved.

Your child needs stern and firm boundaries.

Hi C.,

Kindergarten can be a tough year for some kids. Have you tried taking something away like a favorite toy or a privilege? Another suggestion is to approach it from the positive side. Create a jar called the rewards jar. For each day he behaves he gets to put in a marble, ball, ticket etc. You can then say if you collect five marbles at the end of this week, we will do something you like together. Picnic, time together, play a favorite game etc. I was told don't use money or buying toys, because then they expect it and it can get expensive. My daughter had a rough Kindergarten year and I thought I was going to loose my mind. She is doing fine now. So don't give up.

I know it will be tough, and hurt you more than him, but sometimes it is neccessary to give them a taste of their own medicine, push him, I don't mean knock him out, or to the other side of the room, but just like he would do it, do it to him. Ask him if he likes it, and he wont, it will hurt his feelings, but that is the point, he needs to feel what he makes the other person feels, the person he is pushing. It may take a few times for him to get it, so far in his mind, he has gotten away with it, but stay consistant, and he will get it. There has to be Consequences for his actions, and they have to be severe enough, that he say's in his mind, I have to stop, not, I can't stop. Remember what you don't stop now, will likely grow into something worse, and remember he will get bigger, and meaner, it is a whole lot eaiser to teach a small child to stop a behavier, than it is to teach a 10 year old, or older. He has to learn to notlet his emotions control him, but he control his emotions. Is this boy around anybody that gets physical like this, maybe, your other children, or husband. It does not matter, he needs to stop, but if he is seeing it happen somewhere, it confuses him, it happens here, and no one say's anything, I can do it also. If it is happening somewhere he is seeing it, it has to stop there, because he is going to practice what he sees, that is what children do. Have a Gretaly Blessed Highly Favored Day

Go and visit in the classroom and see what is going on in the class. See if the other kids might not be egging him on. Of cours make sure that he is getting enough sleep and some of the other suggestions, but sometimes teachers just don't have eyes for everything and might be missing when someone eggs him on. Volunteer at the school as much as possible. He will not want to misbehave if you're there.
good luck.

Wow, you have practically described my grandson. He also is in kindergarten and having the same problems as your son. My daughter scheduled a consultation with his pediatrician a few wks ago and he recommended my grandson to see a specialist. My grandson saw a psychiatrist today and he was diagnosed with ADHD. We are looking forward to the new and improved changes. Feel free to contact me in case you want to personally talk with my daughter.

I had the same problem with the same answers....I have 2 children (10) & (5). Both have been diagnosed with ADD. I am one of those parents who did not want to medicate our children and thought "they would grow out of it". Our oldest (daughter) was not showing the anger issues, just the no concentration issues and chewing on everything. We finally went to the psychologist as referred by our pedi (he was not wanting to diagnose right off of the bat). After a couple of sessions and a questionnaire for us and the teachers (we polled everyone grandparents aunt etc..everyone they had stayed with and knew their actions) it ended up that my 2nd grader (after almost failing 1st) had ADD. She was put on Adderall XR and is doing well to this day and is a straight A student! Our son (7) is repeating 1st grade and has been diagnosed with ADD since he was in K due to his sister having it and we learned I too have it. First grade was horrible again, but this timeit was the teacher. We were told he is just young and boys mature slower…this is his problem. I swear we were in interventions every month trying to figure out what was going on. The maturity may have been a factor, but the teacher not working with us was a BIG factor. He is on his meds, back in 1st grade and a straight A student.

I have a friend that I have wanted to tell her to have her son tested (I see a lot of the signs, angered easily, no attention span etc). She is taking him to the DR this week due to his grades falling and the teacher is calling frequently because she has no clue what to do either. I told her to look it up, she has researched it and she too believes he has ADD.

Just remember ADD is a chemical imbalance in our brain and a lot of times we just can’t help it and you have to teach us how to help our selves. Sometimes medicines are the way to go. Also, some DRs do not like to diagnose children really young, but want them diagnosed before 2nd grade. Good Luck!

Hello C.:

I can not tell you how much my heart goes out to you. I am currently going through the exact same thing with my son who is also 5 years old and in kindergarten. My son is very active and he doesn't follow instructions well. My suggestion to you is to stay strong and be patient. I have established a very good relationship with my son's teacher and school administrators and as a result, my son realizes that more than mommy is involved in disciplining and although he wants to do, what he wants to do, when he wants to do it, which is have fun all day, he has to be able to do so while following the rules at school. I do encourage you to talk more with your son. Try to get into his head and when you are talking to him try to get him to understand that you are his mom, which means that you are there for him whenever he needs you. The combination of my relationship with the school, our talks and removing the things he likes, even his favorite shoes or toys, has made a tremendous difference. Now, I am sure that before posting this concern you've sought out advice from family and friends but I urge you to remember that your son can not be cookie cutted and has to be treated as an individual. In summary do what works for you and your son and don’t give up!

As a preschool director and a former middle school math and science teacher I can assure you that his behavior is normal for his age. However if he is the youngest he may be having problems grasping the education part of kinder and that is frustrating to him so he takes his frustration out on others. In short he is overwhelmed but doesn't know how to tell you. I have two suggestions. (this is both a mom and teacher perspective) Hold him back a year so that it won't affect his future behavior (this would be the year to do that and it gives him a year of maturity under his belt.) Get him into a constructive organized class a few times a week such as karate or whatever for a creative outlet for his energy but also as a dicipline tool (it teaches them to self discipline. I hope this helps!

He DOES "know" (i.e. cognitively)
but his behavior can't keep up with his mind.
There is a disconnect that needs to be addressed now by someone skilled in this area.
Talk to his teachers, ask for recommendations within Sherman ISD, or ask the professors at Austin College (like Karen Nelson) or Grayson County College.

Hi Christina,

One possibility, and one point of encouragement: how much sleep is your son getting every night? My five year old was a nightmare, and the book that gave us the single biggest boost was _Sleepless in America_, which pointed out that kids who aren't getting enough sleep CAN'T control their behavior. Doing my best to get my kid to sleep on time and to keep bedtime consistent even on week-ends and special occasions has helped a lot.

the point of encouragement is that a study i read about in the New York Times a couple of months ago found that kids with behavior problems in kindergarten did not show any differences from their peers in later grades. Later discussions with the scientists made clear they were not talking about kids with problems like ADD or ADHD, but short of actual issues requiring professional intervention, kids lacking self-control in kindergarten seem to grow into it -- I can say that my six year old is a very different child both at home and at school then she was at five.

Best wishes!
M.