Son Has Difficulty Handling "Difficult Children"

My daughter is/was the same way. She handles it better now, but it is still difficult for her. Just as the mom's who've already responded re: using his words to express his feeling have described, it takes role playing and practice. He will get upset, but help him not only process out that he's upset, but also what he can do about it. We're still working on it and she tends to simply walk away. We practice using a strong voice, sticking up for friends and what to do if someone lays a hand on her. Practice, practice.

Ah...the part of life where the kid realizes he is not the center of the universe and that there are many others with free will existing around him!

And I guarantee you that your child will be the "difficult" child to another child.

They're starting to interact, ending parallel play. Normal. Your son will learn to deal. They all will.

Give him words.

"John, that is not nice. I do not want to play with you. Please stop throwing balls at my head."

And if that doesn't work, seek an adult in charge, who should tell John to stop throwing balls at people's heads.

My DD has a kid (who I think just likes her) that she has run-ins with. I have worked with her on not melting down but using her words. It is hard when a child is a bully (this one just plays too rough for her liking) and I think you should watch the behavior and try to decide if he's just not happy with kids who are rough or is it that they are bullying/picking on him - which is different. I'd be frustrated if someone was deliberately mean to me, wouldn't you?

Role play with him. Practice doing things with him that will make him have to think about how he reacts etc. Then give him tools and words to speak up when he doesn't like what someone does to him. Simple phrases like :

Stop, I don't like it.
Stop, please don't knock over my tower. I worked really hard!
Stop, I don't like what you are doing.

Good luck! All normal stuff---sounds like he is a softie and that is a good thing! Soft-heart and sensitive are great qualities!

He's very young, so he doesn't yet know how to use his words to speak up for himself.

No, he doesn't need a counselor as one person suggested. But don't contact the other kids' parents as another poster suggested! This is not a serious issues among kids - it's normal behavior! He doesn't have the social skills yet and that's a developmental issue you can help with. He needs to learn to interact successfully, not just sit by himself and wait until someone is unkind. The other kids are little too. Part of life is learning to deal with others, so concentrate on giving him those skills and not on correcting the other kids.

uhh, am i missing something?

with out mamapedia stalking you and pulling up prior posts.

I think you need to intervene and either tell the other kid to stop or help your son to say " hey, i don't want you to throw balls at me, would you like to throw them at this bucket!!".

discipline or redirection, or get better friends or pick safe places to play

I wonder if helping him see why children act that way may help. He may be a little too young for it, but perhaps it would help. My son straddles the fence on this -- he loves making new friends and sometimes he thinks he's being funny and appealing when he's really just being a pain. But his intentions are good -- he's trying to get someone's attention. He's also been irritated by the new kid who keeps telling him gross jokes. That kid approached me once to ask why my son got to do something his mother doesn't allow. I explained that every family is different. He said "I know, I hate being different." This boy just moved to our school a few months ago. I explained to my son that some of this boy's behavior may be his way of finding out where he fits in the school and making friends with him.

He does need to speak up for himself - that will come with time and coaching. But a little empathy might help for now.

He is not yet five, which is still really young. His reaction is normal for his age. He needs some coping skills, and he will need help learning them. If you're around when these things happen, you can help by mediating a little. Help your son articulate for the other child why he is upset. "Please don 't so X. When you do X, I feel..." Then help the other child, who is also probably young and unaware how his actions affect others, learn what to do, and perhaps assist with apologies.

If you're only hearing about these things after the fact, talk with your son. Listen to him, let him tell you how he felt, then model for him how to navigate the situation using words. Don't be surprised if it takes awhile for him to learn to do this. Also let him know that many younger children simply don't understand that their actions impact others. A three year old who knocks over a tower of blocks is probably not doing it to spite another child. He is doing it because it is fun, and he hasn't learned empathy yet.

If this is happening in a daycare or preschool environment, a responsible adult should be helping the children learn to be socially appropriate and at least be working toward the kids being respectful of other people. If the adults who are there aren't stepping up, or are just telling you son to stop being a baby, that would not be okay, and would need to be addressed.

If your son was trying to walk away from a child who was not behaving well this evening, he is already more mature than many his age who do not recognize the value of strategic retreat. The child who followed him and continued to throw balls at him should have been called on his bad behavior immediately and not been allowed to pursue your son. If something like that happens again, find the adult who is responsible for that child and let him/her know what is going on.

Yeah, he needs the words to be able to handle the situation. My son and I role play this often, my son gets frustrated and yells, now he has ways to handle it.

OMG... he's not being bullied!! Can we please stop throwing this term around?!

I tell my DD (an only, she'll be 7 in April) that if she doesn't like the way someone is playing or treating her, she can always go find someone else to play. Someone that is nice & respectful. I am not a fan of parents meddling too much or kids that tattle too much. The best thing that parents can do is teach our kids how to respond to negative situations on their own and stand up for themselves. Now, yes, there is a certain point where adult intervention is necessary, but kids can usually handle things on their own. I don't think adults give kids enough credit, honestly.

Kid is letting other kids bully him. Get him into soccer , tball or karate to help improve his self esteem. Tell him not everyone is nice and that their are mean bullies out there. Ask the karate coach to teach him how to defend against those bullies. The coach can teach him defensive moves but more important the right words and way to stand that the kid will back off. Also if its a reg occurance with a child I'd start carrying a camcorder and take a film of it and show it to the parent.

He's learning how to deal with bullies.
It's not easy and it can take awhile.
(At the age he's at now (and up to about 6) - it's fine for YOU to step in and tell the other kid to quit it and ask him where his parents are so you can talk to them.)
Speaking up - saying stop loudly - will help in some cases.
In some other cases the other kid won't stop till he knocks him down - which is generally not how we want our kids to handle being picked on - but sometimes it's the only thing a bully will respect.
I tell my son he's allowed to defend himself (he takes taekwondo) - he's never ever allowed to throw the first punch.
If someone bothers him he tells them to stop.
If they try again he tells them to stop again louder.
If they continue (and he's at school), then tell the teacher and be sure to say that if the teacher does not make it stop then he WILL make it stop - this is to give the teacher a chance to intervene because if they don't step in now then what happens next is partially their fault).
If it continues after a 3rd warning and the teacher did nothing - then I tell my son to take him out and we'll sort it out in the principals office.
There's no reason my son has to be anyone's punching bag.
So far (he's in 8th grade right now), he's only had to warn a kid twice to quit stepping on his heels.
He said "You need to stop. Because if I have to make you stop you are NOT going to like it.".
My son's a tall kid and strong and built like a linebacker- and he's really a gentle giant - but when he spars he can block and plow through his opponent's attack and defense and land some pretty good round house kicks and punches.
My son started taking taekwondo when he was 7 (he's 14 now) and he's about to take his 3rd Don black belt test in March.

Talk to the kids parents, teach him to properly defend himself, and let the adults deal with the mischievous cubs. Tell him to tell an adult, and not to be scared or cry of people picking on him. He can defend him self by going to an adult.

He should really see a consular..

mostly let them work it out as much as possible. don't sweep in and "defend" him - that will only make things worse.

he is young but he is getting to the age when i told my son, "i don't listen to tattling - you guys need to work it out yourselves."

it's all a process. at this age teaching him to go play with something else is usually a good tactic. it's simple, black and white. and it teaches the other kid that if they act like a butthead, people will stop playing with them. if like you describe, the trouble kid keeps following him and harassing him, (and the kid's parent doesn't step in), then i might at that point say, "johnny, bobby doesn't want to play because he isn't having fun. you need to leave him alone right now and when he feels better, he'll come back and play with you."